July 14, 2012, 7:46 p.m.
As Much As I Need You: Chapter 4
T - Words: 2,129 - Last Updated: Jul 14, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 7/7 - Created: Jul 14, 2012 - Updated: Jul 14, 2012 432 0 1 0 0
Blaine worked up the courage to ask Kurt out on a proper date later that week.
Kurt laughed when Blaine explained why he had called. "This isn't Pride and Prejudice, Blaine." Blaine could feel himself being judged even across the phone line. "You don't have to court me."
"I'd just feel less—I don't know, nefarious—if I took you on a date before we continued, um…" Blaine waved his hand in the air helplessly, his cheeks warm.
"Sucking face?" Kurt suggested. He sounded as if he was suppressing a laugh.
"Well, yes," Blaine muttered, his cheeks warm. "I wanted to do things in the right order, and I kind of already messed that up."
"In that case, maybe you should talk to my dad before we do anything else," Kurt said, his voice thoughtful. "Tell him your intentions with his only son. That sort of thing."
Blaine bit his lip. "Do you think?"
"Blaine, I was kidding."
"Oh." Blaine paused, trying to regain a hold on the conversation. "So… was that a yes to dinner tomorrow night?"
"Of course," Kurt said, his tone suggesting that it was silly that Blaine even had to ask. "But can we go somewhere other than Breadstix? I'd like to have a nice, quiet dinner without being interrupted by half of McKinley."
Blaine agreed, and they made arrangements for Blaine to pick Kurt up the next night at six. They had decided to eat at a little diner that Kurt had liberally praised for its excellent dessert selection. Kurt loves cheesecake. Blaine filed the information away in the section of his brain that that dedicated to thoughts about Kurt. It was a section that was growing at an alarming pace.
The next night found Blaine standing outside of the Hummel-Hudson's, jumping from foot to foot nervously as he waited for someone to answer the door. He shouldn't be this nervous. It was Kurt. Just Kurt, with whom he had been friends for months that felt like years. And this was just a date.
The door opened suddenly, and Blaine immediately thrust forward the bouquet of carnations he had brought with him. "These are for you," he said in a rush, looking up from under his eyelashes.
Kurt's father was standing in front of him. Burt Hummel. Shit. He looked at Blaine, then down at the flowers, then back up at Blaine again.
"You wanna pretend that didn't happen?" Burt proffered after a moment.
"Yes please," Blaine all but squeaked, lowering his hand quickly.
"They're, uh—really nice," Burt said awkwardly.
"You're welcome," Blaine answered automatically. "I mean, thanks. I mean—"
"He'll love them," Burt interrupted, his eyes gently amused.
Blaine was spared the chance of embarrassing himself further by Kurt's arrival at the top of the stairs. He watched Kurt's descent, watched his long legs moving under impossibly tight jeans, watched the way his arms flexed under the sleeveless vest and tight shirt he wore. He tried not to ogle too much—after all, Burt was standing right next to him—but it was hard not to when Kurt looked so good.
They stood, Blaine on the threshold, Kurt next to his father, staring at each other with small smiles on their faces. Burt cleared his throat after a moment and excused himself, murmuring his wishes that they have fun before nudging Kurt outside and shutting the door behind them.
"Hi," Kurt said, his eyes bright.
"Hi," Blaine breathed, taking the liberty of pulling Kurt forward by the loop of his pants and pressing his lips to the corner of Kurt's mouth.
Kurt smiled against his lips. "What happened to doing things properly?" he murmured around a kiss.
"Your outfit happened." Blaine sighed, scooping his free hand around Kurt's waist to pull him even closer, even further into the kiss. God, he'd missed this. It had only been a day since he'd last kissed Kurt, but it felt as if it had been centuries since they'd been like this, pressed against each other so close that Blaine could feel Kurt's heartbeat against his chest.
"My dad's right inside," Kurt said, laughing as he tried to pull away. Blaine pouted, moving his lips to Kurt's collarbone. Kurt's breath hitched, and Blaine filed away the information for later reference. He mouthed gently at the pale skin that was exposed above the shirtline, then straightened reluctantly.
"We should probably get going."
Kurt nodded, his cheeks flushed a deep red and his eyes dark with lust despite his previous protestations. "Were you going to give me those flowers?" He pointed to the bouquet that Blaine was clenching in his hands.
"Oh!" Blaine thrust the bouquet out. "Right. Yes. I got these. For you."
"Well, I figured they weren't for my dad." Kurt took the flowers with a wink.
Blaine gaped at him as Kurt brought the bouquet up to his nose and inhaled deeply. "You saw that?"
"Oh yes." Kurt lowered the flowers, grinning evilly. "When I told you to tell my dad your intentions, I didn't think your intentions included seducing him as well as me."
"I can't believe you let that happen," Blaine groaned, hiding his face in his hands.
"It was waiting to happen, Blaine. Just a matter of waiting it out." Kurt laughed, then hooked his arm around Blaine's. "Come on, I'm starving."
The night went as perfectly as Blaine had hoped it would. Dinner was lovely, and the company was even better. The best part was that nobody batted an eye when they entered holding hands, or when Blaine wiped a bit of cheesecake off the corner of Kurt's mouth, or when Blaine couldn't resist kissing Kurt again in the parking lot before they left. It was a little slice of heaven, a small reprieve from their usual guardedness at school, and Blaine loved it.
Kurt had seemed to enjoy himself, too. Blaine couldn't help but notice that Kurt seemed happier that night than he had ever seen him at school. He couldn't help but feel a thrill of pride that he, Blaine Anderson, the disappointment of his family, could make this beautiful boy feel as happy as he deserved to be.
So he was confused when, later that night, Kurt placed a hand on his chest to stop him as he leaned forward to kiss him goodnight.
"What?" he asked, his brow furrowing. "Come on, your dad is probably asleep by now. He's not going to be standing next to the window watching us."
"I wouldn't put it past him…" Kurt muttered.
Blaine leaned in again, but Kurt turned his head infinitesimally. It was a small movement, but one that stopped Blaine in his tracks and turned his heart to lead. He slowly straightened up. "What is it?" he asked, careful to keep his voice from shaking. What had he done wrong? Kurt had seemed more than willing to kiss him earlier. They'd had a wonderful dinner, had found that they had even more in common than they'd realized in the past few months, could barely keep their hands off each other while they ate. So what was the problem? How could he have screwed things up already?
Kurt bit his lip. "It's just…" He stopped, then waved his hand around in the small space between their bodies. "What is this? What are we, exactly?"
"What do you mean?"
Kurt was silent for a moment, and Blaine swore that he could hear their heartbeats somewhere underneath the distant sounds of cars driving on the freeway and crickets chirping their laments. "Are we—what are you getting from this? From us," he clarified, playing with a button on his vest.
"What, now you really do want me to state my intentions?" Blaine joked feebly.
"I'm serious, Blaine. I need to know what this is to you, because if it's something different to me, then there's no way it'll work." Kurt looked at him, his eyes blazing with an intensity of emotion that Blaine couldn't precisely place. "Just be honest."
"I'll always be honest with you," Blaine promised. "I—I feel lucky enough that I get you out of this. Between you and me, I'm afraid you got the short end of the stick. You want to know what I'm getting out of this? I'm getting a best friend. And a boyfriend, if you'll have me. I'm getting cheesy dates and a boy who will tell me when my lines are cheesier. I'm getting someone to share things with and someone to care about. I know I sound really cliché right now, but that's how I feel." He shrugged and looked away, feeling the tell-tale heat that signified he was blushing again. Kurt seemed to do that to him a lot.
Kurt didn't respond immediately, so Blaine forced himself to look up. What he saw made him catch his breath. Kurt was staring at him with an unbridled adoration that Blaine had never seen directed at him before.
"Blaine…" Kurt drew in a breath. "I know this is out of nowhere. I just wanted to know whether this was just something to do for fun, because we're the only two openly gay guys at McKinley. I just needed—I needed to know that this was more than just convenient."
Blaine stared at him, a smile growing impossibly wide on his face. He didn't know what was happening. He felt as if he was standing on the precipice of something monumental, teetering on the edge. One more step and he would fall, but maybe that wasn't a bad thing.
"Why are you grinning at me like that?" Kurt asked suspiciously.
"I love you," Blaine said quietly, reveling in the knowledge.
Kurt froze. "What?"
"I love you," Blaine said again, louder this time. He was confident in himself now. He knew what this was, he knew where he was standing. He was in love with Kurt Hummel.
"You—I—we hardly know each other!" Kurt sputtered, his eyes wide.
"Yes, we do," Blaine said, feeling strangely serene now that he had identified what he was feeling. "I know you eat cheesecake with an almost indecent enthusiasm. I know that your favorite Disney movie is The Little Mermaid, but you prefer Belle to Ariel. I know that you nibble on your bottom lip when you're nervous about something, and you hide your mouth behind your hand when you laugh because you're self-conscious about your teeth. I know that you sometimes have nightmares about your mom, but you don't like to talk about them. I know that your best remedy to a bad mood is to sit in your room in our pajamas all day and watch old romcoms. I know that it kills you when my mouth is on your neck, marking the places that you can't see. And you," he paused and looked at Kurt, his eyes running over Kurt's body appreciatively, "know exactly what those pants do to me, so come here and kiss me, please."
Kurt obeyed, taking a single step forward. "Thank you," he murmured, tilting his head and looking down at Blaine with a gentle smile that shouldn't have sent Blaine's heart into a flurry as easily as it had. "I needed that."
"I need you," Blaine answered simply.
"I love you," Kurt replied, and he rocked on his heels before surging forward and clashing their mouths together fiercely. "I love you," he gasped between kisses, pressing his lips to Blaine's nose, his forehead, any inch of skin he could reach.
"I love you, I love you," Blaine said back whenever his mouth wasn't other occupied.
He wasn't sure how long they spent on the front porch. Long enough that their frenzied I love you's turned into one long stream and stopped sounding like real words.
It still didn't feel real to Blaine. It didn't feel real when he left Kurt's house only after Burt flashed the porch light on and off a couple times. It didn't feel real when he was in bed that night, trying and failing to fall asleep because he couldn't stop remembering the feeling of loving so much and being loved in return. It still didn't feel real the next day, when he was at school, and he and Kurt were sharing knowing glances during English class.
It doesn't feel real because it all happened so fast. He knew that others probably wouldn't understand what Kurt meant to him, how he was already the best part of Blaine's life. People would think they were moving too fast, attaching themselves to each other to tightly, only for something to rip when they inevitably separated.
But Blaine knew better. He knew that this was more than just some high school romance. He and Kurt had always shared a connection, from that very first day that Kurt had taken his hand in the hallway. When he was with Kurt, the bad things didn't seem nearly so bad. The looks he got in the hallway, his father's cold and silent disapproval at home… none of it mattered now that he had Kurt. Before, he had felt himself slipping away into a shell of himself, living out expectations only. But now, he had a reason to smile. With Kurt, he had nothing to worry about. With Kurt, he had everything.
He could never let that go.
Comments
I LOVE THIS, I LAUGHED AT THE FLOWERS PART BUT I LOVE THE I LOVE YOUS PART THE MOST