Jan. 26, 2012, 3:16 p.m.
Seems Like Forever Ago: The Hardest Part
E - Words: 2,052 - Last Updated: Jan 26, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 16/16 - Created: Oct 31, 2011 - Updated: Jan 26, 2012 1,767 0 0 0 0
Whenever Rachel brought it up, Kurt would shrug and say, "We're just hanging out." Even if Blaine drove over to Kurt's apartment to pick him up, or offer to pay for the expensive meal they enjoyed together, Kurt still insisted that they weren't dates.
Blaine was patient. He acknowledged that Kurt was in denial, but he also knew the hardships he has been through, so Kurt needed time. People don't just completely change overnight.
If Blaine had any close friends they would probably tell him that Kurt was a lost cause and that Blaine was wasting his time. But there was just something about Kurt that made Blaine want to be close to him. They were like magnets drawn to each other. Even as infuriating as Kurt could be sometimes, whenever Blaine was alone, he would find himself missing his presence.
Being with each other so often also came at a cost. Ever since their short, sexy encounter in Kurt's bed while Blaine was drunk, they haven't done anything else except make out and a bit of heavy petting. Blaine wanted to be sure that Kurt was making a connection before they would continue any sort of sexual contact. However, at both their demise, Kurt remained metaphorically at arm's length, only showing Blaine brief moments of vulnerability.
They were at Blaine's apartment on the lower east side one evening. The TV hummed in the background while Blaine idly massaged Kurt's feet. Although Kurt had a computer in his lap, his eyes were on Blaine. When Blaine sensed his gaze upon him, he turned to see Kurt glance back at his laptop, walls coming up to hide what he was feeling only moments before.
This frustrated and saddened Blaine to no end. He made a breakthrough with Kurt that day in his bedroom, but Kurt was still clearly hesitant of giving himself to Blaine in that way. Nobody should have to feel that cautious with their feelings, especially someone has big-hearted as Kurt. Granted, emotional pain is sometimes dreadfully worse than physical, but Blaine was sure if Kurt got rid of his mask, just for a few minutes, the world would be so much more beautiful to him.
Blaine was dozing when he felt Kurt's toes press into his upper-thigh. He rubbed his eyes and noticed Kurt's laptop was closed, and Kurt had his hands folded neatly over it.
"So when do I get to fuck you?" He stated bluntly.
Blaine shook his head slightly to make sure he heard right. Although Kurt has made his intentions clear since the moment he met Blaine, ever since their heartfelt talk Kurt hasn't been as forward.
"I mean, we've been hanging out, and I like you and stuff," Kurt continued, looking slightly embarrassed.
"We're dating."
Kurt ignored Blaine, foot stroking up his thigh again. "… And I think you like me too, so, we're two consenting adults. I'm really horny, and it's been way too long since I've gotten laid so why not?"
Blaine grabbed Kurt's foot to stop the tantalizing motions. "Because I want it to mean something, Kurt."
Kurt sighed irritably, avoiding Blaine's gaze. "It does mean something. It means a good fuck between friends."
"That's not what I mean," Blaine said flatly, stung slightly by Kurt's words. Does he really think that they are no more than friends?
Kurt snatched his foot from Blaine's grasp and pulled his knees up to wrap his arms around his legs. Blaine has taken notice to these types of defensive gestures that Kurt displays whenever he's feeling uncomfortable.
"I know," Kurt muttered quietly. "You don't understand, Blaine. I can't m-make love."
Blaine slid along the couch to get close to Kurt.
"I realize this is very difficult for you, Kurt, but you're going to have to trust me," Blaine said soothingly.
Kurt scoffed. "Easier said than done."
Blaine smiled sympathetically for a moment, kneading Kurt's calves. Kurt closed his eyes for a moment enjoying this treatment until his phone went off.
"Hello?" Kurt answered.
"Hey man, it's me." It was Finn.
"Oh hey bro, what's the haps?" Kurt joked. He really missed Finn since he decided to stay in Ohio and take over Burt's tire shop, effectively breaking Rachel's heart.
"Not much. So dude, this was going to be a surprise, but I can't hold it in any longer," Finn's voice was brimming with excitement.
"Go on," Kurt prompted.
"So a few of us spent the summer saving up so we can come visit you," Finn blurted in a rush.
Kurt's chest swelled with affection. "Oh, you guys didn't have to do that! I was coming back for Christmas this year."
"Dude, we miss you. Especially Santana and me."
"Hey now, don't get too mushy on me," Kurt scolded playfully. "When will you guys be here?"
"Our plane leaves in 12 hours, so I'll see you early tomorrow afternoon, hopefully sooner!"
Kurt couldn't help the grin spread across his face. He couldn't wait to show everyone around the city that he now called home. Blaine was watching Kurt curiously.
"Who's all coming?"
"Okay well obviously Santana and myself. Puck, Quinn, Mercedes, Brittany, Sam, Artie, Tina and Mike-" Finn halted, and Kurt heard mumbling on the other line.
"So the whole Glee Club gang is getting all back together," Kurt commented. "Our apartment is really small; we are going to have to make room for you all."
"Oh, yeah. Santana said Karofsky is coming too." Finn didn't sound happy about it at all.
"Well the more the merrier," Kurt said off-handedly. "You really still have a problem with Dave?"
"Dude, he terrorized you all junior year," Finn muttered darkly. "It's kinda hard to forgive the guy. Even though he was just being a self-hating gay, you're my brother and you meant a lot to me."
"Finn that was a long time ago. He's my friend, remember? Be nice," Kurt said, trying to hide the lump of emotion rising in his throat.
Finn was quiet for a few moments while the mutual understand sunk in.
"Well we need to go pack, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Can't wait! Bye, Finn."
Kurt hung up, smiling dopily at his phone. He glanced up at Blaine to see he had a really soft, affectionate look on his face.
"Finn's your brother?" Blaine guessed. "You love him."
Kurt shrugged. "Yeah, we're close. Especially after dad died, his mom only had us, so we got real tight."
"Oh so he's your step brother? What happened to your mom?"
Kurt's features darkened. "She died when I was young."
Blaine's heart broke as he grabbed Kurt's hand and squeezed. It's one thing to lose one parent, but to lose TWO before Kurt was even an adult, that was just tragic.
"Kurt, I can't even begin to imagine-"
Kurt cut him off. "Please, could we just talk about anything else?"
"Sure," Blaine agreed softly. "What would you like to talk about?"
Something crossed Kurt's features. "How about, what would I like to do?"
Kurt leaned forward until he had Blaine pinned under him. Blaine took in his steely expression before Kurt crashed their lips together in a passionate kiss. Even as much as his body protested, Blaine pushed him away. They couldn't do this now. Not when Kurt was so shut off.
Kurt huffed in annoyance. "You're such a cockblock you know that right?"
"I'm sorry," Blaine said sincerely. "But from what it sounded like, you're having a lot of guests. Let me help you and Rachel set up."
Kurt shoved himself off the couch and went to pick up his leather jacket.
"Alright, fine. But just as a warning, if you withhold from me too long, I might have to go looking for sex elsewhere. And that would be a shame," Kurt said half-heartedly.
"Kurt," Blaine said warningly. Kurt's eyes widened when he saw the hurt flash across Blaine's eyes.
"I was just joking calm down," Kurt said quickly. "There's nobody in NYC as cute as you, I'm sure of that."
"That's not the point," Blaine said quietly. "I'm under the impression that we're going steady."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "You are so old-fashioned."
Blaine grumbled. "I know we never discussed it at length, but I don't think we should see other people. That's how real relationships work. They're exclusive."
Kurt slipped on his jacket and looked away. "Well, that sounds boring. What if you get sick of me, and want action elsewhere?"
Blaine couldn't help but smile. "I don't that will be a problem. I'm kind of a long-term relationship kind of guy. I've only been with one man."
Kurt flipped around. "Are you serious?"
Blaine blushed slightly, looking up at Kurt under his lashes. "Yeah, Sebastian was my only boyfriend, and we were together a long time. I was content, but well, he wasn't. He cheated on me eventually."
Kurt felt white, hot possessive anger flare through his chest. "Well, he's a fuck and didn't deserve you."
Blaine laughed nervously, and walked up to Kurt, taking his hands into his. "I want to give myself to you, Kurt. But I want the feeling to be mutual."
Kurt rolled his eyes again. "You've got to be joking right? I've wanted into your pants since the moment I saw you."
Blaine shook his head. "You know what I mean."
Kurt stared into Blaine's eyes, and for the briefest moment Blaine saw his resolve waver. But Kurt turned away.
"C'mon, we need to go let Rachel know people are coming."
Blaine couldn't help the disappointment, sadness and frustration well in his chest as he followed Kurt out to his car.
They arrived back at Kurt's apartment to see Rachel was doing dishes with a disgusted look on her face.
"Kurt, I can't believe how crusty these dishes got, can't you do your share once in a while?" She protested irritably.
"Fuck, Rachel can you just shut up for a second?"
She looked at him expectantly, with a prize bitch look on her face. Kurt however was one-upping her with a sneer. It was a battle of wills, Blaine realized.
"You can't say I don't do shit around the house, I love cleaning if I set my mind to it. And I've never once heard a thank you," he stated haughtily.
"Whatever, sorry," she mumbled going back to her work. Kurt's expression immediately softened.
"Have you talked to Finn," he asked tentatively, trying not to upset her further.
She nodded frustrated. "He called about an hour ago saying he told you everything," she sighed. "I wish he kept it a surprise like I intended it to be."
Kurt laughed. "Well I'm going to go make the couch and grab sleeping bags."
Blaine and Kurt fell asleep on the couch that night, too tired after the movie to go back to Kurt's bed. Rachel was curled up on the floor, arm slung over their sweet dog. Blaine ended up being the little spoon, and Kurt would never admit to himself how right it felt to have him snoozing in his arms.
Kurt was standing a stuffy room, putting on suit worthy of Best Man. There was a soft knock on the door.
"Come in," Kurt called, smoothing out any wrinkles.
"You look great son," Burt said, eyes shining with pure happiness. He fixed Kurt's tie and pulled him into a warm hug.
"I'm so happy for you dad," Kurt smiled genuinely, eyes brimming with tears.
Burt pulled away and squeezed Kurt's shoulders.
"I cannot wait, Kurt for the day you get married to the man you love. Your mom. Carol. They completed my world, and you deserve that and so much more, Kurt. I want you to remember that."
Kurt nodded, sniffling.
"Thanks Dad," his voice broke. "I promise I won't forget."
Kurt drifted slowly through the purgatory between sleep and wakefulness.
It was like Kurt could feel his father's arm wrapped around him, holding him in place. A presence forever with Kurt. On the other hand, Kurt could smell Blaine's hair gel, and he could feel hot tears streaming silently down his cheeks.
And the pain. The pain was overwhelming. It was so raw and so real that Kurt felt himself clutching at his chest. Once he realized he was fully awake, he couldn't even move because he was so immobilized by agony.
He felt Blaine turn around on the couch and pull Kurt closer to his chest. Kurt clung to him like a lifeline, hearing the broken sobs finally escape his throat.
"Shhh, I've got you, Kurt," Blaine whispered, kissing the tears away. "Don't cry. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, baby. I promise everything will be okay, Shhh."
But Blaine's words only made Kurt cry harder. He knew, deep inside that everything wasn't going to be okay.