"Please please please, Jackie, please please please."

"Kurt, that doesn't make me want to help you, that just makes me want to slap you in the face." She said as she walked around the room, trying to busy herself.

"Jackie."

"I don't understand why you need to take my car."

"Because mine is all the way in Lima and god knows that I can't afford to buy two round trip plane tickets to Ohio." I said, stopping her pacing by putting my arms on her shoulders. "Jackie, please."

"God, Kurt, you're not even wearing a shirt for Christ's sake." She said, gesturing towards my chest. We had just finished the 2 PM show and were currently in the process of changing out of our leotards.

"Well," I said, looking down at my half naked body, "is it working as like...persuasion or something?"

"How would you being half naked persuade me to let you borrow my car?"

"I smell good?"

"FINE." She said abruptly, flinging my hands off of her and putting her jeans on angrily.

"Really?"

"Yes, whatever."

Phew, at least this is one less thing I have to worry about. "Oh, thank you Jackie!"

"But only under one condition." She said, pointing a finger in the air.

"What?"

"You will not, absolutely under any circumstances, have sex in my vehicle. Do you understand me?"

I laughed at her, my smile starting to fade when I noticed she was actually serious.

"Jack-"

"And when I say sex, I mean any kind of sex. There will be absolutely no orgasms of any kind in my Nissan Versa this week or so help me god, I will wipe my vagina over everything that you consider precious when you least expect it."

"Holy shit, Jackie."

"These are the terms of agreement, Hummel. Take it or leave it."

"You actually think that I would have sex in your car?"

"Oh, don't act like it's some kind of barbarian ritual, Kurt. People do it all the time, Especially on road trips!"

"Yeah, weird people! Freaky, horny, sketchy people!"

"Then say you won't do it and we're golden!"

"Why would I have sex in your car?"

"We both know why you would have sex in my car, Kurt. I'm a bit annoyed with the fact that you actually want me to address it."

"Fine, I will not have any sex in your car, happy?"

"Very."

We finished getting dressed and headed out the stage door, rushing down the sidewalks, both eager to get out of the cold.

"I mean it Kurt," Jackie said before we went our separate ways. "If I find one mysterious stain..."

"Oh my god, Jackie. We're in public."

"Which one is her car?" Blaine asked as he looked out the apartment window to the street below. It Friday afternoon, the day when I was supposed to make my way back home.

"The silver Nissan Versa." I replied, dragging my two duffel bags into the living room. Blaine hummed in response, squinting out the window. "Are you all packed?"

He chuckled and pointed to his guitar case in the corner. Sitting on top of it was a used white shopping bag with a few pieces of clothing inside.

"Oh my god. I totally forgot that you own next-to-no clothing. What are we going to do?"

"Laundry?"

"You can't just wear the same clothes over and over again while we're there. People will know that something is up. I obviously could never date someone who doesn't have impeccable hygiene, let alone a good sense of fashion."

"Thanks for the compliment, Kurt."

"I mean it in the nicest way possible, Blaine." I said as I tapped my finger to my chin in concentration. "We'll just have to get you some clothes on the way."

"What? No, Kurt I-"

"I can't let you wear your own clothes, Blaine. It'll throw everything off."

"You can't just like me for my personality?"

"You can't just let me get you good clothes?"

"Oh, so now my clothes aren't good clothes?"

"Not necessarily, no."

"Again, Kurt, thank you. I'm blushing." He responded, words dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm serious, Blaine! I'm not going to let you call yourself my boyfriend when you're wearing clothes from Goodwill."

"Last time I checked, the purpose of clothes was to cover your body and keep you warm. Fashion isn't that essential."

"That is so offensive." I whispered, narrowing my eyes at him.

"What?"

"I want to kill you right now."

"Are you insane?"

"Are you insane? Just let me get you new clothes, damn it!"

"Kurt-no."

"God, you are like the most stubborn, autonomous homeless man on the planet!" I said harshly, putting a hand to my forehead and taking a calming breath. "Let's just go. We'll figure it out on the way."

Blaine's expressions softened as I let out an annoyed breath. I went to reach for my luggage but he moved in front of me, grabbing the handles.

"I got it" he said.

I gave him a questioning stare as he hoisted one of the bags over his shoulder and gestured towards the door. I grabbed Jackie's keys and grabbed Blaine's guitar before opening the door because - well - two could play at that game.

We rode the elevator in silence. I could feel Blaine's eyes on me, but I didn't make eye contact and instead decided to stare at a very interesting water stain on the ceiling of the elevator. As we walked back onto the streets of New York I realized that this was the first time Blaine had been out of the building since he saw Wicked a couple of nights ago. I wasn't really sure how I felt about that. I finally let myself glance at him while he put our things in the trunk. He had his brow furrowed in thought, closing the trunk door absent mindedly.

Three minutes later I was gripping the wheel in frustration, pulling out of the parking space and inching my way into the street. I hated New York City traffic with a burning passion. It's the whole reason why I don't keep my car here with me in the first place. It's just so damn annoying and too easy to get into an accident. I'd always rather use the subway and walk than drive around this giant maze.

The traffic was especially bad this morning, and I clenched my jaw in an attempt to muffle the frustration of having to step on the brakes every three seconds.

"Are you mad at me?"

Blaine's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "What?"

"You seem like you're mad at me."

"I-" I analyzed my demeanor; the jaw clenching, my grip on the wheel, the many sighs that I'd let out in the past five minutes. "I'm not mad at you...I'm mad at the city."

"You're mad...at the city."

"Yes, the city." There was a silence as Blaine tried to decipher what I meant. Hell, I was trying to decipher what I meant.

"For producing aggravating homeless men like me?"

"What?" An slightly amused smile crept onto my lips. "No, I..." I glanced from the road to see Blaine look at me with hopeful eyes. "Traffic."

Blaine smirked. "Traffic" he echoed, looking at the traffic in front of us.

I focused my eyes back on the road, turning onto 7th avenue. "Oh, there's a GPS in the glove compartment. Can you get it out for me?"

"Sure." He said, opening the drawer and pulling out the device. "Lima Ohio, right?"

"Yeah," I replied, glancing back at him, shocked. "you remember?"

"Remembered what?"

"That I'm from Lima."

"Of course." He replied, like it was obvious.

"Wow, you must have a really good memory."

The GPS sprang to life as Blaine perched it on the stand attached to the dashboard. "No. I um...I'm from Westerville."

"Ohio?"

"Yeah."

"Well, why didn't you tell me? That's awesome!" I said excitingly, before really thinking about it. "...well not really. Ohio is kind of a shitty place to live. At least Lima is."

"Depends on who you know, I guess." Blaine shifted in his seat, crossing his arms. He looked a little uncomfortable at the subject, so I decided to leave it alone...for now. "Did you have a lot of friends in high school?" he asked.

"Yes, I guess you could say that. I mean, I had a lot of friends but I wasn't really close with any of them besides Rachel and my other friend Mercedes."

"Rachel as in the one who thinks we're sleeping together, Rachel?"

"I-I...umm." Oh god, he can't mention things similar to us sleeping together and expect me to be coherent enough to give a reasoned answer. "Rachel, yes, her."

"Hmm." He seemed amused, becoming more comfortable with the conversation. Of course, when he's comfortable I'm usually the one who's left a stuttering, blubbery mess.

The GPS directed us to the Lincoln Highway, which led to the Holland Tunnel, a highway that runs under the Hudson River. "This road always makes me nervous."

"Me too. Something about being under a body of water just does not sit well with me." I replied.

"Right? I feel like a wave of water is going to come crashing in the distance and I'll die a terrible untimely death."

"Well, I wasn't thinking about that, but thank you for the images."

Soon enough we were out of the tunnel, getting on I-80, beginning our 11 hour drive to Lima Ohio. A top-40s radio station played in the background while I drove. Blaine, of course, didn't really know any of the recent hits. I hummed along to some of them, singing under my breath.

"You should sing louder." Blaine said, out of nowhere.

"I should sing louder?"

"Mhmm."

I laughed a bit skeptically. "Why?"

"Because I'd rather listen to you than whoever this is." Blaine said, gesturing towards the radio. "Besides, I've never heard you sing."

"So let me get this straight." I said, putting my blinker on as I moved one lane to the left. "You want me to sing the Party Rock Anthem from LMFAO, because you'd rather listen to me than DJ Redfoo?"

"Is that who this is?" I nodded. "LMFAO...as the same people who sing 'Shots'?"

"I don't know if you can call that singing, but yes, they are the same people."

"Well, I would still love to hear you sing."

"Well you'll just have to wait until a decent song comes on." I replied, flashing Blaine my best teasing smile.

"I will be counting the minutes." He said with a charming grin.

About an hour later the station was filled with static, and we were no longer able to get a good connection. I turned the knob, shutting off the radio entirely.

"Oh dear god, thank you." Blaine mumbled. I looked over at him, where he had an arm over his eyes lazily, slouching back in his seat.

I laughed. "You could have told me to turn it off a long time ago, I wouldn't have argued."

"Driver gets radio rights." He said, shrugging.

"Well you have rights to my radio anytime you please." Blaine looked at me for a moment before bursting into laughter. "...that did not come out the way I wanted it to."

"Yes, I'm sure." Blaine replied as he continued to chuckle. He lifted the lever at the side of his seat, making the back of chair tilt back. I watched him get comfortable out of the corner of my eye as he sighed in comfort. The hoodie he was wearing said "SAC STATE". I had never noticed that before.

"Where did you get that sweatshirt?"

Blaine looked down, reading the green words. "Oh, Sacramento State University. My brother graduated from there."

My brow furrowed at the mention of his brother. He's never talked about his family to me before and I was very curious since he had dubbed them 'unavailable' for the holidays. "You have a brother?"

"Yes, I do. And a sister."

"Are they still in Westerville?"

"One of them is, yes."

"With your parents?"

"I would assume so." He answered with a sigh.

"Do you not want to talk about this?"

"No, not at all."

Well, okay. My eyebrows raised and I pulled my attention back to the road to concentrate on driving. "Family is a sore spot, duly noted."

Blaine didn't respond, instead he continued to stare out the window, reading the various billboards that went by.

"Do you know 'The Chorus Line?"

"...yes?" he replied, confused.

"Do you still want to hear me sing?"

"Yes."

I cleared my throat before singing, "Hello tweeeelve..." raising my eyebrows while I looked at him, waiting for him to join me. He just stared at me, waiting for me to continue. "Hello twelve..." I repeated.

"OH. You - you want me to sing with you. Okay."

I smiled before repeating, yet again. "Hello twelve..."

"Hello thirteen..."

"Hello looooove..."

"Changes ohhhh, down below..."

"Up aboooove."

Blaine's eyes shot up as I sang in my higher register. "Wow." He said.

"What?"

"Your voice is very nice. Like, it's really unique and... wow."

"TIIIIIME to doubt." I sang, smiling at his compliment.

"To break out!"

"It's a mess."

"It's a mess!"

"Time to grow, time to go, adolesce."

He joined me at the adolesce, then we both sang together. "Too young to take over, too old to ignore!"

"Gee, I'm almost ready!" Blaine sang.

"But what for?" we sang. "There's a lot I am not certain of. Hello Twelve, hello thirteen, hello love!"

Blaine mimicked a piano part comically with his fingers, humming the melody before I sang again.

"Goodbye twelve!"

"Goodbye thirteen, hello !"

"Robert Guilet! Robert Guilet! MY GOD, ROBERT GUILET!" I sing/shouted, causing Blaine to break into laughter. "Down below, up abooooooooooooooooove!"

"Playing doctor with Evelyn." He sang back, still beaming and nudging me in the shoulder. I'm not really sure what that nudge was for, but...okay.

"La la la."

He tapped me on the shoulder again, causing me to look away from the road and back at his charming grin. "I'll show you mine!"

"La la."

"You show me yours?" Well, shit.

"La la." I sang, a bit sheepishly this time because...umm...he just sang about us showing each other our penises. "Seeing daddy...NAKED! Time to grow, time to go! La la laaaaaaa."

"MOM AND DAD WERE DOIN IT!" Then it was my turn to laugh hysterically.

We both finished, glancing toward each other, smiling as we sang.
"There's a lot I am not certain oooooooof.
Hello twelve, hello thirteen, hello love.
Hello twelve, hello thirteen, hello LOOOOOOOVE."

"Oh god, that song is so inappropriate." I laughed, putting my hand up to my mouth.

"Hey, it was your idea." Blaine sighed happily. "Though I'm ninety-percent sure you chose that song just so I could sing about 'showing you mine'."

"Oh really?" I said, hoping that I wasn't blushing as bad as it felt like I was. "Is that your theory? I could have just been trying to lift your spirits."

"Yes, I am absolutely certain."

"Well in that case I have a confession to make." Blaine's attention perked as he sat up in his seat. "I like to trick hobos into coming into my home just so I can sneak them back to Ohio and take advantage of them. It's like a yearly tradition for me."

Blaine let out an amused breath.

"Some people volunteer at soup kitchens...I...kidnap hobos." Okay, maybe this joke is a bit farfetched.

Blaine laughed nonetheless. "That...sounds like a fun hobby? I'm not one to judge so..."

"Good, because my father's a cannibal."

"WHAT?"

"OH GOD, did I seriously just say that? I-that was a joke, I swear. A really, really, really stupid joke. I must have misplaced my filter or something. That was supposed to stay safely inside my thirteen-year-old mind." I replied, mortified.

"Suddenly the song choice makes a lot more sense."

I laughed nervously, turning the radio back on. "I'm just going to stop talking now."

Three hours later I was still driving. My left leg was asleep and god, and it was taking all of my strength not to let my eyes fall shut. It was eight-o-clock, the sky was dark and Blaine was sleeping peacefully in the passenger seat.

There were several things that I needed; one, to move, because my left leg had been asleep and numb from the thigh down for the past half an hour. Two, something to do about Blaine's clothes situation. And three, coffee, because...well coffee doesn't need an explanation - ever.

A green sign appeared in the distance that read "MALL EXIT 34B".

I smiled brightly as I switched into the right lane, getting off at the next right. I slowed the car down tenderly, hoping the turns wouldn't wake Blaine up. However, my efforts were proved futile.

"RECALCULATING ROUTE" blared the motherfucking GPS as I turned off of the highway.

"Damn it!" I muttered under my breath, looking over at Blaine to see him waking up.

"What happened?" he asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

"Don't worry about it. Go back to sleep." I said, pulling into the mall parking lot with a faint hope that Blaine wouldn't notice.

"Why are we at a mall, Kurt?" Blaine asked, his voice low.

"I need coffee."

"So why didn't you just stop at a gas station?"

"I really like Starbucks."

Blaine looked at me incredulously as I parked the car. "I know what you're doing, and I do not like it."

"I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about." I said, in the most innocent voice I could muster.

I looked around for a directory as soon as we entered the mall. When I found one I immediately looked under the food category.

"Starbucks, level B." I read out loud, "Let's go."

"Wait, we're seriously here for coffee?"

"Well what did you think we were here for?"

"Oh, very funny." Blaine said sarcastically as we began walking down the lane to the other side of the mall. The place was extremely crowded, Christmas was only a couple of days away and the place was filled to the brim with last-minute shoppers. Blaine and I ended up walking shoulder to shoulder to avoid bumping into other people.

There's something about girls who shop at the mall, especially the ones who go in packs. When they see someone that they would call 'hot', they'll huddle around with their friends and ever-so-discreetly point a finger towards the subject. I began to enjoy the fact that Blaine was with me. I'd never necessarily been the one to have a handsome man on my arm. Every couple of minutes a group would pass by, raising their eyebrows at Blaine and then looking towards me, as if to assess me as well. I walked with my head held high, basking in their jealous glares. It felt nice, even though Blaine wasn't really who they assumed him to be.

We ended up getting dinner along with my coffee. Of course, Blaine tried to pick the cheapest thing he could find, to which I replied;

"Oh my god Blaine, I am not buying you a cheeseburger from McDonalds. Just...no." I said, dragging him with me to the Subway across the food court, and forcing him to order a foot-long.

"So we should probably go over your whole identity thing before we get to Lima." I said, nibbling on my veggie sandwich.

"Identity?"

"When I was on the phone with my Rachel, I kind of told her that you go to Columbia."

"You said what?"

"Well, yeah, I mean...I was under a high pressure situation. She asked which school you went to and Columbia just popped right out of my mouth."

"You couldn't have said, I don't know, he doesn't go to school?."

"Fine, jeeze, you don't have to be so condescending about it."

"Sorry." He mumbled, "Living in New York has been rubbing off on me."

"Right? The people here are kind of assholes. Well - maybe not all of them, but they're very blunt." We both took another bite of our sandwiches, the sound of a busy food court filling the silence between us. "How long have you been living in the city?"

"Um...almost a year, since February."

"Ahh, so you're still a newbie." I replied. He just shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, so back to the identity thing. You're a songwriter, going to Columbia University full time for music education...and..."

"Composition. And maybe music management."

I nodded, picking at a loose pepper in my sandwich.

"I also work part time at the Virgin Records in Times Square as a stock boy."

"Wow." I reply. "That's...actually perfect.

Blaine smiles and finishes off his sandwich.

"Now all we have to do is figure out what you're going to wear."

Blaine's smile disappears.

"Hey, don't look so guilty. It's the week of Christmas, there are tons of sales."

"Still."

"Oh, get over it." I say, then getting distracted by an adorable cardigan. "Ooo!"

"Something tells me that you like to shop."

"Are you kidding me? The word 'like' doesn't even begin to explain my infatuation with shopping. Adore would be a better adjective."

"Hmm." Blaine replied, busy looking at a rack of denim jeans.

"Why, you don't like to shop?"

"No, I love to shop." Blaine said, picking up a pair and holding them up to his waist. "Just not with other people's money."

"That's understandable." I said, holding up a simple cotton knit sweater with a dark blue stripe running through it. "How about this?"

"I like it." He said, smirking at the item.

"Of course you do, I picked it out." Blaine laughed, and I pointed towards the jeans he was holding. "You should get a couple of pairs of those, they'll look good on you."

Three cardigans, four jeans, two sweaters, and a jacket later we were moving on to the next store. We agreed that he could use my undershirts and tees, since nobody would notice if those were mine or not.

"One-hundred-twenty- five dollars and forty-six cents," He sighed as we left H&M.

"Seriously, Blaine, don't worry about it. Really, it's my gift to you."

"Yes, but I can't give you a gift."

"And I don't expect you to."

"But-"

"You know what would be an excellent Christmas present, Blaine?" I said as I stopped walking, turning to face him.

"What?"

"You being a great pretend boyfriend to my family and friends. Then I will be eternally grateful for your presence."

Blaine smiled charmingly, looking me in the eyes. "I can do that."

"Good." I breathed, mesmerized by the golden hues in his eyes. "That, and you not bullshitting about costs anymore. Let's go, Banana Republic is calling."

We bought our last items an hour later and decided to leave the mall.

"Oh my god," I said as I got back into the driver's seat and started the car. "Is it seriously ten-thirty?"

"I guess time flies when you're having fun."

"Well, yes, but we still have about 5 hours of driving left."

"I can drive, you know."

"You can?"

"Yes, I can."

"You have a license?"

"Kurt, I haven't been homeless my whole life. This is still a relatively new thing for me."

"I um...I'm not sure if Jackie would be comfortable with you driving her car."

"You're probably right. But you should still let me know if you can't stay awake, because I think me driving for an hour or two would be better than us driving off the road."

"Very true. I'll be sure to let you know."

Two hours later left us at midnight.

Incoming call from Jackie

"Hello?" I said.

"Hi Kurt."

"Hello Jackie."

"How's my baby?"

"Hands on the wheel, Kurt!" Blaine yelled from next to me. I rolled my eyes, putting the iPhone in a phone holder that was attached to Jackie's dashboard and turning on the speaker option.

"Your baby is doing fantastic."

"Good to hear, good to hear." Jackie replied. "Is she thirsty?"

Blaine and I smiled at her terminology. "No, she shouldn't be. I filled her up an hour ago."

"Did you ask her?"

"She's still near the F, so I'm taking that as a sign that she's not very thirsty."

"Alright. You haven't mentally scarred her, have you?" she asked.

"What?"

"Did you and Blaine have sex in my car, Kurt."

"JACKIE!" I yelled as Blaine let out a surprised chuckle.

"We both know how attracted you are to that 'sex god', as you so deliberately called him the other night."

"Jackie, please shut up." I replied, utterly mortified, gripping the steering wheel way too tight. I've never despised her so much in my life.

"Oh god, am I on speaker?" Jackie suddenly realized with a small laugh.

"Hi Jackie." Blaine said from his side of the car. I could practically hear the huge grin on his face that I dared not look at.

"Hi Blaine. I would tell you that I was just kidding, but it's probably too late for that now." She laughed again.

"This is not funny! I don't know why you're laughing!" I said, keeping my eyes at an extreme focus on the road.

"It's actually pretty funny." Blaine laughed.

"Wow, I can actually feel the hate that Kurt is sending me radiating from my iPhone right now." Jackie said. "I feel so despicable."

"Goodbye Jackie." I said as I pressed the end call button.

There was an extremely awkward silence in the car.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I could hear the amusement in Blaine's voice.

"No, I do not want to talk about it."