Jan. 26, 2012, 3:16 p.m.
Seems Like Forever Ago: Uninvited Houseguest
E - Words: 2,458 - Last Updated: Jan 26, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 16/16 - Created: Oct 31, 2011 - Updated: Jan 26, 2012 1,532 0 2 0 0
He wasn't sure if he heard right, but Kurt knew deep in his gut if it really was Sebastian, Blaine's ex, something was very wrong. Kurt's vision became a black tunnel of despair until Rachel snapped him out of it. He shook his head but it still took him several moments to scramble out of his chair.
Kurt made his way to the threshold to see that Blaine was still standing there gaping, gripping the doorframe until his knuckles were white. Kurt forced himself to look at the doorway, and it was like he was launched into his memories.
Sebastian.
When Kurt blinked he saw a cherub-faced boy wearing a Dalton uniform, eyes shining with young love. But today he was wearing a long grey peacoat and his hair was speckled with the light snow that was falling outside. He looked disheveled, like a man who carried a great burden. He had a several day old scruff and looked at Blaine with a sense of lost longing.
Kurt recognized him instantly. He was the sandy haired boy with green eyes that Kurt saw Blaine embrace and kiss on stage all those years ago. He turned his piercing eyes in Kurt's direction.
"Who is this," he asked possessively.
"My boyfriend," Blaine responded without hesitation.
Sebastian laughed harshly, without humor. "You're so fucking typical, Blaine. You're too afraid of being alone, so you run off to find the next person who would be willing to actually be with you."
Kurt gritted his teeth as a flash of anger flared through him. He launched himself forward, but Blaine held him back.
"Feisty, I like-"
"Sebastian, you have to leave. We're having a nice dinner, and I don't know why you are here, but you are not welcome," Blaine said anxiously.
Kurt didn't understand it. Blaine should sound uncaring or at least angry. Why would he be anxious? With a horrible jolt he realized that Sebastian was with Blaine a long time. If he was emotionally abusive, his hooks were probably in really deep. Kurt took a really good look at Blaine in that moment.
All this time Kurt felt like the damaged one. Like he was the one who needed fixing. Blaine was painted as the perfect, pure savior there to sweep Kurt off his feet and save him. These past couple months were pure bliss, but Blaine clearly hid his past demons and insecurities. And it did it very well, except when the cause of all these problems was standing right in front of them; they come crashing back. Kurt knew all too well.
"Yes, you need to leave," Kurt said lowly, as if he was daring Sebastian to challenge him.
Sebastian rolled his tongue over his teeth, leaning casually on the door frame, eyes darting between Kurt and Blaine.
"I'll tell you why I'm here, because I assure you I wouldn't have wasted money to deal with all this shit, but being a father always comes first for me," Sebastian said quietly, turning to Blaine. "Mikey needs you."
Blaine's froze, his face becoming very grave. Kurt squeezed his forearm to get Blaine to look at him, but his eyes were off in another world. Kurt glared at Sebastian.
"Who's-?"
Sebastian smiled smugly. "Oh, so you didn't tell your pretty little boyfriend, did you Blaine? Figures. I didn't think you would, you were always a terrible father to him."
Kurt suddenly felt like he weighed a thousand pounds, rooted to the floor with tunnel vision again. Did that mean what it sounded like?
"Blaine, what he is saying?" Kurt could barely hear himself; he was so lost in the tunnel. The tunnel of pain. Heartbreak. Reality. Lies.
Blaine unfroze and turned to Kurt, all the joy from earlier completely gone. Kurt almost cringed away at the broken man that Blaine had suddenly become.
"We have an adopted son together," Blaine admitted, hanging his head ashamed of himself.
"Yeah, a son you ditched to live your dream in New York like an irresponsible prick," Sebastian spat.
All the pain suddenly turned to rage, and Kurt saw red. It built up beyond his control and unleashed itself with a powerful right hook to Sebastian's face.
Sebastian flew to the floor, grabbing his jaw and howling in pain. Kurt stood over him, shaking from head to toe with pure, fiery anger.
"DON'T YOU FUCKING SPEAK TO HIM LIKE THAT," Kurt screamed, his teeth bared.
Blaine had never seen Kurt like this, and to be honest, it was utterly terrifying. He reached for Kurt but decided against it.
Sebastian wiped blood from his lip. "You're standing up for a guy who has lied to you about something so huge?" He inquired. "He was probably just using you for something warm to soothe his guilty conscience at night."
Kurt positively snarled, fisting the front of Sebastian's shirt, ready to beat him to a pulp. Blaine saw the fire in Kurt's eyes and grabbed his wrist.
"Kurt don't, please stop," Blaine said weakly. Kurt saw that he was still the crumbling man, and just like that, the rage dissipated. He backed away from Sebastian, who struggled to his feet. Sebastian dusted himself off and then grabbed Blaine's shoulders to looked him in the eye.
"Social services found out that we broke up, Blaine. They are going to take Mikey away from me if you don't come home," his voice broke, and Kurt finally saw that he was at least a little human. "We have legal papers, a responsibility to him and he's more important than anyone else in the world to me. We can work things out Blaine, just please. You need to come home."
It was like in slow motion, but Kurt saw it. A shadow passed over Blaine's eyes that plunged Kurt back into that memory again. For a brief moment Blaine looked back into Sebastian's eyes with as much mirrored desperation of starving love as the day they tied with New Directions to go onto Regionals.
Although it was still a shadow of its former self, Blaine still felt something for Sebastian, and Kurt could see that now. That's why Blaine never talked about him. They were tied by a little boy back in Ohio who needed both his parents in his life. That little string holding them together would have to be enough for the sake of the child.
All these realizations crashed down around Kurt with resounding force, ripping a hole right through his chest. However fleeting, Kurt had now lost the most beautiful and wonderful thing in his life, and he couldn't bear the pain. He couldn't lose Blaine, but he had to. He couldn't take it, so he only had one choice left. He had to be numb. It would be so much better than onslaught.
Kurt had seen enough. He turned away, leaving them to grab his coat. He had to get out of here. He needed to be anywhere but here. He wished he could have a motorcycle so he could just speed away, leaving all his thoughts, feelings and emotions behind in his wake.
"Kurt? Kurt, what's wrong," Rachel went to him, forgetting her meal. All their friends and acquaintances were dead silent. It was no doubt they abandoned eating once they heard what went down. Kurt forgot they were there. But it didn't matter. He needed to go, now.
"Leave me alone," Kurt said emotionlessly, twisting out of her grasp. "I'll be going."
Once he was sure he had all his items, he shrugged past Rachel who was just staring at him, her eyes glassy because she knew what was happening. She had seen Kurt like this before, after his father's funeral. He had been out of reach and inconsolable for the longest time. She didn't want her friend to go through that again. But she let him go. She knew there was nothing she could do right then.
"... If you won't come with me to the hotel now, I'll come get you later, and have all your things ready to go."
Sebastian and Blaine came within earshot again as Kurt made his way to the door. "Move aside please," Kurt said dryly.
"Kurt, he was just leaving, you don't need to go," Blaine sounded panicked, trying to grab for Kurt's hand. Kurt dodged him, shoving by Sebastian to get into the hallway.
"Actually, I really do. It was nice knowing you, Blaine. Good luck with your kid. That's where you belong." And with that Kurt strode down the hallway toward the elevator without a backward glance.
"Kurt!" Blaine yelled. "Kurt! Don't go!"
Kurt waved dismissively over his shoulder. Blaine jogged to him, and Sebastian just watched.
"Kurt! I'll come by your apartment in an hour, okay? Please be there," Blaine said, breathing heavily a foot away from Kurt, who wouldn't look at Blaine.
"Whatever," Kurt shrugged non-committally. The elevator binged, and he strode in. As the doors closed, Kurt took in Blaine's heartbroken face, and it took all he had in him not to collapse in a pathetic heap on the elevator ride down.
An hour later, right down to the second Blaine barged through Kurt and Rachel's apartment door after knocking had proven unsuccessful.
Blaine found Kurt on the balcony, smoking. He was looking up at the stars, his cheeks and ears flushed from the cold.
"How'd you get home? Rachel was so worried," Blaine asked, breathless.
"I walked," Kurt said simply, taking a long burning drag.
"Kurt, I'm sorry I never told you about Mikey, I really should have. But I really just wanted to forget my old life. I thought it was too toxic."
Kurt flicked his cigarette out into the night. "It's fine, what's done is done."
Blaine halted, confused. "Wait what?"
"Go back to Ohio, you're needed there. Sebastian was right, you have a responsibility to that child."
Blaine looked like he was punched in the gut. "You wouldn't care if I left? I thought we were going to talk about this."
Kurt pushed past Blaine to get back into his warm apartment. "There's nothing to discuss."
Blaine furrowed his eyebrows. "Of course there is! You're my boyfriend!"
Kurt plopped on the couch, picking up a stale beer but drinking it anyway. "Was I really," he asked offhandedly.
"Of course you were!" Blaine sounded dejected.
Kurt crossed his legs, fiddling with the wrapping around the beer, still not looking directly at Blaine.
"It's fine, Blaine. You can be honest with me. You never really cared about me; you just used me as a distraction. It's not like it's the first time. I'm not personally offended or anything."
Blaine was rendered speechless. He felt like he was thrust into a horrible nightmare. This wasn't the Kurt from earlier at all. That Kurt from earlier seemed like a fond, but very distant memory. Or like a memory that never actually happened. The reality of the situation caused Blaine's heart to break.
"Oh right, you need your things," Kurt got up and glanced at the clock. "I assume Sebastian will be picking you up soon?"
Blaine grabbed him by the shoulders and forced Kurt to finally look at him.
"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel anything. All we've accomplished. All we've been through these past few months. Was that just nothing to you?"
Kurt looked back into those burning hazel eyes. Kurt wanted to say "yes" just to get it over with so he could move on, but some force stopped him from doing so. Instead, his throat closed up, and those eyes once again broke his resolve. This was real. This was happening. Kurt was suddenly feeling everything again, and it was just too much. He was compelled to say the truth.
"It meant the world to me," Kurt choked. "But it clearly meant nothing to you."
Kurt broke away and stormed into his room.
"That is a lie!" Blaine protested, his heart shattering in his chest as he chased after Kurt. "Sebastian's got into your head, but you can't believe him, after all we've been through!"
"He knows you better than anyone else; who am I supposed to trust?" Kurt snapped, eyes glassy with angry tears threatening to fall.
"Kurt, stop this, I beg you to see reason," Blaine was getting desperate. He was so scared. The thought of losing Kurt made him feel empty.
"I was just a fucking charity project to you," Kurt screamed, eyes were streaming with tears now. "Nothing else!"
"Kurt, that's not true," Blaine pleaded. "What we have is real between us, you know that!"
Kurt was shoving Blaine's things into a bag haphazardly, having a difficult time seeing through his blurry vision. Tears and snot were flowing down his face. "It was all just a fucking lie; I can't believe I fell for it!"
Blaine made to grab Kurt, to stop him from doing this. But Kurt shoved him off.
"Fuck you," Kurt's voice dripped like acid. "Just get the fuck out; I don't ever want to see you again, alright?"
Blaine started to break down; he couldn't believe this was happening. Kurt was worse than before, his walls iron-clad.
Blaine banged his head against the door frame, weeping. "Please don't do this, Kurt." His voice was completely wrecked with tragedy.
If Kurt still had a heart, it would have broken into a million pieces right then. However, he threw Blaine's duffle bag on the floor.
"Don't keep your precious Sebastian waiting."
Kurt's voice was monotone, dead. And that was the worst thing of all. Blaine had not only failed Kurt, but himself too. There was nothing he could to do fix this, and this only made him cry harder.
Blaine couldn't remember walking out of Kurt's apartment or if he even said goodbye. He hoped he didn't, because it just couldn't be goodbye. This wasn't forever, so maybe he could hold onto that.
Sebastian was leaning against a waiting cab outside Kurt's building. "Took you long enough."
Blaine dragged himself, his whole being unwilling to leave Kurt. He wanted to run back, sweep Kurt up in his arms and tell him that he loved him and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. But he couldn't. Blaine had to go back to Ohio. It was the right thing to do.
Blaine found himself sitting the cab as Sebastian threw the duffle bag in between them. Blaine opened it, and Sebastian peered inside. "That change of clothes should be sufficient enough to last you until the meeting with the adoption agency."
Blaine ignored him as he pulled out a small rectangular piece of paper. It was the airline ticket Kurt bought him. It was leaving on December 12th at 6:05am departing to Columbus. He was going to meet the rest of Kurt's family and spend Christmas with them. Blaine's hand shook.
Sebastian leaned over and read the ticket. "Oh perfect, we can just catch a red-eye now, and after our appointment, you can come back here and get the rest of your things, then just use that ticket to come home. How convenient."
Blaine's head fell to his palms as he started heaving sobs of pure loss and agony. Kurt.
Comments
Oh man that's the most intense chapter of all!
oh my! i am just speechless! i...can't...gah!