Aug. 21, 2013, 4:40 a.m.
Should I Tell Him
Now That He Knows: Chapter 3
E - Words: 1,062 - Last Updated: Aug 21, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Sep 07, 2012 - Updated: Apr 13, 2022 466 0 1 0 0
Kurt was dreading school today - he hadn’t seen, heard or gotten so much as a text from Blaine all weekend. He was saddened by that fact but he didn’t blame Blaine ... Kurt had broken his heart. He'd shattered it all over that hallway in fact, and Blaine probably hated him. He hated himself really ... Blaine was one of the only things that made Kurt happy. Cheerleading used to, but it got boring at the top, and all his old friends hated him now. When he was in glee club there was never a dull moment, they were so diverse, so fun, so much more like Kurt - he'd had to suppress the old him to fit in. He missed the glee club.
He stood by his locker until the last second, hoping Blaine would walk by - he wanted to talk to him, to be friends still, he wanted to hold and kiss him - but he knew he couldn’t. Blaine didn’t come by - he arrived late to homeroom and even when he did he avoided Kurt. Instead of joining him, Rachel, Tina and Mercedes, he sat himself at his usual table. Just from a glance Kurt could see Blaine had barely slept or eaten, and his curls were untamed by his usual gelmet. He knew that Blaine was obviously not okay, but he just couldn’t bring himself to talk to him ... every time he looked at him his heart got pierced, to know that part of the reason Blaine looked so broken was because of him.
Blaine spent the whole day ignoring Kurt; he didn't even show in the canteen. Kurt went for a wander to clear his head, and as he walked by the choir room he glanced in, half wanting to see Blaine there, but alas he was nowhere in sight. The piano sat there looking so inviting. He walked over to it and began to play a favourite song of his.
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?
Every time I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
Kurt sang flawlessly, tears rolling down his cheeks. He needed Blaine ... he wished he didn’t, wished that it could be easier giving him the space he needed to get over Jermaine. But the distance killed him ... in the few months he’d spent actually talking to Blaine instead of admiring from afar, not wanting to upset the status quo, he’d learnt so much about him and adapted to his mannerisms. Now, without Blaine Kurt felt lost almost. It was silly - he’d only known the kid a few measly months but when he’d kissed Blaine he felt completed, but now he’d denied himself that, and it felt terrible.
I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy
And every time I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry
At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away
And every time I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
“Kurt ...” Rachel stood in the doorway and spoke quietly. “That was beautiful!”
“Oh, um ... Rachel - uh ...” he said, quickly drying the tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand.
“It’s okay Kurt, I know you miss it in here. You could always re-join? I’m sure they’d have you back ... you were a great male lead.” she said, coming to sit next to him on the piano stool.
“They won’t, not after the way I left them … and I can’t go back not - with Blaine there, not this semester anyway … I dunno, maybe next year. I feel so bad for doing what I did to Blaine, Rach ... I feel guilty every time I look at him. He’s lost weight and not in a good way - he’s barely sleep and he’s not even gelling. Although I must admit he looks even hotter with his curls ungelled and that makes me want to be with him more, which makes my heart hurt more because I turned him down.” he whined on the verge of tears.
“Oh honey, it will get easier ... you ju-“
“I don’t want it to get easier!” Kurt cut her off with a shout. “I just want him - I always have, since he came here … there was something different and special about him.”
“I know sweetie, I know.”
“No! You don’t know! Blaine is like my soulmate, I can feel it … he’s who I’m meant to be with and I broke his heart when I said no. He probably hates me and I don’t stand a chance anymore.”
“Kurt, Blaine really, really likes you ... he knows that you were right and he’s just not ready. But when he is he’ll ask again, and ...“
“And I’ll say yes and be happy?”
“Precisely.”
They got up and headed to history class. The rest of the day was uneventful ... Kurt sat in class, none with Blaine which he was both saddened and relieved about - he wanted to see Blaine but in doing so he made himself feel terrible. As he walked past the choir room on his way to cheerios practice he heard Blaine singing. He stood and watched, pining after him but also saddened by the fact that he’d broken him - but he smiled all the same.
‘He’s worth this heart ache, right?’
‘So worth it … he’ll be so worth the wait, Kurt. He’s your soulmate.’
‘Yeah, you’re right. He’s amazing … he’ll be mine soon and I just have to wait and be patient.’
‘Yep, just give him time.’
With that Kurt left for practice safe in the knowledge that one day - soon, maybe - he’d be holding that small boy in his arms, comforting him, kissing him, touching, feeling and just being with him.
Comments
i love that song. its one of my favorite britney songs. =]