8

My greatest fear is
Maybe you will notice
Im not what you wanted
after all these years
But I, Ive got a very big hope for us
Im gonna keep looking out for us
Its been a difficult year

“Are you sure of this?” Kate asked for the millionth time since she'd arrived. “You don't have to feel like you have to do it, just because he's your husband, your Kurt. Are you really sure you want to go home with him?” She questioned again.

“No, I'm not'” Blaine answered, honesty showing in his voice.

He had no idea of what he was doing. What he did know, was that he'd said yes to Kurt in a moment of weakness. That his husband's words had shook him badly, opening a door in the wall he had built around his heart.

He still wasn't sure that going back home was a good idea, but he had to try.

“Then come back home with me. I'll be happy to take care of you Blaine, you know that. You're my best friend.”

Blaine smiled.

“I know, but I have to do this. It might be a disaster though,” he warned his assistant. “And in that case I will need you… and your bed.” He finished trying to lighten the mood.

“So I'm a back-up plan now.”

He could see the smile on Kate's face betraying her irritation, and he was glad for it. He was glad for the woman's presence in his life. She was a true friend and a woman to respect. And she had no fear to show him her disappointment over Kurt behavior.

When he'd first met her, years ago, the first thing she'd told him was that she had no intention of sleeping with him.

Ironic but to the point. Because as much as Kate had not picked of him being gay, Blaine had not realized that he'd just met his other half. Platonically speaking of course.

They'd quickly become best friends and in some occasions, Kurt himself had felt threatened by her presence in Blaine's life.

Kate had told him over and over again, in the last couple of years, to make himself be heard. To be himself, and not let his marriage forge who he was. Someone he didn't recognize and didn't want to be. But he had always pretended not to hear, not to know what she was talking about. And things weren't really different now.

With Kate begging him to do the best for himself, and Blaine trying to make everyone else happy.

“You'll have to find yourself another job for some time.”

As far as distractions went, it wasn't his best effort, but it worked.

“I can afford to be out of a job for a couple of months, Blaine. I won't be able to do quite as much shopping, but I'll survive.”

“It might take more time” he warned her.

“How much more? You didn't tell me it was this bad” she scolded him. “Blaine, when will you learn to say things the way they are?”

“It's not so bad, I promise. But it will take time.”

“Time you want to spend with Kurt.” She retorted.

Blaine rolled his eyes.

“Time that I will decide how to spend. Me. No one else. I never realized you were so annoying.”

“Idiot!” She quipped.

“Bug!” He answered in turn.

After a few seconds of silence he found himself chocked into a hug.

“I'm going to miss you so much.” Kate whispered.

“I'll miss you too. But you can always come visit.” He offered.

“You know Kurt doesn't really like me.”

Blaine's expression became serious again.

“Kurt has no problem with you” he lied. But he knew the truth. They both did. “And even if he did, he will have to cope. You're my best friend. You were here for me, when he wasn't. When no one was.”

“I'll make myself lovable, I promise.”

Blaine took his friend's hand in his.

“It's already so easy to love you” he whispered.

The door opening broke a conversation that was becoming, at least for him, too sweet.

“Can I come in?” asked a voice Blaine knew too well. His eyes filled with tears.

“Burt..” he called with a smile on his face. His ex father in law was alone. A little plant in his hand.

“Kurt stopped by, to talk to the doctors” Burt explained. He seemed how of place, like he wasn't sure to be welcomed. When he moved closer, Blaine felt Kate's hand hold his tighter, then let go.

“It's time for me to go” she announced. “I'll be back tomorrow.”

“Get a life” he retorted, but the smile on his face, showed every bit of love he felt for his friend. When Kate flipped him off without Burt noticing before fleeing the room, he broke into a laugh.

The door closing behind her left the room into an awkward silence.

“It's nice to see you” he tried. He'd missed Burt something fierce since he and Kurt had broken up, but he hadn't felt like keeping in touch. Burt was Kurt's father after all and it was the right thing to do to leave him out of this mess.

“It shouldn't have been a pleasure if you'd bothered calling. Or if you'd answered any of my calls” Burt scolded him taking a seat beside him.

“You know I couldn't. We talked about this when I was in Lima.”

“And I told you it was stupid then too” he replied with a wave of his hand. “But there are more important things to talk about now. Like for example, telling this old man, how are you feeling? You gave us quite a scare, kid. It took me twenty minutes to understand what Kurt was saying on the phone. And twenty more to understand that you were still alive.”

“I'm sorry” he apologized. “But I'll be fine. It might take some time, but I'll get there.”

“Kurt told me you've decided to go home with him.”

Straight to the point, he thought, looking at Burt. Subtlety had never been his strong suit. It was the reason Blaine had always loved him like a father.

“I'm not sure how to explain this” he admitted, wary.

“With your own words is fine.”

Blaine couldn't help but notice a little bit of irony in his reply.

“Kurt was here when I opened my eyes” he said after a moment of thought. “I knew it was him even before our eyes met. He gave up Los Angeles for a marriage that was over, for all he knew. I owe this chance to the both of us. I have so much anger left in me, somewhere deep. But If I could.. If we could, somehow, get past all the regrets and the grievances, between us. Maybe we could move on. I don't want to wake up in ten years, and realize I let him go without a fight.”

“Do you still love him? Because that's the only thing that matters.”

He closed his eyes trying to put his thoughts in order. When he opened them again, he met Burt's. He was waiting without pressuring him.

“There was a moment when I thought it was over. That I'd run out of love. But during the attack,” he explained, his eyes full of tears again. “During the attack, his face was the only one I prayed I could see again. And it's sad to say” he laughed. “Because I've always hated the stories in which the hero has this great epiphany right before he dies. But that's how it went. Everything got into focus. It's the main reason why I said yes. Even though I think he was crazy to leave that internship.”

“If you ask me, kid” cut in, Burt. “You have your ideas pretty clear. Listen” he said then getting closer. “I know you think Kurt has some sort of privilege in using me for advices, but let me give you one.”

Blaine remained silent.

“Kurt made a mistake. A big one. He took the easy way out when things got bad. He knows it, you know it. And you did the right thing, taking your time. But if you're serious about giving this a try, then make it a real one. Don't keep anything inside. Talk, yell, argue, but don't leave anything out. And make sure Kurt does the same. In the end all it will remain will be love, or the need to move on with your life.”

They both kept silent for a while. Letting Burt's words sink in.

“I'm afraid to have to let him go again” Blaine confessed after a while. There was something in the other man that had always encouraged him to talk. “Because if after all of this, it will be all over anyway, it would be worse.”

“Do you want to give up because of fear?” asked Burt at that point. “Blaine you can't protect yourself forever. Sooner or later, whether it will be Kurt or somebody else, you're going to have to open up again.”

“You know?” Blaine announced with a smile. “There's a reason why I hate to be left alone with you. You always seem to find a way to calm my neurotic breakdowns.”

Burt smiled. Relieved and so obviously happy to be there. To be of help.

“You know you can always count of me. And no more nonsense about not being able to talk to me.” He warned him.

It would have been impossible by that point, he thought.

It'd been hard to say goodbye to Burt and Carole the first time. To explain his reasons.

It would be impossible to do a second time, not after everything that had happened. Burt and Carole were family. So was Kurt.

Kurt. He thought to himself. He wondered what would happen to them. How was he going to survive in this world if he and Kurt couldn't work it out?

If he wasn't able to let go of all the fear and the anger inside of him?

It was weird. Wanting something with everything he had. Something that was his to take, but he wasn't sure was right for him. He'd try. He'd try with every single breath he had left in him, and if in the end they didn't make it, at least he'd be free of any regret.

Kurt chose that moment to enter the room. A timid smile on his face. He smiled back in return. It was like breathing for the first time after an eternity under water.

“Kurt” he sighed.

His ex husband widened his eyes, surprised no doubt by the gentle tone of his voice. But Blaine was feeling lighter than ever and the conversation with Burt had left him weirdly hopeful.

“I.. bring good news” announced Kurt once he was able to breathe again. “If you promise to be good, and to stay in bed all day, and not to move for any reason at all, you can go home tomorrow.”

Blaine smiled a worried smile. He hadn't felt like going home in a while, but the thought of leaving the hospital was reason enough to be content.

“They have my word. I'll make you do everything for me.”

Kurt smiled, and for once Blaine felt he'd said the right thing. It was good, even if only for a moment, to be them again.

His ex husband didn't disappoint.

“If you think you'll live a spoiled life Blaine Anderson, you have another thing coming. I'll find a way to make you work while sitting.”

Blaine laughed. “I have no doubt” he replied. When he looked at Burt, he saw on his face, an expression he knew too well. It was happiness.

He wished in that moment, not do disappoint him. He hoped not to disappoint Kurt as well.