July 22, 2012, 5:32 p.m.
Don't Look Back
Don't Look Back: Chapter 11
E - Words: 3,603 - Last Updated: Jul 22, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 13/13 - Created: Jun 18, 2012 - Updated: Jul 22, 2012 1,334 0 0 0 1
Blaine was almost awake. That pleasant, fuzzy state where everything was just a bit more comfortable. Kurt's body was close, keeping him just this side of too warm. It was one of those moments where he never wanted to move, never wanted anything to change.
They had shifted in the night, both rolling to their sides with Blaine pressed flush against Kurt's front, pulled close into being the little spoon, Kurt's arm a heavy, welcome weight against his belly, his own hand resting over Kurt's, their fingers tangled loosely together. He could feel Kurt's breath on the back of his neck and slid closer into his hold.
Kurt stirred a bit behind him, waking up but still very clearly not awake yet. They laid in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Blaine felt Kurt's lips press against the back of his neck and hears a soft, mumbled, "Morning, sweetheart."
Blaine's body warmed at the sound of Kurt's sleepy voice, struck again by how much he loved the beautiful boy behind him. A million memories came rushing back at the sound of Kurt's voice. Memories of the quiet moans and pleas of the night before and his name falling from Kurt's lips in a breath as Kurt's eyes fluttered shut and rocked into him a final time before stilling.
He couldn't help the small smile that touched his face as he remembered. Lips pressed against his shoulder this time and Kurt's hold tightened.
Blaine's answering voice was whisper quiet. "Morning."
Blaine turned himself around in Kurt's arms and leaned forward to kiss him.
Kurt quickly covered his mouth, mumbling something about morning breath against his hand. Blaine pulled it away with an answered, "Don't care." and pressed their lips together, kissing him slowly. He was just about to deepen the kiss when he heard someone clearing their throat outside the tent. Cooper.
"I hate to disturb the love nest," he laughed, clearly not at all sorry for disturbing them. "But you guys better get all this cleaned up before mom and dad get home in a couple hours. And, Blaine, you're already late for school."
Blaine dropped his head into the crook of Kurt's neck, letting out a sigh. "Never enough time," he lamented.
Kurt chuckled and kissed the top of his head. "Never enough."
Blaine peeked out the door of the tent and noticed that Cooper was nowhere in sight, so he took Kurt's hand and made a mad dash to the bathroom, Kurt giggling behind him the whole way. Kurt threw his arms around Blaine the moment they were inside the bathroom, kissing him as he kicked the door shut with his heel.
"Kurt..." Blaine admonished fondly, breaking away and giggling as Kurt's lips trailed down his neck.
Kurt laughed but kept his hands on Blaine's waist as he leaned forward and started the shower, steam filling the room as the water heated up.
They made out lazily under the spray of the shower, hands roaming across bodies and kisses breaking away to trail down necks and chests, pausing long enough to wash before going back to kissing.
The heat of the shower was working to unknot Blaine's sore muscles. He wasn't entirely sure that he disliked the ache. It was a constant reminder that what he and Kurt had shared the night before had been real and not just a perfect dream.
A sharp banging on the door was enough to pull them from their own little world. Cooper's voice from the other side of the door was insistent.
"Come on, Blaine, if mom and dad find out how late you are, they're going to blame me. Let's go!"
Blaine gave Kurt a final kiss on the lips before stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around his waist, Kurt following shortly after
By the time Blaine was dressed and downstairs, Cooper was shoving a bagel and travel mug of coffee in his direction as he pointed toward the door.
The day passed too quickly and not quickly enough all at once.
It hurt to be away from Kurt even for such a short time when a much more permanent separation loomed on the horizon. Today was it. Cooper and Kurt were packing up his room while Blaine was sitting in class. The thought was enough to bring tears to Blaine's eyes and he mumbled and excuse of not feeling well to his teacher before hurrying to the bathroom and shutting himself in a stall to cry.
He reminded himself over and over that it was selfish to want Kurt to stay, and truthfully, that wasn't it at all. He didn'twant Kurt to stay. He knew the best place for Kurt was New York, but it killed him that he wasn't going too.
As Blaine pulled into his driveway after school, not even stopping to give the Warblers a reason for his absence, Cooper was just finishing packing up his car. Blaine's breath hitched at the finality that the scene represented.
He cut the engine and stepped out of his car, feeling lost in his own driveway. Cooper approached quickly. Blaine jumped because he hadn't even seen him coming, his eyes fixed on the loaded car.
Cooper's arms were around him, pulling him close. For a moment, Blaine felt like a child again, taking comfort in his brother's arms during a thunderstorm. He felt just as vulnerable as a child, desperately needing reassurance that this was in fact the right decision. It felt like any decision that pulled Kurt further away from him was the wrong decision. He wanted to beg and plead Cooper to take him too, but he knew it was a futile effort. It wasn't Cooper's choice.
"It's okay, B," Cooper said softly, sliding a hand across Blaine's back. "He's going to be fine. I know it hurts, but I know that you know that this is what's best for him."
Blaine nodded weakly against his brother's shoulder. "It hurts, Coop."
Cooper shushed him and hugged him tighter. "I know, but this is what he needs. He can't stay here."
Blaine knew all of this, but it helped to hear the words coming from Cooper's mouth. Cooper pulled away, his hands resting on Blaine's shoulders. "Go inside. Kurt's waiting for you upstairs."
Blaine nodded woodenly and turned to go inside, trudging up the stairs. Kurt was sitting on their bed, his gaze fixed on the small item he was turning around in his hand.
"Hey," Blaine whispered. He couldn't make his voice any louder. "What's that?"
He crossed the room to sit next to Kurt on the bed, taking the object out of his hand. It was his slaveband. Blaine hated even touching it so he let it fall to the bed quickly.
"I've got everything packed," Kurt said quietly. "I just can't figure out what to do with that." He gestured toward where the metal ring lay on the bed.
The thought struck Blaine. What should they do with it? It had been a symbol of Kurt's enslavement for three years, the thing that marked him as something society viewed as less. Somehow, just tossing something like that in the trash felt wrong.
Blaine looked up, because Kurt had started speaking again. "Will you hang on to it? Bring it to New York with you when you come."
He didn't want the damned thing in his room, but he nodded, unwilling to deny Kurt anything. "Yeah, honey, I'll keep it."
"Good. We can figure out something to do with it when you get to New York," Kurt said, his voice quiet.
Cooper stuck his head in the door. "You ready, Kurt?"
Kurt laughed humorlessly. "Not really. But I guess now's as good of time as any."
Blaine's breath hitched in his throat as Kurt tangled their fingers together and pulled him off the bed. He was in a daze as he followed Kurt silently down the stairs. Everything seemed to be surreal, colors dulled and movements seeming sluggish. He had to pull himself together or else he was going to break. Kurt didn't need the guilt of seeing him cry.
They stopped just beside the passenger's side door, Cooper walking around the car to make sure everything was in order. Blaine knew that his brother was just doing his best to give he and Kurt as much privacy as possible for their goodbye.
It seemed as though the gravity of the situation had finally hit Kurt. His eyes were fixed on Blaine's face, tears falling silently. There was a small, sad smile on his face. His tears were easily heard in his voice.
"I can't believe I finally get to see New York and you're not going to be there with me." Kurt shook his head sadly.
Blaine stepped forward and pulled him in for a hug. "It's only two days and then I'll be there for a week. It's okay," he comforted, thumbing away a stray tear on Kurt's cheek. "I love you, Kurt."
Kurt sniffled softly and pressed himself closer to Blaine. "I love you, too, Blaine."
Blaine pulled out of the hug slowly, letting his hands slide down Kurt's arms to intertwine their fingers, a small encouraging smile on his lips. "Two days, Kurt. It's just two days." The words came out no higher than a whisper, his eyes never leaving Kurt's, neither seeming to know what to say.
Blaine slid his hands back up Kurt's arms to grip his shoulders and pull him close.
He leaned in for a kiss, but Kurt turned his head and whispered, "What about the neighbors?"
Blaine smiled and put his hands on either side of Kurt's face, "Let them look. Let them see just how much I love you. Let them be jealous that I get to kiss the most beautiful boy in the world and they don't."
Kurt's face lit up and he surged forward to connect his lips to Blaine's, twining his arms around the back of his neck to pull him impossibly closer, knotting his fingers in the back of Blaine's curls, a soft moan slipping out as Blaine sucked at his bottom lip before pulling back and resting his forehead against Kurt's. He let one of his hands drop from Kurt's face to slide down his arm. Kurt's eyes fluttered closed and he lifted a hand to cover Blaine's on his cheek.
He let his thumb slide across Kurt's bottom lip. Warmth spreading through him as he felt Kurt press a kiss to the pad of his thumb.
"I love you so much, Kurt," Blaine whispered, his voice low and reverent. Kurt whined quietly and leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to Blaine's lips.
Blaine leaned around him and pulled open the car door.
Kurt's hands flew to his own hair, his voice came out breathless and disbelieving. "I—I can't believe this is happening. I'm going to New York and I'm-" He broke off. His eyes looked distant and more than a little afraid.
Blaine smiled and pulled Kurt's hand from his hair and squeezed it between them. "You are going to New York. I want you to get in that car and never look back." A quiet sob escaped Kurt's throat, but Blaine squeezed his hand tighter, shaking his head. "Kurt, sweetheart, don't cry. You deserve New York. You are so much better than this place."
"But you're staying here..." Tears were falling from Kurt's eyes in earnest now.
"Kurt, I will spend every moment I can with you until I can be with you forever. It's a year. Just a year. We can do this. You go and get settled, and I'll be there in two days. I promise." He smiled softly and patted Kurt's cheek. "Call me whenever you stop, alright?"
A watery smile touched Kurt's face and he nodded. Blaine leaned forward to kiss his lips before helping him into the car and shutting the door, stepping back as Cooper started the car. He watched as the car slowly started to back out of the driveway, waving once before tucking his hands into his pockets and watching the car drive away.
He swallowed thickly and turned back toward the door, finally letting the helpless tears escape his eyes as he made it inside, running upstairs and curling up on his bed and crying in earnest, praying for unconsciousness to find him.
-xXxXx-
Sounds were rushing through Blaine's ears. Sounds of chatter and children darting between their parents, but also disturbing sounds of crying and "discipline", the sharp smack of a hand meeting someone's skin.
And the smell. The smell was enough to turn Blaine's stomach and coupled with the cacophonous sounds swirling around him, he felt like he was going to be sick.
He wanted to run away from the scene, but something about it felt too familiar. He recognized an overweight salesman standing in front of a platform of prominently displayed slaves. He knew how the scene was supposed to play out and why it was familiar. He was able to glance past the man to see a familiar figure huddled up in the blankets.
His first instinct was to run toward the pile of blankets and pull Kurt into his arms, hold him tight and run as far away as he could. He tried to do just that, but his feet were stuck. He couldn't move.
A voice over a P.A. System rang out: "Last call for purchases. The market will be closing in five minutes."
The twisting in Blaine's stomach intensified. Realization struck him like lightning. It was too late. He couldn't save Kurt, Kurt who had been marked as a reject.
People started to file out of the building and the bright lights were extinguished in favor of smaller ones, there was no need for bright lights to display the goods anymore.
His eyes were glued to the salesman, sheparding the unpurchased slaves toward a nearby loading door and into the back of a small cattle trailer that would take them back to God knows where.
He could see Kurt's eyes, just barely open, weak and terrified. This was a boy who knew that he was going to die. Blaine saw tears sliding down Kurt's cheeks and his mind was screaming for Kurt to run, but he remembered how weak Kurt had been that day and knew there was no escape.
The salesman busied himself in the back of his truck for a moment, returning with a large, zippered bag and a small case. He tossed the bag unceremoniously onto a nearby folding table and opened the box, fiddling with something inside before pulling out a syringe and turning toward the pile of blankets behind the now empty platform.
The fear and helplessness in Kurt's eyes made Blaine want to scream, but he couldn't speak. He was trapped, forced to watch the bored-looking man stalk toward where Kurt was lying on the blankets, his eyes now squeezed closed tightly.
All that Blaine heard was Kurt's voice, small, broken, and weak beg one final time, a whisper quiet "please" as the man uncapped the needle and stuck it in Kurt's arm.
-xXxXx-
Blaine woke with a start, his clothes stuck to his body with sweat. He barely registered anything around him as he threw himself out of bed and darted to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before expelling the contents of his stomach.
He flushed the toilet with a shaky hand and lowered the lid, resting his heated face against the cool plastic.
His heart ached and his eyes were burning from tears. He felt helpless. Completely and totally helpless. As soon as he was sure he wouldn't fall, he stood up, crossing to the sink and rinsing his mouth out, actually brushing his teeth in an attempt to let the mint of the toothpaste soothe his sore stomach, still twisting painfully with the memory of his nightmare.
He fell back into his bed and let his emotions take him under again.
He didn't know how much later it was, but he must have actually cried himself to sleep. The feeling of someone sitting too close pulled him through the layers of sleep and toward reality. Someone was carding their fingers through his hair, so he slowly dragged his eyes open to see his mother sitting beside him, a sympathetic expression on her face. He shifted until he was sitting, scrubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand.
"Blaine, honey," his mother cooed sympathetically, her eyes soft. "What's the matter?"
He squeezed his eyes shut to stop the fresh tears threatening to escape. His mother wouldn't understand. He knew that. But he needed to hear that it was going to be okay. Even if he knew it wasn't. He couldn't make his voice sound any higher than a pained whisper. "K-Kurt..." he choked out.
His mother made a sympathetic noise and pulled him into her arms. Blaine leaned into the embrace, but the feeling of warm arms around him only made him feel more empty. They were the wrong arms; they weren't Kurt's. The thought was enough to make the tears start falling. He allowed himself to be comforted, allowed himself to momentarily forget that his mother would never understand the pain he was feeling. Kurt was a slave and Blaine was a free citizen; Kurt was expendable and shouldn't be missed.
He'd successfully deluded himself into thinking his mother was offering him genuine support.
Until she spoke...
Her voice was soft and kind. "Blaine, honey, you're young, and I know that you believe that you love him, but, baby, he's not good enough for you. Surely you see that. Surely you see what he's doing? He's using your kindness against you, sweetheart."
The soft sureness of her tone was enough to make Blaine's fractured heart break just a little more. She honestly thought she was right. In her world, there was no way that Kurt was capable of returning genuine love and kindness because he was a slave, something less. He couldn't even find it in himself to be angry. The entire thing was just overwhelmingly sad.
Blaine shook his head weakly, his words still no higher than a whisper. "Mom, you don't understand. You're wrong." His voice was choked by tears, but he continued anyway, knowing deep down that it wouldn't do any good. "Kurt loves me, really loves me, and I love him. And if you would just talk to him, you'd see that he's amazing and kind and completely beautiful. It's not an act."
The woman's smile, soft and motherly, stayed in place as Blaine spoke. She patted his shoulder in a placating gesture. "Honey, I know you believe that, but-"
"Don't!" Blaine said, his voice quiet but forceful. "I know you believe that what Kurt and I have isn't real, but I know that you're wrong." He took a deep breath and shook his head slowly.
"As hard as it is for you to believe, Kurt loves me every bit as much as I love him. And it hurts me so much that he was forced out of the house because neither you nor dad can understand that Kurt is no different than us." He shifted away from the woman, gesturing pointlessly with his hands as though it would make her understand."He's smart and funny and caring, and you won't even try to see that. You just do what everyone else does; you turn up your nose and think you're superior, but you're not."
His mother looked down at her lap and Blaine continued. "Mom, think about this. If something happened and you and dad and Cooper were in an accident, the exact same thing would happen to me. They would put me into circulation and I would be just like Kurt."
She blanched at the thought but Blaine kept going. "Would I still be better or would you think I was trash, too? Kurt has a father and he hada life. He was a normal kid just like me, but then he was taken away and put into circulation. He didn't ask for any of this. All he wants is his life back. And I will do anything I can to help him get it, because I love him. Not because he's tricking me, not because I want something in return, I love him because he's the most amazing and beautiful person I've ever known."
The woman was watching Blaine's face as he spoke, a small, sad smile spreading across her face. "I forget sometimes how grown up you are. You've always been beyond your years, but I always look at you and see my baby." She patted his cheek and sighed. "Blaine, sweetheart, does he make you happy?"
Blaine nodded. Tears were threatening to escape his eyes as he whispered, "So happy, mom."
She took his hands and squeezed them tightly in her own. "Then that's what matters. I'm not going to pretend to understand any of it, but if you say that it's real then I believe you." She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Blaine. The tears were spilling from his eyes. "I think that an exception could be made for the rest of the week considering it doesn't look like you're in any fit state to go to school anyway."
Blaine pulled back, hopefulness fluttering across his sad features. "M-Mom...what are you saying?"
"Why don't you get your things packed and I'll rearrange your flight to New York. Start spring break a little early. God knows you deserve it," she said, smiling. She stood up and patted Blaine's face.
Blaine was still frozen, shocked at the turn of events. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and turned to leave. "Oh, call your brother and tell him," she said quickly before exiting the room.
Blaine jumped at the sound of his door closing, a bright smile lighting up his face. He fumbled around on the nightstand for his phone, picking it up and quickly dialing Cooper's number.
"Hey, I've got something to tell you, but you can't tell Kurt," Blaine whispered into the phone, grinning widely.