September 2012 Part 3

"So, Blaine Anderson, will you go on a date with me?"

"I.... I have to... to go. Yeah. I have to... work. Or study. Or... something. I... Bye," I stammered before practically running out of the lecture hall. Thoughts were running through my head faster than a speeding bullet. On one hand, I would love to go on a date and be with Kurt. He's attractive and funny and everything I would look for in a relationship. But I wasn't looking for a relationship. If I went out with Kurt, would it be to start a long term loving relationship or would it be to build up to a contracted Dom/sub relationship like I said during our terribly ended date? I flashed back to the feeling of giving up control to Sir that night all those months ago and how amazing that felt. If I pursued a relationship with Kurt, which sort of relationship would I want? What type of relationship did he want?

SO many questions and thoughts were running through my brain I didn't concentrate on where I was going until I couldn't go any farther. I found myself in front of the Pulitzer Fountain on the edges of Central Park having, at some point, gotten on the subway. I pulled out one of the notebooks from my bag and turned quickly to a blank page of music staffs and started writing a new song. The sound of water rushing from the fountain and the noise of people bustling around me was my muse, while the feelings jumbling inside me poured onto the paper into a song.

A while later I had sheet music for guitar, piano, bass, cello, and harp plus the lyrics for a new song. In addition to the full piece, I had an acoustic version of it written as well, knowing I would not have a full band to play my song for a long time. I pulled out my phone to glance at the time when I saw that I had missed calls and text messages from not only Kurt but Rachel as well. Without reading the messages, I sent a quick text to both of them saying the same thing.

I don't think I should hang out with you for a while. I'm sorry.

I packed all my stuff up after hitting send and headed home, a part of me wishing I would have said yes to Kurt's offer instead of pushing him and Rachel away.

-*-

That night I spent lying in bed staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on my ceiling thinking about my feelings towards Kurt Hummel.

Kurt was amazing. He had eyes I could get lost in. He was so real and honest to himself even though the world gave him every reason not to be. After everything he told me he had been put through, for him to still be his true self without hiding anything.... That made him amazing. I had lustful feelings towards Kurt since I saw him again at NYADA. Feelings of romance however, those started building slowly, unnoticed at first. The more I was around Kurt, the more I wanted him to be my happily ever after. But at night I dreamed of not the Kurt I knew, but of my Dom from the club in June. I dreamed of being restrained, of being punished for my wrongdoings, my lack of respect. I woke up hard and aching, wanting my Dom to reward me for being good and not cumming in my sleep. I wanted the romance, but I wanted the Dominate that Kurt apparently wasn't anymore. I wanted everything. Would a part of it be better than nothing? Would having only romance when I knew what the Domination could be like be enough? Would I ever be able to find everything I wanted or needed?

-*-

 I woke up a few days later to an insistent knocking on my door. I stumbled out of bed and towards my door, expecting it to be Mike Chang or Tina Cohan-Chang, my neighbors across the hall and friends, needing something. Imagine my surprise when I opened the door and found an immaculate dressed Kurt with a red and yellow bouquet of roses clasped between his hands.

"I know it's really early, but I didn't know when you had classes or wo- You're only wearing boxers. Shit. You were asleep. I'm sorry. I just--"

"What do you want Kurt?" I was short with him, but in all fairness, I told him I didn't want to be around him, it was 7am, and I had no clue how he found out where I lived. My thoughts were still mixed and I had no idea how to sort them out.

"I want to apologize. I don't want our friendship to be ruined by an asshole move I pulled drunk or by anything I did. Rachel would kill me if she knew I told you this, but you're quickly nudging your way into the position of my best friend. I know that you probably don't feel the same way about me, and I know that we don't spend any time alone. I want to change that though. When we were on our date, before I got drunk, it was amazing. You are amazing. And fascinating. And lovely. Sorry. I have a point I promise. Spending that time alone with you, even though I was mad and irritated at the situation I was in, was amazing. I enjoyed not having Rachel to interrupt us or try to steer the conversation towards her. I know she can be annoying and a right pain sometimes, but she really is a good person. Anyways, alone time with you is something I would really enjoy. It doesn't even have to be a date, just as friends if that's all you want. I just want to get to know you so much better than I know you now. I want to know you just as well as I know myself."

"What are the flowers for then?" I found Kurt's rambling adorable and his declaration of his feelings appealed to the romantic in me. But it was morning and I hadn't dreamed of sweet, romantic Kurt; I had dreamed about Dom Kurt.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry, and what better way than flowers?" Kurt's voice pulled up at the end making it a question rather than a statement. I took the flowers out of his hand and set them on the table just inside my door and pulled him in by the collar of his shirt. I surged our lips together in a searing kiss before pressing my body fully against his, letting him feel every inch of my awake and ready to go body. I placed my lips against his ear and licked before I whispered

"All's forgiven Master."