(KPOV)
I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my thin waist, but I didn't bother turning around because I already knew whose arms were around me. I heard him whisper a quiet "I'm home baby" into my ear but didn't get the shiver running through my body that I usually did. He tried to flip me around to give me a kiss but I just put my finger to his lips giving a quiet excuse about needing to focus on finishing dinner. I heard him sigh but he reluctantly let me go and I turned back around to finish cooking. Almost every day consisted of this, the same routine. I wake up in his arms, get ready and help him get ready, we get coffee together, and then go our separate ways for work, I get home earlier then he does so I always end up cooking dinner. When he gets home he usually gives me a quick kiss, we eat dinner, do our own separate thing, and then end up cuddling a bit before bed. True, I had been living this life for almost 6 years. But that first year was different. Now the man wrapping his arms around me isn't Him. These arms didn't belong to the man who I longed them to belong to. The man who was here now isn't Blaine.
r32;
(BPOV)
I returned from work to an empty apartment with a bag of takeout in my hands. I had been eating takeout a lot lately. Yea, it wasn't healthy and was kind of expensive, but I'm always too damn tried to cook for myself. Also every time I cook I think of him. My life has become a pretty sad one. I wake up, get coffee, go to work for almost 8 hours, get takeout, return home, eat, either watch TV or work on some songs, and finally go to sleep in my cold bed. Every time I go out to do something fun I think of him. Every damn thing reminds me of him. The way the sun always reflected off his hair, his laugh that reminded me of bells, the way his porcelain skin would glow, his diva attitude, the look of pure love he would give me.
I look forward and dread every night of sleep because he is always in my dreams. Some dreams are good and I'm always so happy during them, but when I awake I feel my heart sink knowing that he isn't mine anymore. The others are bad and usually just replay the final fight we had, the look he gave me when I told him I just couldn't do it anymore. I never wanted to end it, but I knew it was better for him if we did, I had to let him control his life for a little bit, let him chase after his own dreams instead of trying to accommodate mine, even if it killed me to let him go. Yea, my life has become a sad one filled with regrets since I let him go. The biggest mistake I have ever made being just that. Letting Kurt, the person who I'd always love, my soul mate, go.
r32;
(KPOV)
I went two years without anyone tying me down, everyday secretly hoping I would run into Blaine somewhere, and he would see how miserable I was without him, and run into my arms telling me how much he missed me and how much he wanted us to get back together. But after two years of sitting in our favorite coffee shop and wandering the streets of New York for him, I finally gave up that fantasy. I started going to another coffee shop, no matter how much I prefer the coffee at Blaine and I's place. I also stopped wandering the streets in my free time. But I never, not for one single moment, stopped loving him. I don't think I ever will stop loving him. He's my soul mate; this is the only thing I'm still certain of. But after two years of waiting I figured I'd never get to see him again so I had to learn to live without him. I had to keep living my life. So when I met Adam, I decided to give it a shot. We meet at my new coffee shop (yes, clich� I know). He accidently grabbed my order, and I grabbed his. We realized the mistake traded back, and he asked me to sit with him. Adam is really a great guy, he makes me laugh, he's cute, he works as banker on Wall Street, and he is just pretty great. He also brings back some light into my life, but never as much as Blaine did. Adam saved me though; I didn't know how much longer I could have gone on with the life I had been living. The start of our relationship was great. I was happy, even though I always knew he would never be Blaine. But during the past year I couldn't help but think of Blaine every time I was with Adam. When he sneaks in and wraps his arms around me, I wish they were Blaine's and try to remember what his felt like. When I wake up in the morning cuddled up with Adam, I always temporarily imagine its Blaine holding me. Now, I'm not sure how much longer I can continue this relationship. Every single time Adam is affectionate I think of Blaine, and how much I wish it was him holding me and looking at me with his big brown eyes that have millions of gold specs. Those eyes I could get lost in for hours. Those eyes that belonged to the person I wish never let me go.
r32;
(APOV)
I truly love Kurt. He's such an amazing guy and I can't believe I get to call him mine. His eyes light up my world, his smile and laugh can make even my worst days brighter. I don't know what I would do without him. But I've been noticing lately that he always seems to be zoned out staring into empty space and his smiles never reach his eyes. I've asked him countless times if anything is wrong, and he tells me there isn't each time I ask. I'm starting to wonder if I did something wrong. He wouldn't even let me kiss him today. Did I miss an important day? Did I come home too late? Did I say something wrong? Did he meet someone else? That last thought kills me. I don't know what my world would be like without Kurt, because Kurt has truly become my life. Kurt is my sun, my light, and I'm the earth revolving around him. Maybe Kurt is upset because I haven't had the nerve to tell him that I love him… I was planning on doing it, but ever since Kurt started to slowly fade away from me, I've been too afraid to tell him and learn that Kurt doesn't love me back. Because I'm starting to believe that he doesn't. And I don't know what I would do if my suspicion was confirmed and Kurt really didn't return my love.
r32;
(BPOV)
The first year after I broke things off with Kurt I had spent my time mourning. I would walk around NYC because I always seemed to see Kurt wandering the streets looking helpless. I noticed his weight dropping and his face becoming less and less bright. Every time I saw him it was torture. I just wanted to run up to him, pull him into a kiss, and tell him I was an idiot, I never stopped loving him, and would never let him ago again. But I restrained myself. Kurt needed to follow his dreams. He had, and still does have, so much going for him. After a year of doing that it became too much. I didn't know how much longer I could stand seeing him without revealing myself and ruining my original plan. The next two years for me were ones I'm not too proud of. To put it simply I became slutty. I'd go out to clubs almost every night, I had too many one night stands to count and let endless men buy me drinks. One night though I met a guy named Ryan. He reminded me of Kurt. I ended up buying him a drink and instead of just going to my house and having sex I actually just got to know him. Ryan and I dated for 6 months, the second longest relationship I've ever had. Ryan was pretty great. He made me laugh, treated me nice, was great in bed, and was good-looking. Ryan did make me happy, but never as happy as Kurt made me. Near the end of our relationship though I always imagined I was with Kurt instead of Ryan though. One night Ryan was cleaning out my closet because he has secretly bought me some new clothes as a gift and needed room to hang them up. As he was looking through he saw my box of things from Kurt and I's relationship. The box had letters, scrapbooks, some of Kurt's clothing; little items Kurt had gotten me, and other little trinkets. When I got home that night Ryan asked me what this box was and who this Kurt guy was. I ended up telling him all about my past relationship with Kurt and how I broke off out relationship so Kurt could follow his dreams without me there to tie him down. Ryan said he could tell just from the pictures and how I talked about Kurt that I loved him and I asked if I still did. I never could lie to Ryan. I had to tell Ryan that I still loved Kurt and didn't think I ever would be able to stop loving him. Unfortunately that broke Ryan's heart. Ryan broke up with me that night and told me that he understood why I broke it off with Kurt, but if I still felt this way about him after about four years I needed to find Kurt and let him know. If Kurt felt even half the way I did, then Kurt would take me back in a heartbeat.
But here we are. A year since Ryan told me that, and I still haven't gotten the nerve to find Kurt and tell him how much I still loved him.