Jeanette took in Kurt's worn appearance. If she hadn't known what Blaine had just told her, she would think the boy was ill. He looked as if he hadn't slept in several days and possibly in the same shirt and jeans. His eyes were red and puffy.

Jeanette looked back at Blaine, seeing he hadn't come into the living room yet. She stepped outside and shut the door quietly.

"What's going on, Mrs. Anderson?"

"He loves you," she said simply, standing eye level with Kurt. She was a few inches taller than her son, but she was perfectly on level with the 16 year old in front of her. Kurt seemed to shrink a little. 

"He told you-"

"He's been sitting at my feet for the past thirty minutes crying his eyes out because he thought I wouldn't love him anymore," she swallowed hard. "I do love him...that will never stop. I have to accept the fact that my son is different...and what he said about you...well, if he is going to give up his place in Heaven for something, I'm glad that it's love..."

Kurt stood and listened to her musing. It was beautifully tragic, what she was saying. And Blaine not only liked him...he loved him. 

"What did he say?"

She wiped her eyes again. "That you were worth eternal damnation."

Kurt slid his eyes closed. He had come to talk everything out with Blaine- to set the record straight that he didn't exactly know what he was or what he wanted but that he didn't want to lose him. 

Blaine said he would burn in Hell...for him. It was staggering and made Kurt's head spin a little. When he opened his eyes, Jeanette was watching him closely.

"May I speak to him?"

Jeanette nodded but put a hand on his shoulder. 

"Just so you know, Kurt...I'll still love you, too."

Coming from Jeanette, it was something to be savoured. She had become like a mother to him and to know that someone out there would still care...no matter what he decided...brought the faintest bit of relief to him after so many days of ache and uncertainty. She kissed his cheek and opened the door for him. 

"Momma, who's-" Blaine was sitting on the couch, but paused when he saw Kurt in the door.

"Hey," Kurt said quietly, looking Blaine over. He didn't look much better than he felt.

"Hi," Blaine answered breathlessly. Jeanette walked over and placed a hand on his cheek. 

"You two need to talk...I'll be in my room," she offered him a reassuring smile, which he faintly returned, and walked out of the living room. Kurt still  stood in the hallway, his hands shoved in his pockets.

"I broke up with Quinn."

Blaine looked for a sign of sadness on his face, but it wasn't there. "Why?"

Kurt shrugged. "She's not the right one for me..."

Blaine didn't want to look hopeful, so he looked away from Kurt, looking toward the stairs.

"Do you wanna talk upstairs?"

Kurt nodded and Blaine led Kurt up to his room.

"Where's your dad?" Kurt asked as Blaine shut the door.

"I don't know," Blaine sighed, still sniffling a little from his crying fit. "He and Momma had a fight...about me..."

"Does he know?"

"I'm still alive, right?" Blaine gave a cold laugh, making Kurt cringe. "Sorry," he apologized, recognizing he had made a sick joke.

"Blaine, I've been thinking a lot about what you said...how you just know...I still don't, but I didn't want to drag Quinn along for the ride while I tried to figure it out...I do know one thing, though," he sat down across from Blaine on the bed, their knees almost touching as they sat Indian style on the bed.

"What?"

"That I wouldn't make it another day without you," Kurt looked down at Blaine's hands where they rested in his lap. "That if I didn't have you in my life that I would be miserable and lonely...does that mean I love you?"

Blaine wanted to say yes, but it wasn't what Kurt needed to hear. "I think it means that I'm important to you...that you care about me."

Kurt nodded and blinked rapidly to stem the tears in his eyes. Blaine saw that Kurt was looking at his hands.

"Can I...can I just hold your hand?"

Kurt felt his breath catch a little in his throat. "Um...sure."

Blaine tenativly reached out and took Kurt's hand, lacing their fingers together. Kurt's hand was so soft and warm and large. Perfect. Kurt relaxed into the grip of Blaine's hand and felt the vice around his heart loosen. Being here with Blaine like this was what he missed. He didn't know if it meant something more or if, like Blaine said, he was just caring for his friend. Whatever it was, Kurt wasn't going to let him leave like he did again. Blaine was going to help him face this. Blaine was going to help him find who he was.

By March, things had settled back down a little. Neither boy had mentioned the kiss or anything surrounding it since before Christmas and they were back to  normal. Kurt had really started to think about where he stood in the world. He wanted to be normal- a hormonal 16-year-old boy chasing after girls on the beach in the summer and joining in on the sexual jokes the boys would make in the locker room. The only problem was that he couldn't. The harder he tried to see girls in a sexual way, the more his mind twisted their soft, slender bodies into taut muscles and large, rough hands. He would often stop in the middle of masterbating in frustration because he couldn't get the images out of his head. 

On this night, he didn't stop.

He was stroking himself slowly, letting the images twist and blur in and out to being pressed down into his bed by a tanned, muscular boy whose lips were ghosting his neck, his tongue darting out to taste the sweat beading against his jaw. 

Kurt sped up. He hadn't felt so turned on in his life. He could almost feel his hand being replaced by another- a rougher, slightly smaller one. It pumped him while the boy over him leaned into his ear and whispered something filthy, but oh so sexy.

As Kurt was feeling the tight pull of his balls, the heat in his gut about to pour from him, he saw the boy's face in his mind- chocolate and golden eyes, dark beautiful curls, face contorted in pleasure, his name- Kurt's name- tumbling from his panting lips in a deep, gruff voice he had never heard before from the boy.

Kurt bit into his fist as he came hard over his hand and stomach, pumping himself furiously through it to pull every ounce of pleasure he could from it. The images in his mind began to fade away except for the eyes. Kurt could still see them burning and dark in his mind.

Kurt quickly cleaned himself up and slid on some shorts and a t-shirt. He had to see Blaine.

Crawling out of his window with no shoes definately wasn't one of his brightest ideas, but he was in a hurry. At midnight, the little town was dead in sleep and he could hear his feet on the grass and dirt only barely over the sound of his heartbeat in his ears. The lattice work leading up to Blaine's window bowed under his weight as he climbed up swiftly. Blaine's window was barely cracked as it always was and he wiggled his fingers into the gap to pull it up.

Blaine was fast asleep on his back in his bed, legs splayed and angled with the sheets twisted around him. He was in nothing but briefs and a pair of socks.

Kurt swallowed and allowed himself to look- to take in the dips and curves of Blaine's collar bone, chest and stomach. His hips dipped dangerously into his briefs and the raised cotton beneath the waistband made Kurt's mouth water and goosebumps rise on his skin. Kurt climbed in and closed the window quietly so he could keep the boy asleep for just a little longer. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen Blaine like this before. They swam together in their underwear in the river from the time they were kids until just a couple of years ago. They had to share a bath on more than one occasion as kids when they would get ungodly muddy after a rainstorm and Jeanette would be berating Blaine while she scrubbed him raw about his immune system. But this...

Kurt gently sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at his face, set in peaceful sleep with his hand placed almost strategically next to his forehead. With his face turned away from Kurt, his neck stretched and tight. Kurt slowly reached forward, letting his fingertips barely ghost the taut skin along the column of  his neck down to the dip in his collar bone. Blaine stirred only slightly in his sleep, making a soft noise that made Kurt smile.

It didn't take much to convince Kurt that yes...he might just love Blaine, too.

He didn't know if that made him gay or if he just wanted Blaine- sweet, charming, beautiful Blaine. 

And Blaine was beautiful. God, he was gorgeous. Jeanette's European roots were very prevolant in Blaine's face- the strong jaw and eyebrows, the uniquie cut of his eyes and his dark skin. His lips, now parted in sleep, were soft and plump. Kurt ran his thumb over Blaine's jaw to his bottom lip gently, tracing the outline of it. 

He started to feel a little creepy, but he couldn't help it. It was as if someone had sharpened the focus on his vision and he was seeing Blaine in a new light. 

He started noticing things he never had before, like a small freckle over Blaine's right nipple, a mole next to his belly button he had never seen...he just added these things to a long list of things he liked...no, loved...about Blaine. 

Finally, Kurt let out a sigh and softly shook Blaine's shoulder. "Hey...wake up," he said softly, not wanting to alarm him. Blaine stirred and turned his head

"Kurt?" He yawned. "What's going on? You never come to me..."

"I couldn't sleep...I kept thinking...about things," Kurt rubbed the back of his messy hair. He felt much more vulnerable with Blaine awake.

"About what? Is everything ok?"

Kurt let his hand fall limp in his lap and sighed. "Blaine...I want you to kiss me again. A real kiss..."

Blaine furrowed his brow. "Really?"

"I won't run away from it this time," Kurt looked into Blaine's eyes, channeling all the sincerity he could manage into his gaze. "I want this...I want you."

Blaine slid close to Kurt and lifted a shaking hand to Kurt's face. He didn't quite touch his cheek, hovering just beside it as if afraid to go too far. Kurt sensed this and placed his hand over Blaine's pressing it to his cheek and sighing agianst the touch of Blaine's warm hand on his cold cheek. Blaine leaned forward and placed his lips to Kurt's gently. It was a rush of everything and not enough in one simple touch of skin. 

Blaine remembered Kurt's request- a real kiss. Blaine darted his tongue between his lips and swiped across Kurt's bottom lip and was, this time, met with Kurt opening his mouth to accomidate him. Blaine let out a soft moan as he felt Kurt's tongue on his and a spike of arousal shot down his spine. Kurt felt the rumble of Blaine's moan and placed his hands on Blaine's chest, feeling the stretch of the muscle as Blaine breathed in and out against Kurt's lips.

"You're sure?" Blaine asked breathlessly agains his mouth. "Kurt, I don't want you to do this because of me-"

"I'm not...well, I am," Kurt leaned back a little and took Blaine's face in his hands. "I'm doing this because you make me feel like I'm weightless...like if you ever left me I would pop and fall to the Earth like a balloon. I feel like if I could, I'd face down anything to protect you...and I want to feel you against me...I want you to hold me and kiss me...touch me..."

Blaine's breathing was becoming more rapid with each word, tears collecting in his eyes. "Kurt-"

Kurt cut him off with his lips, pressing Blaine back against the mattress and stretching out to lie beside him on the bed. Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's  shoulders and pulled him close. Their chests and hips met and in the slight chill of the room they felt the heat of their bodies against each other.

"You're beautiful, you know," Kurt seperated from Blaine's mouth and began peppering kisses over his chin and down his throat. "I never noticed before...or didn't want to...but you're so beautiful," Kurt reached Blaine's chest and kissed the small freckle above his nipple. Blaine let out an involuntary hiss as Kurt's chin brushed it. Kurt noticed and leaned down to take the nipple into his mouth. He gave an experimental suck and Blaine whined, trying to keep his voice down since his parents were both downstairs asleep- his father on the recliner and his mother in the bed. Kurt couldn't keep his hands still, running up Blaine's side and up over his strong chest. 

"Kurt," he rolled his hips up a little. He was dangerously hard and didn't want to say anything, but it was becoming a little uncomfortable. Kurt looked up at him, his eyes dark and shining in the moonlight. 

"D-do you want me to..." he motioned toward Blaine's lap.

"I...Kurt, this is all so sudden...I've never..."

Kurt saw the fear in his eyes and immediately sat up. "I'm sorry," he placed a hand on Blaine's chest, covering his hammering heart. "I got a little..."

"It's ok," Blaine closed his eyes, seeming to try and ground himself. "I-I want to...it's just-"

"I know," Kurt nodded and placed a gentle kiss to Blaine's lips. It seemed so simple- to lean down and kiss Blaine like that. Blaine stared up at him, his eyes still a little wide with surprise.

"What changed your mind?"

Kurt sighed and sat up. "I don't know...I think I finally let myself through that big door in my head that was blocking the other side...what I really wanted...turns out it was you."

Blaine's eyes softened and a small smile pulled at his lips. 

"And if I have to be damned to Hell, at least I'll have you to go with," Kurt blinked back tears. "I couldn't imagine facing anything without you..."

Blaine sat up and took Kurt's hand while wiping the tears from Kurt's cheek with his thumb. He cupped Kurt's cheek and brought his head down to rest their foreheads together.

"I love you, Kurt...I've known for as long as I can remember..."

"I lov-"

"No," Blaine sat up, looking into Kurt's eyes, his hand firm on Kurt's cheek. "I don't want to hear it until you are absolutely sure...promise me?"

Kurt almost argued with him, but the resolute look in Blaine's eyes told him not to. He nodded and let Blaine guide him back to lie down. 

"Will you stay?" Blaine whispered into Kurt's hair as he snuggled up, resting his head on Blaine's shoulder.

"I don't really wanna be anywhere else, actually," Kurt breathed him in and slid his eyes closed.  

Blaine smiled and placed a kiss on Kurt's forehead. "Goodnight, Kurt."

"'Night, Blaine," he smiled and wrapped his arms tighter around Blaine's waist. It was the best night's sleep either boy had had in so long.