Day2

Blaine's alarm buzzed, shaking him from the dream he was having - Kurt was stood in their kitchen making pancakes, but whenever Blaine went to touch or hug him his arm would fall straight through thin air. He rolled off the couch and shuffled sleepily to the kitchen, switched on the coffee machine and went to take a shower.

He slipped on a pale blue shirt, dark black suit pants and tied a slim black tie around his neck. He grabbed a travel mug of coffee, picked up the Lawrence article and a new piece he’d be working on and left for work. He hailed a cab, climbed in and told the cabbie where to go. Just then Defying Gravity began to chime - Rachel was calling him.

“Hello Rachel” said Blaine, happy to be talking to her but scared because he knew that she was probably going to yell at him; Kurt was bound to have told her about him and Sebastian.

“What the hell, Blaine!? Why would you cheat on Kurt like that?” Rachel screamed down the phone all in one breath. Blaine had to hold the phone away from his ear, she was shouting so loud.

“Yeah, um ... I don’t know.” he muttered.

“But, you guys seemed so happy …” said Rachel, more softly than before.

“I know ... we were, but Sebastian, he - I just ... I don’t know.” said Blaine, tears starting to fall down his face.

“I just want to know why? I mean you guys are great together, like the ideal couple.”

“Y-yeah I kn-know Rach, I wish none of it had happened. I miss him ... I love him.” Blaine said, his vision so clouded with tears that he didn’t see the dirty look the cabbie aimed at him in the mirror when he said it.

“He misses you ... that note didn’t help though, Blaine.”

“Oh he- he told you about that? Um well, I always do it when he’s away ... ”

“Yeah, I know but he needs space ... okay, Blaine?”

“Yeah, I guess. Oh, I’m at work now – I have to go. Bye Rach!”

“Bye Blaine.”

Blaine paid the cabbie, who threw him another dirty look before handing him his change. Blaine climbed out of the cab and entered his building; he did his best to dry his tears, but he knew if Kelsey saw him she’d know right away that he was upset. He had to try and make it in to the office and to his cubicle before Kelsey, or worse – Sebastian - saw him. The elevator pinged, signifying his floor. He climbed out and found Kelsey at the receptionist’s desk talking to Darren the mail man. She took one look at Blaine and knew something was up.

Kelsey was a smallish woman with dark brown hair in loose curls. She and Blaine had met on his first day at the New Yorker … Blaine had gotten a little lost, and walked head first into her. After some profuse apologies, they grabbed a coffee, and Kelsey quickly decided to take Blaine under her wing and show him the ropes. They soon became best friends - Kelsey was the one person at work Blaine told everything too, he could never hide anything from her - she knew him too well.

“Sorry Dare, gotta go!” she said, walking quickly towards Blaine.

“No, Kelsey, I need to go -” Blaine began.

“That can wait, you need to talk!” she interrupted.

“But – but, I don’t! … Fine.” Blaine conceded. He didn’t feel like arguing with her, as he knew that she always gave great advice.

They walked to Kelsey’s cubicle in silence.

“Right … spill.” she demanded.

“Um, well … um, okay so …” Blaine didn’t know where to begin, where to start to explain how his whole life had crashed and burned around him.

“Spit it out, Blaine.” she said, sitting next to him and wrapping an arm around him.

“Well, remember when we had that really tough week when sales were down and they were firing people left, right and centre?” Kelsey nodded “Well, after all of that mess, Seb took me out for drinks at Scandals and he got me very, very drunk and … well … I slept with him. ”

“Okay, does Kurt know?” she asked. Blaine nodded. “Oh. What happened?”

“Well, you know how persuasive he is ... and Kurt hadn’t been around much.” Tears started to roll down Blaine’s face, and Kelsey pulled him closer. “and well, I slept with him a few more times and - and on Tuesday Kurt, he - he caught us and he’s gone to Nick and Jeff’s for a few days and I don’t know what going to happen. Sebastian was a colossal mistake and I just …” Blaine dissolved into tears.

“Shhh, Blaine.” Kelsey cooed into his curls.

“I’m a terrible, terrible person ... I don’t even know why I did it ... I love Kurt so, so much and I broke his heart, and - and” he said, his breathing rapid and shallow.

“Blaine, you are not a terrible person - a stupid one, but not terrible.”

“But Kelsey, I am - I really, really am!”

“NO! Blaine, you were stupid, misguided, and a bit naïve - you probably shouldn’t have gone for drinks with him, and you most definitely shouldn’t have slept with him , but what’s done is done. I know how much Kurt means to you, and I also know how much you mean to him ... he won’t let go of you easily - he’ll try to fight. But he’ll also want to know why.”

“I know he will, and I have no answer to that question ... I don’t even know why it happened. I guess I was lonely, and I was drunk, and … I just don’t know.” He hung his head.

“Blaine, it’s okay … I’m not asking. ”

“But I’m gonna need an answer.”

“Well, I can’t help much there.”

“I know … but thanks anyway, Kel - I needed this talk. I have to go take my work to Jordan now.”

“No, you go get us a cab - you’re having an early lunch with me and we’re taking the day off. I’ll take these to Jordan.” said Kelsey, pulling the files away from Blaine.

“Okay,” Blaine said, watching her leave the cubicle. And then he realised something.

“No, wait … Kelsey!” he called, but it was too late. She had already rounded the corner to Jordan’s office.

Blaine had been working on an article about marriage ... the pitfalls, the joys, and the heartaches. It was more specifically about when a marriage broke down. The article was more for Blaine himself than for publication, but he just hoped Jordan didn’t think too much of it. Maybe he wouldn’t even read it. Blaine shrugged and chose to hail that cab and wait for Kelsey.

~~~
Meanwhile

Kelsey walked to Jordan’s office carrying Blaine’s latest article, when she bumped into Sebastian.

“Hey - I want to talk to you,” she snapped.

“Yeah?” he said turning, “Oh, it’s you … what do you want?” His mouth turned into a sneer.

“What are you doing fucking with Blaine’s marriage? Huh?! They were happy, why the hell did you take him drinking?”

“It had been a tough week, he’s hot, and I was horny so I took my opportunity” he said, an air of satisfaction in his voice.

“It wasn’t yours to take! He’s not yours - he’s married. He was happy.”

“Just keep your fucking nose out, Kelsey. It’s none of your business.”

“It became my business when you fucked my best friend!!” her fist clenched at her side, but her better nature forced her to compose herself.

“Fuck off” said Sebastian walking away.

Kelsey seethed quietly to herself. She took Blaine's papers to Jordan and left to her friend.

~~~

“Okay,” Blaine said when Kelsey entered the cab, “I wanna - I wanna to set up ground rules.”

Blaine didn’t want to have to talk about anything to do with him and Kurt, or him and Sebastian, for the rest of the day. If they did, Blaine would end up sobbing, in a public place causing a scene.

“Okay, so what are these rules?” she said with a smile.

“We are not to talk about my marriage, or probably soon to be lack thereof,” he said. “We are not to talk about Sebastian, and you are to keep me away from Kurt’s gig tonight ... ‘cos he won’t want me there.”

“Okay, done!”

The rest of the taxi ride was quiet, as both Kelsey and Blaine were lost in thought. Blaine was still struggling with what he was going to tell Kurt when he returned, why he did what he did. Kelsey was thinking about how to make her best friend happy again and get his mind off his home life for a little while … oh, and about Darren the mailman. They arrived at their favourite sushi bar, grabbed a table and ordered.

“Sooooooo,” said Blaine, breaking the silence “How’s it going with you and Darren?”

“We’re friends who talk.” Kelsey said trying, and failing, to hide her blush.

“You like him and he’s totally into you.” smiled Blaine.

“Oh shush, Darren would never be interested in me.”

“He is, Kelsey honey, believe me ... He’s been pestering me for your number.”

“He what?!”

“Yeah, yeah … he keeps asking me for it.” said Blaine in a soft, teasing tone, “You want me to give it to him?”

“Yes!” she said a bit too eagerly. “Um … yes, please.”

“Okay, I’ll text him now.” Blaine said, a sly smile on his face. He tapped a quick message to Darren.

“Wait! Let me see that text!”

Hey Dare, here’s Kelsey’s number (315)118-2011. she’d love for you to give her a call ... please dear god ask her out - your dancing around each other is getting slightly annoying.

“Hey,” said Kelsey, “Take out that last part!” she shoved Blaine playfully.

“Nope - you both need to know how nuts this is making me. One of you just needs to ask the other out before I totally lose it.”

“Please?” she begged, wearing her best puppy-dog face.

“Fine.” Blaine sighed, deleting the last line and typing some more. “Here.”

Hey Dare! Here’s Kelsey’s number (315)118-2011, we’d both love it if you called her and asked her out!

“Better,” she said, and Blaine hit ‘send’.

~~~

They were in yet another cab heading back to Blaine and Kurt’s apartment when Darren texted Kelsey.

Hey Kelsey, its Darren. I hope you don’t mind … Blaine gave me your number ;) x

“Oh my god, he texted me ... with a kiss and a winky face” Kelsey squealed, earning an odd look from the cabbie.

“Well, text him back then.”

“Okay, okay!”

Hey Darren, I don’t mind ;). How are you? x

A reply came in seconds.

I’m good thanks. Hey, are you free tonight? Blaine’s husband is doing a gig with Rachel Berry at Bar4. Would you like to go with me? x

“Blaine, he’s asking me to Kurt's gig ... what do I say?”

“Say yes, you dummy! ”

Yeah, I’m free - sounds fun! Can’t wait xx

Great! See you there xx

“Okay, I need to go get ready. But wait, are you gonna be okay?”

“I’ll be fine, Kelsey honey. God, chill … you’ve got another seven hours before the gig even starts.”

“But it’s a date with Darren, the super cute mail man.” she swooned.

They pulled up outside Blaine’s apartment Block and Blaine climbed out.

“You coming, honey?” he asked.

“Nah, I should go plan my outfit. Just don’t do anything stupid or go to that gig ... I’ll be there, you know - so I’ll know if you turn up!”

“I doubt you will … you’ll be too busy making out with Darren.” Blaine winked and closed the cab door.

~~~

He sat in the empty apartment; it seemed so quiet without Kurt there. He put his iPhone on shuffle to ease the eerie silence, but it didn’t lighten the mood. The first song that played was ‘The Fear You Fall’ by Joshua Radin. This just took Blaine back to the day before he went to visit Kurt’s mom’s grave.

He’d sung this to Kurt, in his mind; he wanted to tell Kurt he loved him. His head told him it was too soon, but he’d fallen - he’d been falling for a while ... ever since he met the boy on that Dalton staircase. That’s when it all began … he didn’t know it but he had, he’d started to truly love this perfect boy whom he was dating. He just hoped Kurt had fallen too. The next day at his mom’s grave he told him ... confessed his love to anyone that would listen, in fact. And Kurt had given him the response he was hoping for in return.

Suddenly his cell-phone rang. It was Jordan - what did he want?

“Uh, hello Jordan?” said Blaine curiously.

“Yes, Blaine. This article Kelsey has given me today is amazing!”

“Well … thank you - the Lawrence story was not one I took lightly.” he said, swelling at the praise.

“No, no ... the Lawrence story is great but I was talking about ‘When a Marriage Breaks’. It’s really good Blaine, could we run it? I think it would definitely catch readers’ eyes ... they want to read this stuff!”

“No, please don’t! Kurt can’t know that I’ve written it … it was never meant to be handed in, it was just for me.” Blaine pleaded.

“But Blaine, this could mean big things. How did you write it so well?”

’Experience’ Blaine thought to himself.

“I don’t care, you can’t run it. It doesn’t matter how!” Blaine yelled, instantly regretting that and adding in a quieter voice, “Please, you can’t run it ... at least, not yet.”

“Okay fine - it won’t run this week’s paper.” Jordan huffed.

“Thank you. I-I still need to work on it a little.” Blaine lied; it was finished ... unless he and Kurt fixed things.

“Okay … well, see you tomorrow Blaine.”

“Bye Jordan.”

Blaine hung up the phone, silently cursing. That article could never run ... he knew that Kurt wouldn’t want that going around. He’d never meant for anyone besides himself to see it ...

~~~

It was nearing 7:30pm and Blaine was pacing his apartment, trying to find any distraction to prevent him from going to Kurt's gig, but to no avail. At 7:45pm he was out the door, and hailing a cab. He’d changed into his black skinny jeans and a grey sweater. He arrived at Bar4 just as Kurt was singing his first solo of the set - ‘Breakeven’ by The Script.

He stood and watched, shifting slightly to get a better view. He saw Kurt was scanning the audience and he knew he was looking for him; he looked straight at Blaine for a moment, a confused look on his beautiful face. It was clear to Blaine that Kurt was trying to decide if indeed it was Blaine he saw, and if he actually wanted him there.

Whist Rachel was singing David Guetta’s ‘Without You’, Blaine went to go get a beer. When he returned to his table he found Lotti looking for him. By this time the guys had taken a break and re-started the set, and Rachel was singing the opening verse to ‘A Little Time’ by The Beautiful South. He listened to the familiar lyrics with one ear as Lotti began to speak.

“Blaine! So you are here.” She said.

“Yeah, I … um … couldn’t stay away. You know I’d never miss hearing him sing.”

“I know, Blaine.” she said smiling. Kurt began to sing and they both fell silent and watched.

Blaine angled his body again to face the stage; Kurt looked straight at him, staring into his eyes and making him feel every word he was singing. Each one dug at him more than the last - he’d betrayed Kurt’s trust. He felt Kurt's pain in every note, every syllable - he was a horrible, horrible man, despite what Kelsey had told him. He’d broken the man he loved.

Tears started to roll down his cheeks; he saw Kurt's eyes were sparkling with them too.

“I shouldn’t have come. I should go …” Blaine choked, as he left. He turned back just in time to see Kurt fleeing from the stage.

Walking outside, Blaine found Darren and Kelsey, Darren’s arm wrapped around Kelsey’s shoulder.

“HEY! What are you doing here?” Kelsey snapped.

“I-I couldn’t stay away ... I’ve missed him so much, I just needed to see him.” Blaine admitted quietly.

“Come on, I’ll take you home Blaine.” said Kelsey.

“No, no - finish your date guys, I’ll be fine ...”

“You sure, Blaine?”

“Yes! Enjoy your date, I’ll see you tomorrow. And you’ll tell me everything.” he said, winking at them. They looked happy together, like he and Kurt had before ... everything.

~~~

Blaine sat at home on the couch, his head in his hands. He missed his husband; when he usually felt this bad about himself, Kurt would fix him a lovely mug of the best hot chocolate, with all the trimmings - whipped cream, marshmallows, chocolate flakes. Then they would snuggle on the couch with a big fluffy blanket and watch ‘When Harry Met Sally’, and Kurt would stroke Blaine's curls and press kisses to his cheek and whisper in his ear, telling him he loved him, that he was amazing. But Kurt wasn’t there, he wasn’t going to tell him he loved him, or that he was a nice person … because he didn’t, and he wasn’t - not any more.

Blaine stood up and shuffled to the kitchen, switching on the kettle in a feeble attempt to make the amazing drink that Kurt always did. It was too watery and the cream wasn’t whipped enough, and the marshmallows wouldn’t melt - it was nowhere near as good as when Kurt made it. Blaine drank it regardless, desperate for any kind of pick-me-up. He went to sit down on the piano bench and started to play ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ by The Cure.

I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I've said too much
Been too unkind

I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and
Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

Blaine loved this song. The Cure was the first CD Blaine had ever bought and the first concert he ever went to. The first time Kurt had taken him out after he’d turned 21, this was the first song they’d danced to ... the tribute band that was playing wasn’t as good as the real thing but it was close enough.

I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that
It's too late
And now there's nothing I can do

So I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to
laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry

I would tell you
That I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already
Gone away

Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more

Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just
Keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

Ironically, tears rolled down his cheeks, dripping down on to the ivory keys. It hit him just how much he missed Kurt, how much he’d hurt him ... he’d finally accepted that Kurt might never take him back, that he might lose the one person he loved - his closest and best friend ... the only guy he loved more than anyone in the world. But he wouldn’t let that happen ... not if he could help it.