He reaches over to his bedside stand and retrieves his cell phone, quickly unlocking it as he brings it to eye level.

He eyes the time - 3:23pm - with some surprise but quickly forgets about it when he sees his notifications.

13 missed calls.
43 missed texts.

“What the hell?!” he murmurs, sitting bolt upright, the covers curling around his torso, disturbed.

Kurt decides to go for the missed calls first. Out of the missed calls there are 8 messages. The first two are from Sebastian - an irate Sebastian, a swearing Sebastian, and then a gently pandering Sebastian, hell bent on getting Kurt to call him.

Not gonna happen Kurt thinks.

The next four messages are, well, odd. They’re all from Rachel’s number but each one is only one or two seconds long, like she can’t think of what to say, which is so unlike Rachel he rushes to get to the last two.

The first one sounds somewhat normal, save for her rambling.

“Hi Kurt, this is- this is Rachel. I just wanted to see how you’re, uh, doing, because you’re not here today and I know you were sick? Yesterday and so just give me a call.”

The second one, however, is much more telling.

“Hi Kurt. I- this is Rachel. I can’t tell you over text and I don’t really want it on a message, either, but since you’re not picking up your phone or answering texts...I’m not really feeling myself today, if you understand. Call me when you can? Please?”

Kurt lets the message finish before inhaling sharply, his mind scrambling to get this right.

So Blaine’s Rachel today. And it’s after school at this point so she’s - he’s - heshe’s? where?

He exits his voicemail quickly, flicking to the missed calls menu and pressing Rachel’s number. In moments her voice is flooding his ear.

“Hello? Kurt?”

“Hi...Rachel. Where are you right now?” Kurt replies, climbing out of bed and crossing the room to his closet, preparing to throw some clothes on. Despite not showering he thinks with a shiver.

Blaine’s certainly had an effect, that’s for sure.

“I, um,” she begins, conflict in her voice, “I’m in front of your house, actually.”

Kurt pulls the phone away from his ear to stare at it before quickly moving toward the door and down the steps two at a time, skidding to a halt in front of the door and then turns the lock and flings it open.

Rachel stands there, her hair down around her face, in jeans and a bright blue sweater with a black poodle on it. She’s wearing sneakers.

Kurt bursts out laughing, if not for the outfit but with relief at seeing Blaine again so soon.

“Oh, honey. At least you tried!”

Blaine-in-Rachel at first looks mildly offended and then her eyes slit into a decidedly un-Rachel expression and she replies, “Well, at least I’m completely dressed for the occasion.”

Kurt colors all the way down to his toes, taking stock of what he’s wearing, which turns out to be very little, actually.

“I really like those pajama pants on you,” Rachel’s voice cuts softly into Kurt. His blood’s pumping in his ears at the immediate flush of arousal he feels at Blaine’s attention. It’s tempered swiftly, however, with the confusing fact that it’s Rachel’s voice, his best friend and, well, a woman.

“Come inside,” Kurt hisses, remembering himself and hiding behind the door. Rachel he can deal with, it won’t seem suspicious her being at the house. She’s here all the time anyway because of-

The door closes behind Kurt harder than he intends because, “Wait, did you see FINN today?”

Rachel’s skin colors brightly and her eyes avoid Kurt’s gaze.

“Did you kiss Finn today?” Kurt manages to get out, his heart thudding wildly because no, Blaine is his and-

“Yes. I had to, Kurt. He’s her boyfriend. I can’t - I couldn’t make it look like she doesn’t want the guy. What they have, it seems special, you know?”

Kurt feels his shoulders slump as the reality of this - whatever this is - washes over him in bitter waves.

Blaine cannot be his. Not the way Kurt wants and certainly not the way either of them deserve. All the feelings that had bubbled and simmered, working themselves up to a boil by the end of Blaine’s emails seemed to frost over, the ruined shell of an idea.

“Yes, of course. They are. Something special, I mean,” Kurt replies, knowing he sounds broken but not really having the strength to lie to Blaine.

Rachel takes a step toward him, her hands out as if to hug him, hold him, but Kurt steps back.

“I just need to- I just need a minute is all,” he says, and Rachel retreats, her face a mask of hurt.

“It seems like neither of us is good at hiding how we’re feeling today,” Kurt observes. “So let’s go upstairs. I’ll put on a shirt and we can talk, okay?”

Rachel just nods and turns to the stairs, leaving Kurt to follow slowly behind.

***

When they get to the top of the stairs Kurt passes Blaine and he has a moment to appreciate Kurt fully, his naked back on display for Blaine’s eyes. Blaine knows he should feel sad - morose, even, but for a moment, just a moment, he lets his eyes linger on the smooth slope of Kurt’s spine leading down...

Kurt turns quickly, catching Blaine in his moment.

“Really Blaine?” He scolds, hands on his hips, left eyebrow raised.

Blaine schools Rachel’s face to look as innocent as possible.

“What?” he asks, making his eyes as wide as he can.

Kurt scowls at him knowingly.

“Do you have any idea how awkward it is to be oogled by not only my best friend but my brother’s girlfriend?” Kurt’s voice is almost a shriek by the time he’s through, but Blaine just laughs, Rachel’s giggle filling the room.

“It’s really not my fault that I have gotten to touch your ass, Kurt. You allowed it so...I’m not apologizing.”

Kurt gapes at him a moment and then laughs himself, wandering into his closet and then bringing back a grey Henley. Blaine watches as he pulls the worn-looking shirt over his head and then begins tugging on his covers.

“This is so awkward.” Kurt states as he meticulously makes hospital corners on his sheets.

“Maybe for you, but I’m stupidly happy” Blaine quips, settling himself onto the settee in Kurt’s alcove before turning his attention to the creams and products there. “Can I touch these?”

Kurt glances up at him, their eyes meeting in the mirror’s reflection. So much longing is in that face that Blaine has to look away.

“I mean, I- I just want to smell them if that’s okay?”

He hears Kurt clear his throat behind him, the rustle of the comforter and then Kurt’s voice again.

“Sure, it’s fine. It’s just that everyone usually picks on me about it, you know?”

“Well, I’m not everyone,” Blaine announces before unceremoniously unscrewing the cap on a white jar with a green label. He takes a deep inhale and sighs happily. This must be what Kurt had used yesterday because suddenly he’s wrapped up in Kurt again.

“Never has a statement been more inaccurate, Blaine.” Kurt grumbles, finishing off the bed, and Blaine nearly drops the cream in his hands.

“Oh my god, say my name again.” Blaine begs, turning to face Kurt on the settee while putting the lid back on the cream.

“Honestly, that sounds like bad porn,” Kurt sniffs, “Especially in Rachel’s voice. Please never say that to me again...although I’ll try to say ‘Blaine’ as much as possible this afternoon for you, okay?”

Blaine smiles the brightest smile he can muster and begins to read the lid he’s holding.

“‘Rad Soap Co. Keeping it real.’ Really, Kurt?” He lifts his head and Kurt is staring at him airily.

“It’s all natural. Read the label! And it’s not that expensive - that container was only $17.00.” Kurt flumps down onto the bed on his stomach, watching Rachel’s eyes as they read.

“Harmony body lotion.” Blaine reads aloud. He turns the container onto its side to read the ingredients. “Distilled H20, Shea Butter, Safflower Oil, Olive Oil, Grape Seed Oil, Sunflower Seed Oil - I feel like I could cook with this-”

Kurt tosses a pillow at him but he keep reading while it sails by.

“-Arrowroot, wait, what’s arrowroot? Okay, wait, Ewax. WHOA. What is THAT? It sounds way too close to earwax, Kurt-”

He breaks off because this time the pillow connects with his forehead and he drops the container, watching it roll under the bed as Kurt buries his face in the comforter, laughing.

Blaine launches himself from the settee, climbing onto Kurt’s back to tickle him senseless. Kurt just laughs harder, shrieking about being attacked in his own house while Rachel’s giggles fills up the rest of the room, the sounds of their amusement traveling through the house. Kurt manages to flip himself over, attacking Rachel’s stomach with his fingers and making Blaine bellow and beg for him to stop.

Neither of them hear the door downstairs slam or the footsteps in the hall. Neither of them hear Finn as he makes his way to Kurt’s doorway and watches as they both stop and stare at each other, hands stilled on stomachs and chests heaving.

Blaine speaks first.

“Kurt, I -”

“Don’t,” Kurt says, “because then this will be really weird and I-”

“You guys,” Finn says from the doorway, causing both of them to divert their attention to the doorway, almost comically. “What are you doing?”

“He threw a pillow at me!” Rachel insists, climbing off of Kurt’s lap and bounding across the room to stand next to Finn, her back to his front.

Kurt looks up, seeing the fear in Rachel’s eyes and this makes it the most real yet. The one thing he can’t have. The one thing he wants.

“Yeah, well, she...she deserved it.” Kurt replies primly, sitting up and smoothing out his clothes.

“Dude, are you still in your pajamas? Are you feeling any better?” Finn asks emphatically, obviously worried for Kurt’s health.

“I’m better. I had trouble sleeping last night so I was reading,” Kurt says meaningfully, looking at Rachel as he speaks. He sees her eyes widen and her lip tremble before Finn’s talking again.

“Oh, okay man. Since mom’s gone tonight and Burt won’t be home until next week I picked up frozen pizza. Don’t worry, I got a vegan one for you, Rach.”

“You go start the oven, I’ll shower and get dressed,” Kurt replies, glancing one last time at Rachel and hoping for an uneventful evening.

Part 14

The rest of the night is uneventful, much to Kurt’s chagrin. It’s more like any other night he would have with Rachel and Finn in the house if they were choosing to hang out with him instead of in Finn’s room.

Kurt wishes there are more moments where Rachel will pull away from Finn’s kisses or for her to come and sit next to Kurt like she had when they first started watching the movie.

Before Finn had sweetly complained that his lap was cold without her.

Kurt has now had the entirely unpleasant experience of being insanely jealous of his step-brother and quite frankly by 9’o’clock he can’t take anymore.

“Oh man,” Kurt says rather loudly, stretching his arms wide over his head. “I’m so tired, I think I’m heading upstairs.”

Rachel looks up at him quickly, her eyes darting to Finn’s face before speaking as well.

“You know, I might head home, too. I’m not feeling well at all right now.”

Both Finn and Kurt eye her quizzically as she jumps out of Finn’s lap and heads for the doorway.

Finn follows her there, his face showing concern edged with frustration.

“Are you sure, Rach? I mean, you could stay a little longer and we could hang out down here or in my room, I mean, Kurt’s going to bed and-” he cuts off, glancing in Kurt’s direction sheepishly.

It’s not like they don’t know that the other’s sexually active. But knowing and knowing are two different things. Kurt tries to make his features behave; to seem calmly indifferent as Rachel pulls on her sneakers.

Inside, though, he is gloating his success. Today - if even just today - Blaine is still his.

“No, Finn, really. I feel very odd. I’ve felt off all day - remember I told you at Glee club? It might be those herbal supplements that voice coach suggested. They are really hard to find online.” Rachel looks at him plaintively, her face flushed and her eyes unfocused.

Kurt has a moment to note how good Blaine can be before speaking up in his support. He steps forward and feels Rachel’s forehead.

“Wow, honey. You must not be feeling well at all,” he says, voice dripping with concern.

FInn looks between the two of them, worry in his eyes.

“Dude. You don’t think she’s contagious, do you?”

Rachel and Kurt burst into giggles, their laughter further mystifying Finn.

“Alright, well, Rach, do you want me to drive you or-? Finn tries again, moving forward to rub Rachel’s lower back.

Kurt watches his hand move in slow circles and jealousy burns in his stomach like acid. It should be me touching her, it should be- He cuts himself off mid-thought, realizing the pronouns in his head.

Being involved with Blaine is so fucking complicated.

Moments later Finn’s clearing his throat, obviously wanting a moment alone with Rachel before she leaves. She glances to Kurt and mouths “check the email later” before Kurt moves from the room, giving them privacy.

He resists the urge to kick the door jamb.

***

Day: 2560 Age: 18 Time: 20:45pm

Facts of the day:

• White female


• Upper middle class
  
• Name: Rachel
  
• Straight in long-term monogamous relationship


• I spent more time with Kurt today(!)

B-
The girl that I dropped into today was still in Ohio, and still in Kurt’s circle of acquaintances. In fact, it was Kurt’s best friend. When I woke up I thought I would get to see him all day but I didn’t. Instead I learned exactly how hot Finn thinks Rachel is, how hard it is to pick just one horrendous sweater from a sea of them, and how to make it through the day when there’s only one person you want to see.

This is actually rather difficult.

I guess this is what love is. It’s kind of like music. Sometimes it starts with a bang and continues all the way though that way, riotous burning under your skin until suddenly it’s gone. Other times it’s a small whisper in your ear until it builds and explodes, tingling your senses and wondering how you ever lived without it. Both kinds can get stuck in your head, a rhythm and beat that your body can’t shrug off no matter what you try to do.

Kurt is has become the staccato of my heart when he’s in the room, and the chorus of my day as I wait to see his face.

I have officially become cheesy.

Kurt, if you’re reading this, I hope to see you tomorrow. And the day after that. And all the days that are afforded me until some inscrutable force deems it is time for me to move on.

I really don’t have much more to say. I just wish I could stay forever.

-B