When Blaine awoke the next morning, Kurt's arm was still wrapped firmly around his torso. Blaine tried to wriggle free, but to no avail. Kurt only tightened his grasp, causing Blaine to give up.

It wasn't that Blaine didn't like Kurt holding him like this. He did. He really, really did. It was just that the last time they had woken up snuggled together, Kurt had not reacted well, to say the least. Then again, Kurt was the one holding him this time. And it was a conscious decision he had made before going to sleep. Although Blaine still wasn't sure how sober Kurt really was by that point. Maybe he wouldn't remember.

Blaine managed to turn himself around in Kurt's arms, so he was looking at his face. He let out a soft sigh. Kurt was gorgeous when he was sleeping. He looked so young and innocent, Blaine just wanted to hold him tight, and run his fingers through his hair and never let him go.

Kurt's eyelashes began to flutter, and he started to stir awake. Blaine took a moment, trying to mentally prepare himself for whatever was going to happen next.

Kurt blinked a few times, and then quickly pulled his arm back, but didn't move from where he was lying.

Everything was silent for a moment, as they both sat there looking at each other, Blaine waiting for Kurt to speak first.

After a few minutes of silence, Blaine decided to just go ahead and start talking, because they really needed to talk about what was going on with them.

"So...Do you remember anything that happened last night?" Blaine asked.

"Most of it, yes." Kurt answered.

Silence again.

"Um, so..."

"So?" Kurt snapped.

"Look, Kurt...Don't get like this again."

"Like what?"

"Like...this. I don't know. Just...This."

"I'm not sure what you're referring to, Anderson."

"You can't just keep opening up to me, and then closing yourself off and retreating. You just...You can't."

"You're right." Kurt said. "I need to stop opening myself up at all." Kurt got up out of the bed, and went to sit in Blaine's desk chair.

"You know that's not what I meant."

"I don't care what you meant, Anderson."

"Kurt, please, just...talk to me." Blaine half begged, not wanting Kurt to shut him out again.

"What is there to talk about?"

"We can just...continue where we left off last night?" Blaine suggested.

"Look, Blaine. I don't have time for this. I need to get home. My dad's going to be worried, and...Fuck. Shit. My car's at Santana's. How am I supposed to get home?" Kurt said, more to himself than to Blaine.

"I'll drive you."

"I'd really rather you didn't."

"How else are you supposed to get home?"

"What am I supposed to tell my dad when I get there, hm? Oh, yeah, I left my car at Santana's, and spent the night at my friend's house. He'll get suspicious. He doesn't even...He doesn't know I'm not a virgin, okay?"

Blaine raised an eyebrow at this. Kurt wasn't exactly the picture of innocence. Surely his dad had to know something.

"I'll take you to Santana's. To get your car. You can drive yourself home from there." Blaine suggested.

"Fine. Just...Fine." Kurt sighed, wiping a hand over his face. "Let's go."

The car ride was silent, at first. Much to Kurt's delight. He really didn't feel like talking. He was confused and angry, and Blaine really needed to stop roping him in and making him talk about his emotions.

"Can we please talk?" Blaine asked.

"About?"

"About...last night. About...us?"

"There is no us. Maybe we should just...Maybe you shouldn't talk to me anymore."

"Kurt, please don't do this. Don't shut me out."

"I shut everyone out. Why should you get special treatment?"

"Because, I want-"

"What, Anderson? What do you want?"

"I don't know, Kurt! I don't know, okay?"

"You passed the turn."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did. Santana's is that way."

"We're not going to Santana's."

"What the fuck, Anderson? Where the hell are you taking me?!"

"I don't know yet."

"Stop the car."

"No."

"Stop the fucking car!" Kurt yelled.

"No!" Blaine yelled back.

Kurt had no idea where this was coming from. Why was Blaine being so crazy? Yes, Blaine deserved answers. And Blaine didn't deserve to be treated the way Kurt was treating him. But he couldn't just...kidnap him. What was even going on?

"Look, we need to talk, and this seems like the only way I'm going to be able to get you to talk to me."

They were silent for the next twenty minutes, just driving. Blaine took them down a backroad somewhere that looked like it hadn't been driven on in decades.

"Blaine, where are we?" Kurt asked.

"No clue." Blaine pulled over into a ditch, and turned off the car.

"Look, Anderson, I told you my dad's going to be worried about me."

"Then talk. The faster you talk, the sooner you'll be home."

"This is not cool. At all. Just letting you know that."

"And the way you've been treating me all this time IS cool?"

"No...It's not. I know it's not. But it's just the way I am, and you knew that before you got into this."

"You don't have to be that way, though." Blaine mumbled.

"Don't you get it? I do. I do have to be that way."

Blaine was silent, so Kurt continued.

"I would think you of all people would understand. Don't you know what it's like? Being gay? I got teased for being gay before I ever even came out. I was bullied all through middle school. And then high school came along, and I saw how everyone treated the Cheerios. They treated them like royalty. And I wanted that. So I tried out, and coach Sylvester loved me. But...When you're on the Cheerios, especially when you're...like me, you can't be nice to people. You just can't. I'd lose all my power. All my dignity. Everything. If I'm not feared, I'm not loved."

"Being popular isn't the same as being loved."

"Well, it's as close as I want to get. Love is pain. Popularity is not getting thrown into dumpsters every day. It's an easy choice for me."

"I just wish you'd give yourself a chance. A chance to love, and be loved."

Kurt knew, although he'd never said as much, that Blaine was talking about the two of them.

"Even if-" Kurt cut himself off, not sure how to go about saying this. "Even if I wanted to try. To open myself up to...that, it couldn't be with you, Blaine." Kurt could feel his heart constricting in his chest, and he hated it. Hated that he felt bad, telling Blaine they couldn't be together. Hated that a part of him, which was getting bigger every day, wanted to be with Blaine.

"I don't understand, Kurt. Why not?"

"Because-" Kurt stopped himself again, trying to pull himself together. He couldn't get choked up about this. "Because it would ruin everything. Everything I've done to get to the top of the food chain at McKinley would come crashing down if I was seen even glancing at you. I can't risk it. I need to stay on top until graduation. I'm not going back to being hated and teased by everyone."

"But-" Blaine began.

"No!" Kurt cut him off, opening the car door, and walking away. He just needed to get some air.

He heard footsteps behind him.

"Will you please just drop it, Anderson?" Kurt spat, trying to hide the tears in his voice. "We can't be together. I don't want us to be together."

"You're lying." Blaine said.

And then Kurt was being spun around, and Blaine was pressing their lips together. This was like no other kiss they'd shared before. Like no kiss Kurt had ever shared with anyone before. It wasn't full of lust, or urgency. It was sweet. Soft, and gentle, and full of, dare Kurt say it, love.

Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's back, grabbing his shoulders, as Blaine held onto his face like it was his lifeline.

After a moment, they pulled apart.

"Blaine" Kurt whispered. "Blaine, we can't. I can't."

"Yes you can." Blaine leaned in, kissing him again.

Kurt pulled back, his hands on Blaine's chest, shoving him away lightly.

"No, Blaine, stop. Please stop."

"Stop resisting." Blaine was pleading with his eyes. They were wide, and bright, and hopeful.

Kurt didn't want to do this. He didn't want to tell Blaine no. He wanted to give in. But he couldn't. He was scared. Scared of getting hurt. Scared of falling to the bottom of the high school food chain. Scared of the way Blaine made him feel. No one had ever made him feel the way Blaine did. Hardly anyone had ever made him feel anything at all.

"Blaine, you need to stop. I mean it."

Blaine shook his head, refusing to give up.

"Take me to get my car now." Kurt begged. "Please." He wrapped his arms around himself and walked back to the car, climbing inside and waiting for Blaine.

Blaine got in the car, but didn't start it.

"Kurt, don't do this to yourself. Don't deny yourself something you want just because you're afraid."

"How do you know you're what I want?!" Kurt snapped.

"You told me last night that you like me." Blaine said, as if it were obvious.

"I recall."

"Well, isn't that enough?"

"No, Blaine. No, it is not enough."

"Look me in the eyes right now, and tell me you don't want to be with me. Tell me, and I'll leave you alone. We'll call off our arrangement, I'll erase your number. It'll be over."

Kurt was looking out the window, avoiding Blaine's gaze.

"Please, stop."

"Stop what, Kurt? Trying to get you to be honest with yourself? I told you, if you tell me you don't want me, I'll leave you alone."

"I can't fucking tell you I don't want you!"

"Why not?" Blaine pressed. Which annoyed Kurt to no end, because Blaine fucking knew why.

"Because...Because I do." Kurt whispered. And then came the tears. Silently rolling down his cheeks.

"Hey." Blaine said, quietly. "Hey, don't cry."

"What do you expect me to fucking do, Blaine? I've been trying to- To...To keep these feelings away for so long. I can't let myself-" A small sob escaped his lips. "Blaine, I can't." He wiped at his eyes angrily, forcing himself to stop crying.

Blaine reached over and grabbed his hand. Kurt looked down, expression blank, but not pulling away.

"Can't you just give us a chance?"

"I've already told you, Blaine! I can't! I fucking can't! Why can't you get that through your skull?!"

"You deserve happiness, Kurt."

Kurt scoffed at that.

"I don't even remember what happiness feels like." Kurt said, bitterly. "I know I must have been happy once. A long time ago. Before my mom got sick. But I can't remember it now."

"Let me help you, Kurt." Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand gently in his. "Please let me help you be happy again."

"What makes you think you can do that?"

"I don't know if I can, for sure. But I want to try. I really want to try."

Kurt took a moment, thinking. He sometimes wished he could be happy. But for the most part, it wasn't even something he thought about anymore. Happiness. It seemed like such a foreign thing to him. He liked Blaine. He liked him a lot. But that's exactly why he knew they shouldn't be together. They'd only end up hurting each other in the end.

But part of him wanted to try. He knew his dad worried about him. Maybe if he had a boyfriend...But no. He couldn't. Even if he did decide to try this thing with Blaine, he couldn't tell anyone. No one could know. Not even his dad.

"Kurt?"

Kurt shook himself out of his thoughts.

"Look, Blaine. If we...If we're going to be together, you can't tell anyone."

"Does that mean you want to be with me?"

"Are you going to be able to keep it to yourself?"

"I've kept the whole fuck buddies thing to myself, haven't I?"

"Fuck buddies and boyfriends are completely separate territory, Blaine."

"Right. Right, yeah. Yes, I'll keep it to myself."

"Then..."

"Then?" Blaine urged.

"Then fine."

Blaine looked at Kurt, seemingly waiting for him to elaborate.

"I'll be your boyfriend, or...whatever."

Blaine smiled the biggest smile Kurt had seen on him, and Kurt wondered if he'd made the right decision.

Blaine drove Kurt to Santana's in silence. When they arrived, Kurt got out of the car.

"Wait!" Blaine called after him. Kurt stopped midway through closing the car door. "Can I text you later?"

"Well...I guess you have the right to do that now." Kurt conceded.

"Like, just to talk?" Blaine asked.

"Yes. Like, just to talk. Can I go now?"

"Sure."

Kurt closed the door, and walked to his own car. He got in and turned the radio on, trying to drown out his thoughts.

Blaine was his boyfriend. Oh, fuck. Blaine was his boyfriend.

He had no clue what he was doing. What did boyfriends even do? Especially boyfriends who needed to keep their relationship a secret.

This was going to be a mess. Kurt was sure of it.