Blaine spent all of Tuesday night with his stomach in knots, waiting by his phone for a call from Rachel, or Kurt. Each time his phone went off he hurried to answer it, anticipation and hope bubbling inside him like a kid on Christmas. Except, there weren't any presents or surprises. Every message he received was from Tina who was asking about their trig homework. It wasn't until he went to look for a specific set of notes that he remembered that his trig notebook was still at Kurt's. He wondered if he could pass his test on Friday without it. Blaine went to sleep, confused, rejected, and without hearing from Rachel.

He didn't know for sure, but Blaine could have sworn that Rachel was avoiding him the next morning. And it wasn't until that afternoon on his way to lunch that Blaine ran, almost literally, into Rachel was she came rushing out of the auditorium where he'd agreed to meet with her and prepare for Nationals.

"Blaine," Rachel said her words of a higher pitch and coming out faster than normal, "What are you doing here?"

"We agreed to meet today to start planning out set list for Nationals today," Blaine said.

"Oh, that's right. Well, uh, can we do it another day?" Rachel said flustered, "Today isn't good for me anymore."

Blaine raised one eyebrow, watching Rachel skeptically, "Is something wrong?"

"What? No. Of course not," Rachel said eyes widening innocently, "Why don't you meet Tina in the cafeteria? She was complaining earlier that she needed to borrow your trig notes."

"Rachel," Blaine said, "What are you hiding?"

"What? Nothing," Rachel said her eyes darting everywhere but in Blaine's direction.

"Rachel, I can see right through you," Blaine said crossing his arms across his chest, becoming bored with Rachel who was trying to keep up the charade for as long as possible.

"Fine," Rachel huffed, "I'm having lunch in the auditorium with Kurt."

Blaine winced at the sound of Kurt's name and couldn't help the combination of jealousy and anger that was swirling around his insides. Kurt had broken up with Blaine, but he seemed to have no qualms with keeping his friendship with Rachel intact. It made sense, a little; Rachel had been Kurt's friend, his best friend, long before Blaine came around. But what could have been going on with Kurt that he couldn't have his best friend and Blaine?

"Oh," Blaine said simply, as if he could pretend that with a single syllable that he understood everything; that somehow something would click in his mind and he could see clearly where Kurt was coming from.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said sincerely, "I forgot that we had agreed to meet or I would have text you and told you we needed to reschedule."

"But he-he's okay?" Blaine questioned, hating how desperate he sounded. He'd spent much of the night before convincing himself that if Kurt didn't care about him, if he didn't love Blaine the same way that Blaine loved him, then he wasn't worth his time. He would take his time, work to heal his heart, but there was only so much wallowing he would do over someone who clearly didn't care about him.

"He's okay," Rachel responded a slight quiver in her voice, "He has mono and that's why he couldn't talk to you through the door. He's only here for lunch and to grab some of his books before he goes home to rest.

"He hasn't—"Blaine said, his voice betraying him as he tried to remain calm; but the waver was evident as his heart tightened in his chest, "He hasn't said anything about me has he?"

"He says he's sorry," Rachel told him. Her words were simple, as if what she was telling him wasn't the most important thing to him.

Kurt's rejection washed over him once more, as he nodded slowly, "I'm going to go then."

Blaine turned around, his face long, his chest heavy, and his eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears as he made his way to the cafeteria in hopes of distracting himself by helping Tina with her homework.

Blaine turned around, his face long, his chest heavy, and his eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears as he made his way to the cafeteria in hopes of distracting himself by helping Tina with her homework.

"Blaine," Rachel called, "Wait!"

Blaine turned around trying to keep the tears from falling at least until he was alone.

"Just-"Rachel said, "Just, give him some time. He'll come around and realize he made a mistake. He's just got a lot going on right now."

"Like mono?"

"Listen, Blaine," Rachel said placing her hand on Blaine's forearm, "When Kurt came to me at Breadstix and told me that he couldn't tell me why he'd pushed everyone away, but that he wanted to and that he was sorry, it only took me a moment to know that he meant it. And that was enough. And as much as I hate what he did and how much it hurt me, I know that Kurt had his reasons, and that it wasn't about me, it was about him. And what kind of friend would I be if I told him he had to worry about only my feelings, and not his own?"

"I just want to understand," Blaine exclaimed.

"And I think one day, he'll make sure you do. But you have to wait and let him come to you."

"And how long am I supposed to wait? Another year and a half? I don't know if I can do that," Blaine said. He knew he loved Kurt, but even so, how long could he wait around for Kurt to open up to him again? Regardless of their relationship, Kurt was leaving for New York in May.

"He's worth it Blaine," Rachel said looking him straight his eyes.

Blaine looked only beyond Rachel, towards the closed auditorium doors, the ones that hid Kurt from view and said nothing. He took a shaky breath and shrugged his shoulder before turning towards the cafeteria.

Kurt knew that once he returned to school, and that he had to see Blaine, that things would be…tense. And because of that, Kurt took decided that it would be in everyone's best interest if he altered his schedule just enough so that he could avoid being at his locker at the same time Blaine was at his. Kurt knew Blaine's schedule as well as he knew his own since they'd spent the last few months taking advantage of the time that they had at their lockers. If it hadn't been so sad, he would have been proud of the fact that it only took him an entire day to reroute himself in such a way that he didn't have to bump into Blaine once. It had taken him two weeks before he could stop turning back around corners in order to avoid Rachel. And it worked pretty well despite the fact that Kurt had to carry around more books at a single time than he needed too, but he managed to avoid seeing Blaine outside of English (where he mostly kept his face tilted towards his book at all times) for two whole weeks.

In his defense, there was no way Kurt could have known he'd needed to avoid Blaine an entire hour before school started. He'd begun leaving for school earlier in the morning, getting to school with enough time to pack his bag with enough books to avoid Blaine, and his locker, until lunch and spend some time in the auditorium with Rachel before classes started.

He felt Blaine before he could see him approach his locker out of the corner of his eye. Kurt had been shuffling through his bag looking for the homework he knew he'd put in there that morning and then there was a sudden warmth beside him. It wasn't that Blaine was radiating that much body heat (although Kurt was all too familiar with what it felt like to be wrapped up in Blaine Anderson), but Kurt's hyperawareness that Blaine was standing next to him, that it was the first time that he'd been that close to Blaine since he'd broken up with his through his front door, made all the nerve endings in Kurt's body sing and the butterflies beat against his insides. It also made his heart constrict in his chest. Because despite the fact that every inch of Kurt seemed to want nothing more than Blaine, the fact that Blaine wasn't his to have any more sent a wave of sorrow through his entire body that wiped out everything else he was feeling.

For a moment, Kurt was unable to move, but when Blaine opened his locker door without acknowledging that Kurt was there, Kurt forced himself to at least look busy and continued to search for his missing assignment. Kurt knew that he should say something to Blaine. He should, at the very least, apologize to Blaine's face instead of making Rachel do it for him. But his tongue felt heavy in his mouth and he knew anything he'd try to say would come out as a jumbled mess. He owed Blaine so much more than that. Besides, what could he possibly say that would make a difference?

He'd be lying if he said he didn't miss Blaine. Thankfully no one was asking. Of course, he missed Blaine. You don't spend almost every day with someone for months and not miss them when they're sudden (though you are aware that it is completely your fault) removed from your life.

Like, the other day while searching for inspiration on the internet, Kurt found a website with a bunch of bowties that would look absolutely adorable on Blaine. He was half way through the text message (full of flirty emoticons) before he even realized what he was doing. With a sad sigh he deleted the text message and placed his phone down on the desk, staring at it blankly. He suddenly wasn't interested in sketching.

Or during English class when their teaching was droning on and on about Russian literature, he took a moment to glance away from his text book and couldn't keep his eyes from wandering to Blaine; admiring how stunning he looked as he followed their teacher as he paced the front of the room. He had to turn away quickly as Blaine's eyes moved in his direction, like he had felt Kurt's eyes on him. Kurt reminded himself that he and Blaine couldn't be together and that meant that Kurt couldn't admire his copper brown eyes or his pink lips while remembering what it felt like to have those lips on his own and those eyes so close, staring back at him as if they could see right through all the bullshit and right into his soul. It was clich�, yes, but it had been everything Kurt had ever dreamed of. And it now it was gone.

He wondered what was actually going on inside Blaine's head. Was he as tense as Kurt was? (Yes.) Did he hurt like Kurt did? (Yes.) Did Blaine hate Kurt? (Absolutely not. He was more…hurt.) A million questions and what if scenarios played themselves out in Kurt's mind. Each of them tightening the first around his heart until he was certain that, any tighter, and his heart would shatter; yet somehow the tightening continued.

Kurt's phone buzzed and he knew right away that it was Rachel and that he was late to meet her. He had no business at his locker. He should've closed his door and went to go meet Rachel the second he noticed Blaine was there. But he couldn't bring himself to walk away. Standing there next to Blaine like that, Kurt's heart couldn't help but hope. He hoped somehow that in the awkward moment where he stood silently next o Blaine, pretending to be busy, that something would happen. Whether the earth split in two and they were devoured or somehow the circumstances would change, Kurt didn't care; what he wanted was for everything to be back as it was. He wanted the dull throbbing in his chest to go away. And as Blaine slammed his locker door shut and walked away, pulling Kurt from his day dreams and back into the real world, Kurt was certain that he was never going to get his happy ending.

If he thought about it hard enough, Kurt could remember the day his mom died like it was happening in the present. He could remember coming home from school that day and immediately feeling that something had shifted, that something was not as it had been when he'd left for the bus that morning. He walked into the house, feeling relief from the chill of late February, and shook the slush that accumulated on the bottom of his boots from the recent late winter snow before toeing them off and placing them neatly next to his father's. He'd been surprised to see his father's truck in the driveway so early, but he followed the sound of whispered voices that were coming from the kitchen. It was there that he found his father and his grandmother, huddled close together, talking in hushed voices. His father sat at the table, his hat removed to expose his balding head that sat in his hands, his grandmother's hand on his back.

"What's going on?" Kurt said, his voice, though small, somehow sounded thunderous as it echoed through the room.

His father's head shot up and his grandmother turned around and painted on a soft smile.

"Oh, Kurt," she cooed getting up and walked over to him before wrapping him up in her arms to give him one of those hugs that only grandmas can give. But this one felt different, tighter, and more urgent than the others as she held him close and sniffled into his ear.

Kurt hooked his chin over his grandma's shoulder and hugged her back, because it felt nice, but his eyes were glued to his father who had remained seated at the table and was now wiping furiously at his face. Was his father crying? In his whole entire life (all eight years) he'd never once seen his dad cry. It's not that he thought his dad was incapable of shedding a tear, but that he always thought of his dad as the strongest man alive; nothing could ever make him cry.

"Dad?" Kurt questioned when he grandma released him from her hug, but she kept a hand firmly on his shoulder, "What's wrong?"

His dad got up from the table and walked over to him, "Come sit with me for a minute bud," he said as he guided Kurt over to sit beside him on the sofa in the living room.

Kurt's eight year old mind didn't process most of what his father was telling him, but what he understood when his father stopped speaking, turning his head away so Kurt wouldn't see him cry was that his mother was no longer alive. That a car accident and a man who wouldn't stop fast enough on the ice had taken his mother from the world that morning on her way home from the grocery store.

He didn't cry until a little while later. His dad had called the Berrys and they brought Rachel over, probably as a distraction, but the children were immediately escorted down to Kurt's room while the grown-ups did whatever it was that they had to do upstairs. But Kurt didn't want to do anything of the things that he normally did with Rachel. He didn't want sing duets or paint her nails or watch The Sound of Music. What he wanted was to sit next to his mom at the kitchen table and listen to his dad tell her about his day at the shop. What he wanted was to be doing his homework at the kitchen table while his mom hummed along to the songs that played softly on the radio while his dad watched the basketball game in the other room, coming in during commercials and half time to help Kurt with his science homework. Honestly, he didn't care what he was doing; he could be climbing Mount Everest for all he cared, but what he wanted was his mom.

He laid on top of his bed and curled himself into a ball as Rachel talked incessantly about nothing particular while skimming through one of her many song books looking for her next solo. Kurt didn't pay much attention to what she was saying, though thinking back on the moment, he realized he should have thanked her. He should have thanked her for being there, for trying to distract him, for then climbing onto his bed and lying next to him and holding his hand while he cried into his pillow.

"Hey," a voice said pulling him from his memories. Kurt didn't have to look to know that it was Rachel, "You alright?"

Kurt just shrugged.

"Kurt, I know what day it is. My dads and I, we still go to her grave every year and lay down some flowers."

"I know," Kurt said turning to look at her, his eyes hold back a batch of tears he refused to let fall at school, "I watched you guys from behind a tree last year. I waited until you were gone until I went to see her."

"I wish you would have come to us."

"I couldn't just waltz over to the three of you and act like everything was okay. Plus, I'm pretty sure I was sporting a shiner."

"Oh, Kurt," Rachel cried reaching down at taking hold of his hand.

"But I felt," Kurt started taking a moment to search for the right word to explain to Rachel, "…happy knowing that someone out there still cared about her. That I wasn't the only one who would remember her. It almost made me think that if she lived on in the hearts of someone else, that she would live forever. Even longer than I would."

"Kurt, please don't talk like that."

"I know, I'm sorry," Kurt said taking a deep breath, "I just can't help but be extra emotional today."

"And you are allowed to be, Kurt," Rachel said, "Hey? Why don't we ditch? We can go to your mom's grave together and we can go to my house and bake cookies or something until you have to go home."

"You're perfect, do you know that," Kurt said reaching down and taking hold of Rachel's other hand, "And as surprised as I am that Rachel Berry is willing to ditch class, I can't miss anymore school. I'm still catching up from my week out with 'mono'."

"Speaking of which," Rachel said, "Have you given any thought to what I said?"

"Rachel," Kurt warned, "You've gone and ruined a perfectly good moment."

"I don't care," Rachel said, "Kurt, we need to get you out of that house."

"Everything will be fine Rachel. We graduate in just over two months."

"Do you have any idea how much I worry when I know you're home alone with that monster? Do you know how many times my dads have come in and asked me why my nightly solos have been so sad? Do you have any idea how frightened I am that I'm going to come to school on a Monday and you won't be here?"

"Two months, Rachel. Two months. I've been doing this for almost two years. I can make it a couple more months."

"But you shouldn't have to," Rachel said louder than she should have and Kurt looked around anxiously to see if anyone was giving them any extra attention, "There are people out there that can help you if you just let them."

"Rachel, stop," Kurt snapped, "And please listen to me because I don't want to have to say this again. I'm going to handle this my way and if you don't like that, if you can't respect that, than I'm sorry I can't have you in my life."

"I'm just scared for you Kurt," Rachel said her voice cracking.

"I know," Kurt responded, "Thank you. But this is how it has to be, okay?"

Rachel nodded.

"Good," Kurt said closing his locker, "Now I have to go because Blaine will be here soon and I don't have it in me to deal with that today."

Kurt began to head towards his first class when Rachel's voice stopped him again, "He misses you, you know?" she said.

Kurt turned to look at her but kept his face emotionless.

"He hasn't actually said it, but I know it's true. It's like every time I see him he's hoping that I'm going to tell him that you miss him. And I know you haven't said it either, but I know that you miss him too," Rachel said, "And I'm only telling this because you deserve some happiness Kurt; and Blaine makes you happy."

She was right. But on the anniversary of his mother's death, he couldn't argue wither. He didn't' trust his voice not to crack or for everything that he'd been trying so hard to keep solid to crumble in his hands like sand. So instead he lifted one shoulder and shrugged while giving Rachel half of a sad smile. Two months, he reminded himself as he took off down the hallway. Two months and he'd be away from Lima and in New York where he could start fresh. He'd leave everything that he hated about this time. Everything else he'd take with him in memories.