9

Theres a place we used to be
Theres a face that I used to see
Theres a picture with you by my side
Theres a moment that I want to find.
I dont know where to start
Or how to begin
But I know I love you still.

"Were almost there" Burt announced helping Blaine climb up the stairs.

Kurt was silently watching them from the landing, the front door opened behind him, an anxious expression on his face.

Now that they were there, home, he was feeling insecure again and doubtful of his decisions. The road back from the Hospital had been awkward and silent. Burt and Blaine had not said much and Kurt himself was feeling too out of place to start a conversation.

But now.. Now that they were there, now that there were weeks together for both of them, he didnt know what to think.

Blaine lifted his eyes on him, almost reading his mind. His face so neutral and deprived of any feeling, Kurt felt confusion grip him.

He couldnt understand what Blaine was feeling, he didnt recognize the man in front of him, and he was starting to think that Blaine had been right all along.

That theyd grown so far apart, they were completely different from the lovers theyd been.

"Im sorry for the inconvenience Burt" he heard Blaine muttered. "I know Im not the thin kid I was, anymore."

It was true, Kurt thought studying his husband frame. Or ex-husband, he corrected himself. He still wasnt sure about that one.

Blaine was still lean after all these years, but not thin. He had a nice layer of muscle covering his bones, his structure toned and well defined, and yet there was a little, soft form under his shirt. A cute round stomach resulted from all the nice dinner theyd had home. At least that was what Blaine liked to say.

When they reached the landing he stepped aside and let them in.

Hed made Blaine a bed in the guest room, he was sure that the other man wouldnt have liked the idea to sleep in what once was their bedroom.

He hadnt slept there himself since hed been home. He kept seeing the note Blaine had left him on the bed. His ring lying there like he had no meaning at all. Hed kept that ring in his pocket, waiting and hoping to be able to give it back to its owner.

"You can take Blaine to the guest room, dad" he said, clearing up his voice. He could see Blaine shoulder tense and then relax.

Once they were out of sight, he took a deep breath and sat on the sofa, trying to control himself.

He could feel the panic rising in waves and trying to suffocate him, crushing his chest with insecurity and pain.

He knew it was only fear. But a little part of himself was reconsidering his decision, right then, when he couldnt back up anymore.

What would have happened if hed failed? If hed disappoint Blaine, himself, and everyone else around for a decision made on instincts?

He knew that would have meant destroying the one thing he held dear in this world.

No more future together. No more mornings spent in bed, cuddling, with no rush to get up.

No more little children to raise together.

Theyd talked about it a lot, before hed left for L.A. They would wait for Kurt to have a good job, one he loved, and then theyd start the papers for the adoption.

Too many kids were out there, alone, for them to be egoistical and have a surrogate one.

It had been Blaines idea. To foster a child. His Blaine with a heart of gold. Who couldnt stand the idea of so many innocent children out there without someone to love them. And he had accepted. Because the idea of having a husband so noble and selfless made him more happy than any child with wild curls and hazel eyes.

But those plans seemed to be gone now.

"Its all done." Burts voice, back in the living room, brought him back to present. "Maybe you should go and help Blaine settle."

"Am I doing the right thing dad?" he asked. "Maybe I should have let him go. Let him go back to the life hed made for himself."
His father looked at him in silence for a few moments, then moved towards the door.

"Dont be stupid, kid. Go to your husband, Ill go visit Rachel and then take a tour of Central Park."

The door opened and closed again with a soft click, leaving Kurt alone once again.

Well.. Maybe not alone, he thought to himself throwing a look at the hallway. Blaine was there now.

They hadnt lived in that house together for a year and three months. It was hard to stop counting the days once he had started.

With a wavering breath he stood and reached Blaines room.

He knocked twice, to announce his presence, then went in.

Blaine was lying under the covers. His chest only half hidden. Hed gotten rid of his shirt and Kurt could see the bandages compressing his ribs. He could see the bruises covering his skin in blue and purple. And then lower still, a bruise that looked too much like a footprint.

Blaine had his eyes closed; his face towards the ceiling, but Kurt knew he was awake.

"Is everything OK?" he asked. His voice was trembling, but he forced a smile.

Blaine opened his eyes, turning his face slowly towards him. His eyes painful.

"I guess" he answered. "Its hard to get used to this room" he admitted quietly.

"I didnt think youd want to sleep in our.. In the master bedroom" he corrected himself.

Blaine nodded, and Kurt felt himself hurt even more than he thought possible at that admission.

"I wouldnt want to throw you out of bed."

Like it would matter, Kurt thought. Like that bed had been slept on in weeks. Then he remembered his dads words. The need to be honest with Blaine no matter what.

"I dont sleep in that room" he admitted.

Blaines expression became first incredulous, then serious. Like he had no idea what to say to that.

"Im sorry" he whispered after a while.

Kurt sat beside him.

"Theres no need, really. It was my choice. Im not ready to sleep there yet."

Blaine closed his eyes. "Im sorry" he said once again.

The silence seemed to stretch between them. When Blaine opened his eyes again, there was a storm in them.

Kurt looked around, trying to find something to say to get out of that moment.

"I installed you a TV" he stammered without actually looking at him. "You have long days ahead of you. I wanted you to have a distraction. Kate brought your DVDs and your books. She says she put in some of hers as well, so you may read something good for once" he continued without stopping for breath. "Not that you read stupid books. I dont even know why I said something like this. Ive always loved your taste in books. And you can ask for more if you want. Ill go get them for you…"

"Kurt.."

He stopped breathing for a second, but when he lifted his eyes he saw something different in Blaines expression. A different emotion.

"Im sorry" he sighed. "I really dont know how to behave in this situation."

"I didnt expect you to, Kurt. It cant be like it was. We will have to learn to live together again."

"Why does it seem so easy for you, while Im a stammering idiot?" he asked, then he bit his tongue. It was the wrong thing to say, he knew that.

Blaines eyes became colder, harder.

"Its not easy for me" he answered. "But I have no intention of running away. I promised Id give it a try Kurt. And thats what Im doing. Easy or not."

"I know.. I know.." he tried to reassure him. "Blaine you know me. I become an idiot when Im nervous."

"Some things never change" Blaine announced with a smile.

He tried and failed to sit up on the bed, then threw him an embarrassed look.

"Help, please?" he asked pointing to the pillows behind him.

Kurt moved closer; his heart beating maniacally in his chest, while he hugged Blaine to help him relocate on the pillows. He tried to convince himself that it was nothing new, or strange. But the warmth radiating from Blaine, his smell, was something hed missed too much and he couldnt suppress a shiver running down his spine.

Blaine was real and solid against him. He was alive, and against all odds, he was there with him.

And if Kurt in that moment, prolonged that hug a little more than necessary, well, no one could have blamed him.

"Better?" he asked moving away. Blaine nodded, then with a sign of his hand, invited him to sit back in front of him.

"Were going to have to find a compromise. Somewhere to start from. Honesty is important, but there are other things. Things unsaid. Were going to have to talk."

"Thats all I ask" Kurt interrupted eagerly.

Blaine smiled. The smile hed always given Kurt, when he would be way too enthusiastic over something.

"It wont be easy, not pretty" he warned.

"We can do this" he pressed. He could feel himself welling up again.

He took Blaines hand in his and his heart seemed to be ready to burst, when the other man, instead of retracting it, held his tighter.