Holy shit.
Kurt just said he loved me.
Sure, it was in his sleep. But I remember reading somewhere that whatever happens in your sleep reflects the true you, or something like that. I don’t know. It was in one of my younger sister’s teen magazines, in amongst the Wax Or Shave dilemma and the PMS issues and holy shit, did I just start thinking about PMS?
Kurt said he loved me.
I heard him.
I had to do something. I couldn’t just let him do that... it was wrong of me to hear that and not wake him up.
Or was it?
What were you supposed to do in a situation like that? It’s not like he was having a wet dream or anything – that would just be weird, even if we were boyfriends – but still... I had no idea.
I settled for just casually stroking his hair like I was before, without letting anything trouble me. I tried to keep my breathing calm and steady, and I attempted to keep my eyes on the TV so Kurt wouldn’t freak out when he saw me staring at him.
I watched the movie for about ten minutes, with Kurt still sleeping and mumbling away, before my alarm on my phone woke him up. I’d set it so that Kurt could take his next pill dosage, but hated myself for setting an alarm when he’d groaned, wiped his eyes, and begun to sit up.
“What happened?”
“You fell asleep. Surely you know that.”
“I do, I do... but... You were... I mean...”
“What?” I pulled him closer towards me, turning to look at him straight in the eyes.
“You can tell me anything, Kurt.”
He was silent for a few moments before resting his head on my shoulder, sighing, and wrapping his arms around my waist like a teddybear.
“I just had the best dream. That’s all.”
I kissed the top of his head, smelling the beautiful vanilla and coconut shampoo he uses, and returned the warm embrace as lovingly as I could.
“I’m glad,” I said, hoping that Kurt may take the hint and realise that I knew a little about his dream, “But now it’s time for you to take some more pills.”
“Eugh. Okay,” he said, hesitantly releasing his arms from me to take the cup of water and the pills I was offering him. He gulped them down with a pained expression, then placed the cup on his nightstand and turned to face me.
“Blaine, I have to tell you something.”
I sat up against the headboard of Kurt’s bed, propping myself up against his pillows so that he had my undivided attention.
“Sure, go ahead,” I said softly, allowing him to take my hand in his and hold it tightly.
“I can’t thank you enough for all of this. You’ve done way too much for me and I’m possibly extremely contagious yet you’re still here looking after me when you should be at school. It’s too much...”
“Shh,” I soothed Kurt, sensing that he was feeling rather sad and possibly guilty.
“You have nothing to thank me for. You would do the exact same thing for me, I know it. I’m here because I want to be. Because I can’t stand to see you in such pain. Because... all I want is for you to be happy and healthy. And dammit, the minute you’re healthy, I am kissing you like there’s no tomorrow, because you are just so fucking beautiful I can’t stand it right now.”
“You can’t kiss me, Blaine, I don’t want you getting sick. Especially during exam block.”
“I’d kiss you even if you were under quarantine, Kurt. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.”
“...why? Why do you.... why do you feel this way?”
“...What do you mean?”
“I just don’t.... I just don’t understand how anyone could feel this way about me. Or how anyone could care about me so much that they risk getting sick, they spend hundreds of dollars on supplies and they miss several exams and study periods to nurse you back to health.”
“Kurt,” I began, feeling the tears welling in my eyes and leaning forward to wipe Kurt’s tears from his beautifully pale face, “I’m just going to come out and say it. Okay?”
“Say what?”
“...I love you, Kurt. I love you so fucking much that it almost killed me to hear you sick and alone on the phone this morning. I love you so fucking much that I stopped caring when Jeff keeps singing that ridiculous song because it mentioned you. I love your beautifully smooth voice, your logical reasoning, the way you care so deeply about your family and I even love how anal you get about the clothes you wear, even if we’re an hour late on one of our dates. I love you, Kurt. Every single bit of you. I love you.”
I’d emphasised every word and tapped into every ounce of love for Kurt that I had in me to create that improvised and somewhat clich�d speech. I meant every word. And since I’d heard Kurt saying that he loved me, even in his sleep, I knew that it’d be okay for me to tell him how I felt.
“Blaine...”
“Fuck sickness, I’m kissing you now.”
I leant forward without hesitation and held his face in my hands, kissing him softly yet urgently, wanting to show him exactly how I felt. The kiss was powerful: it was urgent, yet guarded, open yet closed and deep yet still innocent. It was perfect.
We broke apart after a while, Kurt gasping for breath since he hadn’t been able to breathe the whole time. I offered him some water as he coughed from the sudden intake of air, and rubbed his back soothingly.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have leapt onto you like that.”
“Blaine, I don’t care. That was probably the best kiss I’ve ever had, even with all my germs and euck.”
“Still... I should have respected your space.”
“Space? Pfft. You just told me you love me. No space needed.”
I couldn’t help but grin.
“So... you’re not weirded out, then? You know... by me loving you, and all?”
“Not at all... in fact... I must admit that I’m rather enamoured by you, Mr Anderson.”
“Enamoured? I’m sorry, I don’t understand that word,” I teased, knowing full well where this was going since Kurt’s arms were again tucked around me and his face was so ridiculously close to mine I could count all the eyelashes he had.
“You dick, Blaine. You know what I’m trying to say,” he teased back, albeit looking slightly embarrassed.
“No, I don’t... what are you trying to say, Kurt?”
“I’m trying to say,” Kurt began, looking deadpan serious, “that I love you too, Blaine. More than you could ever know.”
I smiled like a lunatic, jumped up and down on the bed and practically suffocated Kurt in hugs and kisses. I couldn’t help myself. I felt like a child on Christmas Day, or like a chimpanzee at the zoo and why the fuck were chimpanzees coming back into my fantasies?!
When I’d finally stopped smothering Kurt, partially because I was worried about his coughing fits but also extremely exhausted myself, I turned to face him one more time.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked him, caressing his cheek.
“You. Me. Us...” He trailed off before leaning against my shoulder once more.
“What are you thinking about?” He asked me.
“How happy I am to be here with you, in this moment.”
“Is that all?”
I was a little confused by Kurt’s last comment.
“Uhmm... Yes... why?”
“Because I swear I heard you mention something about a chimp.”
SHIT.