Author's Notes: One Year Later

Kurt entered the bar, the smaller, dark-haired man beside him; their fingers intertwined and his head on Kurt's shoulder. Just as they were about to order drinks Kurt turned to the stage, Kurt spotted him, and stopped dead in his tracks. Why was he here?

“Babe?” The other guy asked, reaching out and petting Kurt's arm. “You okay?”

“Oh god ... oh god, no …” Kurt said under his breath as he stared at the person sat at the piano.

He had dark hair and olive-toned skin. He was thinner but more muscular than Kurt remembered, his eyes looked worn and over-tired and he’d cut his hair. Kurt couldn’t help but wonder how this year had been for him - what had happened since Kurt moved out, and how was he doing? Was he seeing anyone?

“The pianist ... ” Kurt said, still staring at across the room; the other man gave him a blank look. “... he’s my ex-husband.”

“Oh, Kurt. We can go if you like? There’s plenty of bars round here. We don’t have to stay if it’s going to be hard for you.”

“No Ryan, honey ... it's fine. I just haven’t seen him since I moved out.”

Ryan took Kurt's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. He knew how hard this must be for Kurt ... Blaine had really hurt Kurt, and Ryan hated that. He hated that someone could do such a thing to him. Ryan worked at Runway with Kurt; ever since Kurt started there Ryan had had a crush on him. He’d kept his distance when Kurt was married, but when Kurt’s divorce had finalised he jumped at the chance to ask him out. They had been dating for about five months.

Blaine raised his head from the keys and saw Kurt; he looked more beautiful than Blaine remembered. Blaine didn’t notice Ryan stood next to Kurt holding his hand - he only saw Kurt. He continued to play the song, torn between being happy that Kurt was there and sad that he’d lost him.

“Thank you.” he said as the patrons of the bar and Kurt clapped and cheered. “This next one is an apology ...” he looked pointedly at Kurt. “... I wronged someone I dearly loved and I lost them.”

Blaine began to play Taylor Swift’s ‘Back To December’ and fought back tears as he remembered how stupid he’d been. Kurt was everything he needed, everything he’d ever wanted and he’d fucked up. But maybe he and Kurt could try again ...

Kurt just stared. A part of him missed Blaine, but the rest still hated him and wanted to forget him. He hated Blaine for what he'd done; it had really hurt him deeply. He felt guilty for missing him while he was dating Ryan but he couldn’t help it - Blaine had been his best friend for thirteen years, after all. Kurt missed that closeness they'd had when they were sixteen. Blaine song came to a close and Kurt watched him climb off stage and start walking towards him. Kurt took a deep breath.

“He’s coming over” he muttered.

“Babe, we can leave if you want? We really don’t have to stay.” said Ryan, turning to leave.

Blaine reached them.

“Hey.” he breathed, staring at Kurt.

“Oh, um ... hi, Blaine.” said Kurt, staring openly at Blaine's arms; they really were a lot more muscular than they were last year. He was so busy staring that it wasn’t until Ryan spoke that he was brought back to reality.

“Hi, I’m Ryan.” he said extending his hand to Blaine, who flinched slightly but took it and shook it.

“Good to meet you.” said Blaine.

“Likewise.” said Ryan, but there was an edge to his voice that stated he really didn’t like Blaine.

“Yeah ... um, Ryan is my ... boyfriend.” Kurt chimed in awkwardly, introducing Ryan properly to Blaine.

“Oh.” Blaine smiled. He was happy for Kurt, but he still wanted him for himself… Kurt made him feel safe, and he needed that more than ever.

“Yeah.” said Kurt nonchalantly. “You seeing anyone?”

“No ... can’t really be with anyone right now ... am in recovery.” Blaine murmured quietly, looking down and pulling his sleeves down subconsciously.

“You didn’t - did you?” Kurt stared pointedly, suddenly filled with concern.

“Oh, no ... no, I didn’t ... I promise bab- Kurt.” Blaine caught himself falling into old habits. In part he wanted to tell Kurt what happened, but he couldn’t tell anyone.

“Good ... that's good. You okay?”

“I-I’m fine … “

“Blaine? What’s wrong?”

“I-I-I can’t talk about it, n-not yet …”

“It’s okay - you don’t have to, Bee.” Kurt said as he stroked Blaine's bicep. ”Um ... wow!” He breathed, unable to stop the thought from escaping his mouth earning him a disapproving look from Ryan.

“Yeah ... um, I've taken up boxing and karate, cos I - I need to feel safe again.” Blaine said, and Kurt could only look confused. Blaine folded his arms across his body and chest - he was closing in on himself, protecting himself.

Kurt knew all too well what this meant; Blaine was getting scared, past memories were coming back to him. There was one way to calm him, and Kurt was torn between Ryan and helping Blaine. He really needed to do something for his ex, knowing he was having one of his attacks … he was one of the only people who knew what to do, aside from Cooper.

“Blaine? … Blaine … look at me.” Kurt urged, taking hold of Blaine's forearms. Blaine flinched and tried to pull away. “Come on, head up.” he tilted Blaine's head back to face him. “Come on, Blaine - look at me.”

Kurt took a deep breath and began to sing Teenage Dream slowly … Ryan looked confused and slightly mad at Kurt's concern for his ex-husband. Blaine's breathing quickened.

“Sorry ...” Blaine muttered. “I’m sorry.” He was panicking, and singing like this usually helped, but not this time - clearly not with these flashbacks.

“You okay, Blaine?” asked Ryan.

“Yeah ... um, I’m fine ... I’m fine, Ryan - nothing to worry about. I need to go finish my set now.” he babbled, just needing to go as he could feel the flashbacks and the fear getting more intense. He had to go - he needed to find Kelsey.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Blaine?” Kurt asked. “Is it me being here …?”

“I’m fine … everything isn’t all about you, Kurt!” Blaine snapped, really not mad at Kurt, just angry about what happened to him. “A lot can happen in twelve months … things happen. Terrible things ...”

Kurt was confused, but then he heard Kelsey calling.

“Blaine?” She said. “you need to get back on or they won’t pay you … oh, Kurt - um, hi! You doing okay?” she looked at Blaine in concern.

“Yeah - I’m worried about Blaine though.”

“Peanut?” she asked, stroking his back. “Is it that night again?” She looked at Blaine, who simply looked scared and small and vulnerable.

Blaine nodded “I was so helpless … scared, I was so stupid! It won’t go away, Kels ... make it stop.”

“Oh, Peanut ... darling, come here.” She wrapped her arms around him. “It’s okay, you’re safe now ... you’re with friends.”

“I’m safe with friends” He repeated quietly. “Safe, with friends.”

Blaine headed back to the stage muttering that chant under his breath, and Kurt turned to Kelsey with a questioning look on his face.

“Kels ... what’s that about? Is he okay”

“He’s fine.” She lied. “Bit shaken, but … well, it’s not really any of your concern anymore Kurt. If he wanted you to know he’d have told you ... he didn’t, so just leave it be.”

"I still care! What happened?! He flinched from me, and he never did that."

"Things change ... people change! Horrible things happen and people are left with the consequences." she said, her voice venomous. She knew that she had to keep Blaine’s secret at all costs; she was the only one he'd told.

"I know, but he's just not him anymore." Kurt insisted, with Ryan at his side getting more and more impatient with his concern over his ex.

"You try living with what he is, and see if you're 'you' anymore!" She yelled, and stalked off before she said anymore.

"What the hell, Kurt?!" Ryan shouted when he was finally given some attention again.

"What!?" He jumped a little, not quite knowing what he'd done wrong.

"All this concern over your ex! When he was here it was like I didn't fucking exist!"

"Baby ..." said Kurt, immediately feeling guilty. "There's nothing between me and him - he hurt me and I tried to forgive and he hurt me more. But he's not himself ... he's a friend and I'm concerned."

"Whatever." Ryan made to leave and Kurt grabbed his arm.

"It’s just ... Blaine helped me out of hard times." He said, looking down. “I don't want to see him back there himself."

“Kurt, he fucking hurt you ... you were upset for months! And you want to stop him hurting? What the fuck?!”

“It’s a different hurt! Ryan, you don’t understand like I do … I saw him at his worst …”

“Well, you just fucking do what you want, Kurt. You obviously still have feelings for him!”

“No, I love you Ryan ... I-I love you.” Kurt quickly realised that was the first time he’d said those words to Ryan.

“What?” Ryan said, turning around slowly.

“I love you.” said Kurt, looking right into Ryan's eyes. “I love you … I love you.”

“You ... you’ve never told me that before.”

“I know …”

“I love you, too.” Ryan smiled, Kurt walking up and throwing his arms around his neck to kiss him.

As Kurt kissed Ryan, Blaine looked up from the piano keys, his heart slowly breaking again. Kurt had moved on, and he wished he could move on too … find someone else … he just wished it was that little bit easier. He got off stage, took his payment and he and Kelsey went home. Like every night, he curled up in his bed cocooned by his comforter and cried himself into a restless, interrupted sleep.

The End