“Why do you ask?”

“You look sick.”

Kurt shrugged and refilled his glass with water.

“I feel fine.”

“Wanna explain to me why you’ve been throwing up in the bathroom all morning then?”

Finn stopped chewing his food abruptly. His eyes bulged and the color drained from his face.“Quinn used to throw up in the morning,” he barked, bits of scrambled eggs spitting from his mouth.

“Dad I’m fine, really,” Kurt held onto his glass with both hands to keep it from shaking. There was a sharp pounding in his head and the layer of sweat on his skin made him feel like he standing in a sauna. He wasn’t lying to Burt when he said he wasn’t sick; to say that you were implied a bit of rest would make you better. But Kurt couldn’t rest. The conversation with Blaine’s mom last night buzzed around so viciously in his head that his body couldn’t keep itself still. When he wasn’t pacing he was shaking, and when he tried to keep from shaking he vomited. Was he sick? No. It felt more like suffocating.

Finn frantically pulled out his wallet and spilled what few coins he had onto the table in front of him. “Look, I know guys can’t get pregnant, but maybe you caught morning sickness from someone. I’ll run up to the store and get a handful of tests and make all the girls take them and-”

“Enough, Finn,” Burt glared at Kurt over his breakfast. “You hung over or something?”

Kurt considered his question. If he agreed then the worst his dad could do was lecture him about the dangers of underage drinking and ground him. On the other hand he might feel better if he told him the truth. His dad always knew exactly what to say to put his mind at ease. But how would he tell him?

No dad, I’m not hung over, but I got a call from my boyfriend’s mom last night warning me about a psychopath in Lima. No, no don’t worry, I’ll be careful. Here’s a fun idea, why don’t you give me a curfew to put your mind at ease? Yeah, I’ll just lay low until he disappears. By the way, did I mention his relationship to Blaine? No? Oh just wait until you hear, it’s an earful!

Right, like that would blow over well.

“Carol heard you talking to someone on the phone late last night. Said you sounded upset. You know you can tell me what’s going on, Bud, I won’t get angry at you.”

Kurt’s hands jerked against his will, flinging water over the table. Finn stopped counting his change and lifted his eyebrows at his step-brother. “Woah, calm down dude, it’ll be okay; morning sickness doesn’t last long. But hey, do you know how many pregnancy tests come in one box? I think I might be a couple dollars short-”

Kurt slammed his cup onto the table.

“I don’t have morning sickness Finn! God you can be so stupid sometimes! Fine, so Blaine and I had a few drinks last night. He called and we got into an argument and now I’m paying the price for drinking and it won’t happen again, okay?”

“Hey, hey, hey! I know you aren’t feeling right but that’s no excuse to lash out on Finn like that. Now I want you to apologize to your brother, clean up your mess, and get some sleep. We’ll talk more about this tomorrow when I get home.”

Kurt had never been so grateful for his dad’s second job at GM than he was now. Feeling only slightly relieved, he did as he was told and spent most of his Sunday alone in his room. His conversation with Patricia the night before loomed over him like a shadow. If what she said about Julian was true then Kurt was going to have to prepare himself for the rough road that lay ahead of him.

He just didn’t know how.

Unpredictable, manipulative, and dangerous were the words she had used to describe him. Patricia made it very clear that she only met him a handful of times, and when she did nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

But she heard stories.

She talked to Blaine’s principle at Cottingham and, when things got really bad, even heard Blaine recounting incidents with Julian in his sleep; muttering stories that made Kurt’s stomach turn. It sent him into frenzy. How do you prepare yourself for someone like that?

And knowing that he and Blaine were so close….

Kurt spent the greater portion of his Sunday heaving into the toilet.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Amidst a sea of pleading text messages, he reluctantly allowed Blaine to come over that night. Blaine arrived as chipper as ever, but he looked just as exhausted as Kurt felt. Uncertain of how he would react if Blaine mentioned Julian, Kurt persuaded him to help him with his homework; praying against all odds that it would be enough to keep both their minds at bay.

The two lay propped against Kurt’s headboard. Blaine held the book steadily in front of them, his arm wrapped around Kurt’s torso so he could snuggle close. Kurt read along as Blaine recited the words aloud. Apart from using it as a distraction from Julian, Kurt was grateful that his boyfriend agreed to read to him. The poem he was assigned resembled a monotone drawl when he read it to himself, making it impossible for Kurt to follow, but Blaine was a fascinating narrator; pausing appropriately and pitching his voice in a way that breathed color into the words that Kurt alone had found so bleak.

“From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone…
And all I loved, I loved alone.”

Blaine’s voice hitched slightly on the last line. Kurt nuzzled his head deeper into Blaine’s collarbone, wondering briefly why the words had caught him off-guard.

“Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill…
The mystery… which… binds me still… ”

Blaine stopped reading. His eyes stayed on the page but his gaze was far away.

“What’s wrong?” Kurt asked.

“Nothing,” Blaine cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter. “The print in this is ridiculously small, everything just blurred together for a second, I.... Where was I again?”

Kurt jabbed his finger at the passage where Blaine trailed off. “You know, most of the novels on your bookshelf make this one look like it was printed by Scholastic. You shouldn’t have any trouble reading it.”

“Right,” Blaine breathed, “You’re right. Sorry Kurt, I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Gripped with the sudden impulse to whip the book across the room; Kurt bit his cheek to stop himself from screaming that Blaine couldn’t have had less sleep than he had. He wanted to confront him about Julian once and for all, but he couldn’t. Patricia had made him promise not to tell Blaine about their conversation.

Blaine cleared his throat again and continued reading.

“From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a… Of a demon in my view.”

Blaine hesitated before closing the book and setting it down beside him.

“Did that help at all?”

“Poe’s childhood sucked just like everyone else’s so he cried about it in a poem. Great. Now all I have to do is break it down and write a three page essay on why he was such a dismal prick.” Kurt huffed.

Blaine frowned. “Grim as he may have been, I wouldn’t call him a prick. His father left and his mom died when he was two. Shouldn’t you be empathizing with him?”

Kurt sat upright, furious. “Why? Because his mother passed away? News flash Blaine, parents die every day. In retrospect everyone should be able to relate to him. You think just because both of our moms died when we were young that makes us similar? Well guess what? It doesn’t. Because when I look at clouds I don’t see demons, I just see the stupid clouds!”

Blaine looked stricken. “Kurt, what’s this about? Ever since I got here you’ve been nothing but cold towards me. Did I do something wrong?”

“Not yet, but it’s only a matter of time.” Kurt snapped.

Blaine stiffened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

There was no turning back now. The shielded expression on Blaine face confirmed they were both on the same page.

Kurt spoke diligently, careful not to let on he knew more than he should. “It means that I don’t know who this Julian guy is. It’s obvious from your conversation yesterday that you have a… history together. How should I know what sort of influence he’s going to have on you when he gets here?”

Blaine closed his eyes and rubbed his fingers in slow circles over his temple. “I’ve known him since we were twelve; of course we have a history together.”

“Mmm. Mind elaborating for me?”

“What is there to elaborate about, Kurt? Julian is a great guy. We grew up together; he was like a brother to me. Julian was the only friend I had before I went to Dalton... I mean, what exactly do you want me to say here? We went to the same school and-” Blaine’s eyes shot open. “Wait a minute. You don’t think I’m going to cheat on you with him, do you?”

Kurt gawked back in response. No, cheating was the last thing on his mind. But now that Blaine brought it up it made him wonder…

“Is that what this is about? Look, Kurt. I know how intimidating it must be to have someone like Julian pop up out of nowhere like this-”

“You have no idea.” Kurt muttered.

“But,” Blaine leaned across the bed and squeezed his hand. “You have to trust me when I say that no matter how close we used to be, there has never been any chemistry between us. Not like that. And there never will be. Julian is great, and all the makings are there, but the thought never crossed either of our minds. We really are just really good friends. If anything, I’m the one who should be worried about you running off with him.”

Kurt bit his lower lip and lowered his eyes, desperate not to lose his composure. How could Blaine’s perception on Julian be so warped? None of this made any sense.

“But I’m not,” Blaine smiled. “You wanna know why? Because I believe in you, and I believe in us, and no matter what anyone ever says or does, we’ll always have each other.”

The tears that Kurt had been fighting back all day burned at his eyes. “I’m just so scared, Blaine,” his voice quivered. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Blaine pulled him back onto the bed and leaned over him, rubbing his hand over his cheek. Kurt squeezed his eyes closed and let his tears spill freely.

“I’m not ready to lose you,” he choked.

“Oh, god Kurt don’t,” Blaine whispered, planting soft kisses on his forehead. “You aren’t going to lose me. Hey, open your eyes. Look at me.”

A heavy sob escaped Kurt’s throat when he gazed unwillingly at his boyfriend.

“This changes nothing between us, you know that right? You’re still you, and I’m still me, and no one can ever take away our feelings for each other… My feelings for you. I care about you more than anyone else. Hey,” Blaine shook Kurt’s shoulders to hold his attention. “Even myself, Kurt. Even myself.”

At that Kurt broke completely. He threw his arms around Blaine’s neck and held him close, fierce sobs wrecking his body. Blaine kissed every inch of his neck that he could reach, mumbling soothing words between each peck. Kurt had never shown this much concern for any of Blaine’s friends at Dalton. Even the few who had been candid with their intentions to become more than friends never earned more than a pitied eye-roll from Kurt; so why would Julian be any different? If anything Blaine expected him to be understanding. Yet here he was, destroying himself with jealousy before he even met Julian, surrendering to a war that had never been proclaimed.

Kurt shook his head and grabbed Blaine’s face, pulling it to his.

“I’ll fight for you,” he pined. “I won’t let him take you. I’ll fight for you, I’ll fight for you, I’ll fight-”

Blaine moaned and lunged forward. He pushed his tongue between Kurt’s lips; desperate to swallow those words and hold them inside so Kurt could never take them back. No one had ever said that to him before. Ever. Not his parents, not his friends, not even Julian. It meant more to Blaine than he could stand. And hearing them here, right now, with Kurt devastated over the mere thought of losing him, was more than he could bear.

“You know I love you, right?” Blaine rasped, but it only made Kurt only cry harder.

“Listen to me. Kurt, listen. I love you so much. Julian means nothing to me compared to you. Love is all about trust, baby... And by god if you’ve never trusted me before then I need you to trust me on this one. Nothing is going to happen between us. Do you understand?”

It was obvious from Kurt’s sobs that he didn’t. Blaine knew deep down that Kurt knew he loved him, but he had to hear him say it. He needed him to acknowledge Blaine’s feelings for him. He needed to know Kurt trusted him...

Out of nowhere Julian’s voice crept inside Blaine’s head.

You’ve let some boy become the center of your universe... How can you be certain that you’re the center of his?

The hair on the back if his neck shot up. Blaine tightened his embrace. His breathing hampered and quite suddenly Blaine felt his words of reassurance weren’t meant entirely for Kurt anymore.

“You don’t have to fight for me baby,” he breathed. “I swear I… I’ll never let anything go that far.”

Blaine left that night with the off thought that if Julian was the thunder in a forthcoming hurricane, Kurt was his lighthouse, lighting his way at sea.

------------------------------------------------------------

Kurt was so wound up in his thoughts of Julian that it seemed as if he arrived at school the next day completely by accident. His attempts of being distracted by his classes and his friends all proved meaningless; he had bigger things to worry about.

Or so he thought, until he saw a scrap piece of notebook paper stuffed inside the crack of his locker.

Curious, Kurt unfolded it. It only had two small lines of writing; an address and a signature.

3418 Timberidge
-Dave

Kurt spun around and sprinted down the hall, paper in hand. Passing time was nearly over but there was still a small chance that Dave would still be hanging around. By a stroke of luck Kurt spotted him at his locker.

“What’s this?” he demanded, shoving the paper in Dave’s face.

Karofsky closed his locker and glanced around the hallway
.
“It’s an invite to a party,” he muttered.

Kurt squinted at him, silently pressing for further explanation.

“Look, it wasn’t my idea, okay? My dad found out I was throwing a party and pressured me into inviting you so we can make amends or whatever. He’s been on my case about you ever since you came back last year and it’s really starting to piss me off. I keep telling him everything’s cool between us now but he doesn’t believe me.”

Kurt continued to stare at Dave, not quite sure what to make of what he was saying. He and Karofsky were on better terms this year. Kurt wouldn’t go so far as to say that they were on good terms, but they weren’t on bad ones. He didn’t like that Dave was still too scared to admit he was gay to everyone, but he respected that he needed time to work up the courage to come out. Dave appreciated Kurt for understanding; their friendship was nothing more than a silent comprehension. The two had barely spoken three words to each other all year- which was why the party invitation threw Kurt off guard.

“Look, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I kind of hope you don’t. Most of the football team will be there and… you know,” Dave trailed off. He didn’t need to finish his sentence for Kurt to get the message.

“I understand. If I showed up they’d probably question why you invited the gay kid, initiating an entire realm of rumors regarding your sexuality to explode all over campus, which, forgive me, wouldn’t exactly be false.”

Karofsky’s eyes bulged and he made a hushing noise at Kurt, motioning that there were still other students in the hallway.

“Look Dave, I know how much your reputation means to you so I’m going to agree not to go… at least not for long. How about I swing by for a few minutes to give your dad some peace of mind? I’ll get there early before everyone shows so there’s minimal risk of your thick-headed friends spotting me.”

“You’d do that for me?” Dave asked lowly, taking another sweep of the hallway.

Kurt hesitated for only a second before he nodded. “You owe me one.”

Dave jumped when the bell rang, sparing Kurt one last glance before heading off to class. The thought of being even more indebted to the boy than he already felt he was made him uncomfortable. Maybe inviting him was a bad idea after all. Whatever, at least his dad would stop pestering him about making amends all the time.

Kurt strutted back to his locker, invite in hand. He hated the idea of going to Karofsky’s party just as much as Dave did, but he figured it couldn’t hurt. In fact it might just be the act of kindness Karofsky needed right now.
He was so distracted by his thoughts of Dave and the party that he walked straight into someone as he rounded the empty hallway.

“Excuse me I-” he began, but cut himself off when he realized it wasn’t a teacher or a straggling student he ran into.

“Hey,” he held out his hand with a smile. Kurt made to take it out of reflex, but something held him back.

“My, aren’t you a timid one?” he chuckled, “I never would have pegged you as Blaine’s type.”

Kurt’s breath hitched in his chest. This must be him.

“The name’s Julian, but judging by your lack of curiosity I’m guessing you already knew that. Can’t imagine who spoiled the surprise… but no matter. It makes all of this a little less awkward, don’t you think?” Julian wiped the hood of his jacket from his head with a boyish laugh. Kurt wished he would keep it on. He was more beautiful than he could stand.

“It’s funny… Blaine told me your name and showed me your picture but refused to tell me anything about you. I thought it was kind of strange since you’re his boyfriend and all.” Julian chuckled when Kurt cocked an eyebrow. “What I mean to say is; Blaine always goes on and on and on about the stuff he’s passionate about. Seriously, you can’t shut the kid up half the time. But he didn’t say much about you. In fact he didn’t say anything at all. I kept my mouth shut because I figured you must be boring or something, but I decided to come and find out for myself.”

Kurt eyed Julian carefully as he spoke. This didn’t make any sense. In his head he painted Julian to be some dark mannered, soft spoken lunatic, but here he was; rocking excitedly on the balls of his feet and laughing innocently over his words. Nothing about his personality screamed danger at all. He seemed… normal.

“I have to say you’ve proven me right so far; I mean I’ve been waiting for you to get out of school all day just so I could meet you and you haven’t even thanked me. Are you mute? Because that would make this awkward all over again, you know? Here I am jabbering away to someone who can’t even answer me back.” Julian chuckled again.

Kurt shifted nervously on his feet. It was chilling how much his laugh reminded him of Blaine’s.

“Or won’t answer me back? Which is it, Kurt? Give me something to work with here because you’re making me look like a fool either way.”

Kurt readjusted his hold on his bag and lifted his head high. “What do you want?”

Julian beamed at him, his eyes scanning Kurt’s excitedly. “He speaks! So straight forward and to the point too, how cute. Only four little words and I can already see why Blaine likes you so much.”

“Look I have places to be so if you’ll excuse me-” Kurt made for his locker but Julian held out his arm to block him.

“Not so fast puddin; don’t you want to know why I’m here?”

Kurt waited silently for an answer.

“Oh come on. I’ve only just gotten you to speak, you can’t stop now,” Julian laughed. “Come on, ask me again. I promise I’ll answer this time.”

Kurt hesitated. Yes, he wanted to know why Julian was here of all places, but he had made up his mind last night that the best way to keep Julian out of his life was to avoid him at all cost. But still… that tingle of curiosity danced in his stomach, daring him to set foot in the deep end. Kurt could never resist a good dare, no matter what the outcome.“Fine. What do you want?”

“I need your help.”

Kurt cocked his eyebrow, “With?”

“Making my demo reel,” Julian waved his video camera to emphasize his intentions. “It’s just a short film, nothing major. If I can find the right person to help me with it then I can get the shots I need by the end of the week and get out of this poor excuse for a town. Really Kurt I don’t know how you stand it; everything’s so dull and colorless around here.”

Kurt’s heart pounded. Julian could be gone by the end of the week? It almost seemed too good to be true.

“Why do you need me?” he asked.

“Well I need a star, don’t I?” Julian purred. “I wouldn’t have much of a movie without one.”

“H-How do you know I can act?” Kurt felt stupid for even questioning it. Somehow he got the feeling Julian knew much more about him than he should.

Julian scrunched his nose and smiled, “Lucky guess.”

“I don’t see why it has to be me,” Kurt breathed. “Shouldn’t you hold auditions or something?”

Kurt didn’t know why he was being so on edge about this. Here Julian was practically waving his passport out of here in front of Kurt’s face and Kurt wasn’t even attempting to stamp it.

Julian cocked his head to the side. “Let’s just say no one else can compare.”

The last thing Kurt wanted to do was help Julian with anything. But helping to get rid of him? That was a whole different story. He wanted Julian out of both his and Blaine’s lives as fast as possible, and if that meant taking the time to assist him with his project then he would grind his teeth and bear it.

Patricia’s words rang as a warning in his ears.

At the first sign of trouble he’d get out. After all, what’s the worst Julian could do? If things got bad between them and Blaine loved him as much as he said he did he’d take Kurt’s side in an instant… wouldn’t he? Kurt gave him the benefit of the doubt. Their love was stronger than whatever bond he and Julian shared, and if Julian cared for Blaine at all then he wouldn’t dare do anything that might upset him. Kurt didn’t have anything to be afraid of.

“When do I start?”