Feb. 26, 2013, 11:48 a.m.
Porcelain: Chapter 11
T - Words: 4,621 - Last Updated: Feb 26, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 19/19 - Created: Jul 11, 2012 - Updated: Feb 26, 2013 960 0 3 0 1
He'd never been that scared before. He'd never crawled into bed after a beating and been so afraid to go to sleep. Not until now. Not until tonight. His left eye was swollen shut, tears leaking from the right. His lip had been busted and was bleeding and his ribs were bruise so much that he hurt to take deep breaths. But that's all he could do. Breathe, lie there, and listen for any sign that Uncle Tim was coming back for him; that he was going to punish him further. This had been the first time Kurt thought he actually might need a doctor, but all he wanted was Blaine, or Rachel, and neither of them had ever felt so far away.
To say he'd been shocked to see Uncle Tim's car in the driveway when Blaine dropped him off after Sugar's party would have been the understatement of the century. The moment Kurt's eyes spotted the silver civic, his heart stopped, the blood in his veins grew cold and in a moment his perfect night had gone to hell. He couldn't help but leave Blaine confused in the car and he knew that each time his phone lit up that it was Blaine. And now that he knew that Uncle Tim was so good at his shitty job that they gave him a promotion that put him on the day shift, he also knew that after tonight he'd never be able to see Blaine outside of school again.
When Kurt walked through the front door, he found his uncle standing over the kitchen table, the art set Blaine had gotten him for Christmas and some other things that had clearly been taken from his bedroom were scattered on the wooden surface. He didn't accuse Uncle Tim of going through his room because he knew exactly who the response would be. It was Uncle Tim's house, Kurt was lucky enough to live in it and if he wanted to go through Kurt's room, he could because everything was his. Kurt couldn't agree with that logic because clearly, the art set was a gift. Kurt took a moment to glance around at the other things that had been taken from his room; his sketchbook, a notebook and a wooden picture frame that held a picture of himself and Blaine that Blaine had taken on his phone during school and printed out.
Uncle Tim didn't start by asking Kurt where he had been or who had been with; no, the first words out of Uncle Tim's mouth made Kurt's mouth go dry and his heart stop in his chest.
"Who is Blaine Anderson?"
At his uncle's question, Kurt struggled to keep his face void of any emotion. There was no way that Uncle Tim could possibly know anything about Blaine. Kurt's eyes glanced back at the table and with a closer look he realized the notebook sitting there wasn't his own, it was Blaine's. He'd left it there on Saturday and he kept forgetting to bring it back to school. It had been sitting on his desk underneath his sketchbook. It was only when Uncle Tim repeated his question, the anger now dripping from his tongue did Kurt look up into the bloodshot eyes that he'd learned to hate.
"H-he's just a friend from school. We have English together. He takes better notes so he let me borrow them,"
"English, huh?" Uncle Tim questioned picking up the notebook from the table and flipping through the pages, "Because, Kurt, this is full of trigonometry notes. The inside of the cover even says so."
Shit.
"W-we have the same Trig teacher," Kurt said and only had a second to feel proud of himself for coming up with that on the spot, but Kurt could tell by the way that Uncle Tim's eyes narrowed that he hadn't bought it.
"Have you been having people in the house, Kurt?"
"No, of course not," Kurt lied.
"You're a very poor liar, Kurt," Uncle Tim said putting the notebook down on the table and picking up the picture of him and Blaine.
"And this ridiculous looking kid in the picture with you? Is that Blaine Anderson?" Uncle Tim asked, "And before you try lying to me again, know that I found a Blaine Anderson on Facebook who happens to have this very picture on his profile."
Kurt remained silent and cursed modern technology and whatever else he could curse that had led him to this moment. The moment he wasn't afraid for himself, but afraid for Blaine. He wasn't sure that his uncle would actually follow through with but there was a hint of something in his uncle's voice that made him worry.
"Is he your boyfriend, Kurt?" Uncle Tim asked and Kurt couldn't help but cringe at the disgust in his uncle's voice, "Have you kissed him Kurt? Have you touched him with your disgusting hands in my house?"
Kurt knew that speaking was a guarantee that he wouldn't to make it to bed unscathed and there was no use in lying. He wasn't even sure he could come up with something even remotely convincing. Drunk or not, his uncle wasn't blind. How could he have been so stupid as to allow this to happen?
Kurt's silence was proven pointless when Uncle Tim shouted for an answer a moment before something collided with the side of left side of Kurt's face, just underneath his eye. Kurt's hand immediately flew up to his cheek as the throbbing began and he could feel the blood beginning to seep from the torn skin and onto his hand. His eyes flickered quickly toward Uncle Tim who was holding the framed picture of himself and Blaine in his hand, the glass plate now cracked. He'd used it as a weapon.
He tried not to think about the rest as he lay silently in bed. He tried not to think about how the first five minutes seemed to last forever, or how he somehow managed to escape into his bedroom and shut the door. About how he waited for an hour just standing in front of the door, ready if Uncle Tim burst through, even angrier than before now that Kurt had tried to get away. When he didn't come, Kurt retreated to his bed, trembling on top of his covers, afraid to get comfortable, afraid to make the smallest movements. Afraid to do anything but breathe and wait.
Kurt spent the rest of the weekend in his room, only coming out when, by some miracle, he heard his uncle leave the house and when he could hear the loud snoring coming from his bedroom. He'd sketched quietly on his bed, afraid that even the tiniest cough would remind his uncle that he was in here and he'd come back for round two.
His phone, now on silent, went off at least twenty times a day. Calls and texts, mostly from Blaine, wondering where he was and if he still wanted Blaine to come over. He should've answered that one, but he didn't. He couldn't pretend everything was all right when it had never been farther from the truth. Plus, he knew it would make the next part easier. Easier, but more painful than any blow he'd ever taken.
Kurt didn't show up to school on Monday and when he still wasn't there Tuesday afternoon, Blaine was beginning to get seriously worried. He'd called Kurt probably close to a hundred times, each time only getting Kurt's voice via his voicemail. And in between phone calls there were several text messages and a couple of emails; all of which went unanswered. When Blaine walked into Glee club, Rachel was already sitting in the front row of the maroon plastic chairs searching through her phone. Normally Blaine would find Rachel immersed in sheet music or putting the final touches on her weekly solo. But she looked distracted until she looked up and spotted Blaine.
"Have you heard from Kurt?" they both said in unison.
If they hadn't both been so concerned, they would have laughed at their synchronicity, but they didn't. They didn't because it had been four days and neither of the two most important people in Kurt's life had heard from him.
"I haven't seen him since Sugar's party," Rachel said.
"He hasn't returned my calls or my texts since I dropped him off Friday night."
"And he seemed alright? Everything was okay when you dropped him off?"
"He spent the entire ride to his house talking about you and New York and then he got a little...I don't know...quiet when I pulled into his driveway. His uncle was home and—"
"His uncle?" Rachel questioned looking, if possible, slightly more concerned than she'd been a moment before. But it wasn't concern as much as it was fear.
"Well, there was a car in the driveway that I'd never seen before and I could see someone was home."
"So you left him at home with his uncle?" Rachel
"He said I couldn't come in because his uncle was home and he told me leave. What was I supposed to do?"
"I don't know, but Blaine I'm worried. I've always been worried."
"Always?" Blaine questioned, "What do you mean, always?"
"I mean," Rachel said floundering, something that Blaine had never seen her do, "I don't know what I mean, and it's always just been like a guess. But it doesn't matter Blaine, go over there. I'll tell Mr. Shuester you're not feeling well and you go over to Kurt's."
Blaine looked uneasy for a moment, he wasn't sure how to process Rachel's insistence and he still wanted to know what she meant when she said she was always worried. But he couldn't focus too much on that because he needed to listen to her and go see Kurt. He needed to see him because he missed him and he was worried and the look on Rachel's face was unnerving.
"If you don't go, I will," Rachel said pulling Blaine away from his thoughts.
"Y-yeah," Blaine said focusing, "I'll go. I'll text you and let you know what happens."
Blaine tightened the grip on his bag and turned towards the door. He had to hurry and get out of the choir room before anyone, especially Mr. Shuester arrived.
"Have him call me, would you?" Rachel called.
Blaine stopped for only a moment to nod in Rachel's direction before he took off toward the parking lot.
He was playing hooky because of the giant bruise on his eye, but Kurt couldn't bring himself to enjoy the luxuries of having the house to himself. He spent the eight hours that Uncle Tim wasn't home sitting on his bed sketching or catching up on whatever homework he could get done without all of his books. When he'd called the school, pretending to be Uncle Tim, he told the attendance office that he had mono and it had bought him at least a week out of school. He'd probably need a doctor's note for anything longer and that certainly wasn't going to happen. He was half way through a sketch for an assignment he'd seen online as part of the Parsons curriculum when the doorbell rang. On instinct, he stiffened, and a sickening wave of terror welled up in his stomach. He couldn't remember the last time the doorbell had rang or the last time there had been anyone other than Blaine in his house. The front door was unlocked and it was only just after three; his uncle wasn't due home for another two and a half hours. Cautiously, he set his sketchbook down on his comforter and moved slowly towards the door.
"Kurt?" a voice called that he immediately recognized as Blaine's.
What was he doing here? He should have been in Glee club not ringing his doorbell calling his name. What if his uncle had been home? What if he came home early to find Blaine standing on the doorstep? He'd recognize Blaine immediately from the picture. What would happen? Would he hurt Blaine? Blaine rang the doorbell again, repeating his name.
"Kurt," Blaine shouted, 'I know you're in there, your car is out front."
"Go away, Blaine," Kurt said as he stood directly in front of the front door but made no efforts to open it.
"Kurt?" Blaine said, "You haven't answered anyone's phone calls. Rachel and I have been so worried."
"Blaine, please just go back to Glee," Kurt pleaded.
"Kurt, just open the door," Blaine begged.
"I can't."
"Why not?" Blaine questioned, "Kurt is something wrong?"
"No. Everything is fine; I just can't open the door. Please just go."
"No," Blaine said sharply. Kurt was surprised by the tone in his voice.
"Blaine, I-"
"You what?"
"I can't," Kurt said leaning against the big door. He wanted to open it; wanted to let Blaine in. Because all he'd really wanted since Friday night was for Blaine to hold him and tell him everything would be alright. But nothing was alright and they certainly wouldn't be if he opened the door right now.
"Can't what?"
"We can't be together anymore Blaine," Kurt said trying to keep his voice from breaking and betraying him to Blaine, "I-I'm, I'm breaking up with you."
"Kurt—"
"It's for the best Blaine," Kurt continued through the lump in his throat, "I'm leaving for New York at the end of the school year and you still have another year of high school left."
"We can work something out."
"No, Blaine. We can't."
"Well if you're going to break up with me, at least be man enough to tell me to my face," Blaine bit out. Kurt had made Blaine angry and the fact that he was hurting Blaine tore at his heart, but calmed him at the same time. If Blaine hated him, then it would be it much easier to put distance between them, "Don't just shut me out like you do everyone else and pretend like ignoring us will make everything acceptable. Because it's not Kurt. It's not acceptable and it's not fair."
"I promised myself that when I left Lima, when I finally escaped all of this madness that I would leave every single thing behind. And I meant it."
"Including me?"
"Yes," Kurt cried, "And I'm sorry I can't do this in a way that you see as fair but it wasn't fair of me to let us happen. It was stupid and it was selfish because I've known all along that once I graduate, I'm gone. It isn't fair for me to keep pretending that it isn't true or to think that us being together is going to change that."
"So that's it," Blaine said through the door, "Just like that you're going to throw everything away again?"
"I don't have a choice."
"So this is it?"
"Yeah, I think it is. It has to be."
"You suck," Blaine said, "You know that right?"
"I'm sorry."
"You know what? Fine," Blaine shouted, "Goodbye Kurt."
Kurt remained silent as he listened to Blaine leave the porch. He waited for the sound of the engine of Blaine's car and for the gentle rumble as it took off down the street, before sliding to the floor and bringing his knees to his chest as the tears began falling rapidly down his swollen cheeks. He let out a strangled sob even though he knew that this was coming. He knew it would happen. But he wished he could have done it the right way; maybe hurt Blaine a little less. But like everything else, things never went as he'd planned them.
He reminisced for a moment, realizing that Blaine had been one of those things in his life that he didn't plan. Blaine happened to him by happenstance, and was the greatest thing he'd never wanted. But once he had him, it was all he wanted. But he wanted his mom, and his dad, and his friends. And that followed suit with the rest of his life. Because everyone he'd ever wanted, was gone.
Blaine made it back to McKinley just as Mr. Shuester was finishing up his lesson. He waited in the hallway out of sight of everyone else until Rachel exited the choir room, last, latching on to her arm and tugging her down the hallway where they weren't surrounded by the other members of New Directions.
"Did you talk to him?" Rachel asked her voice edged with tension.
"Yeah," Blaine said with a hitch in his voice.
"So why hasn't he been to school?" Rachel interrogated.
"I don't know," Blaine said flatly, "He wouldn't tell me."
"He wouldn't tell you? Well did he look sick?"
"He," Blaine said before pausing a moment, trying to collect himself because he wasn't sure what the hell had just happened, but he was sure that Kurt had just broken up with him and the ache in his chest was unbearable., "He never opened the door. He just talked to me through it."
"Well, what did he say?"
"He broke up with me."
"He did what?" Rachel questioned her voice shrill, "Why?"
"Something about going to New York at the end of the school year and leaving everything behind and how it wasn't fair to me if we kept pretending it wasn't going to happen. I mean I guess it makes sense but I just don't understand. We were so h-happy on Friday night," Blaine said unable to keep his voice from cracking. Because Friday night there had been a moment, out on the dance floor, wrapped around each other that he knew that he was in love with Kurt. He had planned on telling him that night, with all the hope in the world that he'd hear Kurt say it back. But now he'd never get the chance to say it, and it was clear that Kurt would never say it back.
"What? Are you sure you heard him correctly?"
"I think I'd make sure I understood when it came to my boyfriend breaking up with me," Blaine responded obviously annoyed with Rachel constant questioning that was doing absolutely nothing other than reiterating the fact that Kurt had broken up with him, through the door, after not speaking to him for days.
"Okay, calm down. Something isn't right here."
"You think?"
"I'll go over there and talk to him. He's been avoiding me too. And there is no way that I'm going to let him break up with me! Not again."
Blaine watched mutely as Rachel took off down the hall. When she disappeared around the corner Blaine walked slowly through the empty hallways towards his locker, and then he stopped. How was he supposed to do this? Eventually Kurt would come back to school and eventually they would both be at their lockers, the place where everything started. Kurt had broken his heart and now he'd have to spend every day being constantly reminded of it. Blaine decided against going to his locker, deciding that sacrificing his History assignment was worth avoiding his locker and the fresh wounds on his heart.
He wasn't going to get any homework done anyway. All he wanted to do was go home and try to ignore the pain and the emptiness in his heart.
Rachel was grateful that when she pulled into Kurt's driveway, there was only one car sitting there. It had been made clear that Uncle Tim didn't want visitors in his house and Rachel and Kurt had respected his wishes before. Between Uncle Tim's ban on friends and her estrangement from Kurt, Rachel hadn't been to the house in almost two years. The outside looked worn, especially against the tiny bit of snow that had begun to fall and stick to the ground.
Rachel got out of her car and walked up to the front door and knocked loudly. There was no response from inside and she knew that Kurt was probably avoiding the door assuming it was Blaine. Taking a risk, Rachel reached for the doorknob and was grateful to find that it turned easily with the flick of her wrist.
The inside of the house was nothing like she remembered it. The furniture had been rearranged and some of the pictures and decorations had been taken down from the wall making it look less like a home and more like a bunch of rooms. The kitchen table could be seen from the doorway and was covered in what looked like a bunch of Kurt's things. But they were only his possessions; Kurt himself was nowhere to be seen.
"Kurt Hummel, you get out here right now!" Rachel shouted
A moment Kurt came running from down the hallway, "Rachel! What are you doing here?"
But Rachel didn't hear him. She was frozen in place by his physical appearance. His eye, even though much of the swelling had gone down since Friday night, was still heavily bruised and his cut lip was swollen. He looked like he'd gone to fight club with Puck.
But Rachel hadn't heard him. She was frozen in place at the sight of his physical appearance. His eye, even though much of the swelling had gone down since Friday night, was still colored darkly in hues of blue and purple. His lips were swollen where it was cut. He looked like he'd gone to fight club with Puck. There was a dark circle underneath his good eye, like he hadn't slept much in a few days. His hair wasn't in its usual well-kept state and he was dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt that had several dark red spots where what Rachel assumed had been blood had dried.
"Shit," Kurt said turning around so his back was towards Rachel, "Rachel you should go."
"K-Kurt. What happened to you?" She questioned, the tears falling from her eyes.
"It's nothing, Rachel. Please go."
"No!" Rachel shouted through her tears, "I can't pretend like I didn't just see that. I can't pretend that this isn't at least a little bit my fault."
Kurt turned around surprised and shot Rachel a questioning glance.
"Your uncle did that to you didn't he? He hurt you."
The tears began to well up and Kurt's eyes, but he said nothing; he couldn't tell her that she was right. He couldn't say the words.
"I saw the bruises Kurt. Before, before you pushed everyone away. I saw them and I knew that you were having a hard time getting along with your uncle and I should have said something. I thought eventually you would say something to me, and I would tell my dads and then they would tell someone who could help you. But you didn't say anything to me and then you just," Rachel paused for a moment to take a shaky breath, "disappeared. And I brought it up to my dads once and they didn't take me seriously. They thought that I was coming up with bizarre stories because you weren't talking to me. But they weren't stories, were they Kurt? They were real?"
Kurt remained silent, afraid to speak. Afraid that if he said a word, he could break down letting everything he'd been feeling over the last year and half escape through tortured gasps and violent sobs. This was what he had been waiting for, even though he had been convinced that he would never get it. He wanted for someone else to know his secret; for someone else to take some of the burden that had been smothering him off of his chest so that he could breathe freely again. And now, despite his best efforts, Rachel knew the truth. She knew why he'd pushed himself away from everyone who loved him; why he turned himself into a shell of who he used to be.
Kurt nodded slightly, almost unrecognizable at Rachel's question. But she saw it and with tears in her eyes she crossed the space between them and launched herself at Kurt, wrapping her arms around his neck. There was a slight burn around his middle that still lingered from Friday, but it didn't bother him at all as he moved to wrap his arms around Rachel and hold her against him.
"Is this why you broke up with Blaine?" Rachel said when they pulled apart a few moments later.
"Yes," Kurt said as his own tears began sliding down his face, "Well, no. I mean, mostly. But it still isn't fair. I meant what I said when I told him that I was leaving after graduation and leaving every single thing about Lima behind. He's not graduating this year and when I leave here, I don't want anything keeping me tied to this place."
"Even Blaine?"
"Especially, Blaine. I'm never coming back here after graduation Rachel. He'd have to come to New York if we were to ever see each other. It's not fair to ask that of him. We haven't even been together that long, Rachel. He might not want to deal with all of this."
"Shouldn't you at least ask him?"
"Rachel," Kurt warned, "Plus, I'm basically on house arrest for the rest of the school year. My uncle wasn't thrilled to find that I'd gone out on Friday night or that I ever had Blaine in the house. What kind of boyfriend would I be if he could only see me in school?"
"You should tell him."
"Are you crazy? I haven't told anyone, and you only found out because you broke into the house. Why would I tell him?
"Because what you two have is special. Incredibly complicated, but very, very special. Don't you think that's worth fighting for?"
"Do you think Blaine would just be able to accept the fact that sometimes my uncle beats me up? Do you think he's just going to be able to deal with that? Do you think it's even fair of me to ask him to do it? I've made up my mind about this Rachel. Please don't try to change it."
"You should tell someone about this Kurt," Rachel insisted, "There are people out there that can help you. My dads, Miss Pillsbury."
"No. Rachel please? Promise me you would say anything to anyone. No one else can know."
"No, Kurt—"
"Please Rachel," Kurt pleaded, "It'll only make things worse if you say something to anyone. Please just trust me that I have this under control. This was just a very bad day. I can usually avoid him and most of this. But I can't do this if I have to worry about something else setting him off. So please, Rachel. Please promise me you won't say anything to anyone."
"Okay, okay. I promise." Rachel whispered, "Is there anything I can get you?"
"I hate to ask you to do this," Kurt said hesitantly, "But I'm out of concealer. And if I plan on going back to school anytime soon I need to be able to cover this up."
"I'll bring it by after school tomorrow."
"Thank you Rachel," Kurt said a fresh batch of tears pooling in his eyes, "Now you should get out of here. I don't want you to be here when my uncle gets home."
"Text me, okay? Text me all the time. I'll go see all your teachers tomorrow and get your homework."
"Thank you, Rachel," Kurt said, "I really don't deserve you."
"You deserve more than you even realize, Kurt," Rachel said leaning up and kissing him on the cheek, "I love you."
She turned around reluctantly, wanting nothing more than to drag Kurt away with her; to protect him from the evil person who was probably on his way home.
"And Rachel?" Kurt said just as Rachel was opening the front door.
"Yeah?"
"When you talk to Blaine," Kurt said, "Tell him I'm sorry."
Rachel nodded and turned the knob on the front door, leaving the house and Kurt alone with a madman on his way. There was a knot in her stomach as she climbed back into her car. She'd suspected before and did nothing; now, because of the pleading eyes of her best friend, she knew and she was still doing nothing; at least not yet. As she pulled her car into the parking lot of Ulta, knowing exactly which concealer Kurt needed, Rachel hoped that even this small effort would be enough. And that somehow, she and Blaine would be able to save Kurt before it was too late.
Comments
This was really good. I felt so bad for Blaine but I hope that Rachel tells him what is going on or that he refuses to give up. I was so happy to see Rachel take charge and refuse to be pushed away. This is one of the only stories where I actually like Rachel. I can't wait to see what happens next and to see if Kurt is given some help.
Please say Rachel is going to tell Blaine and an adult that can help! I feel so badly for Blaine. I know he is hurt that Kurt broke up with him but he should be able to tell that something is very wrong. Poor Blaine and Kurt!
I need a have the next chapter plzzzz