9. Shootout

Kurt wakes up the next morning still wearing his clothes and winces the dull ache on his face that turns out to be caused by the corner of his phone. His eyes burn as if he'd been rubbing them for hours and his mouth is sticky and dry. It only takes a few seconds to break out of his post-sleep daze, and then he remembers what happened the night before and suddenly feels nauseous.

He peels himself out of bed and makes it through a too-hot shower, dragging his feet as he gets ready for the day. Heartbreak or not, he still has a job to do and if he's ever going to make it in the fashion industry he has to learn to suck it up and not let his personal life get in the way of his career. Oh, the irony, he thinks while on the subway.

In theory, it seems simple enough to keep his brain on track, but when everything around him reminds him of Blaine, it's damn near impossible. Even the blue on a street vendor's umbrella reminds him of Blaine's stupid uniform and then he thinks of how gorgeous Blaine looks in that uniform, and, well, that train of thought surely doesn't help. He ends up babbling his way through the daily office staff meeting and by the time late morning arrives, Isabelle - also known as the most wonderful boss ever - sends him home just in time to stop him from ordering 2,000 yards of leopard print faux leather.

Kurt is used to being in control. He carefully crafted the world around him so that nothing is out of place and he is always a step ahead. Now, he feels like he's stumbling, physically and emotionally, and he spends the ride home on the train trying to figure out how to regain some kind of grasp on the mess he'd made. Except, by the time he reaches his stop, he feels just as helpless as he did when he got on. The smart thing to do would be to call Blaine and apologize for overreacting and throwing a tantrum that put even the most stubborn of people to shame.

He trudges up the stairs and makes it inside his apartment, hoping for some time to think of a plan of action. Unfortunately, Rachel is home, and as soon as she sees him in his sorry state, she goes into ‘mothering mode', demanding to know what happened while fixing him a cup of his favorite tea. Resisting her prying is useless, as Kurt has learned during his time living with her, so instead he recaps his conversation with Blaine from the night before, and miraculously, Rachel manages to keep from interrupting him until he's done.

"I think you owe Blaine an apology." Rachel says after a few minutes of silence. Kurt glares at a chip in his cup.

"Brilliant deduction. Why hadn't I thought of that?"

"No need to be mean, Kurt." Rachel purses her lips, which is a sign that the next words out of her mouth will be either things he already knows or doesn't want to hear. "You're scared."

"I'm not scared."

"Yes, you are." Rachel waits a few seconds before continuing. "Long distance relationships are hard, I know that. Finn and I are a prime example of - "

"Can we skip the part where you compare my destroyed relationship to your doomed-to-fail-from-the-start teenage romance?"

"Fine. You want to insult me, go ahead." Rachel stands and slams her empty cup in the sink so hard that Kurt jumps. "But your habit of shutting people out is what got you into this mess, and you know I'm right."

Kurt doesn't say anything right away. He isn't dumb enough to openly agree with her, but it would be a complete lie if he didn't admit that she's at least partially right. Relationships in general aren't his strong suit, but with Blaine it was different from the very start. So, naturally, he overreacted to something that shouldn't have been a big deal and pushed him away.

The more he thinks about it, the more guilty he feels. Blaine plays for a professional sports team. He doesn't work a nine-to-five in an office. He has to travel a lot and might need to relocate sometimes. Kurt knew all of that when they first started seeing each other and circumstances haven't changed since then. On the other hand, it sucks that Blaine lives in another state and it would suck even more if he lived across the country. Kurt is - was, oh god - his boyfriend. Doesn't that mean that he should have at least some say?

Still, it wasn't right for him to demand that Blaine make such a huge decision and Blaine had every right to stand up for himself. If the tables were turned, he sure as hell wouldn't take too kindly to Blaine telling him what career moves to make. Kurt groans and drops his head to the table, pressing his forehead into the cold metal surface. "What do I do now?"

Rachel, ever patient despite practically thrumming with the need to give him advice, patted his shoulder. "You could start by talking to him."

~^*^~

Blaine drops to the bench, the small door closing in front of him. It's his second time in the penalty box. He's making stupid mistakes, not paying attention to his stick, and to make things worse, the other team scored last time he was out. His head isn't in the game, and at this point in the season, he can't afford to screw up.

The possibility of switching teams is still hanging over him, and Blaine knows that a decision will be made soon. He may have some choice, based on pay and how many years are offered to him, and of course, the Blue Jackets can still match an offer, making the decision a little simpler. They were already going to the playoffs, but now it was a fight for home ice advantage, and Blaine would love to open up the first round in Columbus. He just needs to get through the next couple weeks.

Blaine tries to gather his thoughts and refocus. Unfortunately, it's a little hard to do so when he hasn't spoken to Kurt in over a day and is still trying to figure out what the hell happened. Their fight was so sudden that it wasn't until six minutes after Kurt hung up that Blaine realized he had basically called off their entire relationship. He'd decided to let Kurt cool off, sure that he would call back and they could fix whatever broke between them. Blaine waited until he couldn't stay awake any longer, and then he waited the next morning and through his afternoon practice, checking his phone as often as he could in case Kurt tried to call or text him.

When nothing came, Blaine tried to put all his effort into his game, but that wasn't working out too well, either. Maybe he shouldn't have gotten so upset, but he's under so much pressure already, from his agent and coaches and Cooper, that he hoped for Kurt to be supportive. Instead, he felt worse after it all blew up in his face.

The sound of a horn blew and Blaine hit his stick against the wall, swearing loudly. The other team scored with the man advantage, again, and it was his fault because he couldn't get his brain and body to function properly. He's definitely in for a long night.

The next morning, Blaine lifts his head from his pillow to look over to the nightstand. His phone has been ringing for the past ten minutes, but it's Cooper's ringtone and he isn't in the mood to talk. He wants to be left alone to sulk. He has practice in a few hours, and judging by his performance the night before, it's going to be a rough one. His coach was visibly frustrated with him, as were his teammates. Blaine tried to focus on work, but his mind was filled with thoughts of Kurt and what he may or may not be doing. It was especially problematic because he was due to meet with his agent later in the morning to discuss his potential move.

The phone goes off again and Blaine groans before picking it up. "What do you want, Cooper?"

"Check the attitude, Squirt. This is important." Blaine only grunts in response and Cooper takes it as a sign to keep going. "I talked with our head coach this morning. The Kings are still interested, despite the fact that you forgot how to skate last night. If you want the spot, it's probably yours."

It wasn't exactly new information. Blaine knew LA was trying to come up with a deal for him. It would be pretty awesome to play for the Kings, especially since they've gotten pretty damn good over the past couple seasons and managed to win the Cup last year. Still, it was a huge move.

"I don't know, Coop. Maybe." Blaine rubs a hand over his face and scratches his fingers through his hair. "I'll see how today goes, alright?"

"Fine, but this is a huge opportunity for you and I - "

"Goodbye, Cooper." Blaine hangs up and tosses his phone to the side. “Goodbye, Cooper.” Blaine hangs up and tosses his phone to the side. He closes his eyes and tries to clear his head. He needs to get out of bed soon, but a few more minutes wrapped up in sheets and avoiding the world won't hurt.

~^*^~

Kurt grips his phone and takes a deep breath. Maybe Blaine won't answer. Maybe he's at practice or out with the guys or out with a guy or -

"Hello?"

Kurt panics and almost drops the phone. "Hey, Blaine."

"Hey, um, how are you?"

"I'm... well, I'm alright." Such a lie, but Kurt's pretty sure Blaine knows that. Or at least he hopes Blaine knows that. He had a whole speech planned, which included various forms of apology and several suggestions of how they could make things work. He can't think of any of it. "I miss you."

"Kurt," Blaine says softly, reverently, like a sigh of relief and a prayer mixed into one sound. "I miss you, too. I know it's only been a couple days, but - "

"I know. I'm sorry, but I need to say something, and if I don't say it now I might not have the courage to say it later."

"Okay."

"I was a jerk. I shouldn't have gotten so defensive, especially with everything you already have on your plate. It wasn't fair to you." Kurt stands up from his bed and starts to pace around his bedroom. He hates the hesitation and awkwardness that's palpable between them, even over the phone. "I don't want to fight with you, and I don't have any right to tell you what to do with your life. If you want to move to Canada and shack up with a family of moose, then that's your decision."

Blaine chuckles quietly. "I don't want to fight with you either."

"Good, because we're not going to do that anymore. Not now, anyway." Kurt swallows and fights the prickling of tears that have been threatening to fall since he heard Blaine's voice. "Wherever you go, I want you know that I will fully support you. I love you, and even if we can't see each other every day, it's okay because that just makes the time we do spend together even better."

"I - I love you, too." Blaine clears his throat. "And I'm sorry, too. It was wrong of me to snap at you."

"I deserved it."

"No, you didn't." Blaine pauses, and Kurt opens his mouth to break the silence, but then Blaine continues. "I do have to tell you something, though."

Kurt's stomach drops. It's over. We're done. He loves me but can't be with me.

"I signed a new deal today. With Columbus. I'm staying in Ohio for another six years."

"Wow, Blaine, that's... that's great." It's not the worst outcome, but Kurt is still disappointed that Blaine isn't moving closer.

"Well don't sound too excited," Blaine laughs. "I do have an idea though."

"Oh?"

"The season's going to be over soon, and then I have three or four months free."

"I'm listening."

"I'm looking for a place in New York for the offseason, and for any other time I may want to spend a few days in the City."

Kurt smiles and bounces on his heels. "So, you're moving to New York part-time?"

"That's the plan. And if you know anyone that might be interested in sharing the space with me, you send them my way."

"Is this your long, horribly drawn out ploy to ask me to move in with you?"

"Part-time," Blaine corrects him, and Kurt can picture his eyes crinkling like they always do when he's teasing.

"Then it's half a yes."