Feb. 17, 2013, 12:41 p.m.
Where We Land: Chapter 3
E - Words: 1,451 - Last Updated: Feb 17, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 5/5 - Created: Jan 31, 2013 - Updated: Feb 17, 2013 177 0 2 0 0
Blaine's hands shook with nervousness as he adjusted his bowtie yet again in the mirror. Today was the day. He'd never been more scared in his life, but the feeling was also partly adrenaline. Nothing –nothing– could ruin this day.
After checking his hair for the tenth time since that morning, Blaine grabbed his suit jacket from the chair next to him. Facing himself in the mirror, he looked into his own face and breathed deeply, chest rising and falling in synchronicity with his reflection. Blaine looked into his own eyes and said, very softly, "I cheated on Kurt." The words ached leaving his lips, but he bit back the feeling and repeated it. Blaine said it again and again until the words were permanently etched into the air, his sin lain out before him. Blaine burned the words into his memory, intangible admonitions of his foolish mistake. He then amended the statement by continuing, "But I love him. And I will make this work." He wiped his tears and shook out his limbs, shaking off the odd combination of anxiety and dread. Guilt still weighed down his chest, but the final recognition of his actions lessened the pressure. Blaine pinched the inside of his wrist to ground himself and keep his mind awake. If he retreated into his own mind wallow and regret now, he would never return.
Blaine pulled his suit jacket on, smoothing down the lapels carefully. He ran over song lyrics in his mind, distracting himself in the best way he knew how.
There was a knock on the door; Finn and Sam entered the room, quickly followed by Artie, Joe, Ryder and Jake. Blaine smiled, but the smiles that were returned to him were pitying – all except for Sam, who exchanged a knowing glance with Blaine. It was just one look, but it filled him with an indescribable amount of courage.
Finn called Blaine over to help him with his bowtie, but Blaine ambled over nervously, his feet dragging. He knew eventually he'd have to talk to Finn about Kurt. He'd just hoped it would be any time after right that moment.
"Hey," Finn said softly, offering Blaine a half-smile. Blaine nodded, bemused at Finn's gentle voice, but worked on tying his black satin bowtie. "How are you?"
Blaine had to stop his fingers for a moment and look up into Finn's face. "I've been better," said Blaine honestly, a little hoarse.
"What is it? Are you sick?"
Blaine shook his head, finishing the bow and adjusting it on Finn's neck. It kept him from having to look up into Finn's eyes. "I'm nervous about seeing Kurt."
"Oh. Yeah, I figured as much." Finn put his hands in his lap, and there was an uncomfortable silence. Blaine was about to walk away when Finn finally reached out and placed a huge hand on his shoulder. "I hope it works out."
Blaine didn't know whether or not Finn actually meant that, but it was still nice to hear. It was one of many times he wished Finn was still his friend.
The door creaked open once more and Mr. Schuester slipped into the room, a thousand-watt smile on his face. Everyone gathered around him and wished him luck and offered him preposterous advice. The moment felt like a paramount to something, but Blaine couldn't figure out exactly what. Somehow, it felt like an ending.
"It's showtime," Mr. Schue whispered, and all the boys put their heads together, just like in show circle. "Thank you all so much for being here."
"We wouldn't miss it for the world Mr. Schue," Finn responded, to the murmuring assents of the rest. "Now go get hitched."
They filed out of the hotel room in the order in which they would stand at the altar, with Mr. Schuester at the front and Ryder pushing Artie at the rear. Finn, as Mr. Schuester's best man, stood directly in front of Blaine, completely blocking his view of the room and the guests, although he craned his neck to look around. When he had finally taken his place next to the altar, his eyes were able to search for those iridescent cerulean orbs he needed to see – but he searched vainly. A pit of disappointment settled deep within his stomach, but the bridesmaids were walking down the aisle, followed by Emma, looking as brilliant and beautiful as anyone he'd ever seen, so he tried to shove his feelings away and concentrate on the ceremony. It went flawlessly, and Blaine had to stifle tears when it came time for the vows, and he was beaming and clapping right along with everyone else. The bridesmaids and groomsmen paired off and strode down the aisle after the happy couple. Tina hooked his arm and patted it softly, leaning in and whispering an encouragement that Blaine barely heard.
Kurt wasn't here. He hadn't come. The world felt like it was going to cave in, like his lungs were going to burst from a lack of oxygen, like his legs were going to give out on him. It was sensory overload and deprivation all at once, and there was a rush in his ears that blocked out all other noise. He escorted Tina to the reception hall, but his mind was thousands of miles away, in New York where he knew Kurt was, sitting in his living room, feeling disappointed that he missed the wedding. Blaine knew Kurt's disappointment was nothing compared to the suffocating feeling Blaine was desperately trying to fight. That only served to increase the wringing of his own heart in his hands.
Blaine sat Tina down at her seat on Emma's side and walked over to where the groomsmen were sitting only to find no empty seats. Bemused, he twirled around in a circle, certain that he'd missed his chair, but there were none.
"Blaine!" Mr. Schuester called out to him from his seat next to Emma. Blaine walked over, his face etched with confusion. "I hope you don't mind, but we had a last minute guest and no extra seats, so I put the two of you together at that table down there."
Blaine turned and looked where he was pointing, and his heart jumped into his throat, his blood running cold. Sitting at a small circular table to the side of dining room, carefully patting and fixing his hair, effortlessly taking Blaine's breath away, was Kurt Hummel.
Before Blaine was conscious of where his feet were taking him, he stopped in front of Kurt and let out a short breath that alerted Kurt to his presence. Kurt glanced up and at once his eyes widened and his smiled widely, standing at once. He reached out to envelope Blaine but apparently thought better of it, because he offered his hand instead, and Blaine took it in both of his.
I love you. "Hi Kurt," Blaine said strongly, albeit bashfully. He couldn't stop his eyes from raking up and down Kurt's body, taking in every part of him. He'd matured in a few months; maybe it wasn't in his physicality, but it was certainly in his eyes. There was a hardness in those blue eyes that made Blaine feel like they'd frozen to ice. Kurt had put up a wall; the realization that it was to defend himself againstBlainewas what felt to Blaine like a punch in the stomach. There was, however, a redness to his cheeks and a fiery heat to his skin that betrayed his cold expression, his resolute denial and solitude that was keeping Blaine out. Somehow, dressed in black and white, Kurt had never looked more vibrant, or tragically beautiful, or alive. Blaine felt like he was looking into a crystal ball: the Kurt standing before him could be Kurt ten years in the future, adult and mature and still devastatingly handsome. In that moment, Blaine could not think of any reason to restrain himself from reaching out to Kurt and taking him into his arms and never letting go, but then Kurt pulled his hands back and Blaine regained enough of his composure to back away.
"Hi Blaine," Kurt said softly, like he did when they were young, still two best friends with no clue how to love each other, but with enough desire and passion to believe they could.
And then there was a silence, because what else could be said? The apologies had been given and received and accepted. It resulted in a standoff that Blaine had not anticipated or expected, and it left him flailing for words to say that wouldn't scare Kurt away. Kurt had said there was hope for them, but how did it start? How could they begin to heal? How could they start over?
"Dance with me," Kurt said, holding out his hand.
And they danced.
Comments
This was awesome. I thought Kurt was unable to make it to the wedding since Blaine didn't see him but I was happy to see that he was actually there and that Mr. Shue decided to sit Blaine with Kurt. I can't wait to see what happens during or after they finish dancing.
Thank you so much for the review! The next chapter will be quite heavy and hot, if you get what I mean. Thank you for reading!