“Okay so I want to try something.” Kurt said while he was browsing the internet. They were in Kurt’s room, Burt and Carole were gone for the night and Finn was with Rachel. It was nearing the end of the school year, the Chandler situation was a few weeks old and they were just starting to get back to normal.

“What?” Blaine said as he tossed a ball of socks up and down in the air on the bed.  “Come here.” Blaine patted on the seat next to him.

Kurt signed off and took a seat next to Blaine. “Promise you won’t laugh.”

“Never.”

“We both agreed to be always open about talking about sex right?”

Blaine nodded.

“Well,” Kurt continued. “I was looking online and researching…”

Blaine placed his hand on his knee, “It’s okay, and you can ask me anything Kurt.”

“I want to…try…bottom. If that’s okay?!” Kurt blurted out, he felt the color rush to his face. “I mean I looked online and they said guys should try it at least once to see if that’s what they like, and I have topped the times we’ve done it. I’m just nervous and you seemed to enjoy it, I just want to feel what….”

Blaine kissed him softly, after a few moments he pulled away. “Only if you want to, okay?”

Kurt breathed a sigh of relief, “I do, tonight.” Blaine smiled and kissed his forehead. “Okay.” He whispered.

He watched as Kurt unbuttoned his shirt and let it drop to the floor. Blaine could never get tired of seeing Kurt’s pale chest. He timidly reached out and placed his hand on it and looked up at him.

“I love you.”

Kurt smiled and kissed him. First keeping his mouth closed, he felt Blaine’s tongue open his mouth slowly. He felt Blaine’s tongue struggle for dominance. Kurt let him have it, falling into the rhythm of their kisses.

Blaine put his hands around Kurt’s waist and kissed Kurt deeper, Kurt gasped and Blaine sucked at his neck. Kurt moaned feeling Blaine’s semi hard erection against his leg. He kissed him again, testily pushing his hips forward in Blaine’s.

“Oh god.” Blaine whispered into his neck. “I want you, right now.”

Kurt moved his shaking hands to unbutton Blaine’s pants, he stopped at the zipper looking at Blaine as to ask if it was okay.

“Go ahead.” Blaine said.

Kurt unzipped Blaine’s pants and Blaine stepped out of them just standing in his underwear. Kurt flushed red catching a sight of Blaine’s erection. He glanced away trying to control himself.

Blaine smiled, “May I?” He motioned to the zipper of Kurt’s jeans. Kurt gulped and nodded. Blaine unzipped Kurt’s pants and helped him step out of them, but instead of stopping there Blaine pulled at the waist of Kurt’s underwear.

“Can I take them off too?” He asked Kurt. Kurt nodded again and Blaine shimmied them down to his feet where Kurt stepped out of them. Kurt stood naked in front of Blaine, and Blaine couldn’t help but stare at Kurt’s erection. The thought that the fact that Kurt was hard because of him flashed through Blaine’s mind and the only thing he wanted to do was reach out and touch it. He wrapped his hand around the base of Kurt’s erection and moved his hand up and down.

Kurt closed the distance between them and rested his head against Blaine’s shoulder. He seemed to fall into Blaine and moaned gently.

“Please don’t stop.” Kurt whined in his ear. “Oh god, Blaine I love you so much…please, don’t stop. Don’t stop.”

The fact that Kurt was begging for Blaine to keep touching him, made Blaine moan in Kurt’s ear, it sent chills down his spine.

Kurt backed Blaine on the bed falling on top of him. He kissed Blaine feverishly, Blaine timed ever pump of his wrist to their kissing. Kurt pulled away moaning, “I’m coming…oh god…I’m coming….”

As Kurt was spilling himself between them, Blaine let go of his erection. Kurt frantically reached between them grabbing a hold of Blaine’s now throbbing erection firmly. In time to his own orgasm, he pumped Blaine. Kurt tried to be gentle but he couldn’t help himself, he pumped faster and faster. Blaine arched his back, moaning louder than Kurt had ever heard him.

“Faster!” Blaine said reaching blindly for Kurt’s lips. He kissed him hard and with a firm twist of Kurt’s wrist, Blaine shut his eyes and gripped both sides of Kurt’s shoulders.

“I love you…I love you so much.” Blaine panted. “I love you. Keep going.”

Kurt, testing himself rubbed his finger along the head of Blaine’s erection, and Blaine came all over his hand. “Oh my god. Oh my god.” Blaine panted.

He kissed Kurt hard against the mouth as if he was trying to wring another moan from his lips.

Finally Kurt lay against Blaine, their chests heaving together. Kurt listened to Blaine’s heartbeat, which was slowing.

“That’s not what I meant by bottoming…” Kurt said.

They both laughed and laid wrapped in each other’s arms. Blaine spoke first,

“I can’t even imagine ever doing this with someone else, ever.”

Kurt smiled against his chest.

Blaine pulled him tighter and whispered in his ear, “No matter what happens when you go to New York in the fall, I want us to be alright.”

The tone in Blaine’s voice made Kurt sit up and look at him, they had never really talked about New York since the whole Chandler situation.

“I told you, it’s going to be okay. I love you more than anything in the world. No matter how far apart we are. “

Blaine swallowed and nodded, “We should clean up…” He changed the subject, he motioned to their stomachs.

Kurt sat up and looked down, “Ugh. Yeah let’s do that. Do you want to shower first or should I?”

“Let’s shower together.”

Kurt flushed red, “Okay.” He grabbed Blaine’s hand and led him to the bathroom.

He turned on the water and let the steam built around them. Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist and kissed his shoulder.

They let the water run and Kurt stepped in the shower. He teasingly got in the shower closing the curtain. He hummed in the shower for a few moments. “Are you coming in?”

“In a second, I have to use the bathroom.” Blaine stood to take aim but Kurt opened the curtain.

“YOU CANT PEE IN HERE!”

Blaine startled back, “Wha…What’s wrong!?”

“You can’t pee while I’m taking a shower!”

Blaine laughed loudly, “Kurt you can’t be serious. Where do you expect me to go? I’m naked!”

Kurt was not amused. “Go to my dad’s room! No one’s home. But you just can’t pee in here.” He shut the curtain and started singing again.

Blaine smiled and nodded his head, he loved Kurt’s little perks. He made his way through empty house and to Burt and Carole’s closed bedroom door. He pushed it open lightly looking around. He made his way through the clean master bedroom and into the bathroom, after he peed he washed his hands and caught a glimpse of the fireplace mantel.  It was littered with pictures of the family, Kurt and Finn as kids. Family pictures, awards and trophies from Nationals.

For a second Blaine fantasized about them having a house together, their kid’s pictures in their bedroom. His heart swelled. I want to marry him someday. The realization of it hit Blaine in the stomach like a sack of bricks. He wanted to be with this boy for the rest of his life. He couldn’t help but smile and  placed one of the pictures back on the mantle. He left the room closing the door.

Kurt was still in the shower when he came back, Blaine made sure to announce himself so he wouldn’t scare Kurt.

“I’m bac…” He pulled the curtain back to see Kurt partially lathered throwing his head back, singing. His tall toned body was dripping wet. Blaine stood speechless in front of him. This was probably the hottest way he had ever seen Kurt. He took mental pictures tucking them away later for his own personal benefits. He felt himself twitch between his legs.

Kurt blushed, trying to cover himself. “Um.. Are you going to get in?”

“Don’t, it’s really really hot.” Blaine said stepping in the shower.

“Kurt smiled, “I’ve been in here a long time waiting for you.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t pee in here.” Blaine teased.

“It’s gross!” Kurt said as he wrapped his arms around Blaine’s waist. They let the water fall in between them.

Kurt ran his fingers through Blaine’s hair , “You’re hair is going to be ungelled.”

“As long as you still think I’m hot.” Blaine reached up and kissed Kurt.

“Let’s shower, first.” Kurt pulled away. “I still want to…”

“Bottom?”

“Yes.” Kurt blushed.

They took turns washing each other’s bodies, at one point Blaine turned the shower colder giving Kurt an amused look.

Finally once all the hot water had gone, they got out shivering. They dried off and went back to Kurt’s room.

Kurt turned on some music from his iPod, a playlist he had made to without Blaine’s knowledge as “sexy times”. Kurt turned down the lighting in the room to a dim, as the soft music filled the room. Blaine had already gotten himself under the covers up to his chin.

Kurt got in next to him and turned on his side facing him.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” Blaine reached out and stroked Kurt’s face. “There isn’t any pressure okay?”

Kurt nodded but in the back of his mind he couldn’t help but think about the internet searching he had being doing lately. He had wandered into a chat room one day for gay men and after strolling and strolling through comments  he had stumbled upon a comment from another user. The user said he had a boyfriend who was very cautious when it came to being intimate or having sex. The user admitted at first he didn’t mind but after a few months he was tired of doing the same thing over and over. Kurt had always felt the insecure that Blaine would get bored, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for always wanting to top.

Blaine kissed him on the nose, “Are you sure?”

Kurt smiled and kissed him softly on the lips just causally parting his own. After a few moments, Blaine found his tongue and wrestled with it for an awhile. He kissed Kurt a little harder putting his hand on Kurt’s hip. They were young, it didn’t take long before Blaine felt a familiar twitch in between his legs.

Kurt pressed his bare chest against Blaine’s kissing his collarbone and upper chest. Blaine groaned lightly, arching his neck back telling Kurt he wanted more. Kurt kissed his neck and behind his ear. A sharp breath came from Blaine and he let his hand slide lower onto Kurt’s thigh. Kurt went back to just kissing Blaine, falling into the pattern. Kurt moaned louder as Blaine pushed himself against Kurt’s body. Kurt could feel his own growing erection against Blaine’s leg. As if Blaine could read his mind, he reached out and stroked it softly. Kurt bit his lip, forcing a mumbled moan between his lips. Blaine looked up surprisingly, he had never heard Kurt make a sound like that.

Kurt looked at him panting, “Trying not to be too loud, sorry.”

Blaine, amused kissed under his chin as he rubbed a little firmer at Kurt’s growing erection, “No. It makes me want you more.”

Kurt drove his erection into Blaine’s hand, whining. Kurt kissed him and he blindly reached under the cover for Blaine’s own erection. He pumped it fast like he had earlier. After a few moments he found Blaine’s wrist wrap around his hand.

“No more…or else…I won’t...” Blaine panted.

“Okay.”

They kissed gently for a few more minutes before Kurt pulled away. “I’m ready.”

Blaine’s eyes widened and he nodded his head. Kurt leaned under the bed and got out a shoebox. He put in on the bed and opened the lid. In the shoebox was random papers and under that a box of condoms. Kurt pulled them out and set them on the bed. He pulled out a normal sock and inside that was a tube of lube. Blaine raised his eyebrows as Kurt slid the box back under the bed.

“You know most people just use their side table to hide things like that.” Blaine said sitting up.

Kurt blushed, “I don’t want my dad…I mean he assumes and basically knows we’re having sex but I’d rather him not find any proof. And Finn will tease me forever if he finds anything.”

Blaine smiled and Kurt, with hands shaking, handed him the lube. “I want…to try…Umm…before…”

Blaine kissed him, “It’s just me. Just me and you okay? I love you.”

Kurt took a deep breath, “Okay. I know. Okay. I’m just scared I guess.”

“I am too.”

Kurt looked at him, “You are?”

“Of course! This is new Kurt! I want everything to be good for you.”

“Did it hurt the first time?”

Blaine smiled, “Honestly? It was amazing. I was only a little sore the next day, but besides that it was one of the best moments of my life. I got to be with you in the most physically and mentally connecting way possible.”

Kurt looked away smiling, “Thank you.”

Blaine kissed him back onto the pillow, then he sat on his knees, “Spread your legs a little bit more.”

Kurt widened his legs as Blaine put lube on one of his fingers. This time it was him who had a brief look of worry on his face. He took a deep breath and looked at Kurt.

“I love you.” Kurt said to him.

“Tell me if it hurts, promise?” Blaine said.

Kurt nodded and Blaine slowly slipped one finger into him. He had the urge to push back but he contained himself.

“How does it feel?” Blaine looked up at him.

“I can’t really feel anything, it’s weird though.”

“I’ll try two.”

Blaine slipped another finger inside.

“God Kurt, I can’t believe you can’t feel anything. You’re really tight but this is amazing.”  Blaine said.

“Three.” Kurt piped up staring at the celling; he didn’t want Blaine to see his face because now it was starting to feel uncomfortable.

“Okay.” Blaine inserted a third and Kurt felt like his body had been shocked, like a fire current had ran through his body. He griped the sheets trying to relax and not think about the actual pain that was coming from this.

Blaine must have mistaken his sheet grabbing for pleasure because he leaned over and kissed Kurt. Kurt tried to focus on the kiss and be with Blaine but the pain rested in his stomach.

Blaine sat up, “I think we’re ready.”

Kurt nodded, he refused to ruin this moment. Blaine hadn’t hit his prostate yet, so it would get better he told himself.

Blaine put the condom on and added more lube. “All set. Are you okay?”

“Fine.” Kurt gritted through his teeth.

Blaine spread Kurt’s legs a little farther and lined himself up against Kurt’s entrance.

“Okay, one two…” Kurt counted to himself mentally trying to prepare himself for Blaine, when suddenly too fast most of Blaine was in him.

It was like Kurt had fallen into a fire pit and was being torn in half. It was the worst pain he had ever felt in his life. It was happening too fast. His body felt like two people were pulling him apart at the same time. He drove his fists in the sheets trying to regain himself but couldn’t. He felt like he couldn’t even make a noise.

“Oh my god Kurt. It feels so good.” Blaine who had leaned down into his shoulder, muffled against him. Blaine couldn’t see Kurt’s face, he couldn’t see the look of sheer panic and pain.

“Stop being a baby. He is enjoying himself. You should too. Think about the chat room post.” Kurt said to himself.

Blaine buried himself deeper into Kurt, moaning. Kurt felt dizzy as Blaine started to drag himself in and out. Kurt felt every inch of him being ripped, he counted the minutes until it was over. It felt like eternity until Blaine said, “Oh god. I’m going to come.”

Kurt let Blaine ride out his orgasm and it took everything in him to reach up and hold him in his arms. Blaine laid sweaty and panting wrapped in Kurt’s arms. Kurt felt like he couldn’t move, he braced himself for when Blaine pulled out completely. It was probably the best feeling he had the whole time. Tears streamed down Kurt’s face and he tried to wipe them away before Blaine sat up.

“Kurt that was the best…” Blaine saw the look on Kurt’s face, panic and guilt fled across his own.

“Oh no. No. Oh my god Kurt! Did I hurt you!? No. No.” Blaine said in panic, he reached for Kurt who instinctively  flinched away from his touch,

Blaine snatched his hand back in confusion, tears coming down his face, “I’m sorry. Kurt I am so sorry!”

Kurt gritted his teeth as he tried to sit up, “It’s fine.” With a shift to the side, pain intensified though Kurt’s body. He looked at Blaine. “It’s okay.” He tried to fake his way through the pain.

Blaine was full on crying, “How could I have been so inconsiderate and stupid? ! I’m so so sorry Kurt! I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay. I…I just didn’t relax…”

“No! I kept going Kurt! You were in pain and I finished! Oh god! What’s wrong with me!? ” Blaine said through tears.

“Blaine. It’s fine! I just need rest and a shower maybe.” In reality Kurt was angry. He tried not to show Blaine who was clearly upset, but he was so mad. He hated the fact that Blaine enjoyed this and he didn’t, he hated the fact that he  had continued on with this. He was so sore and tired, he just wanted to be alone.

“Do you need help? I’ll shower with you! “Blaine said trying to help Kurt sit up on the edge of the bed.

Kurt brushed him back lightly, “No. no Blaine…I love you and I don’t want you to be mad at me but I just…I just really want to be alone tonight.” He looked away not needing to look at Blaine to know his face read guilt and frustration.

“You want me to leave?” Blaine whispered.

Kurt still not looking at him nodded, “I’ll just call you tomorrow, okay?”

The room filled silence and Blaine sat motionless. Kurt still looked at his hands.

“Okay.” Blaine whispered.

He scooted to the edge of the bed and placed a light kiss on Kurt’s cheek. He gathered his clothes and got dressed quietly. He stood by the door to see if Kurt would turn around and face him.

Kurt now looked at the opposite wall tears running silently down his face.

“I love you.” Blaine said before closing the door. Kurt waited until he heard Blaine’s car start and pull away before he broke down completely.