The Starring Role

Chapter 15

Kurt ran down the main street that would lead to the hotel that Blaine usually stayed at. There were no cabs around, so Kurt took to jogging, hoping that he would see a man carrying a guitar case. The blood pounded in Kurt's ears as he broke into a run, no longer caring about the looks that other pedestrians were giving him. He needed to see Blaine more than anything right now, and dammit it all to hell if he wasn't going to find him tonight. The hope that Kurt was holding onto had dissipated as soon as he left Blaine that night in the hotel, but now it all came rushing back to him in waves that made his heart race.

He couldn't have gone too far; he only left a few minutes before Kurt. Either way, he was still going to get to the hotel no matter what, and he had far too much adrenaline pumping in his system to sit patiently in the city traffic while a terrible driver charged him an arm and a leg to get him there in twice the time.

Fifteen minutes of running later, he arrived at the hotel where he had spent so many nights curled against Blaine. Kurt cursed himself for not keeping up with his workout schedule. His stamina had dropped severely and he felt like his lungs were going to explode.

He walked into the building, out of breath and sweating and made his way through the foyer.

"Sir, can I help you?" asked the receptionist. Kurt turned to her.

"I'm visiting...someone," gasped Kurt as he tried to breath normally.

"Who are you visiting, if I may ask?"

"Blaine...Anderson." He rolled his eyes. Couldn't she tell he was already on his way up?

She typed the name in the computer, and if Kurt had enough air in his lungs, he would've told the woman that knew where the hell his room was.

"He's in 305, sir. Shall I phone him that you're here?" Kurt shook his head and took off again, deciding to skip the elevator and take the stairs, which he immediately regretted since he was already short on breath.

"Dumb...ass," he said to himself as he finally reached the last step, collapsing against the wall for a minute. He wiped at his face which was probably beet red and sweaty. After a few moments, he made his way down the hall to Blaine's room. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest with nerves now and Kurt couldn't seem to calm down. He brought his fist up and knocked on the door.

Kurt heard some shuffling from inside and then the clicks of the locks opening. The door swung open and Blaine stood there, mouth open. Upon closer inspection, Kurt saw there was scruff on his face. He hadn't shaven in at least four days and his hair was messy. Blaine's eyes were swollen and his shirt was extremely wrinkly. The dark rings around his eyes magnified just how depressed Blaine looked. It was devastating.

Blaine blinked a few times, then shook his head.

"You're fucking dreaming again," he mumbled as he began to shut the door. Kurt reached his hand out to stop it as he let out a laugh.

"No, Blaine, it's really me. I'm here."

Blaine's eyes widened as he reached out to brush his fingers against Kurt's arm.

"Oh my god. You're here. What...why...I thought you..." he stumbled over words. "Aren't you supposed to be in California?" was the question he settled on.

Kurt nodded his head. "Supposed to. I came back for some time with my family."

Blaine nodded, eyes still wide. Kurt bounced on his toes as silence filled the space between them. "I don't mean to be rude," said Blaine finally, "but why are you here?" He leaned his head against the door, blinking a few times.

"I was...at Bailey's tonight. On a date." The spark of hope in Blaine's eyes snuffed out, and he looked down at the floor. The tension magnified and it was clear that Blaine was uncomfortable.

"You didn't have to come back to gloat," muttered Blaine, devastation pressing on his shoulders.

Horrible choice of words, Kurt.

"No, no...it's not like that. I mean, it was a date, but it's just not gonna work out, and Chandler was explaining...never mind him. My point is that I came to talk. Are you going to invite me in?" Kurt huffed as he rambled, annoyed that he couldn't get his words right. Blaine moved aside, face scrunched in thought as he tried to piece the puzzle together in his mind.

"I saw you performing tonight," said Kurt, deciding to get to the point. He looked around the room which was littered with clothes and paperwork. He didn't want to step on anything, so he pulled out the desk chair and sat down gingerly. Blaine looked up, staring at Kurt as he walked over to flop on the bed.

"Did you?" he asked, surprised. Kurt nodded. "Was your date impressed?" he asked flatly, obviously jealous.

"I don't know. I wasn't paying attention to him. You did amazing. I didn't know you played guitar so well," he gestured towards the case that was tucked in the corner by the bed. Blaine stared at Kurt as if he was still imagining him.

"I learned when I was in Dalton. I never really play it that much anymore, but I brought it back with me a couple weeks ago from Ohio."

"It seems like you play it more often than not," said Kurt, trying to lighten the mood.

"Kurt, why are you really here?" asked Blaine after a moment's silence.

"Well...I heard that you tried leaving Lindsey."

Blaine's eyes glazed and his face fell to stone, the anger and pain clearly etched.

"I tried calling you to tell you," he said, tone devoid of any decipherable emotion.

Kurt felt a pang of guilt. "I know...I just didn't think it was wise for us to talk when the wounds were still fresh. I'm sorry."

Blaine nodded as he looked down at his hands.

"Yeah, I tried leaving her," Blaine nodded, though he still looked really upset. "I told her, you know. About us." Kurt's heart fluttered. Blaine did it. Blaine finally did it, and Kurt could not be any more proud of the man sitting in front of him.

"So...why the long face?" asked Kurt, attempting to encourage him. "This is what you wanted, right?"

"I thought it was what I wanted," Blaine said, and Kurt wasn't sure if he was speaking to himself.

"What do you mean?"

"She's...pregnant. With my kid." Blaine looked up with tears in his eyes, and Kurt felt his stomach drop.

"Pregnant?"

Blaine nodded and looked like he was on the verge of going insane. Kurt couldn't wrap his mind around it. Lindsey was pregnant, and although he felt really jealous that he slept with her again, his sympathy for Blaine overpowered it and all that was left was concern.

"With your baby, right?" Kurt reiterated.

Blaine nodded, looking down at his hands. He sniffed as he held his emotions in, something he was way too good at.

Kurt stood up and walked over to him, sitting down beside Blaine and wrapping his arms around him. Blaine leaned into the touch and laid his head on Kurt's shoulder, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

"What're you gonna do?" whispered Kurt. He felt Blaine shrug.

"I don't know...I've been thinking about what to do for a while, and I just can't seem to win. I don't want to be with her, but that's my kid she's having. I don't want to abandon him or her, but I also don't want to sacrifice my own life. Is that selfish of me? She didn't even tell me she was off her birth control. I just feel like I'm at a loss and I didn't have anyone to turn to but you, Kurt. And I don't deserve your sympathy or kindness, and I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to me. I just...really don't know what to do."

Kurt let him ramble. He's probably the first person he'd talk to about this and getting it off his shoulders would at least make him feel a little better.

"I don't have anymore tears left, Kurt. I can't mope around and hope for better because nothing will happen. My entire life just seems like one big joke."

Kurt rubbed soothing circles on his back, letting Blaine know that he was there.

"Your life is not a big joke, Blaine." Kurt kept his tone light and soft, trying to ebb some of the stress away from him. "You can't keep living like this. Take things one step at a time."

Blaine stared at his feet. "I don't know which step to take. There's a million options and they all end the same way: me with a kid and a wife." He sighed heavily. "I don't want to bring a kid into this world that's going to have shit parents. Someone so small and vulnerable doesn't deserve that, but I can't see another option. Lindsey will drive me insane with this baby and I don't want that kid to have separated parents. I'm just...lost."

Kurt kneeled down and placed both hands on Blaine's knees, forcing their eyes to meet.

"You don't have to choose that path, Blaine. Your life is for you to mold yourself, and no one can tell you otherwise. That's why it's your life. You make the calls. Lindsey's having your kid? Great. Fantastic. That doesn't mean that you have to stay with her."

Blaine looked at Kurt with disbelieving eyes. "It's so much more complicated than that, Kurt."

"Of course it's much more complicated, that was the catch from the start! Raising a kid is no easy task, and it's going to be harder for just one person to raise alone. Don't you see? Being a single parent is hard. If anyone is going to know that, it's my dad and Carole. But that shouldn't stop you from being yourself and being happy, Blaine."

Blaine looked away, eyes sad. Kurt took Blaine's scruffy chin and turned his head to force their eyes to meet again.

"If you show that kid even an ounce of the love that you're capable of, that kid is already better off with you as a single parent than anyone else with two." Blaine's eyes danced in the light, and a small smile crept onto his face. Kurt wondered how long it had been since Blaine had done that.

"You are going to be an incredible father, Blaine. I just know it. You think your kid will be better off with you and Lindsey together? Prove yourself wrong. My dad always told me that he thought he had it all figured out when he had me, and as I grew, he said he couldn't have been more wrong. Your child will learn from you, and you will learn from him or her. Give yourself at least enough credit to believe that you can do this, no matter what anyone tells you."

Blaine nodded, his smile growing, then falling again.

"Thank you, Kurt. It means so much to hear you say that." Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand and gave a tiny squeeze before letting go again. Kurt instantly missed the gentle gesture, even if it was just for a few seconds.

Kurt stood before things got too awkward, and shook himself clean. Blaine stood up and without warning, wrapped his arms around Kurt. Surprised, Kurt didn't respond right away until he registered what was happening. Blaine held him very tight, not in a possessive way, but needy. Kurt threw his arms around Blaine as well, resting their heads together. Blaine sighed and relaxed in his embrace. It probably had been a very long time since anyone had shown him an ounce of compassion or understanding, and it broke Kurt's heart to think that he was handling this all on his own. That was no way to live a life.

"I mean it...thank you. For everything," Blaine whispered. Kurt rubbed his back, his throat tightening at the comment, knowing that Blaine didn't just mean tonight. I love you.

Blaine released Kurt and held him at arm's length, smiling at him with a mix of sad and grateful eyes.

"Anytime."

Blaine took a step back and sat back down on the bed. The room was filled with tension because it was clearly the end of that conversation, but Kurt didn't want to leave.

"Are you free tomorrow night?" asked Kurt suddenly.

Blaine looked at him, confused. "Yeah. Why?"

"I found this fantastic restaurant that I've been dying to try. And we're going there tomorrow. My treat."

Blaine looked down, a smile creeping on his face that he was obviously trying to hide. "You don't have to do that."

Kurt smiled and shook his head. "None of that. You have too much on your plate and you need a night out to forget it for just a little while. Think of it as a mental vacation."

Blaine looked up and nodded, his smile falling as he thought for a minute. "Um...I don't want to be a killjoy...but is this...are you asking me out on a date?" His voice was weary, like he was trying to formulate the right words without sounding too hopeful. Kurt pressed his lips into a thin line as he glanced at his shoes.

"Only if you want it to be," he finally replied. Kurt leaned back against the wall and stuffed his hands in his pocket nervously.

"Yes," Blaine instantly replied.

"Are you sure?" asked Kurt, wondering if he had moved too quickly.

"Kurt, I haven't stopped thinking about you since you left that day. Everything I did reminded me of you and how lost I am without you. Look, I may act like I have everything figured out, but you have shown me more about myself than anyone ever has." Blaine looked at him with desperate eyes. "I need you in my life Kurt, and that's why I finally told Lindsey because I couldn't handle anything without you. I don't care what anyone says about me, or what anyone says about you. We belong together, and I can't lie about that anymore."

Kurt wanted nothing more than to tackle Blaine and shower him with kisses and tell him that he was Blaine's, but he had to handle him carefully. Blaine was extremely fragile right now, as was Kurt.

"I am so incredibly proud of you, Blaine," Kurt said softly. "More proud than I've ever been of anyone. I can never fathom what that must be like, and you just did it for you."

"No, Kurt," Blaine cut in, standing up and pacing the room. "I did it for you. I want you and no one else. I may be overstepping the boundaries right now, but I don't care! I've stopped caring what everyone thinks, Kurt."

Kurt grabbed Blaine's arm to keep him from pacing around the room again. They stared at each other, Kurt at a loss for words as his heart swelled in his chest.

"Um...I can never thank you enough for that. I know this must be so hard. But we need to go slow again," Kurt breathed. Their gazes were locked and Kurt could feel the intensity between them.

Blaine nodded in full understanding. "I get it."

"I just don't want to go full speed because...you hurt me, Blaine. I need you to earn my trust back and jumping right back into the swing of things will-"

Blaine put a finger on Kurt's lips to silence him. "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I know I did you wrong. You know I'm sorry. I will do whatever it takes to get your trust back, and if you want to take things slow, that's fine with me as long as I'm with you."

Kurt felt like a giant hypocrite in that moment as he reached out and pulled Blaine's head in for a kiss. Their lips met and they both relaxed into the familiar touch. The tension finally eased from the room and Blaine placed both hands on Kurt's head, their slow, soft kiss becoming more intimate if it was possible. Kurt finally pulled back and sighed with relief, his eyes staying closed as Blaine's forehead rested on his.

"Taking things slow, huh?" teased Blaine after a moment of silence. Kurt smiled, his hand dropping from the back of Blaine's head.

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered. Blaine shook his head. "It's fine." He leaned back, his tone more cheerful.

"Tomorrow, we'll go for the test run, alright?" Blaine smoothed Kurt's collar out and picked off some fuzzies that collected on his shoulder as he spoke. "You buy me dinner and we have a nice second-first date, we'll walk the city and grab some coffee, and then end the night with a movie. We'll come back here and get some rest before you have to leave."

Kurt smiled at him, appreciating his intent on keeping things slow.

"That sounds wonderful."

Blaine nodded at him, returning the grin.

"I'm gonna head back to my hotel," said Kurt after studying Blaine's face. "I've gotta draw some things out for the theatre, and I'd like to finish that before tomorrow night."

Blaine nodded.

"Alright." Kurt walked to the door, wanting to stay with Blaine but knowing full well how it would end if he did. Lots and lots of fucking.

"I'll see you tomorrow," said Blaine as Kurt opened the door. He looked back and they smiled at each other once more before Kurt walked away, his heart full knowing that it wasn't the last time he'd see Blaine.