Kurt was seeing his therapist twice and a week and he actually enjoyed the sessions. He was trying to come to terms with his survivor guilt but he couldn’t necessarily shake the feeling that his life had no purpose. He had finally received a letter from NYADA giving him the dates for Freshmen Orientation and he had been thrilled to finally have a reporting date. Blaine had applied to various Ivy League Universities and had been accepted at all of them and now had to decide which one to accept.

At his next therapy session, Dr. Fahey asked Kurt what his plans were for the fall.

“I’m not sure yet.”

“What date do you have to report to NYADA?”

“In 3 weeks. It’s strange that before all this happened I was excited about NYADA but I’m not sure what happened to that excitement. I knew what I wanted to do in life and what I had to do to accomplish my goals. I wanted to attend NYADA, be on Broadway, design a cutting-edge fashion line, be legally married by 30, and live in New York. “

“And now?” asked Dr. Fahey.

“Now I don’t know what I want. I saw on the news how there was an attack on the American Embassy in one of the European countries and there was an attempt on the American Embassy in Japan. I can’t seem to stop watching the news and I keep following all the harrowing scenes of people fighting and dying for our freedom. I try to talk to my uncle and my grandfather about what is happening and they keep me updated on what is happening in current events. Both are extremely knowledgeable on politics and the war on terrorism and it fascinates me and terrifies me, but I can’t seem to stop this fascination.”

“What do you mean it terrifies you? Are you thinking about your own experiences?”

“Sure, I mean, yeah – I think about what happened to us all the time but why is it really bothering me now? Why didn’t it bother me as much when my mom died on 9-11?

“You were really young when your mother died and I think your father shielded you from most of what happened. It was enough that you had just lost your mother and dealing with that fact alone left no room for anything else in your life. According to your dad it took you about 6 months to stop waking up screaming for your mother to come home.”

“I guess – I’m not sure I remember too much about what happened back then. How do I figure out what I want to do with my life in 3 short weeks?”

“You need to really sit and think about what you want to do and maybe part of that process is realizing that your priorities have shifted. Just because your dreams might be different does not mean they are not valid. I think you have to accept that you have changed quite a bit in such a short time and in such a dramatic way. You are allowed to re-think your life Kurt.”

“Really? I’ve never thought of it in those terms. The hard part is that I have to make decisions that will affect the rest of my life in 3 short weeks.”

“Let’s try something new.”

Kurt just looked at him with narrowed eyes and nodded. “I’m going to say a word and you tell me the first thing that comes to your mink. Don’t over think it just blurt out your first thought.”

“Great – now I’m a blurter?” laughed Kurt. Dr. Fahey was not amused, “Ready?”

“Life – Death,” answered Kurt thinking this is going to be easy.

“Eyes – Hazel”

“Sad – Happy”

“Home – Dad”

“Safe – ummm,” Kurt froze. He couldn’t process this word and his breath started to quicken, “Happy,” he said shaking himself.

“Music – Singing”

“New York - ....Lima,” he didn’t quite know why he hesitated.

“War - ….,” Kurt blanked out… “Peace.”

“Freedom – Fight”

“Love – Blaine,” WTF was that? Where did that come from he wondered???? Sure he liked Blaine and the boy was gorgeous but did he love him?

Dr. Fahey looked at Kurt and laughed, “It seems you don’t have any problems with your love life. However, the words that gave you pause are ones you might have issues with to some degree. The words safe, New York and war were the ones that you had to think about.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you are uncomfortable with responding to these words and it can give us a starting point in trying to figure out why these words have you feeling this way.”

“Does it mean I won’t feel safe if I live in New York or do I think a war will break out in New York and I won’t be safe?”

“No. It’s not that literal. Your answer to love was Blaine.” Kurt blushed. “This means that you didn’t have to think about this. You automatically associated Blaine with love because this is how you think of him. However, you have issues with the word safe.”

“I think being a survivor of a terrorist attack might give anyone a complex about ever being “safe,” he said sarcastically.

“True. The same can be said for the word war, Kurt. New York surprised me. I didn’t think you would react to that word.”

“So, Dr. Fahey, what I learned at this session is that I don’t feel safe. I have issues with the word war and that I’m not sure if I want to live in New York. That still doesn’t help me decide where I want to be in 3 weeks.”

“No, but it gives you a place to start your thinking process and it can help you focus on what is really bothering you.”

“I guess I just have to actually lock myself in my room until I figure out what I want to do, huh?”

“Just remember that your family is there and they can help you if you need them. Don’t try to do this on your own – because you will drive yourself crazy.”

“I think I’ve been crazy since May Dr. Fahey. See you next week.” He walked outside to find Blaine waiting to pick him up for their movie date.

“Hey you – have you been waiting long?”

“Not really. I just got here a few minutes ago. Did everything go ok? You seem a little….off somehow.”

“I apparently have issues,” he smiled wondering if he was really in love with Blaine.

“Don’t we all?”

“Not sure about you Blaine, but it seems that mine have been professionally diagnosed so while you can still deny yours I must confront mine before I am declared legally insane.”

“Right now? Do you need me to take you home?”

Kurt gave him his “Bitch Please,” look, “Of course not RIGHT NOW!”

“Oh – okay…we still on for the movie?” Kurt nodded and looked out the window while he cleared his mind of his “issues” so he could try to enjoy his date with Blaine.

After the movies and dinner they were laying on the couch watching The Lion King and cuddling when Kurt asked, “Have you decided what you are going to do about college?”

“My parents contacted the universities I was accepted to and explained that I was a May 13th survivor and that I might have to start school in the Spring rather than the Fall session due to the possibility of more surgeries. They were all surprisingly willing to work with my parents. I just need to make up my mind where I want to attend school and let them know officially so that a spot can be reserved for me. At this point, my parents don’t want me too far from home. What about you?”

“Not sure yet what I’m going to do,” he answered. There was an idea brewing in his mind and truthfully it had been there for a while but he had not really thought about it in depth. It had never seemed like a realistic option before, and he wasn’t sure how his dad would react to the idea. He needed to make some calls tomorrow. It was about time he made a decision about his future.

The next morning Kurt searched his room until he found that business card he remembered getting from Jim on his way home from California after Spring Break. “Here it is,” he muttered reading the card, “Technical Sergeant Jim Chase, Air Force Recruiter.” He quickly dialed the number and heard the crisp salutation on the other end.

“Hi Jim, this is Kurt Hummel. You probably don’t remember me but I met you on a flight back home from Palm Springs. I’d like to come down to the recruiting station to get some information about joining the military.”