For a brief moment Kurt worried that he wasn't in another time dimension at all; he was on the Planet of the Apes! Shaking his head to clear it, Kurt took a deep breath and got a grip. Clearing his throat he said loudly enough for all of the primates to hear, “Gentle—gorillas, follow me.”

He led them to a secluded booth, the eyes of the remaining customers falling on them as they made a hirsute procession behind their ersatz Jane Goodall. Once they had all settled and Kurt made it clear (a couple of times) that everyone's head was to stay on in the public spaces “no matter what,” he looked down at the cards in his hands.

He had mixed them up. He no longer knew which card came from which primate. Sighing, he opened them anyway. They all contained hand-written messages, but, as luck would have it, not one of them signed their card. The first read, “I think I love you.” Okay, that one was easy enough. It was from Karofsky; it was before, and it was bound to be again. The second read, “Please, please, please forgive me.” Oh, geez. Matt. How many times was he going to have to break up with this guy? The third read, “This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” Since it was unlikely that Humphrey Bogart was behind the mask, Kurt figured this was Sebastian. What was he up to? Finally, the last card read, “I will always be there for you.” Kurt didn't know if he dared to hope. Was Blaine gorilla #4?

Kurt opened up all of the boxes of chocolates and fished out the butterscotches. He piled them in front of the big gorilla who looked up with a—well, a frozen plastic—expression. “I know they're your favorite,” explained Kurt.

Kurt then addressed the whole table. “Listen…” he really wanted to add “you filthy apes,” because he loved movie lines, but he reigned it in. “I want to talk to all of you, one at the time, but we're not having a conversation here where anyone could hear. So let me start with this card, here…” Kurt held up the Please, please, please forgive me card.  Then he added, “I'm going into the men's room. If you wrote this card, meet me there in two minutes so we can get this over with.”

When he got to the men's room, Kurt checked his hair in the mirror, noted that it was perfect, and was leaning against the wall when one of the short gorillas entered.

He came over and stood way too close to Kurt before removing his head. Just as Kurt suspected, it was Matt. “Thanks for meeting me here,” Matt began. “Kurt, you have no idea how sorry I am that I spoiled everything. Please, you have to forgive me. We love each other. I made a mistake, and I'm so sorry. I can't believe I hurt you, and I'd do anything to take it back.”

Kurt braced himself and looked at the boy, “Look, Matt, there was a time when I would have found what you did completely unforgiveable, and I would have given you a speech about broken trust and commitment, and a lot of other things, but I realize now that when a couple is meant to be together, they'll work to fix things before they are broken irreparably. And that work is hard, but it's worth doing, and it comes through honest communication and making changes. And if something still gets broken then they have to work extra hard to fix it. Together.”

Matt's face erupted into a huge smile, so Kurt continued hurriedly, “But,” he stressed, “if a couple isn't meant to be together, then sometimes something like this is just the kick you need to see that it wasn't right in the first place. You're a good guy, Matt, but you are I aren't forever. We were two scared gay kids in a school full of short-sighted homophobes, but that's not a reason to be together.

“You asked for my forgiveness, and I forgive you. I really do, but I'm never going to be with you again, because we don't fit. Not in the way we both deserve. I hope you can understand.”

Matts smile faded, but he nodded. “Will you still save a dance for me tonight at Sugar's party?”

Kurt gave a small nod of his own. “One dance. But no Katy Perry.”

When Kurt returned to the table, none of the gorillas were talking to each other. They were just sitting there, slumped in their seats. Kurt picked up the This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship card and said, “Okay, let's revisit the lost bathroom scene from Casablanca.” With that, he spun on his heels and returned to the bathroom. This time the gorilla was right behind him.

“Sebastian?” Kurt asked when the men's room door closed.

“Would you believe Taylor Lautner?”

“Just take off the head, asshole.”

Sebastian removed his head, went to the mirror, and fluffed his hair.

“Why?” Kurt asked, “Why did you do this?”

“Because of Matt.”

When Kurt continued to stare at Sebastian in the mirror with a quizzical look, Sebastian explained, “Today is David's little sister's birthday. She's turning five and she loves monkeys. A bunch of the Warblers thought it would be fun to rent gorilla costumes and show up and do a little song and dance at her party. When we were there renting the costumes, Matt was there, too, telling some girl working the counter about how he was going to get his boyfriend back. I thought you might need some back up.”

“Oh,” Kurt exhaled. “Well, that was really nice.”

“You're my friend, and I wasn't sure which Kurt would be here. New Kurt would have been a mess, plus he might have taken the little weasel back. I trust you didn't?”

Kurt shook his head.

“Good. Let's hope it sticks this time.”

“Let's hope. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“You know an ape isn't a monkey, right?”

Sebastian pushed Kurt playfully against a stall door. “You know that meeting gay men in restrooms is such a cliché, right?” Then Sebastian continued more seriously, “I'm going to return the costume, and then I'll meet you back here in half an hour, okay.”

“Okay,” Kurt nodded. “You're a good friend.”

Sebastian winked and disappeared.

And then there were two.

Once more Kurt returned to the table. He knew he should pick Karofsky's card and get him out of there, but Kurt also knew that he needed to handle that situation with utmost delicacy, and he couldn't afford to be distracted, given the stakes, so he picked up the card that read I will always be there for you.

“Next,” Kurt said weakly.

Kurt went into the bathroom, where he wiped his sweaty palms on a paper towel. Was it Blaine? Could Kurt dare to hope? But if it was Blaine, what did the card mean, exactly?

Soon the bathroom door was pushed open, and the biggest gorilla walked in.

There had to be some mistake.

The gorilla lifted off the headpiece to reveal David Karofsky's slightly flushed and sweaty face.

“I don't understand,” said Kurt, because he didn't understand.

“Listen, Kurt. I know that the card was kind of weird, and the flowers, and the teddy bear, and dressing up like a gorilla, but I wanted to do something monumental to thank you for saving my life. Everything else seemed like too little.”

“What do you mean?” Kurt asked.

“I was so freaked out when I realized that I was gay, and I was so pissed off at the way you flaunted your own homosexuality. Pissed off and also envious. At the same time, I was so torn up over it all, but you told me to talk to my dad, and I did.”

“That's great, David. How did your dad react?”

“Oddly enough, like it was no big deal. And then I thought, if my dad doesn't think my sexuality is an issue, maybe other people won't think so, either. I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm ready to completely come out of the closet yet, but I feel so much better knowing that I don't have to hide who I am from everyone. At least my dad knows, and you know. Some of the guys at Scandals definitely know. Maybe someday I can be open like you are.”

Karofsky put a hand on Kurt's shoulder, “Anyway, I just wanted to thank you, and I also wanted you to know that—like the card says—if you ever need anything, you should just ask, because I owe you everything.”

Then Karofsky leaned forward and kissed Kurt on the cheek. “Thanks for the butterscotch chocolates. I really love those.”

“Good luck, Karofsky.”

Just then a toilet flushed, and both men jumped. Blonde weasel stepped out of a stall. “Well, well, well,” he said, “it looks like I'm interrupting a tender moment.”

Kurt sagged. He hadn't thought to check the stalls. God, he was an idiot!

Karofsky drew himself up, “You got something you want to say to me?”

Weasel put up his hands, “No, man. I would never stand in the way of true love.” He grabbed the bathroom door handle, “You ladies have a nice Valentine's Day.” He opened the door, and then he disappeared.

“He didn't wash his hands,” Kurt said lamely.

Karofsky didn't say anything. He just whirled around with a stricken expression on his face. Then he was gone.