6

And if I lived a thousand years
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
that day

“You don't have to stay.”

“Don't be silly.”

“Really Kurt..!”

“Really Blaine...” huffed Kurt sitting down on Blaine's bed.

“I know you and Michael have a date later. Go, I'll still be here when you'll be done” Blaine reassured him, trying to keep his tears at bay.

The last thing he wanted was to be alone. He'd just told his dad that all the projects he had for his son were going to dissipate. That he didn't want to be a lawyer after all and he needed his best friend.

But Kurt had a date, and love was supposed to come first, wasn't it?

It didn't matter that Blaine had been in love with him since day one. Kurt didn't want him. He wanted Michael.

Kurt looked at him with a serious expression on his face.

“I'm not going” he reiterated.

“Please,” Blaine whispered without looking him in the eyes. “Go.”

He could tell Kurt was confused.

“Are you sure?” his best friend asked after a bit of silence.

Blaine nodded. He felt the bed shift and Kurt move towards the door.

“I'll call you later?”

Blaine nodded again, offering him a tremulous smile.

“Have fun.”

The door closed with a light click and Blaine finally let go. He fell on the bed, letting the tears fall freely, whimpering against his pillow.

He didn't want to be the disappointing son. He didn't want to hurt his family, but he had dreams. He had ambitions he wanted to be realized.

His dad hadn't said much that day; he'd just looked at him in a way he'd never seen before. He knew his dad wouldn't say anything, even later on. He knew his father's disappointment would have been quiet, but he could see it there, in his eyes.

He let the guilt drown him, then a voice startled him.

 “You are an idiot!” yelled an angry Kurt.

Blaine sat on the bed confused, watching Kurt looking absolutely furious.

“Kurt?”

“Do you really think that I would leave you alone to go on a date? I can't believe you chose to keep this hurt to yourself” he continued without giving him the chance to answer. “There's no one more important than you to me, Blaine. You should know this by now. Of all the friends I could have found, I had to go and pick the one who thinks he's not important enough to have a shoulder to cry on. You know what? Why don't I go partying next time you feel miserable? How about that? It could be our thing. You cry and I have fun. It will probably compensate the universe in some weird way for..”

“I love you” he cut in, with a whisper.

The words flew from his mouth before he could even think about stopping them.

Kurt went silent, his face a picture of astonishment.

Then, before the panic could actually set in, he found himself laid back on the bed again.

Kurt had flung himself at him, his arms tight around Blaine, his face hid against his shoulder. He was saying something. Words Blaine couldn't make out. It took a couple of tries to understand.

“I love you too, you idiot.”

The smell of antiseptic was the first thing he recognized.

He'd spent enough hours as an intern at the County Hospital to recognize it. When he opened his eyes, the light coming from the window almost blinded him.

He couldn't feel a thing, and Blaine knew a thing or two about pain to be worried.

He knew it was never causeless. He knew that most of the time, it was inversely proportional to the damage received. That often, the lightest cut was the one that hurt the most.

It was the reason why, the first thought that crossed his mind, was that his wounds had to be serious.

Because all he could feel, was an annoying numbness.

His mind was still fogged and he could remember just bits and pieces of what had happened. Faded images of fear and hits, then darkness.

He flexed his fingers, in a weak attempt to move his hand, but every single finger seemed to weight a ton. It was then that he realized that his hand was trapped underneath another one.

Kurt's hand.

There was no doubt in his mind. No matter the amount of drugs and painkillers he was under, he knew.

He turned toward his husband, asking himself since when he'd been there. How much fear had Kurt suffered, watching him unconscious on a hospital bed, bruised and beaten? Dead to the world?

He knew that in a reversed situation, he wouldn't have survived.

It'd been months since their breakup. No, he amended. Since he had broken up with Kurt. It'd been his idea to take some time, and he was still sure that it had been the right decision. The last weeks had taught him how reliant on his husband he had become. How much of himself he'd sacrificed to be what everyone had wanted him to be.

He'd learned to decide for himself again. To walk on his own feet and think with his head. But he'd missed Kurt so much.

He'd lived half of a life without him, but he still couldn't make himself forgive.

He watched Kurt sigh, asleep on a chair that had to be uncomfortable, his face a mask of worry.

He had no idea about his husband whereabouts. If Kurt had gone back to Los Angeles to finish his internship. Blaine hoped he did. He hoped that leaving him free, had made Kurt understand who he was and what he wanted, without Blaine to keep him from flying.

He moved his hand trying to get Kurt attention. His husband eyes opened in an instant and Blaine found himself trapped by the cerulean eyes he loved so much.

For the first time, he was coming to realize how much he'd really missed the other man.

 “Blaine?” Kurt whispered getting up and closer to him. The hand holding his tightened its grip and Kurt's eyes filled with tears.

It was hard for Blaine to even breathe, but he had to let his husband know he was there, that he was conscious, so he moved. It was barely noticeable, but it was enough for Kurt to break down completely.

“Oh my God, Blaine..” Kurt's voice was wrecked with worry and probably a good deal of crying. He touched Blaine's face, in a sweet gesture. “You have no idea,” he continued. “No idea of how worried I've been. The doctor said you would be fine, but it took you so long to come back.”

Blaine frowned.

“You've been unconscious for three days,” Kurt explained. “But you'll be fine now.”

Kurt's smile was watery and tremulous at best, but Blaine could only respond in with a smile of his own.

“Th…” he tried to formulate the words he wanted to say but his throat wouldn't work. He tried again. “Thank you” he whispered.

But it had to be the wrong thing to say, or maybe the right one, as Kurt broke down in tears again, giving way to all the fear and frustration he'd felt in those days.

 ***

“Mr. Anderson” announced the doctor who had taken care of him on his arrival. “You gave us quite a scare. How are you feeling?”

There were lots of people in his room. Maybe too many.

Doctors and nurses, Kurt, and now nearby the door, a couple of cops.

“I'm fine” he replied. His voice still rough. Breathless. He saw Kurt giving him an unimpressed stare and amended.. “A little pain here and there. On my legs mostly.”

“Your legs suffered a severe trauma” explained the doctor. “You will have to rest for a few weeks. You are a doctor yourself, so you know the drill.”

And he did. Blaine knew exactly what was going to happen. He knew that after months of fighting for his independence, he was back to needing someone in his life.

He was back to the start.

“There are two gentlemen who want to talk to you” continued Dr. Miles, glancing towards the police men. One of the two, took a step forward.

“Mr. Anderson,” he greeted with a nod. “We would like to talk to you alone for your deposition.”

Blaine watched as every single person in the room left, except for Kurt.

He seemed confused. Unsure of what his place in Blaine's life was.

“Kurt?” he called. His husband lifted his gaze from the floor. “I'd rather you didn't hear this.”

“Let me stay please” he begged taking a step closer.

Blaine didn't know what to do.

He knew he needed Kurt to go through with this, but he didn't want to put the other man through the tale of that night. In the end he wasn't strong enough. He nodded, his heart beating wildly into his chest.

“Mr. Anderson” started the youngest of the cops. A man in his early thirties, with brown hair and dark eyes. “I'm officer Colson, and this” he continued indicating his colleague, “is Detective Mahoni. We're going to ask a few questions. Let's start with what you remember, from that night.”

Blaine tried to get comfortable in his bed. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore all the stares he was receiving.

He didn't want to relive that night. All he wanted was to forget and move on.

“It was closing time” he started. “I'd sent Kate, my assistant, home because there were no more patients to see.” He looked at Kurt. “I live with her now” he explained. Kurt's eyes were big and surprised with that new information. He went on.

“I was about to go home, but I realized I'd left my keys on the desk, so I went back inside. When I turned to leave again, there was a man on the door. He was standing between my office and the lobby. I could tell right away he was not a patient. He was shabby and dirty. He asked me for some morphine.”

Around him everything was silent now. Not a single breath could be heard. He could feel Kurt rage and anxiousness reach him. He could feel his fear.

“I tried to explain I had none. That I was running a private clinic and that I had no drugs but he didn't believe me. He reached for me, grabbing my shirt. He kept on asking for his morphine. He threatened to kill me, if I didn't give it to him.”

He stopped for a moment, trying to clear his thoughts, distracted by Kurt's heavy breathing. He knew that a look at his husband would have made him lose his composure. That he would have broke down and he couldn't. He had to finish first.

“That was the moment I realized that I had to fight for my life. But that man was probably running on adrenaline and withdrawals and there was nothing I could do. I tried to defend myself, but you can see that I've had no luck. At some point I lost consciousness.”

“Would you be able to describe the man?” asked the detective at that point.

He shook his head.

“He was tall, a lot taller than me, dark, short hair.”

“No recognizable features?” cut in Colson. “An accent, a scar. Anything.”

“No” he answered resigned. “Nothing at all. Aside from the black eye I probably gave him.”

“Do you remember how he was dressed?” asked the detective.

“Green jacket, light jeans. I don't remember anything else, I'm sorry.”

Mahoni nodded getting up from his chair.

“We'll look into it. See if anyone knows anything. If there are security cameras near your clinic. But I have to warn you, the chances to catch him are very slim.”

Blaine understood. He knew how things like this went.

That man was never going to be found. He was a shadow in the sea of drug addicts that the system wasn't able to manage. He was never going to get any justice. Never.

“If you'll excuse me now” he announced closing his eyes. “I'm tired, I'd like to rest.”

He heard the cops leaving the room, followed by Kurt.

The thought of being trapped there, hurt and broken with no justice in sight, was depressing.

“They'll find him” promised Kurt closing the door behind him a few minutes later.

“No” he shot back, resentment and hurt laced in his voice. “No they won't.”

The silence that followed, only made things worse. His mind was a jungle of thoughts and fears. Of anger and doubts.

“You should go” Blaine said after a while. “You must be tired. You've been here for a long time.”

Silence again.

“Is that what you want? You want me to leave?”

“Kurt..”

“Blaine..” Kurt bit back exasperated. And for a second, just for one moment, Blaine found himself back in high school. To the squabbles he loved so much. “I'm going to call Kate and Rachel” Kurt went on. “Then I'll be back and we'll discuss what we'll do next.”

Blaine wanted to protest. To tell him that he had no right anymore, but he held his tongue.

Hurting Kurt was the last thing he wanted to do. Not after everything they'd been through. Not after the fear his husband had felt.

He nodded closing his eyes again. He could feel Kurt's sigh of relief, then the door opened.

Alone, exhausted and tried by the day, he fell asleep.