The Starring Role
Spicyviolin
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The Starring Role: Chapter 11


E - Words: 2,680 - Last Updated: Aug 19, 2013
Story: Complete - Chapters: 18/18 - Created: Feb 23, 2013 - Updated: Aug 19, 2013
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Author's Notes: A/N: Sorry for the delay. It's a short chapter, but let me know what you think.

The Starring Role

Chapter 11

Two months pass, and Kurt's back in California, still going through the motions of everyday. He'd left his dad's the following Tuesday and flew out that morning. He was physically and emotionally exhausted at that point, so he managed to sleep for 14 hours. The rest helped a tremendous amount, but his heart still ached with the memory of Blaine.

When Kurt had gone back to work, people kept asking if he was alright, and he'd nod and lie.

"Of course, I'm okay. Just a little jet lagged from flying...yeah, I just didn't get much sleep last night...the neighbors kept me up with their noise..."

Every night he'd lay in the emptiness of his bed. Kurt didn't know why it felt so different now, he'd slept in the same bed for months at a time alone. Maybe it was because he knew that no one would be curled up next to him in the future. Tears would roll down his cheek slowly until his eyes stung from sleep and the saltiness. He'd wake up in the morning and fix himself breakfast that he'd end up only taking a few bites from. At work, the jobs he had would get finished on time, and he was glad to have such a busy career that he didn't have time to think. Then, when he finally clocked out and made his way to the hotel, Kurt would start to remember. He wished he could just smother his heart and unplug whatever cord it was in his brain that made him depressed.

"Hello?" he answered the phone.

"Hey, boo!" It was Mercedes.

"Hey, girl, what's up?" he asked, trying to sound a little perkier.

"Not a lot. Just decided to drop a call your way. How are you feeling?"

Kurt mentally sighed. "Good. How's your album number two coming along?"

"I didn't call to talk about me, Kurt." She didn't say it annoyed, but more demanding. Kurt knew full well why she's been calling more often than usual.

"I'm...alright."

"No you're not," she said. "I know how upsetting this is for you, Kurt. But pretending to be okay for everyone is never going to resolve anything."

He sighed out loud this time, and shook his head. His best friend never failed to see right through him.

"No, no...you're right. I'm not okay, I'm a complete mess and I don't seem to have the energy to do anything but lay around. I'm forcing myself up everyday only because I have to work and keep my credibility up." He was on the verge of tears again and his voice quivered. "I can't sleep and I can't eat. I don't even have enough desire to clean the place up," he said looking around his near spotless apartment. To him, though, it was a disaster.

"Aw, hon...don't you think you should take a little time off after this project? You need time for yourself. I can even take a week off and we'll hit the beaches and the bars together!"

Kurt smiled, admiring his best friend's attempts.

"I think that's a great idea. I don't know how much longer this project will take though. I'll get back to you on it though."

"Okay. But you're doing better at least?" she asked.

Kurt nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah, a little better. Um...just still trying to adjust to California." He wanted to say 'life without Blaine' but he knew that it would only make Mercedes pry. But Kurt knew a life with Blaine was never even possible now.

"Well, stay tough, boo. I know how hard this is for you and I hate seeing you so upset."

"Thanks, Mercedes. It means a lot," he said, voice cracking.

"Anytime. I'll call you tomorrow. Chin up!"

"Bye."

He hit the end button and flopped down on his bed, letting his phone fall from his hand. Tears welled in his eyes and he wiped at them like he'd been doing every night.

This was how he lived for a month. Eventually, Kurt got tired of crying, or rather he didn't have any tears left. He was emotionally exhausted day in and day out that he just sat around his house whenever he wasn't working, just watching movies and sitting around doing nothing in particular. Kurt wanted nothing more than to forget Blaine, forget he ever existed. But cutting contact with him wasn't enough.

Blaine was persistent, he'd give him that. He called and texted every single day, apologizing and pleading for Kurt to listen for at least 15 minutes. Blaine begged for Kurt to meet with him. He had to know Kurt was okay and that he deserved some sort of explanation.

Kurt ignored every single one. Was it stubborn? Of course it was, and Kurt was kind of glad that Blaine was begging him to listen. It obviously hurt him that Kurt wouldn't answer. But then he would remember the pain he was in right now, and would feel bad for Blaine. Nothing hurt more, and he wasn't sure if he could see Blaine.

Kurt thought about replying to Blaine, usually more times than not, but he didn't think he would be able to look Blaine in the eyes without instantly breaking down and running away. One night he sat on his bed, his body shaking and tears rolling down his face. He had his phone in his hand with Blaine's number pulled up. All he had to do was call.

"Take me back, Blaine, please I just want to be with you...I don't care if you're with a woman just tell me you want me and we'll deal with her. I can't function without you being around and I...I love you, Blaine."

Kurt locked his phone and set it on the nightstand.

He shook his head. He'd just have to accept his loss and begin the healing process on his own, hoping that one day, the hole that Blaine left in him would be replaced by someone just as kind and caring and loving as him.

That would only just remind me of Blaine...

Kurt's emotions ran high, of course, and he didn't know how he'd ever get past this. A voice kept ringing through his head, though, from a conversation two months earlier.

"I would still be standing there demanding explanation after explanation."

Blaine sat at the kitchen table, poking around at his untouched food and trying to avoid eye contact with Lindsey. He's visiting once again, much to his displeasure, and forces himself to be civil.

"Are you not hungry, Blaine?" He shakes himself from his haze and nods his head.

"Yeah, I had a big lunch."

"Well, you can save it for later. I won't be offended." She sounds offended. Blaine rolls his eyes and stabs a pile of green beans, shoving it in his mouth and chewing dramatically.

After forcing his dinner down, Blaine sat in the living room, watching TV. Lindsey sat next to him and curled to her side. His eyes were on the screen, but his mind was elsewhere.

What was he doing with his life? He wasn't happy in the least. He noticed that he hated coming home. At the end of every trip home, he'd end up being so frustrated and angry that he couldn't wait to get back to Chicago. Of course, most of this was his fault, but he'd only ever admit that to himself.

Not a day went by without the thought of Kurt popping in his mind. He texted and called Kurt every single day, hoping he would respond and at least listen to him. The guilt he felt clawing at his stomach was growing worse with each passing day, and Blaine didn't know how much longer he could handle it. When was he going to come around? Would Kurt ever talk to him again? Blaine couldn't continue the thought of never speaking to Kurt again.

His home life was in ruins and he didn't know what to do in the slightest. He could take the obvious route and tell everyone. Then he'd file for divorce, be banned from his parent's house, be socially ostracized because of his open claim of being gay, all to be with Kurt. Half of him didn't care. He could live a wonderful, long life with Kurt and they'd adopt children and live in a magnificent home...but the other half was scared. Blaine was terrified of telling his family, of telling his wife, of how people will treat him once they know. No one ever wants that for themselves, but these are the people that he grew up with. It'll hurt him to tell everyone to fuck off.

What if Kurt already found someone else? Someone as attractive and warm and good as him probably found a guy within a week, and the thought alone made his chest ache. So why was this decision so hard to make?

Blaine sighed and rubbed his face as he leaned back, letting his head fall on the soft cushion. He was at a fork in the road, and he would ultimately decide his own destiny.

"What's wrong?" asked Lindsey in a flat tone.

Blaine kept his eyes closed.

"Everything."

Blaine felt the couch move underneath him as she sat up.

"What's 'everything?'"

Blaine sat up too, opening his eyes and staring at her.

"Lindsey, are you happy?" She gave him a shocked look.

"Of course I am."

"No, I mean, with me. Are you happy in this relationship?"

She gave him another shocked expression. "Blaine, I can't believe you'd say that."

"I am saying it, Lindsey."

"What would make you say that, though? I'm here alone in this house all the time while you're at work in an entirely different city, what could possibly make you think I was unhappy?"

Blaine huffed.

"You could've just answered 'yes' or 'no.'" He sat back and crossed his arms defensively. "Plus, I've suggested many times that we just get a house or apartment in Chicago, but you're so reluctant to stay in this shithole town-"

"I grew up here, and if I don't want to leave it, I won't," she began raising her voice.

"I grew up here, too, but you don't see me having some emotional attachment to this close-minded city!"

"Oh, sure, let's just drop everything and move to a bigger city to make your life easier," she stood up, pointing in his face. "What a typical thing for you to do, Blaine. Thanks for thinking about what I would actually want instead of your selfish desire!"

Blaine threw the remote to the wall where it cracked open and fell to the ground, and stood up, causing Lindsey to back away.

"You do not get to play that card with me, Lindsey. You are the one staying in this house, it was your decision and I'm always the one traveling back and forth while you don't even make an effort to come visit." He started storming off, running his hand through his hair.

"Yeah, let's make this about your soppy life and how terrible it is," mocked Lindsey.

Blaine turned back around.

"You have no idea, Lindsey. You don't get to run your mouth about how my life actually is because you don't even care enough to ask."

"I don't care?" she shrieked. "You don't get to play that card with me! I basically have to drag you here!" She shook and glared at Blaine angrily. "If it wasn't for my constant nagging, you would never visit, Blaine!"

"I wonder why!" he yelled, giving her a cold look. She backed off, obviously hurt. Blaine felt bad, but he was too angry to care at the moment.

A few moments passed and Blaine saw her face grow angry.

"Lindsey...I'm sorry," he said, deflating. She walked past him, bumping his shoulder purposely and stormed upstairs. Blaine hung his head and beat himself up internally.

He walked to the door and grabbed his keys. He needed to clear his head.

Kurt walked into the theatre on Saturday, flipping through his notes he'd written the day before, his messenger bag draped over his shoulder.

"Kurt," called Carrie. She was a blonde, short woman with stunning blue eyes like his. She began berating him with information on the stage design, and how the blueprints don't match up necessarily for the next production. Usually, Kurt would design and help manage the building of the set while one production was going on, then strike the old one, and bring the fresh one that he and his team had just built. Given the circumstances on this production, they were crunched for time, so he rattled off some numbers he'd written down and sent her on her way.

He looked down again at his notepad, making mental notes, and walked towards the side door that led to the back rooms.

"You're really good at this," a voice came from behind. He froze, his heart rate suddenly spiking.

"What are you doing here," he breathed as he turned to face Blaine.

He stood there, curls loose and wearing a V-neck tee with dark jeans. He looked really good, but his face was a different story. The dark circles around his eyes made his face look sunken in.

"I needed to come find you," he said, taking a step closer.

"Don't!" demanded Kurt, holding a finger in the air. "I can't do this." Kurt could feel his insides squirm, and tears threatened to form in his eyes. He wasn't going to look weak in front of Blaine. He couldn't.

Blaine sighed and looked down at his feet in shame, his brow furrowed in defeat.

"Aren't you at least wanting to know everything, Kurt? It's gotta be killing you..."

Kurt turned to walk away, but stopped once he reached the door. It was killing him. He wanted to know more than anything why Blaine would do such a terrible thing to him. He just didn't know if he could handle the truth. It'd be easier to imagine Blaine using Kurt and living the rest of his life thinking he was an asshole.

"Six months..." he muttered finally.

"What?" replied Blaine.

"Six months. You kept your wife a secret for six months."

"Kurt, please listen. I flew all the way out here from Chicago and took some days off of work that I can't afford to miss just so I could talk to you. I know I don't deserve it, but you deserve to know why."

Kurt bit his lip, forcing back the tears that welled up in his eyes. After a moment, Kurt began to feel guilty. If he told Blaine no, that'd leave him with nothing but to return to Chicago and Kurt would still be wondering why. It was now or never.

"Fine," said Kurt without turning around. "Meet me right outside at 4. We'll talk then."

"Okay." Kurt pulled the door open.

"Kurt...I miss you."

His throat closed up. God, Kurt missed Blaine more than anything, and it took all of his willpower to not turn around and run into his arms.

"I miss you, too." he replied softly. There was no point in lying.

Blaine's hand reached Kurt's shoulder. He didn't jerk it away like he wanted to, but felt comfort in that small touch. The same touch that lied to him for six months.

"Blaine, please."

Blaine's hand retreated and Kurt walked through the door without looking back.


Comments

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damn!! and now i have to wait to now what happens next??? pfff i hope you update soon. this is killing me

The next update shouldn't take as long as this one, so no worries :)

This is one of the best fics out there. Not many fics show the side of the hurt person where they actually want to fix it than stay made. It's so practical.Loving itHope Blaine gets the courage to come out and divorce.

Wow, thanks so much! I love hearing that it's not like other fics. Although I think sometimes it's a little too heartbreaking for some :O