"I made scrambled eggs." Santana said setting a tray down in front of use before sitting beside me. "Did either of you sleep last night?"

I shook my head.

"Do you guys want some Ambien?"

I shook my head again.

"We need to go get Maria." Kurt said.

"Ok."

"I'll drive." Santana told us.

"Ok."

"Eat your eggs first."

I looked at the eggs and remembered that I never did eat dinner last night so I forced myself to eat some even though I didn't feel hungry. When we were done eating Santana took our dirty plates and put them in the sink downstairs while Kurt and I got changed out of yesterday's clothes. I put on sweats and a random t-shirt while Kurt grabbed a pair of my jeans which were a bit too short for him but looser than his own and a hoodie, I don't know if he realised it was my clothing he was putting on or if he even cared.

When we got to the hospital Maria was more than ready to get out of there.

"Holy shit, she looks like someone stuck boobs on Blaine." Santana said upon seeing Maria for the first time.

"Are you ready to go?" Kurt asked Maria.

"Are you two related or something?" Santana asked.

"I've been ready to go for ages." She said sitting up in her bed, wincing as she did.

"Are you sure you're cleared to go home?" I asked.

She nodded. "I'm definitely in pain but it's nothing too serious."

I nodded.

"They arrested Tommy last night so I can go back to my place. I'm sure you guys want me out of your lives as soon as possible." She told us.

"So did you like clone him but make the clone a chick?" Santana asked Kurt.

"Don't be silly Maria you need someone to take care of you until you heal." Kurt told her.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"We're sure; after we leave here we can go to your apartment and pick up some of your stuff, ok?"

"Ok."

By the time we got Maria's stuff and got back to the house she was pretty exhausted and in a fair amount of pain so she took a pain pill and settled into our spare room. Kurt thought that a nap sounded like a good idea and went to lie down in our room.

"Do you want some lunch Blaine?" Santana asked me.

I shrugged.

"Do you want to go have a nap too? You must be tired after not sleeping last night."

Once again I shrugged.

"You know....you know it's ok to cry right? It's just I haven't seen you cry yet and I...I think you should."

"I need to be strong for Kurt."

"You need to grieve, to allow yourself to feel."

I shook my head. "I'm going to check on Kurt."

When I got to our room Kurt was lying on top of the covers still dressed in my clothes with his back towards the door but I could tell he was awake.

"Santana made sandwiches if you want one." I told him.

He shook his head and motioned for me to come lay next to him. I wrapped my arms around him intending to spoon him but he turned around so we were facing each other.

"How are we supposed to go with our everyday lives? How are we supposed to go to work and pay our bills? How are we supposed to function?" He asked me.

"I don't know but we will somehow we will get through this. As long as we have each other we can get through anything." I said before gently kissing him.

"If I had to go through this with anyone but you I wouldn't survive."

"Me neither."

"I'm so tired."

"Go to sleep Sexy, I've got you."

I held him tight to me and eventually we both drifted off to sleep. We awoke a couple of hours later but neither one of us felt any more rested than we had before we fell asleep.

"Blaine?"

"Hmm?"

"I....I know....that when bad shit happens you need sex to distract yourself..." He began, I nodded knowing damn well it was true, he had fucked me when I was upset enough times that there was no point either of us even trying to deny the fact that I sometimes used sex as a distraction, maybe it was left over from my younger days or maybe I was always meant to be the kind of person who used sex when they couldn't process their feelings, who needed sex to make them feel loved or special or alive.

"But I can't....so um...if you want....just this once....you can....you can go hook up with someone."

I looked at my husband and blinked a few times, not believe my own ears, as I looked at him the words sunk in. Then without a word I got out of bed and walked out of the house ignoring Santana as she called after me.

When I finally returned to my home it was the next day as soon as I walked into the house Santana began to yell at me, where had I been? Did I know how worried she was? I could have been lying dead in a ditch somewhere for all she knew. What the hell was I thinking? I ignored her and walked upstairs to mine and Kurt's bathroom, I saw my husband lying in the bed where I left him, I didn't acknowledge him as I headed to take a shower. He got out of bed and followed me into the bathroom, as I took my shirt off I felt his eyes roaming over my back as if he was looking for signs of sex.

"I didn't cheat on you."

"I know I gave you permission."

"Goddammit Kurt! Do you really think I'd grieve our son by fucking another man?" I asked hitting my hand on the counter.

"No. No of course not. I'm sorry I'm not thinking straight." He said coming up behind me putting his arms around me. I should have been angry at him but I just didn't have the energy so I let him hold me for a while before turning around in his arms.

"Did you sleep at Wes's?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I just wandered around the city for a while and then went to that diner, you know the one we always say we're going to try out one time but never have?"

He nodded.

"What's that?" He said noticing the small bandage on chest right above my heart.

I slowly peeled the bandage off revealing Kyle written in small script. "Do you like it?"

"Will you take me to where you got it done? I want one too."

"Of course."

"I'm sorry Blaine; I should have never said that to you ...I think I'm so scared of losing you too that I was trying to push you away."

"You will never lose me." I promised.

"So, how was that diner?"

"Terrible." I replied causing him to laugh a bit I joined in letting my guard down soon the laughter was replaced by tears and there wrapped in my husband's arms in our bathroom I allowed myself to cry over the loss of our baby. Kurt didn't say anything because there was nothing to say, he just held me and let me cry.