A week after Josh’s phone call, Kurt and I were back at school, healthier than we’d been in a long time. We’d been granted special consideration for our exams and didn’t have to complete them, which meant we only had to work on our assignments. Since I suck at French, Kurt stayed back at school and came back to mine and Jeff’s dorm room to help me with my assignment.
“It’s parlez vouz anglaise, Blaine. Anglaise starts with an ‘a’,” he said, pointing to the mistake on my paper.
“But... anglaise means English, right?”
“Yeah. But you say AHN-GLAYSE, don’t you? Makes sense to have an ‘a’, doesn’t it?”
I sighed, dropping my pencil back on my desk and resting my head on my folded arms.
“This is useless. I suck at French.”
“You’re doing fine; you just need to have more faith in yourself. You’re better than you think you are.”
“Kurt... I can barely concentrate on any of my subjects. How the heck am I supposed to improve? I just can’t...”
“I know, baby, I know,” Kurt said softly, pulling me into a tight hug.
I’d been having trouble dealing with the fact that a) Josh had contacted me, and b) that he’d been ABLE to contact me. I’d changed my number a week or so after he left, in the hope that I’d never have to deal with him again. I knew, as an alumnus, he’d be back at Dalton for some event or other. I could avoid him. Besides, they switched our dorm rooms every year to accommodate the freshmen. If he tried to find me somewhere in the boarding house, he’d have a hard time doing it.
“He’s not going to get to you,” Kurt whispered in my ear. “You’re safe.”
“I know... it’s just... I’d moved on. You know?”
“I know.” Kurt planted a kiss on my cheek and brushed a stray curl way from my forehead just as Jeff entered the room.
“Hey guys,” he said, carelessly dropping his bag on the floor and kicking his shoes off.
“Hey Jeff,” I said, standing up and shoving my French books back into my bag.
“Blaine, you weren’t done with your French!”
“I couldn’t give a fuck about French right now,” I snapped, suddenly angry.
“Whoa, dude, calm down. Kurt’s just looking after you,” Jeff said from where he’d perched himself on the sofa, checking his text messages.
I sighed. “I know... I’m sorry, Kurt. I didn’t mean to snap,” I walked over to Kurt and put my hands on his waist.
“It’s okay,” he replied with a small smile, “I know this... this isn’t you. It’s not your fault and it’ll get better.”
“Thankyou... I just... God. I don’t deserve you.”
“Of course you do,” Kurt reached up and put his arms around my neck and whispered, “you’re the kindest, most gentle, most caring man I’ve ever met. I love you, Blaine. That’s not going to change.”
I had to stop the conversation before I started crying, and I could already feel tears welling up. I leant in to give Kurt a gentle, chaste kiss, and extracted myself from his arms to walk him out.
“Are you ushering me out, sir?” Kurt said in mock offense.
“Yes,” I said, quickly pecking him on the lips. “You need to get home before dinner, we don’t want your parents getting upset. And we know Finn can eat, I’d prefer it if you actually got to eat your portion tonight,” I said with a grin.
“...Good argument, I suppose. I’m going to call you before I go to sleep though, okay?”
The thought of hearing Kurt’s voice soothe me before I tried to sleep made me smile. Just knowing that my boyfriend cared enough to delay his own sleep when he was just as sleep deprived as I made me feel so... loved.
It was a feeling I hadn’t ever really felt before.
“Sure. I’ll be waiting,” I said, coming in closer to say a proper goodbye.
“Uhm, guys? I know you love each other and all, but can you do that outside? Please? Like... it’s weird.”
I winked at Kurt and pulled him back towards my bed before kissing him passionately. He responded with just as much force as I was applying, and before I knew it he’d managed to take my blazer off and throw it across the floor.
“BLAINE! KURT! SERIOUSLY!”
We ignored Jeff’s pleas and kept making out on the bed in front of him. It was really deep and passionate and although it should have been awkward with Jeff in the room, it was rather... hot.
“GUYS! I MEAN IT! DON’T MAKE ME DO IT!”
“Do what?” I asked breathlessly in between the deep kisses that had mine and Kurt’s tongues battling for dominance and our hands holding onto whatever they could.
I heard rap backing music. Oh shit, I thought, it’s the rap verse to –
“IT’S KURTIEBEAR CUDDLE TIME
AND BLAINE’S ALL SMITTEN
CUTE AS A PUPPY
PURRIN’ LIKE A KITTEN
HIS GELLED UP HAIR
IS OH-SO MESSED UP
AS KURT’S FINGERS RUN THROUGH IT
AND “OH, IT’S SO HOT!”
THE SEXUAL TENSION
IS DRIVING EVERYONE INSANE
AS BLAINE LUSTS AFTER KURT
AND KURT SEDUCES BLAINE
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? WELL
THAT’S NOT MY INFO TO DIVULGE
BUT I THINK YOU COULD GUESS
WHEN YOU SEE
THE SIZE OF BLAINE’S BULGE!”
Kurt had gone from turned-on to amused to mortified in just the first half of Jeff’s rap verse to KurtieBear Cuddle Time.
“Okay, okay!” I shouted over the backing track, “We’re done! Enough with the song, homie!”
Jeff switched off the music and turned to me in a whiny, toddler-voice. “But BLAAAAAAAAAAINE, there’s moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
“I know there is, which is why I need to get Kurt out of here before you give him more reasons to dump me,” I said, sliding off the bed effortlessly and dragging Kurt up with me. I walked him to the door yet again, but this time without a word. We kissed quickly yet softly, and I opened the door to let him out.
“I’ll talk to you later,” Kurt said with a squeeze of my hand before skipping down the hall and trying to fix his messy bed-hair along the way.
I closed the door behind him and I couldn’t help but smile. I was in love with the most beautiful boy. What could possibly ruin what we have?
Then, my phone rang from across the room.
After Josh’s last phone call, I’d changed all of my ringtones so that I’d know when an unknown or a blocked number was calling me without having to look at the screen. I looked at Jeff, and since Kurt had filled him in on everything, he knew that the generic ringtone was something to worry about.
“Is that... Is that your phone?” he asked, slowly standing from the sofa to walk over to where my phone lay on my nightstand.
“...Yeah,” I gulped, unable to say anything else.
Jeff reached forward and took my phone, answering it for me.
“Hello?”
I couldn’t make out what the other person was saying, but the look on Jeff’s face didn’t leave much to the imagination.
“You need to stop calling. Okay? Just stop.”
Moments of silence went by before I saw Jeff’s face redden and his eyebrows furrow.
“You need to shut the fuck up and leave Blaine alone, okay? He doesn’t need this. You’re a dick. Stop calling and leave everyone the hell alone!”
Jeff’s newfound rage was shocking, though it also gave me this feeling of protection. It was as though this army of support was being built around me.
“Blaine is HAPPY. Okay? What you did? There’s no excuse for it. You’re a sorry excuse for a person. Blaine should be given credit for having the strength to get over you and be HAPPY. So do us all a favour and get lost. Next time you call, I’m calling the police for harassment.”
Jeff hung up the phone and threw it onto my bed where it landed with a soft thud. He then quietly moved over to where I was standing, frozen and rigid, and wrapped his arms around me in a comforting, brotherly hug.
“It’s okay, man,” he said, “We’ve got your back.”
“I just... I can’t... No one knows...”
Jeff leant back and looked at me right in the eyes.
“No one knows what, Blaine?”
“I... nothing...” I couldn’t talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about. All I had running through my head were my past nightmares. The images came flooding back just at the very thought of telling Jeff everything – the everything I hadn’t even told Kurt.
I loosened my tie and pulled it over my head, throwing it away carelessly without a clue as to where it went. I then undid my belt, again, throwing it on the floor and not giving a damn about where it fell, and jumped onto my bed.
“Blaine,” Jeff’s voice was shaky and deeper than usual. “You need to... if there’s something we don’t know, you need to tell us. We need to help you.”
“I... I can’t tell you,” I whispered, unable to stop the tears from falling now. “You’ll think less of me. You’ll... it’s just too horrible.”
“You can’t be blamed for anything when it comes to that class-A dick. I only want to help you, Blaine.”
I thought about it for a minute, biting my lip, before deciding that I really did have to confide in someone.
“You can’t tell Kurt.”
“Blaine, I-“
“I have to be the one to tell Kurt. And I... I can’t. Not yet. I need you to promise me that you won’t tell anyone. Okay?”
Jeff sat at the foot of my bed, moving my iPhone to the side.
“Okay. Just tell me everything.”
I took a deep breath in before beginning to tell my story.
“I... It was that night of the graduation. B- before I’d caught him making out with that other guy... Before the Warblers were even due to meet up for soundcheck. He... Josh found me in the communal bathrooms... I... I was in the shower...”
A sudden look of realisation appeared on Jeff’s face as I heard a gasp from his direction. He reached forward and grabbed my arms.
“Blaine... he didn’t.... did he?”
“...Yes.”
Jeff’s head fell forward and his face showed only one expression: horror.
“What... what exactly did that bastard do to you?” He asked forcefully.
“...everything... and I tried... I tried to get out, but... he had his hand over my mouth and I – I tried, but I couldn’t scream, Jeff... I couldn’t...”
I broke down, unable to say anything further with the lump forming in my throat and nausea creeping up on me. I felt physically ill – the same feeling I felt after being violated by Josh. I felt shaky, nervous, and so... alone.
“It’s okay, Blaine,” Jeff rushed to sit next to me and pull me into his arms. “It’s okay... he’s nowhere near us. He can’t hurt you.”
“I just feel...”
“I know. It’s... Christ. I can’t believe you kept something like that to yourself...”
“I thought... he was gone... and with Kurt, I’m happy. Kurt is my everything.”
“I know, B. I know. And Kurt will always be your everything. Okay? Kurt loves you, and the Dalton guys, we’re all here for you too. Always.”
I don’t know how long Jeff was comforting me, but I know I drifted off to sleep in that time. I awoke a couple of hours later to the sound of my phone blaring with Kurt’s ringtone.
“I got it,” Jeff said, moving to silence it.
“It’s okay, it’s Kurt,” I said, leaning forward and answering the phone.
“Hey baby,” I heard him say warmly. “How are you?”
“Haha, since you left? I’m miserable!” I said in my lame attempt to hide any of my wild emotions that had come out from my confession.
“I’m glad I can cheer you up now,” Kurt said cheekily.
“Oh, me too.”
“Blaine?” Kurt’s tone turned serious.
“Yeah?”
“I just want to tell you... and I know I’ve already told you this, but... I love you. I really, really do. I love you. I’m in love with you. And I’m always here.”
“I love you too, Kurt,” I responded with a whisper. “More than you know.”
Kurt’s sudden change in disposition proved helpful in easing my negative thoughts and feelings. Kurt kept talking until I fell asleep, and I later found out that Jeff had hung up for me and tucked me into bed.
I fell asleep to a never ending round of “I love you” and “you mean everything to me” and “you’re my world”. It was cheesy and clich� and I’m sure Kurt would have thought those exact things while saying them. But for me, it was everything I needed to remember that the army of support around me was big enough to fight everything, even the demons of my past.