Every time Blaine was around Kurt, a memory was pulled out and shoved down his throat. Thoughts of Kurt wounded and hurt, thoughts of him dying, the thought that someone had done this to Kurt, Kurt whispering Blaine’s name, Kurt telling him that he couldn't die a virgin. It was breaking Blaine apart to see Kurt in the hospital, still sick. To see the bandage. It was the hardest when Kurt winced in pain from movement. It nearly broke his heart when Kurt’s face twisted around in pain and he pretended like it didn't hurt, like he wasn't suffering.
Kurt was trying his hardest not to worry Blaine. He knew that Blaine was worried, and that he still wasn’t sleeping very much. So Kurt tried to hide his pain.
Kurt had been in the hospital for a week and doctors said he wasn't getting better very quickly but he also wasn't getting worse. Blaine stayed in Kurt’s room through the visiting hours and Burt would stay with him when visiting hours were over since Blaine couldn't.
Blaine had found myself sneaking away to rent Disney movies for him to watch, get his favorite ice cream, or to get a coffee fix. He didn't know what hurt more, leaving Kurt alone or feeling physically and mentally ill every time a memory came up.
Blaine flipped through the channels on the TV that sat in the corner of Kurt's hospital room. Kurt was staring off into space, silent. He turned the television off and positioned his chair directly at Kurt’s bedside.
"What's wrong?" Blaine asked, slowly placing my hand on top of his, a ping of pain hit him when he did. Every time he touched Kurt it happened. Tiny memories and hurt clouded Blaine’s thoughts and it was beginning to scare him. This was not how it should feel when he touch Kurt, when he was around him.
Kurt turned his head towards Blaine, his face pained. "Do you not love me anymore?" his voice was clear and light but very serious.
"Oh my god, Kurt, Of course I still love you, why would you ever think that I didn't?"
Kurt studied Blaine’s eyes, trying everything he could to hold back tears. "Since, what happened..well, happened. You don't really want to be around me. You've been getting coffee like crazy and you're rarely holding my hand and I mean, you don't...don't seem happy that I'm...alive."
Blaine’s mouth dropped. He opened his mouth, looking for the words. The words to tell Kurt just how much he loved him, to explain.
"Kurt, I am so so sorry, I do love you. I'm just..just afraid of hurting you. I know you're fragile right now and I don't want to do anything that would cause you anymore harm," Blaine knew what he was saying was mostly true, “I love you so much, Kurt. I’m just really worried about you.”
"Blaine, will you kiss me? I promise you won’t hurt me," Kurt said looking at Blaine longingly.
"O-of course I will," Blaine’s heart pounded, as he leaned over and held Kurt’s soft cheek. He slowly let their lips touch. Blanine could taste Kurt. Not blood and tears, but sweet wonderful Kurt. Their lips turned tender and soft. Blaine tried to not let the memories slip through in this moment, just trying to enjoy what was there. It was a back and forth battle in his head. Kurt pulled out of the kiss quickly. He had tears streaming down his cheeks. Blaine could feel fear rising inside him.
"Kurt, what? Did I? Was it too much?"
"I, you..." Kurt stared at the wall behind Blaine, his eyes wide.
"Kurt? What is it?" Blaine said, looking at the wall and back at him. Kurt made a fist and began to bite on his knuckle, making it white where his teeth touched.
After what seemed like hours of silence, Kurt looked at Blaine. His face turned soft and sad. he looked deep into Blaine’s eyes and then began to sob, covering his face with his single hand, trying to hide his tears. Blaine moved quickly to him and pulled Kurt into a hug, not thinking about what he was doing, but instead acting on instinct. He was careful not to hurt Kurt’s shoulder, “Kurt, what is it?”
"I remember everything, Blaine," Kurt said into Blaine’s shoulder. He could feel the tears staining his shirt like a bullet slowly sinking into his skin and causing his chest to wrench in pain. Blaine moved Kurt over to the side of the bed letting go to ease myself next to him on the bed. Blaine wrapped his arms around his love’s waste, pulling him close and nestling my head in Kurt’s side and muffled, "Kurt, it was so bad, you broke my heart," Blaine was breaking down in front of Kurt. All his walls that he had been building up since the shooting were being torn down.
Kurt placed his good arm around Blaine and pulled him in. It was an awkward position with Kurt not able to just face Blaine and have their heads close, their arms intertwined. But it was everything the both of them needed at that moment, just to be as close as possible.
Kurt rested his head on Blaine’s and stopped crying. "Blaine, thank you. What you did... Just thank you," he said, trying to not cry again.
"I'm sorry for kissing you," Blaine said, still softly crying, "I'm so sorry, I was trying to qu-"
"Blaine," Kurt lifted his head off the boy’s and looked at him, "I wanted that, I wanted what I thought was going to be our last kiss, I know you wanted me to be quiet, but I knew you were scared, and I wanted to comfort you back and I didn't know how, I was actually really happy when you kissed me, Blaine. I thought I was dying and all I could think about was, I'm never going to be able to kiss this beautiful boy again," Kurt's cheeks turned pink and he looked a little embarrassed.
"All I was thinking was how am I going to live without this beautiful boy," Blaine said, smiling up at him, "I love you, Kurt."