adj.

1. Highly excitable; unnaturally or acutely uneasy or apprehensive

2. Easily agitated or distressed; high-strung or jumpy

Kurt didn’t understand. His clothing collection was extensive. His wardrobe contained more designer labels than the rest of the population of Lima combined. Yet he didn’t have a single thing to wear. Well, nothing that he deemed appropriate anyway. He couldn’t find anything that said ‘I’m really glad to be spending time with my new friend’ but also subtly suggested ‘If you wanted to make out with me in the back of the theatre, I wouldn’t protest’.

He twisted his fingers together anxiously. His heartbeat was racing and his palms were sweating. Kurt Hummel didn’t get nervous. What on earth was going on? He was just going out to see a movie with a friend. Since when was that a reason to be nervous?

Somewhere, beneath the mound of clothes stacked on his bed, his phone buzzed. It took Kurt a few minutes to reach the phone, he needed to move the clothing without it being wrinkled after all, but when he did reach it he saw that there was a new text message from the person who was causing all this anxiety.

I’m really excited about seeing Tangled with you. I’ve been trying to find someone to see it with for ages. Thanks for agreeing to go with me :) ---Blaine

Kurt groaned and collapsed on his bed, careful not lie on any clothes. He stared at the text for a few minutes before scrolling through his contacts and picking out a name. The phone only rang twice before it was answered.

“How’s it going, white boy?” Mercedes’ voice chirped through the phone.

“I need help.” Kurt whined, running a hand through his hair. He was so frustrated that the state of his hair didn’t even bother him.

“With what?” She questioned, Kurt could hear the confusion in her voice already.

“I don’t know what to wear.” He complained.

“Well that’s a first.” Mercedes laughed. “What on earth has this boy done to you?”

“Mercedes!” Kurt huffed

“Well it’s true! I never thought I’d see the day where Kurt Hummel didn’t know what to wear.” Mercedes chided.

“Alright alright, I get it. Are you done teasing me so you can actually help now?” Kurt sighed.

“Sure thing, white boy”

----------

Blaine had decided that it was impractical for Kurt to meet him at the movie theatre when he had to drive past Kurt’s house to get there anyway, so he had told Kurt that’d he’d pick him up in the afternoon and they could drive together. It had seemed like a great idea at the time. Kurt wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to spend more time with Blaine.

But now Kurt was regretting agreeing to this decision.

Should he wait for Blaine inside? Or would that make Blaine feel like he was being forced into making small talk with Kurt’s family.

What about outside? Or would that make Blaine think that Kurt was ashamed of him and didn’t want to introduce Blaine to his family?

Kurt eventually decided to play it safe by waiting by the window. This way he could see Blaine when he pulled into the driveway and he would be able to make it outside to meet him before Blaine could make it to the front door. He tugged nervously on the hem of his oversized sweater. Mercedes had helped him throw together an outfit the night before, but he still couldn’t help the thoughts racing through his head that were saying that it still wasn’t good enough.

He didn’t really know how to spend time alone with Blaine. When they’d gone out for lunch, it hadn’t been planned. Kurt hadn’t had time to worry over every detail. They’d been planning to see this movie for days. Kurt had gone through every scenario in his mind. He was terrified.

This was different from hanging out with Rachel or Mercedes. All of his close friends were female. His previous experiences with boys hadn’t gone over too well. In hindsight, he knew that he’d come on too strong during the whole Finn debacle. He was glad that situation was finally smoothing over but now Finn was really the only boy he knew how to act around, and that was only because they’d been living together for a decent amount of time now.

He didn’t know how to treat Blaine. He certainly didn’t want to scare him away like he had with Finn. He knew the situation was different, Blaine was actually gay unlike Finn, but that still didn’t stop the fear of rejection from creeping into his heart

Before he could let his thoughts get too far, he saw Blaine’s car roll into the driveway. He yelled out a quick goodbye to his family before leaping to the door.

“Hey.” A surprised look crossed Blaine’s face when Kurt swung the door open just as he was walking up the pathway to the front of the house. “You ready to go?”

Kurt nodded mutely, not trusting himself to speak. He was busy taking in Blaine’s appearance. It was the first time he’d seen him out of uniform. It was a simple outfit, but the dark red of the tee-shirt somehow made Blaine’s hair look even darker. His hair was loose of the gel that Kurt now instantly detested. It was a crime that Blaine ever kept his curls locked away in all that hair gel.

It wasn’t until Kurt had his hand on the passenger door handle to Blaine’s car that he realized he hadn’t actually said anything. He’d just sort of been ogling Blaine the entire time. Now that Kurt had realized this though, he had no idea what to say. All the ideas he’d had for conversation topics had fled from his brain, leaving him clueless.

He slid into the car, buckling his seatbelt quickly to give his hands something to do. His eyes darted quickly around the car, looking for something to comment on, something to start a conversation with. He couldn’t find anything. Blaine’s car was tidy, it wasn’t anything super fancy or expensive like some of the cars he’d seen at Dalton, but it wasn’t an old beater either.

They were both silent as the car pulled out of Kurt’s driveway. It wasn’t a comfortable silence either, like it had been the other day over lunch. This silence was completely awkward. Kurt gripped his hands tightly together in his lap, trying to focus on something other than the tension between the pair.

“So…” Blaine drew out the word, obviously trying to find a way to break the ice. “Are you-“

“Your hair.” Kurt blurted out before he realized what he was saying.

Oh god.

He had so not meant to say that.

Abort. Abort mission.

“My hair?” Blaine asked after a second, confusion etched all over his face.

“I-I-“ Kurt spluttered for a moment, trying to backpedal furiously. “It’s curly.” He finished lamely.

“Um.” Blaine didn’t look any less confused. “Yes, I know it’s curly. People have curly hair, you know?” He chuckled awkwardly.

Kurt winced at his own lack of tact. “Oh, I know. I just meant that you hadn’t let – I mean I hadn’t seen-” He floundered. “It’s just usually gelled back.” Kurt slumped down in his seat, feeling utterly embarrassed.

“What? Is it that bad?” Blaine shot Kurt a self-deprecating smile, trying to make light of the awkward situation that Kurt had steered them into.

“No!” Kurt exclaimed far more quickly than someone who was pretending to have platonic feelings should. “Of course not. It’s just different, that’s all.”

“It used to be a lot worse that this. It was much longer. Pretty much impossible to control.” Blaine raised a hand to his head, perhaps to gesture how big his hair had been at some point in the past, Kurt wasn’t really sure though.

Blaine talked with his hands a lot; that was something Kurt was beginning to notice. Blaine was extremely expressive. Kurt didn’t mind though, it gave him an excuse to stare at Blaine’s hands without looking too creepy. Blaine had lovely hands. Kurt was pretty sure that a guitar had caused the calluses on his fingertips. Kurt remembered feeling the toughness of Blaine’s skin meet the softness of his own when Blaine and taken Kurt’s hand on the day they met. It made Kurt long to see Blaine with one hand wrapped around the neck of a guitar while the other strummed out the melody of a love song. Preferably a love song directed at Kurt.

“Why did you cut it?” Kurt asked, shaking himself out of his daydream.

“I wasn’t kidding when I said it was long. I’m talking like small afro length here.”

“Seriously?” Kurt asked incredulously before a fit of laughter washed over him at the image of Blaine sporting said hairstyle.

Blaine grimaced. “Not my best fashion decision.”

“I need to see a photo of this.” Kurt wheezed through his laughter.

“No!” Blaine exclaimed quickly, “I’ll be hiding those photos anytime you visit.”

Kurt blushed at the implication that they would be spending more time together; that Blaine actually wanted to spend more time with him.

“You can’t hide them forever, I’ll find them eventually.”

Kurt’s nerves had been forgotten. He thought back to how worried he had been. It was ridiculous. Blaine was easy to be around. Kurt didn’t have to worry.

“Try me, Hummel. You’re never getting those photos.” Blaine glanced over at Kurt in the passenger seat, grinning.

“You never answered me before. Why’d you cut it?”

The change in the atmosphere was immediate. Everything was suddenly silent. All the warmth and laughter from earlier was gone instantaneously, replaced with a thick, tense feeling flowing throughout the car. Blaine’s hands had tightened around the wheel; his knuckles were white from the pressure. His back was ramrod straight, his face a mask. Kurt’s nerves were back immediately. He didn’t know what he had done, but he must have offended Blaine in some way. Just as he was opening his mouth to apologize, Blaine began to speak.

“Do you remember me telling you that I was taunted at my old school?” He spoke quietly, Kurt almost had to strain to hear him.

“Blaine, you don’t have to tell me. I had no idea that question was so -“ Kurt began to apologize.

“No.” Blaine cut him off quickly, “It’s okay. You deserve to know.”

Kurt nodded but he stayed silent. He knew that Blaine would speak again when he was ready.

“Near the end of my time at my old school, the bullies began to get a bit more physical.” Blaine looked over to see if Kurt was still following. He gave a small nod to indicate that he was and tried to send Blaine an encouraging and understanding smile. Blaine smiled back, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I tried to talk to the staff about it, like I told you before, but they did nothing. Things kept getting worse and worse until-” Blaine cut off. He swallowed thickly and took a deep breath before continuing.

“I actually have no memory of what happened, which is a good thing I guess. I just know what the doctors told me and they got that information from students who saw what happened.” Blaine took another breath before launching into the story. “My locker was upstairs and the quickest way for me to get out of the building was to take the outdoor stairwell. I always used that staircase, it was usually pretty empty and I could get out off there without gaining any unwanted attention. I guess I must have gone that way again that day but my bullies had cottoned on to the fact that I always went out that way.”

Kurt smiled at his use of the phrase “cotton on to”. It was a very Blaine thing to say.

“I don’t know what happened, but I assume they must have been waiting for me at the top of the stairs. Apparently I was trying to get away and one of them grabbed my jacket to make me stay and listen. I can only imagine they had a few choice words specifically for me. When he let me go, he pushed me back. I lost my balance and fell. I cracked my head open on one of the concrete stairs, I don’t know which one, apparently the blood trail on the stairs was pretty big. The janitors never really got the blood out, at least that’s what I heard, I guess I left my mark on the school then, huh?” Blaine joked.

Kurt didn’t laugh.

“But, in order to stitch my head up, they had to shave part of my hair. As soon as I was well enough to go back to school, I transferred to Dalton. The whole afro look wasn’t really conducive to the blazer and tie anyway, so I cut it off. It’s a lot easier to manage now anyway.” Blaine unbuckled his seatbelt and moved so his back was against the car door. He crossed his legs on the seat, facing Kurt. Kurt mirrored his position.

Kurt wasn’t really sure when they had arrived at the movie theatre, but there they were. He’d been too busy listening to Blaine. He was filled with a great sadness that someone as wonderful as Blaine had been subjected to something that horrible. There was an anger burning within him as well. How could anyone treat someone that way? Why couldn’t they see what he saw when he looked at Blaine? A kind, selfless individual that didn’t deserve the horrors of his past.

“I’m sorry, Blaine. I’m so sorry” Kurt didn’t really know what else to say.

“Don’t be. It’s in the past now. Besides, if that hadn’t happened, I might never have transferred. Then who would you have stopped on the stairwell in your sad attempt to gain inside information?” Blaine teased, a bit of light creeping back into his eyes.

Kurt tried to stop himself from asking, but he just had to know. “Was there any permanent damage?”

“Not really, thank god. I have to take anti-seizure medication though. I’ll have to take it for a while.” Blaine explained to a horrified Kurt.

“That’s awful.” Kurt whispered, a hand covering his mouth in shock.

Blaine shrugged, “It’s been two years, I’m used to it” He paused for a moment, waiting to see if Kurt had any other questions to ask.

“Hey.” Blaine whispered gently, leaning forward and capturing Kurt’s hand in his. “It’s okay. I’m fine, see? I’m not hurt anymore. You don’t need to be upset.” He ran his thumb along Kurt’s skin, stoking the back of Kurt’s hand. They stayed like that for a few moments. Blaine gave Kurt’s hand a squeeze before letting go. “Now what do you say we let go of the serious talk for now and enjoy the movie?” The light was now fully back in his eyes now, his smile as charming as ever.

Kurt nodded in agreement, giving Blaine a smile in return before uncrossing his legs and moving to get out of the car. His hand hesitated on the car door handle. His nerves were back again. The butterflies fluttering in his stomach. A voice in his mind that always voiced his worst thoughts told him that he was going to wreck everything. He would say something stupid or offensive to Blaine. Blaine had been understanding the first time, but he wouldn’t stand for it a second time. He’d drive Kurt home and politely inform him that they should now go their separate ways and never speak again. Kurt was going to screw this up.

Blaine was waiting for Kurt on the sidewalk, a kind expression gracing his features. It was almost as though Kurt could feel a wave of calmness washing over him.

This was Blaine. The Blaine he had called crying when Karofsky had kissed him. The Blaine that had skipped school and driven two hours to help him confront his bully. The Blaine that had bought him lunch when the whole confrontation thing didn’t go so well. The Blaine that told Kurt to never let go of his uniqueness.

He’d didn’t need to be afraid of Blaine. It didn’t matter if he said something moronic, Blaine would just laugh it off. It didn’t matter if he cried at a Disney movie in front of him, Blaine would probably be doing the same anything. His nerves were gone. The butterflies were still there, but that was for a different reason. He joined Blaine on the sidewalk and they walked together to the entrance, their hands brushing each other lightly as they walked.

Calm

adj.

1. Serenity; tranquility; peace.

2. Without rough motion