Kurt's first day back at McKinley had been oddly refreshing.

He was still a bit weak and sore, and his doctors hadn't wanted him to overexert himself, so he had only returned for a half day - his last few classes and glee club in the afternoon. And by the end of his first two classes, he was definitely glad he'd agreed to only go for half a day because he was exhausted, never mind that he'd basically slept all week.

But Kurt had forgotten exactly how much blessed distraction and relief McKinley could offer. He didn't even come close to being slushied once in the four hours he was there, and although he knew the other glee boys had threatened the football team prior to Kurt's return, threats alone weren't securing his immunity. Now that his main tormentors were gone and most of the students had been shocked into a vague sympathy for him, the school was safe. And without living in constant fear, Kurt was free to throw himself wholeheartedly into school and social life.

So by the time glee club came to an end, his thoughts were almost entirely, blissfully Blaine-free. He'd gleefully engaged in the latest relationship gossip, dished out advice on just about everything to at least four different people, and helped to costume and perform an amazing group number. Kurt hadn't been this engaged in months, and it was making him feel something so close to happiness, being able to feel like he had a life again.

Until his phone buzzed with a message from David, who he was meeting soon, along with a few other Warblers and most of New Directions.

Just a heads up that Blaine's coming, and from what I could see in the cafeteria, he and Patrick fought about it.

Kurt's almost-happiness, his almost-Blaine-free thoughts, came crashing down instantly. Because that tiny part of him that always, always longed for Blaine suddenly had the fuel it needed to take over again. From the very moment Kurt had met Blaine, there had always been a corner of his mind that was solely dedicated to wanting the dark-haired boy. At one point, Kurt had let it run wild, but the last few months, he had actively cut it back, starved it, and tried to keep it as small as possible.

Today, more than ever, he thought he'd succeeded at keeping it in the background. He hadn't let it take control and the reward had been a near-normal day. But as horribly familiar ache reappeared at the base of his throat, like tears that had been swallowed for whole days at a time, Kurt realised that part of him had only been waiting for the right moment to come back. He hadn't really been in control at all.

Memories appeared from a time before he'd transferred to Dalton, when his friendship with Blaine was new and Kurt had still hoped for something between them. Suzy Pepper, who had drifted around the corridors Kurt's entire school career in hideous attire and with an uncomfortable way of carrying herself, had one day miraculously appeared in the corridors looking almost acceptable. There was a soft smile on her face, her shoulders were loose, and to Kurt's absolute amazement, she'd apparently dressed herself with a modicum of taste. Kurt had been so taken aback by the abrupt change that he'd had to ask Suzy what had sparked the transformation, no matter that he'd never been able to stand the girl.

'I met someone I liked,' Suzy had said, and her tone had been very faintly infused with something that almost sounded like wonder. Kurt, not understanding why this was so profound, had pushed harder, and Suzy had kept smiling. It was the most positive Kurt had ever seen her look. 'You probably can't understand,' Suzy had eventually continued, 'but when you feel the way I did about Mr Schuester, it... it cripples you. The feelings are so strong and so persistent it's like no matter what you try, you'll never be able to get rid of them and no one will ever be able to measure up. Even after years of intense psychotherapy, I was still so scared that I'd never meet anyone I could be attracted to, or that I could be with without the shadow of Mr Schuester hanging over my head.

'But last week, right when I was least expecting it, I met someone,' Suzy had said, her entire personality seeming to flip in a second. The change was so marked that Kurt thought for the first time that one day, with a serious makeover, Suzy could actually be pretty. 'For the first time in over a year, I saw someone and thought, "Hey, he's cute." And then he talked to me, we actually had things in common, and he made me laugh. And it's not like it was love at first sight,' Suzy had added with a chuckle, catching the sceptical look on Kurt's face, 'but after being completely dominated by the fear I'd never want someone after Mr Schuester? It was amazing.'

Kurt hadn't really been able to empathise at the time, still in the first flush of his feelings for Blaine and thinking he might actually have a shot. But now he understood all too well what Suzy had meant, about being scared that she'd never be able to get past these feelings and want someone again. It really was almost debilitating. And even though Suzy had had her happy ending, her moment of liberation, somehow Kurt couldn't see his coming. It was terrifying.

Looking down at David's message again, letting Kurt know that Blaine would be joining them, Kurt felt like he could justifiably land some of the blame on Blaine himself. How could Kurt possibly let go when Blaine seemed determined to always reel him back in at the last minute?

But then Kurt recalled their last exchange. What do you want from me? Kurt had asked. And Blaine had replied with, I don't know. Kurt had to keep reminding himself that Blaine wasn't a villain here, he was just a confused and scared teenage boy; and if he was causing Kurt pain, it was purely accidental.

It was kind of hard to remember that, though, when Kurt felt so constantly miserable.

Time did one of its typical McKinley-leaps that Kurt never seemed to catch until it was over, and before he knew it he was sitting in a café (not the Lima Bean, which was too small for their group, but somewhere new and not nearly as appealing) with the rest of New Directions, waiting for the Warblers to arrive. When they did, David was first through the door, and Kurt jumped up and hugged him without a second thought - somewhere along the line, thanks to David's support and quiet friendship, Kurt had come to really value the boy. He wasn't the role model Blaine had once been, but he was endlessly encouraging and always willing to make the time and the effort to see Kurt, so Kurt tried to return the same to their friendship.

After David came Wes, Nick, Simon and Jeff, who all clapped Kurt on the shoulder enthusiastically and remarked at how much better he looked without his hospital gown; Kurt, shuddering melodramatically, launched into a brief, passionate diatribe about what he would have done to his most horrible hospital attire, if only he'd been given the chance. The next carload of Warblers arrived in time to catch the end of his rant, and they laughed at his theatrics before one by one patting his back and taking seats with New Directions.

All except Blaine, who'd come in very last and watched the interaction between Kurt and his friends from the sidelines. Once everyone was seated and determinedly talking among themselves, Kurt finally turned to Blaine and resisted the urge to blurt out something approximating, Why are you here? Instead, mindful of his audience, he tentatively said, 'Hi.'

Blaine, looking grateful that he'd been spared the difficulty of taking the first step, returned, 'Hey, Kurt. How are you feeling?'

'Much better, thank you,' Kurt replied, hating the formality almost more than he'd hated their fighting. At least the fighting felt natural. This was so stilted it was making his spine itch. 'Very tired, but otherwise recovered.'

Blaine's eyes were raking Kurt's face, and Kurt was suddenly very conscious of the hideous marks that the half-faded bruises and scrapes had left on his skin. 'That's good,' Blaine said quietly, gaze still searching. 'You look a lot better.' The silence stretched out for a moment as they both took each other in, trying to discern questions and answers in the way they each stood and the looks on their faces.

'Hey, Kurt!' Finn called. Kurt jumped and turned to face his stepbrother just in time to catch Rachel smacking him on the arm. 'What?' Finn asked defensively of the tiny brunette. 'I just wanted to see if we could order! I'm hungry!'

Kurt laughed and went to sit on the other side of Finn, trying not to note that Blaine settled a few seats away - not close enough to be in Kurt's immediate range, but not at the end of their (very long, what with about twenty people all crammed in together) table, either.

The group lingered in the café for the next hour, growing progressively louder and more obnoxious as the two choirs mingled more. Kurt had shot the staff an apologetic look or two, but since the group seemed to be going through just as much food as conversation, he didn't feel too badly. Mostly, he was occupied by the constant stream of people who filled the chairs around him, who all seemed to have some kind of telepathic roster worked out when it came to speaking to Kurt. He appreciated the variety of company immensely - truthfully, he'd never felt so loved in his life - but he'd already been exhausted before they'd arrived, so it was hard to keep up with everyone.

A pair of hazel eyes weren't helping Kurt's concentration, either. Blaine was pretty much the only other one at the table who hadn't switched seats at some point during the afternoon. He was never close enough to be drawn into the same conversation as Kurt (despite Wes's clumsy, misguided attempts), but he seemed to be watching every time Kurt looked. It was entirely disconcerting. Slightly disturbing, too, was that Blaine only ever had one of three expressions on his face: fond, wistful or painfully uncertain. One of the things that had first attracted Kurt to Blaine was that his face was just so animated, so seeing him stuck bothered Kurt more than he wanted to admit.

The party wrapped up as the Warblers realised that if they wanted to make it back to Westerville for the end of dinner, they'd have to rush. Everyone slowly filtered out to their cars except for David, Blaine and Kurt, who all lingered by the door. Blaine shot Kurt another one of those uncertain looks before clearly coming to some kind of decision, and asking David, 'Would you give us a minute, please?'

There was a time when David would have accepted Blaine's request without question. Not today. In spite of the friendship they'd formed, Kurt was still slightly shocked when David didn't walk off, even when Blaine's furrowed his brow and indicated the door with a tiny jerk of his head. Instead, David merely looked past Blaine to Kurt and raised a questioning eyebrow, his message clear - is this what you want?

Kurt took a moment to really consider his answer before nodding very slightly at David, who clasped Kurt's forearm gently before departing. Kurt and Blaine both shifted awkwardly in the ensuing silence, before Blaine abruptly blurted, 'I fought with Patrick about coming today.'

Kurt raised an eyebrow at Blaine. Of all the things he had expected, this was not it. 'So I heard.'

'David, hey?' Blaine asked with a crooked smile. 'I swear he was never so interfering before you came along.' He sobered again. 'Patrick basically issued me an ultimatum. A couple of ultimatums, actually. One of which was that if I wanted to keep him, I wouldn't come here this afternoon.'

Kurt's heart was pounding, and he suppressed the urge to shake Blaine violently and shout at him, why are you doing this to me? Instead, he asked the slightly more subtle, 'So what does it mean that you're here?'

Blaine looked at his feet, thinking furiously. His thoughts were a complete mess, more than they'd ever been before, and he had no idea how to articulate them to himself, let alone to Kurt. 'We both already know that I can't love him,' he said slowly. 'But as to why I chose to come here, instead of ignoring the other ultimatum he gave me? I'm not sure. But I do know that watching you laughing with your friends for an hour made me happier than a whole day with Patrick.'

Kurt's hand was hanging limply by his side, and Blaine ran a single finger very, very lightly across the back of it, cherishing one of the few patches of pale skin that was unmarked. Kurt bit his lip at the tenderness in the movement.

'I know that this touch burns more than Patrick's lips and hands on my chest ever have,' Blaine said raggedly, and curved his fingertips delicately around Kurt's, still only the barest contact.

Blaine's fingers were sending something stronger than sparks up Kurt's arm. He was so hyper-aware of where their fingers met, he swore he could count every single cell of his that touched Blaine's. 'Blaine, you can't do this to me,' Kurt gasped hoarsely. He wanted desperately to twitch his fingers, all that it would take to separate him from the boy before him, but he couldn't no matter how hard he tried. 'You can't keep me hanging on if you don't know what you want from me. It's not fair.'

Blaine sighed and slid his fingers away, until only the pads of their index fingers were still caught together. 'I know. And I'm so, so sorry for what I put you through. You have no idea.' He looked up and caught Kurt's eye. 'I'm still scared of everything that you bring out in me. Maybe I always will be. But... not having you in my life is starting to scare me more.'

It felt like Kurt's heart was pumping grief instead of blood around his body. Blaine was really, really trying to understand everything. It sounded like he might even be making the first baby steps of progress. He was battling through a world of confusion and fear and trying to make things ok, and Kurt wanted to support Blaine through that. He really did.

But he just couldn't do it any more.

Kurt pulled his hand away.

'Blaine, not having you in my life has killed me. But I can't keep being the strong one.' Kurt could hear the tears in his own voice and feel them clawing at his eyelids, but he refused to let them fall. 'I can't keep letting you mess me around while you try to figure this all out again. If you cut me off this time, I don't know how I'll recover.'

Kurt turned to leave but was abruptly stopped by two hands grabbing tightly at his wrists. 'Woah, woah, Kurt, stop, please!' Blaine pulled Kurt around to face him, and there was panic in the shorter boy's eyes. 'Kurt, I know I'm still figuring this out, but I've definitely made progress from where I was at before,' Blaine said rapidly, adrenaline finally forcing his thoughts to clarify themselves. 'What I said was true, even though I've just realised it. I can't not have you in my life. If you stay, I swear to God I'll never cut you off completely like that ever again. Please, please keep talking to me, and I promise I won't leave you.' Blaine's expression was pleading. 'And in everything I've done to you, I've never broken a promise.'

Kurt could feel Blaine's hands on his wrists where they held them fast, the blood throbbing at the pulse points there. Blaine's skin was intoxicating and Kurt's head was spinning. But his heart was still terrified. Can I do this? he asked himself frantically. Can I really do this to myself again?

He looked at Blaine, whose emotions were almost bleeding from his face and into the air around him, who was clearly as lost in this situation and was hurting as deeply as Kurt was. Who, despite the panic twisting his face, was still the most glorious man Kurt had ever seen. Can I not do this?

'What do you want from me?' Kurt asked again.

'Just a place in your life,' Blaine answered. The words had the resonance of certainty behind them, a crystalline ring of truth that had been missing from his voice for so long. 'Just ten seconds of your day, every day, so that, when I've figured myself out, there's still room for me in there somewhere.'

Kurt could feel his will crumble into dust. 'You promise you'll make use of those ten seconds? Every day?' he asked, sounding as vulnerable as he felt.

Relief appeared to hit Blaine hard, making him waver on the spot as he dropped Kurt's wrists. 'I promise,' he vowed, looking like he might cry. The air around them stilled and calmed.

Kurt, finding a new reserve of energy, knew he could be the strong one for another round. After a long minute of silence he pulled himself together, standing taller. He cocked one eyebrow and fixed Blaine with a sharp look. 'So, Mr Anderson, what is your judgement of Tom Ford's new collection?' He made it sound like if Blaine got the answer wrong, he'd be immediately kicked to the curb.

Blaine tried to pull himself together too, his eyes slowly clearing. 'Hideous,' he said finally. 'Some of those colours clashed so badly that the model looked like he was in physical pain.' Blaine gave Kurt a tremulous smile, and even though it was tiny, it seemed to glow.

Deep inside Kurt, deeper than a place of physical sensation, something jerked to a halt. Like he had been free falling, but out of nowhere a strong, brown hand had reached out and stopped the plunge.