[mood music]

Early in December...

Kurt hunched his shoulders against the biting winter wind as he trudged, shivering, back to his apartment.  It was one of his rare evenings home at a decent time.  After returning to New York City, Kurt threw himself frenetically into his school work, rehearsals, his internship at Vogue.com, his job at the diner, and his band, driving everyone around him relentlessly until nearly everyone was avoiding him.  All semester long he was snappish and moody, rarely smiling and never laughing.  His eyes were perpetually red-rimmed, his hair was frequently disheveled, and, after five months, he still jumped whenever his phone rang.  

Rachel was unnaturally kind and attentive, tiptoeing around the apartment quietly and giving Kurt a lot of space by staying away as much as possible.  When they were both at home and she walked by him, she touched him, or--if he was sitting--she kissed the top of his head.  She bought his favorite foods.  She made him tea. 

It drove Kurt crazy. 

Everything drove Kurt crazy. 

Eventually, even Kurts dad, Burt, had enough.  "Kurt," he said, "Youre going to have to find a way to move on, kiddo."

"I know," Kurt sighed, "But didnt you know right away that Mom was the woman for you?  And its not like you didnt ask out Carole the first time you saw her.  What would you have done if either of them had walked away?"

Burt was quiet for a long time, then he said, "Your mom did leave, Kurt.  She didnt go on purpose--I cant blame her for dying--but she left.  After she died, I never expected to love another woman; I didnt want to love another woman, but I did.  So I guess I get what youre going through, in a way, but you still have to find a way to be happy.  Life has a way of turning out if you dont get too caught up in your own bitterness."

"Youre right, Dad," Kurt admitted, "Thanks.  Ill try to be better."

And he really did, but on days like today, when the sky was gray and the wind was cold and the sidewalks were icy, it was hard to feel anything but sorry for himself. 

Kurt let himself into his apartment and dropped his messenger bag by the door.  He peeled off his coat, hat, and gloves, throwing them haphazardly onto the coat tree.  He picked up the solitary piece of mail that Rachel had left for him on the counter, opened the envelope and read the letter.

He had won a free lawn mower repair and service. 

He threw the letter away and sank down on the couch with a sigh. 

He had just thrown his head back onto the sofa cushions when the door buzzer rang.  Letting out a huff, Kurt heaved himself back unto his feet and walked over to the wall, pushing the button on the intercom.  It was probably Rachel.  She was always leaving her keys. 

"Yes?" he asked. 

There was only street noise for a moment, then a shaky voice said, "Kurt?"

Kurts heart stopped.  He took a deep breath, pressing a hand to his chest. 

"Blaine?" he asked with a trembling voice. 

He heard a throat clearing and then a small, "Yeah."

Kurt had to hold onto the wall to remain upright.  His body felt as though every emotion he had ever had was assaulting him at the same time.  Finally he found his voice, "What do you want?"

There was a long pause at the other end, then Blaines voice came up, "I wanted to tell you that...Santana told me to tell you...my Mom...Im a jackass."

Despite himself, Kurt smiled.  He pushed the button that unlocked the building door at street level, and he pushed away from the wall. 

He heard steps on the stairs then a knock on his door.  On shaking legs, Kurt walked to it.  Taking a deep breath and drawing his shoulders back, Kurt slid the door open. 

Blaine stood there, looking rosy-cheeked from the cold wind and as breathtaking as Kurt had ever seen him. 

"Kurt," he started.

"Shut up," snapped Kurt, grabbing Blaine by the collar and pulling him into the apartment.  When he got to the sofa he turned them and pushed Blaine onto the couch, falling on top of him.  Kurt was feeling a lot of things, but foremost among them was anger.  Anger and need.  He ground his lips down onto Blaines mouth pressing so hard he tasted blood.  Ignoring the pain, he licked Blaines mouth open and sunk into the hot wetness. 

Blaine met Kurts urgent tongue with his own, gripping Kurts back with his hands and pulling Kurt tightly to him.  Eventually, though, he ripped his mouth away and gasped, "Kurt.  Kurt!  We need to talk."

Kurt raised up slightly to look at Blaine with red eyes.  "Blaine I am so angry with you, I cant even say.  Unless you walk out right now, Im either going to hit you or fuck you.  You choose."

Blaine gave a small smile, "Fucking, I think."

"Okay, then." 

Kurt crushed Blaines lips again with his own, frantically ripping Blaines clothes from his body.  Blaine followed Kurts lead, pressing Kurts body with hungry hands, and at some point they tumbled off the sofa onto the floor in a tangle of naked, sweaty limbs.  Unwilling to leave even for a second to get lube from his bedroom, Kurt pushed Blaine down his body until his head was at Kurts straining cock, and Blaine sunk his wet mouth over it, eliciting a loud moan from Kurt and a, "Fuck, Blaine!"  Kurt grabbed the back of Blaines head hard and, pistoning his hips, began fucking into Blaines mouth mercilessly.  His cock repeatedly hit the back of Blaines throat, and Blaine swallowed hard, again and again, to keep from choking. 

It lasted only minutes, and then Kurt was coming down Blaines throat, his hips stuttering and his head thrown back, mouth open.  As he came down, Blaine pulled off Kurt slowly, being sure to leave Kurt shiny clean with his lips, and Kurt shuddered from oversensitivity and pulled Blaines head to rest on his belly. 

As the stars behind his eyelids began to dissipate and his breathing returned to normal, Kurt finally asked, "What are you doing here?"

Blaine started to answer, but Kurt suddenly sat up and pulled Blaine onto the sofa.  Then Kurt dropped to his knees on the floor between Blaines legs and began licking up Blaines hard length.  "Tell me," Kurt urged.

"I...applied...nnrrgh...to...Columbia," Blaine stammered between Kurts ministrations with his tongue.  "God, Kurt." 

Kurt paused from his licking and sucking long enough to prompt, "Go on."

"I...oh, I cant do that while youre..."

Kurt growled from where he was now licking Blaines balls, "I said go on."

"Uh...I...music education.  Mmmmmm...Kurt."  Kurt was now sucking Blaines cock in earnest, his head bobbing between Blaines legs. 

Kurt pulled off Blaines cock with an obscene slurp.  He nailed Blaine with his eyes which showed no trace of affection, "Keep talking, cowboy."

Blaine tangled his fingers in Kurts hair and urged him back to his task, "I start Columbia...in the Spring...in music education...Santana...she kicked me...in the balls."

This made Kurt laugh deep in his throat, and the vibrations brought Blaine right to the brink.  He tightened his fingers in Kurts hair and thrust up into his mouth once, twice, and then he was spilling down Kurts throat as Kurt increased the suction and petted his naked thighs with his fingers. 

When Blaine was spent, Kurt fell away from him, using his hands to prop himself up on the floor so he could look up at Blaine on the sofa.  They just looked at each other for a long time.  Then Kurt pulled himself up from the floor and grabbed a thick blanket that was hanging over the arm of a chair.  He threw it at Blaine and grabbed another blanket for himself, wrapping himself up tightly and sitting down in an overstuffed armchair across from the sofa. 

"Put that on," Kurt ordered, nodding to the blanket.  "I think I need to hear this, and its not going to work if youre naked."

Blaine barked out a short laugh, but he quickly wrapped the blanket around himself, covering his body from toes to neck. 

"You better start from the beginning," said Kurt, crossing his legs as though they were in a café rather than naked, post-coital, and across the room from each other under blankets in the living room of Kurt and Rachels loft. 

"After I got back from Salt Lake the first thing that happened was that Santana kicked me in the balls.  Not hard but enough to drop me to the ground right there at my pickup truck.  Then she called me a lot of names in rapid Spanish, and she wouldnt speak to me for two weeks. 

"My own mother called me an idiot and then spent the next month finding every way possible to show me that I wasnt needed on the ranch.  She also took to playing violin music non-stop in the lodge until everyone threatened to quit if she didnt stop.

"Tina wouldnt look at me forever, and Sam kept shaking his head and muttering, ‘Dude.

"Even Brittany-did you know that she stayed at the ranch with Santana?  Shes actually a natural with horses, and Sams training her to be a wrangler-she kept crying and asking me why I sent the unicorn away."

Blaine shook his head as he remembered something.  "I tried to ignore all of them.  Then one day I went down to Utah for a cattle auction, and when I returned, all of my things were boxed up and sitting on the veranda.  Mom said shed promoted Sam to ranch manager, hired a new ranch hand, and I was fired.  I told her she couldnt fire me because I owned half the ranch.  She said she didnt care, I was fired anyway.

"I had to bunk with Sam for a month while I tried to reason with her, and that guy snores like you cant believe."  Blaine reached up and ran a hand through his hair.  The blanket slipped, exposing half of his chest.  Kurt sucked in a deep breath and Blaine looked up at him quickly and smiled.  Then he covered himself until he was completely modest again. 

"They were right, Kurt.  I was an idiot.  I love you, and I needed to figure out a way to be with you, but I was too scared and too stubborn.  So I came up with a plan.  I applied to the music education program at Teachers College.  Its too late for me to be a concert violinist, but its not too late for me to play for myself and to teach others.  Mom pulled some strings, and I was accepted to start Columbia in the Spring semester.  I went online and found an apartment not far from campus.  Ive lined up a part-time job as a vet tech.  The practice is pretty much all dogs and cats, but I know enough to help pay the bills until I can get enough violin students to keep me afloat. 

"Everythings in place, Kurt, except one thing."

Kurt arched an eyebrow. 

"All Im missing is the love of a good man.  Do you still love me, Kurt, or have I ruined everything?"

Kurt sat still for a moment, just looking at Blaine and taking it all in.  Then he stood, letting his blanket fall to the floor.  He held out a hand to Blaine. 

Blaine pulled off his own blanket and stood, taking Kurts hand, "Where are you taking me?" he asked. 

"Rachel will be home soon," Kurt explained, "and shell never shut up once she sees you.  So Im taking you to my room, and Im going to make love to you.  Tonight and every night.  For the rest of our lives."  Kurt looked back at Blaine and smiled.  Then he added, "But Im still mad at you."

Blaine smiled broadly, "I love you."

"I love you too, my darling."