Kurt had made it his new morning ritual to walk past the coffee shop Blaine worked at each morning. Sometimes he went in, sometimes he passed by, but he hadn’t seen Blaine there until the third Tuesday of the quarter, a week after he’d seen Blaine perform at Callacks.

Now, standing outside on a wet, fizzy morning, he wasn’t quite sure what he had hoped to accomplish by checking the coffee shop for Blaine every morning. He put on the most casual face he could muster and opened the door.

The shop was busy, and for once Kurt was glad there was a line because he was still coming up with something to say. He had hoped conversation would come naturally when saw Blaine, as he ran the situation through his head every day the past week. However, a dreadful pit in his stomach told him that probably wasn’t the case.

As he approached the front counter, he put all his bets on Blaine starting a conversation. After all, it had been Blaine who initiated small-talk every time they’d met. He really wasn’t even sure if he wanted this. All he knew was that there was something in Blaine’s eyes that night one week ago, and he needed to know what was behind them.

“Good morning,” Blaine smiled, “What can I get for you today?”

“A tall non-fat mocha, the usual” Kurt grimaced at how his voice had squeaked out of his body- that was not what he was going for.

“Alrighty, one tall non-fat mocha. Anything else?”

“That’s it”

“That’ll be $3.35 please.”

Kurt pulled out his wallet and paid. He proceeded to the other side of the counter. He proceeded outside when he got his drink.

And then he stopped. Dumbstruck by how normal the conversation had been. Well, not really a conversation, Kurt rationalized, an exchange, a business transaction. No inviting smiles, or sad eyes, no- ah! Kurt checked under the sleeve. No. No secret notes on the side of his cup either. It made him feel, well, normal.

He never thought it’d feel so awful being normal. Blaine had always treated him differently. Even before they’d fallen in love, Blaine had always made Kurt feel special.

And before Kurt even realized what he was doing, he’d reentered the building, “What time are you off?” he heard himself ask across the room.

“Oh.” Blaine looked completely staggered, “Um, five.”

“Great.” Kurt left. He ran as soon as the coffee shop was out of sight, and didn’t stop until he reached the train station. What was that. Great, he had said. That wasn’t even a real reply. Did that mean Blaine would be expecting Kurt at the end of his shift? No, he really hadn’t asked Blaine out. Maybe Blaine had plans. Maybe Blaine just thought Kurt was really interested in his work schedule. Maybe Blaine thought Kurt had lost it. The latter was most definitely true, Kurt decided. The rest, he would ask Isabelle about during his break.

--

What was that.

Great, Kurt had said before rushing out the door.

Blaine sat on a barstool in the shop during his coffee break. They had these really great couch-chair-things, but those were reserved for customers. Blaine had been promising himself he’d come in one day just to try those out.

But for now, Blaine sat on a barstool in the shop during his coffee break. He sipped his medium drip and thought about what Kurt’s words- word, really- had meant. Great. Was Kurt expecting Blaine to wait after his shift? Did he want to talk all of a sudden? Had he, by some miracle, realized how badly he loved Blaine? That they were meant only for each other? Probably not, Blaine figured. And besides, Blaine was letting go.

It didn’t mean he didn’t love Kurt, he did. Dreadfully so. But Kurt was meant for great things; Blaine could only hold him back. At one point, Blaine had been a part of Kurt’s future. But Kurt had made it clear that those dreams had long since turned dust. That it was time to move on and the only thing standing in the way of Kurt’s happiness was the fact the Blaine could not let go. Kurt had ignored all the texts and voicemails Blaine sent after Christmas. Kurt had ignored him in the hall on the first day of the semester. Kurt had shown up at Callbacks, but two hours late, and only to leave as quickly as possible with Rachel.

Great.

That one word had already begun to shake his resolve. What if Kurt really did still love him back? Still want him back?

Blaine tried his best to push the encounter out of his mind and focus on steaming milk and serving coffee for the rest of the afternoon.

--

After his morning class, Kurt rushed over to Vogue.com. Rachel had lunch with Brody again, anyways. Kurt thought Rachel and Finn were sickening. And, while Brody insisted that they were in college and the game had changed, they sure did spend a lot of time attached at the hip.

He pushed through the double glass doors and greeted the front secretary. Isabelle wasn’t to be found in her office, and Kurt figured she’d gone out for lunch as well.

He decided to take a nap in the empty conference room. While normally, such an act was far beneath him, he really hadn’t been sleeping all that well recently. At least, he had intended on taking a nap in the empty conference room until he’d let his eyes begin to flutter shut and heard a hushed, “One of those days, huh.”

He knew Isabelle’s voice. Kurt rolled over beneath the long conference table to see her lying there next to him, rubbing her eyes. They couldn’t help but laugh until their sides hurt, at the ridiculousness of their situation.

So, there, under the conference room table, Kurt spilled everything to Isabelle, the note on the coffee cup, watching Blaine perform again, how normal that morning had been and how it terrified him. He did his best to hold back his tears until a tender hand was placed on his shoulder. After Kurt was done crying, Isabelle asked just one question, like it was the most simple question in the world, “Do you still love him, Kurt?”

But it wasn’t simple. It wasn’t. Kurt didn’t know. He didn’t even know if he knew how to love anymore. Kurt inhaled sharply, tears threatening to fall once more.

So, Isabelle asked another question instead, “Do you still love him, Kurt, as a friend?”

How could that be any easier to answer, wasn’t that the same at this point? How could he love Blaine as a friend after everything that had happened? Yet, before Kurt could really think, he found himself answering “Yes.”

This time, he did nothing to stop salty tears from spilling down his cheeks.

--

Kurt walked back to campus, still dizzy, aching from crying. Wondering if he meant what he said to Isabelle.

--

4:48pm

Call me in 30 Rachel

4:51pm

whats wrong?

4:51pm

Just, please

4:56pm

tell me about it later?

4:56pm

Ok

4:57pm

deal :)