Things have gotten easier, he supposes. As long as he does not spend too much time thinking about Blaine it is easier for him to ignore the aching in his heart, or the sadness that always threatens to creep in at any moment.

Rachel and Finn's wedding had been a success. Kurt had actually helped design the dress Rachel had worn and he had received many compliments. He had been thoroughly happy for his best friend and his half brother, so smiling had come easy for him through the entire day. Unfortunately that night he had not been able to stop the depressing thoughts that had slithered into his head, causing him to cry through most of the night.

That night was the only really bad night he had had though since that day Blaine had visited.

His career was going brilliantly and luckily that gave him plenty to focus on. The reporter, Molly, was still trying to constantly find some dirt on him, but she never succeeded. Apparently she was never going to give up though, so Kurt was constantly on his guard. Ah well. Such was his life.

Unfortunately it was at the point that he was starting to think things could really get better that everything got worse.

It was a Friday afternoon when his secretary called him in his office, saying he had a call from a Mr. Willard. Kurt had no idea who that was, but he accepted the call anyway.

"Hello?"

"This is Mr. Kurt Hummel, correct?" Mr. Willard's voice was old, tired sounding.

"Yes." Kurt replied, picking up a small stack of papers to put them away in his filing cabinet.

"I'm Mr. Willard, the funeral director from the county funeral home. We've been informed you're in New York, but we'll need you to come here to Ohio."

Kurt had frozen at the word 'funeral'. Who had died? His heart was pounding in his chest, fear spreading through him leaving an icy cold trail. "I don't understand," he replied nervously, "why...why do you need me to come to Ohio?"

Mr. Willard did not respond right away and Kurt was wondering if that was because the funeral director had expected him to already know about this person's death. Well, obviously he did not and the suspense was killing him.

"I had assumed you had already been told." The funeral director did sound slightly surprised. "I regret being the one to inform you about this, but Blaine Anderson has passed away."

Kurt dropped the stack of papers he had been holding, black spots crowding his vision as he watched the papers fall to the floor in a mess.

*~*~*~*~***~~~*~*~

Kurt had not asked for details over the phone. He wanted to wait until he got to Ohio. Mr. Willard had informed him that there was a few things left for him that he would have to come collect.

Kurt was not sure he wanted those things, whatever they were.

When he got off the plane his father was waiting for him. Kurt had eventually gotten around to telling his father and Carole about what had happened between him and Blaine. His father, Burt, had been furious, but Kurt had asked him not to talk to Blaine. Things were over between them and Kurt had been trying to accept that.

"Hey, Kurt."

"Dad." Kurt hugged his father tightly as soon as he reached him. No, Kurt had not cried yet since finding out about Blaine's death - he was still mainly in shock – but that did not mean he was not upset over it. Tears were dangerously close to the surface, but Kurt needed to keep them back for now.

"I'll drive you over to the funeral home." His father spoke quietly, hugging him back. He knew how hard this was going to be for his son, even despite the fact that Kurt and Blaine's relationship had not ended well. They headed out to the car and it was quiet as they headed over to the funeral home.

Kurt had asked to go in alone when they got there, so his father waited out in the car as he went in. Mr. Willard met him in the lobby. He was a tall, older man with black hair that had a few graying streaks in it.

Kurt hardly could remember half of what the funeral director said to him. When Mr. Willard handed him a small box though, he was hesitant to take it. As curious as he was he also was still kind of upset over how things had ended between him and Blaine. Having something of Blaine's around was not going to help him forget that.

The funeral director insisted he take the box though and in the end Kurt relented and took it. He would not open it right then though.

After leaving the funeral home, Burt drove them home. Kurt was of course welcome to stay for as long as he wanted. He would sleep in his old room. The funeral itself was in a few days time.

Kurt was not sure if he would even go.

He knew he was being awful. His relationship with Blaine had lasted for almost ten years; those years being pretty much the best of his life. There was just that one day that marred it, casting an evil shadow over all the happy memories.

Kurt went to the funeral. Well, he did not go to the church service, because he knew what those were like: people all crying and sharing fond memories. It was depressing. Plus he did not believe in God. Churches were not places Kurt enjoyed walking into.

He reached the cemetery just as the pastor started talking over Blaine's casket. Clouds had covered the sunlight, darkening the scene before him slightly as a small cool breeze blew by. Kurt stayed by his car, dark sunglasses covering his eyes as he watched the small crowd that stood halfway across the field of graves. The pastor's words barely reached his ears, but Kurt hardly cared. Right now he did not care about the Blaine these people knew, he only cared about the Blaine that he himself had known. The wonderful, sweet, caring, smart, well-mannered, gentleman that he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with...until Blaine had ruined that for no damn good reason.

The box he had received from the funeral director was still sitting on top of the dresser in his old bedroom. Kurt had yet to open it. He had yet to ask how Blaine had died too. His father had mentioned something about hearing Blaine had been sick for a while, but he was unsure whether that was the direct cause or not.

Waiting till after the casket was lowered into the ground, Kurt then got back into his car and drove off. He could not watch it being covered with dirt, knowing that Blaine's body was in there.

**~~~~**~*~*~*~~*~

His father, Carole, and Finn had planned to go to the small reception after the outside part of the funeral. Kurt had a few hours to himself until they returned. He was going to finally open the box.

Changing out of his suit, Kurt got into more comfortable clothing then curled up on his bed, holding the box in his lap. It was not all that heavy at least. Something rattled about inside a bit when he shook it. He managed to get the tape off and then he paused again. What was inside? Would he be better off not knowing? Eventually he gave in and opened the box, peeking inside.

A small envelope, two concert tickets, a plastic wrapped card that contained a pressed Jasmine flower, and a ring lay inside.

Kurt picked the ring up first. It was the engagement ring Blaine had given him. The one Kurt had thrown at the door before leaving that terrible day those couple of months ago. Why had Blaine put it in this box? Setting the ring back down in the box, Kurt then picked up the plastic wrapped card. Before he could stop it a small smile tugged at his lips. He remembered this card. Blaine had gotten it for him on their trip to France. Well, he had gotten the flower, knowing how much Kurt loved Jasmine, and then had pressed it on the card and wrapped it so Kurt could keep it forever. Kurt had thought he had lost it at one point and had cried even though Blaine had said it was okay. Now he wondered where it had been all this time. The next things in the box were the two concert tickets. Curious, Kurt picked them up and looked at the small print. He gasped when he saw the date and the artist. They were tickets to the Lady Gaga concert Blaine and he had snuck into all those many years ago in college. How the heck had Blaine gotten them? And if he had had them then why did they sneak in? Kurt was starting to feel a little angry. Blaine had ended their relationship, leaving Kurt with plenty of questions as to why, and now Blaine was dead and leaving him with even more questions that could never be answered. Why did Blaine have to mess with him like this?

The last thing in the box was the small envelope. Kurt picked it up and opened it carefully, peeking inside to see a folded up letter. Well, that might possibly help answer his questions. His fingers trembling slightly, Kurt pulled the letter out and unfolded it. It was a very long letter. He recognized Blaine's small, neat handwriting instantly.

Kurt,

My beautiful, sweet, marvelous Kurt,

I'm sorry.

I can only imagine what these past few months have been like for you. Knowing that I've been the cause of your pain and sadness tears me up inside. And it just makes me feel worse for what I'm about to tell you.

The reason I ended our relationship was because I was dying. Well, technically it was not definite that I was dying at the time, but the doctors were still unable to give me evidence to prove otherwise so I pretty much assumed that death was where I was heading.

Could you imagine how I felt after realizing that? Dying. I would not be able to spend the rest of our lives living together like we dreamed. How could I tell you that? How could I spend the rest of my days left watching you suffer knowing that soon I would be leaving you?

So I took a cowardly route. I ended our relationship. I did not tell you about my illness. I hoped that maybe it would be easier for you to move on and forget about me if I made you angry by just ending everything.

Sadly I could not stay away. I found myself looking for every bit of information about you I could find in fashion magazines; I even walked by your office on occasion hoping to get a glimpse of you again. After a month went by I could no longer stand it. I had to see you up close again, hear your voice, anything. Yet when I walked into that office...you looked so miserable, so hurt, and I felt my heart tearing in two. I couldn't believe how awful I had been, causing you so much hurt. I wanted to apologize to you right then, tell you everything, but I knew you would not have listened even if I tried. You were pissed, and you had every right to be. So I said the only thing I could; I told you I loved you and I meant it.

I will always love you.

I apologized that night, hoping you would maybe talk to me then, but you never replied to my next text. It confused me a little, because I had said that I was going to tell you the truth. Did you really not want to hear? Maybe you just never looked at the text. That could be it.

I had a doctor's appointment the next day. The doctor ended up confirming my suspicions. I would not make it. I had at the most five months. Five months. It felt really odd knowing you had a time limit on the rest of your life. It really makes you start to wonder what the hell you should plan to do with the remaining time you have left.

I should have spent it with you. I wanted to. You have no idea how badly I wanted to. I just could not stop thinking about how unfair it would be for you, knowing that I would not be around forever. What if we had spent those last few months together and then when I died you never moved on? I did not want that for you. Kurt, I want you to be happy. Your happiness means the world to me. And I want you to be able to move on, meet someone else who will treat you as well as I hopefully did, and then live your life to the fullest. You deserve all that and more, Kurt, you do.

So I decided the easiest thing to do would be move back to Ohio. I would be far enough away that I would not be tempted to just show up at your apartment one day and beg for you to take me back. My mother thoroughly disapproved of my actions; she was furious. I had to beg for days before she finally agreed not to contact you and tell you what was really going on.

I spent the rest of my time pretty much focused on you, Kurt. I always tried to find everything I could on you from the news, online, anything. I wish I could tell you now, in person, how proud I am of how far you've come. You're living your dream, Kurt, and you are amazing, an inspiration.

I need to tell you about the other things I put in this box. When I moved back to Ohio my parents demanded I move back home so they could watch over me. I hated the thought of doing so, but in the end I did. It was convenient to say the least, considering I had to pay hospital bills and did not have a lot of money for rent somewhere. I shoved a lot of my stuff into their attic and went through it when I had the time. One day while looking through an old box of stuff I found that old pressed Jasmine flower I found for you in France. Do you remember how you cried the day you realized you had lost it? I felt terrible, but I knew it would show up at some point. That flower was the most special souvenir we brought back with us. Every time I looked at it I was reminded of our trip and that day at the Eiffel tower when you agreed to move in with me; that day when we promised we would last forever and I gave you that promise ring. I hope it doesn't get lost ever again, because I want you to always be able to remember that trip. Then there are the concert tickets. I know you're probably wondering why the hell we snuck in if I had had tickets all along. Truth is, I did not get those until the day before, and they were from my friend who found out he could no longer go and had no one to take along anyway. The seats were terrible, honestly. We would not have been able to see much of anything. And I knew that if you were going to see that concert than I wanted you to have the best night of your life. Plus you had been really uptight around that time and I figured you needed something fun and risky to help loosen you up a little. And you can't honestly say you did not enjoy the thrill at least a little bit. That concert was amazing, and you looked absolutely beautiful as you stood there tearing up to 'Born This Way'. I had been waiting for so long to tell you how much I loved you. I knew how important those three words would be for you and I had been waiting for the right moment. That night was the right time. And oh how your eyes lit up when I spoke them. I'm sure now that there have only been a few other times I've seen you that happy. One of those times being the day I proposed to you.

And that leads me to the last thing in the box: your engagement ring. I'm assuming you threw it at our bedroom door the night I ended our relationship. I did not hear because as soon as you slammed that door I practically smothered my face in my pillow to keep from screaming. The next morning when I left my room and saw it on the floor I cried. The end of our relationship was never something I wanted, Kurt. I never wanted to lose you at all. You're the love of my life and no matter what I will always love you, even in whatever afterlife awaits me. I remember how surprised you were at first that day, your birthday, when I proposed. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest when you said 'yes'. The ring I picked out was not gaudy, because I knew you hated things like that. I had to find something that was just as stunning and uniquely beautiful as you are. Kurt, you don't have to keep the ring, but I hope you do.

As much as I want you to move on, be happy, and love again, I also don't want you to forget about me or the love we shared. It was there, our love was real, Kurt, and I will always be with you. Forever.

It's going on our fourth month apart now. I miss you so much.

Hopefully when you get this letter it will clear things up and you'll be able to forgive me at least a little bit. There's so much more I want to say, but this letter is already long enough.

Forgive me. I'm sorry.

I love you.

Forever and always,

Yours,

Blaine.

By the time Kurt was half way through the letter he was in tears. Once he finished reading it the letter fell from his grasp before his head fell into his hands and he sobbed.

Later that evening Kurt was at the cemetery once more. He found Blaine's gravestone and collapsed next to it, not even caring that he might get dirt or grass stains on his clothing.

"Why didn't you just tell me, Blaine?" Kurt sobbed once more, resting his forehead against the cold of the headstone. Blaine should have told him. They could have spent those last few months together. "I can never move on. You're the love of my life too. No one could ever make me as happy as you have."

Before leaving the cemetery, Kurt left a small jasmine plant next to the headstone. He whispered a soft 'I love you' before getting into his car.

*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~

A week later Kurt was back in New York. The plastic wrapped pressed flower was put in a frame to sit on top of his dresser and the concert tickets were kept in his box of special things. The engagement ring went with the promise ring Blaine had given him. Kurt had kept it on a thin chain around his neck, hidden under his shirt, all this time.

When he went back to work and was asked questions all he said was that he had attended a funeral. Everyone accepted this and moved on, considering Kurt was acting as normal and happy as he always was.

Well, almost everyone accepted it.

Molly had done some digging of course and had recognized Blaine from his visit those months ago to Kurt's office. It did not take her long to start asking questions.

Kurt was not going to just talk about Blaine, so he offered Molly a trade.

"I have an idea, Molly." He informed her. "You promise to never mention Blaine in anything you write about me, and I'll do something you've been begging me for ages."

"What's that?" Molly asked, looking quite interested.

Kurt linked arms with Molly and led the way out of his office. "How about you and I go get a drink and I'll let you know a little bit more about Kurt Hummel."