“Blaine? What’s going on?”
I looked over to see Kurt’s eyebrows furrowed with concern. He’d just seen me hang up the phone and throw it across the room. He’d seen me launch myself at the wall, only barely able to restrain myself so as not to damage anything. He’d just seen me slide down the wall and crumble into a ball on his bathroom floor.
“I can’t... Not now. Okay?”
“Blaine. I’m not letting this slide. I may be sick but you’re not right. Nobody has that kind of reaction to a ten second phone call.”
“Kurt. I’m begging you. I can’t...” I struggled to find the words to describe just how I felt. All my past emotions: hurt, betrayal, confusion, neglect... they all came rushing back and they made me feel more vulnerable than ever. And what had enraged me most was Josh’s ability to make me feel so immensely shitty in three words.
Kurt shuffled over to put his arm around me, mirroring what I’d been doing for him for the past few hours as he was sick. He pulled my chin towards him so I couldn’t look anywhere else but right at him.
“Please, Blaine. Let me in. Let me help you.”
“...You’re sick. This isn’t the time...”
“For fuck’s sake, Blaine!” Kurt’s yelling threw me off. I’d never heard him raise his voice like that. Though he kept his arm tight around my back, and it remained there in a loving embrace, Kurt was raising his voice to me. Something about his tone made me remember why I loved him. He actually cared about me.
“It was Josh.”
Those were the only words I had to say. Kurt understood. His face fell and his head dropped into his hand. He groaned, grunted and muttered many curse words under his breath before turning to me yet again.
“He’s not going to come near you. He’s not going to hurt you again. I won’t let him pull that psychotic bullshit on you. Okay? You’re with me. You’re fine. Everything’s going to be fine because I’m your boyfriend and I love you.”
Kurt kissed me on the forehead and then stopped moving. I looked up at him in a moment of panic as he froze and went a bright shade of green.
“Crap!” he said, untangling himself from me and launching across the bathroom floor to the bathroom. I immediately went to his side to rub his back, though the circular motions were much slower and much less deliberate than they had been before. It was as though I was floating aimlessly – as if I was having an out-of-body experience. I could remember the motions I went through but I couldn’t remember actually going through with them. The only sounds that even remotely brought me back to reality were the sound of Kurt’s voice and the sound of my phone ringing from the corner of Kurt’s room where it landed.
I stopped patting Kurt’s back just as he stopped retching. We both heard my ringtone. I knew that I had to go and look at my phone, because if it was Burt I’d have to answer. But I didn’t want anything to do with it. It felt as though my phone was contaminated because it had brought a trace of Josh back into my world. A world where I was finally happy.
“You have to get it,” Kurt whispered, “It could be Dad. If it’s not, I’ll answer. Okay? It’ll be fine,” Kurt soothed me as I struggled to get on my feet and move towards my phone.
I picked it up hesitantly and sighed in relief upon seeing Burt’s name on my screen.
“Hello?” I answered, somewhat breathlessly.
“Hi Blaine, it’s just me. Everything alright? You sound breathless?”
“Why is he breathless!? Mom! Why is Blaine breathless?! He’s been in Kurt’s room, Mom! Come on! He’s a boy!” I heard Finn in the background, oblivious to what should have been an adult conversation.
“Yeah, everything’s fine, Burt. I just had to run to the phone because I was helping Kurt, he’d just been sick again.”
“Again?”
“Yeah, he’s been attached to the bathroom floor for a while now.”
“Christ. Well you let him know that I’m on my way, okay? We all are. Finn’s rescheduled his appointments and we’re coming home right now, though we’ll probably only make it back by six. Is that okay?”
“Burt, that’s fine. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving him.”
“Blaine?”
“Yeah?”
“...You’re a really good guy. I like you. I... I like what you’re doing for Kurt. Shows character.”
Burt’s words caught me by surprise.
“Oh... Well... thanks. That means a lot. I know Kurt thinks so highly of you, so for you to say that... just... thank you...” I managed to get out, still shaken by Josh’s call but hopefully able to convince Burt that everything was fine.
“Anytime. Look, I’ve gotta go gas up the car. Does Kurt need us to pick up anything on the way?”
“Some herbal tea would probably be good, for when he feels slightly better in the stomach. And I know he’s out of his facewash and moisturiser. Since he’s been sick, he’s been washing his face so much, it’s crazy.”
Burt chuckled, “Haha, well then he mustn’t be dying anytime yet. That’s my boy. Alright. I’ll get going now. Thanks for taking care of him. We’ll get there as soon as we can.”
“No rush, Burt. I’ll be here.”
“Thanks Blaine. Bye,” Burt said warmly.
“See you soon. Bye,” I signed off as warmheartedly as I could, though as soon as I hung up the phone and the charade was over, I felt the cold gush of dark emotions wash over me.
“Blaine?”
“Yeah, Kurt? You okay?” I sprinted back into the bathroom.
“I’m fine, I just... sit with me, okay?”
“Of course,” I said, putting my arm around him and holding him tight as we both sat there on his off-white tiled floor.
“I want you here because... because you’re taking care of me. But I want to take care of you too. And I want you to know that... that I’m going to do everything I can to stop Josh from hurting you.”
“I know,” I whispered, head burrowing itself into the crook of Kurt’s neck. “I know.”
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kurt and I awoke a few hours later, mysteriously back in Kurt’s bed. We woke from the sound of knocking on the door and the sight of Carole walking in with a tray of food and drink.
“Hi boys,” she said softly, placing the tray on it’s legs in the middle of the bed, leaning over Kurt to do so.
“How’re you both feeling?”
“Like crap, really,” Kurt responded for us both. “How’d we get in bed?”
“Your Dad, Finn and I practically raced here. We came straight into your room to see how you were and found both of you sleeping on the floor of your bathroom with tear stained cheeks. Burt and Finn carried you both to bed. We figured you guys needed a softer, warmer place to sleep.”
“Thank you,” I said as warmly as possible. “I should probably get going then, hey?” I attempted to untangle myself from the bedsheets but Carole had somehow made it to my side of the bed to push me back and tuck me in.
“Absolutely not,” she said, stroking my now untamed curls off of my forehead. “Burt and I talked about it. You’ve done so much for Kurt and when we saw you... You looked broken too. You can stay here as long as you want.”
“But... Dalton... I have a curfew and I don’t think my roommate can cover for much longer.”
“We’ve already spoken to Headmaster Davidson about the two of you. We told him that you were looking after Kurt because there was no one here to do that, and in doing so you’re not feeling too well yourself.”
“You lied for me? You... you covered for me? That’s kind, Carole, but I can’t –“
“Shh, Blaine, honey. You’re not feeling well. Maybe it’s emotional, but... I can see it in your eyes.”
Carole took my hand and held it for a few seconds, squeezing it ever so gently, before moving towards the door.
“You boys have some chicken noodle soup there, and some water and some garlic bread. I also brought you some tea. I want all of that consumed by the time I come back, okay?” Carole had gone back to the light-hearted tone that made Kurt relax instantly.
“Thank you,” Kurt said gratefully on behalf of the two of us as Carole exited the room, smiled at us both and shut the door behind her.
“This is so kind of your parents, Kurt,” I began, ripping a piece of garlic bread and dunking it into the soup, “They’re making me stay with you. That’s kind of cute.”
“They like you, Blaine. It’s no surprise. And they know how much you mean to me.”
Kurt leaned in and kissed me ever so softly for just a few seconds, pouring all of his love and warmth into such a small action.
“I love you, Blaine.”
“I love you too. You know that.”
“I know... but ever since we said it the first time, I still get really giggly and all fluttery!” Kurt said, trying to hide behind a very wide grin that was so beautiful, it actually made me forget my troubles for a little while and concentrate on my beautiful, stunning, amazing boyfriend.
“I know exactly how you feel...” I trailed off, lost in his beautiful blue eyes.
“Blaine?”
“Yeah?”
“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but... do you think it’s a good idea to give Jeff a heads-up about... you know...”
I sighed and bit into my garlic bread. “Probably,” I mumbled through my food, without wanting to say much more.
“Okay. After dinner... I’ll borrow your laptop and send him an email.”
I threw Kurt a grateful look. I knew he was sincere and that he was a man of his word. He was not going to let Josh get to me. I felt empowered knowing that I had the courage of such a strong-willed man behind me. I could get through all this Josh shit. I could do it.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
That night, after the soup and after the countless thermometer checks by Carole throughout the night, Kurt and I had fallen asleep again. We’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms, and as Kurt fell asleep before me I couldn’t help but notice how he’d wrapped himself around me so tightly. It was as if he literally was protecting me through his subconscious. Though I had many nightmares about the things Josh was capable of doing, every time I woke up in a sweat, I felt Kurt’s cold feet (he was sick, after all) and warm chest, and his heart beating away. I felt his body moving gently with every breath. He was beautiful. He made me feel calm. He made me feel safe. Kurt was my everything.
But what if I lost Kurt?
But what if Josh was out to take everything away?