July 20, 2012, 4:23 p.m.
Where Do We Go From Here: Chapter 8
E - Words: 2,207 - Last Updated: Jul 20, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 11/? - Created: Jun 13, 2012 - Updated: Jul 20, 2012 492 0 4 0 0
“Kurt, I’m going to do it. I’m going to be honest with my dad. I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to tell him when I go home for spring break.”
Kurt sat across from Blaine, completely dumbfounded. He knew that being in the closet was becoming increasingly difficult for Blaine over the past two months, but he was terrified of what would happen, not just to Blaine, but to their relationship.
“Are you sure? I mean, what if he kicks you out? Or stops paying for school? Or doesn’t even let you come back? I thought you said you were going to wait so you wouldn’t have to worry about those things?”
Blaine grabbed for Kurt’s hand. “I know, but sometimes I feel like I’m going to explode. I don’t think I can just keep pretending. I don’t want to answer questions about Jessica or explain why we haven’t gotten back together. I just want to be who I am and be with you. I love you, Kurt, and I want everyone to know.”
Kurt sighed. He knew that he was doing a horrible job of hiding the worry in his face, but he didn’t care. He hoped that Blaine would change his mind, but this time it seemed that Blaine was completely set in his decision.
“I love you, too. I just don’t want to lose you. Spring break starts in two days and then we’ll be apart for ten days. That will be hard enough and now I have to worry about this. I-- I just don’t know.”
“I’m not going anywhere, at least not permanently. We’ll talk everyday, the time will fly by, and before you know it I’ll be back with you, I promise. There is nothing that could keep me from you. We’re made for each other, you know?.”
Blaine said it with a sarcastic tone, but it was something both of them had thought about. That they were meant to be, soulmates maybe. Blaine smiled and winked at Kurt, hoping to help ease his worry. It helped for a little bit, but Kurt knew he wouldn’t feel better until they both were back together after break.
****
On the friday before break, they decided to skip their classes and spend the day with each other instead. Their lives had become so routine at this point, it was difficult to imagine what they would do without each other. Kurt didn’t want to think about what it would be like falling asleep without Blaine next to him.
“You have to give me something that smells like you.”
Blaine chuckled at the idea. “And why is that?”
“Because I’m going to spend ten whole days without you. I don’t want to forget what you smell like.”
Blaine reached into his mostly packed bag, pulled out his favorite shirt, and sprayed some cologne over the shirt before holding it out for Kurt to take.
“Here, now you know I have a reason to come back. This is my favorite shirt. I’m going to miss it almost as much as I’ll miss you.” Kurt dropped the pants he was folding into his bag and walked over to Blaine. Kurt stood in front of Blaine’s outstretched arm, but didn’t touch the shirt.
“Put it on.”, Kurt demanded.
“What? Why?”
“Because you smell like more than just cologne.” Kurt moved in closer to pull off Blaine’s shirt, revealing the lean muscles normally hidden underneath. Kurt bit his lip as he stared at Blaine’s chest. “On second thought, maybe you should just be shirtless until we have to leave.”
Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine’s waist and pulled him close for a kiss. Kurt moved to push him back to the bed, but Blaine resisted. “Kurt, we can’t. We have to pack.” Blaine reached in for one last peck on Kurt’s lips. “Besides, didn’t you get enough last night? You barely let me sleep.”
Kurt stood back, dejected. “You know I can never get enough of you.”
Blaine pulled his favorite shirt over his head and went back to packing his bag. “I’m sorry, baby. We need to finish and I want to spend some time with you with our clothes on.” Blaine stopped for a second to think. “Wow, I never thought I’d say that.”
Kurt giggled and went back over to finish packing his bag. “Ten days! What ever will I do without you?”, Kurt lamented.
“You’ll see your dad and Carole and Finn and your friends from home. You’ll be so busy that you’ll forget that I even exist and if you do happen to remember me then there is FaceTime and text messages and skype and phone calls.”
****
When it came time for goodbyes, Kurt found it to be impossible to let go of Blaine. Kurt wasn’t sure when he became so attached. He had been perfectly okay with the upcoming break until Blaine announced his plans to tell his dad about their relationship. Kurt knew enough about Blaine’s father to be worried.
They were standing in between their packed cars with their arms wrapped around each other and Kurt was nuzzling his face against Blaine’s neck.
“I don’t want to let go..”
“I know. I don’t want to either, but we have to. I’d stay with you if I could.” Blaine squeezed Kurt tight and finally pulled away. He reached up to kiss Kurt one last time. “I love you. Always. We will talk every day. Just think, as soon as we part each minute spent away will be another minute closer to being back together.”
Kurt cracked a smile, “I love you, too.” Blaine walked over to the driver’s side of his car, blew a kiss to Kurt, and got in. Kurt sighed and did the same.
Kurt was quite proud of himself for being able to maintain composure the entire time, but once they pulled up the main intersection and Blaine drove off in the opposite direction, he completely lost it.
****
Kurt Hummel (9:27pm): I’m home. Don’t text me back if you’re still driving!
Blaine Anderson (10:19pm): Yes, sir. Just getting home now. Miss you already.
Kurt Hummel (10:22pm): Already? I missed you once you got in the car. Skype tonight?
Blaine Anderson (10:26pm): Umm...I’m not sure. My dad is awake and wants to catch up so I might be busy with father/son bonding time. Yay.
Kurt Hummel (10:27pm): Are you going to tell him tonight then?
Blaine Anderson (10:30pm): Not planning to. I’m going to get a feel for things first. I’ll tell you when I do, though.
Kurt Hummel (10:32pm): Well that makes me feel better. I think I’m going to go lay down. My dad wants me to help him in the shop tomorrow. I love you.
Blaine Anderson (10:34pm): I love you, too. Sweet dreams. <3
Kurt tossed and turned for hours. It was a nice change being in a full size bed for once, but the bed felt even bigger without Blaine next to him. He missed the warmth and the comfort. He even missed the snoring, which Blaine insisted he didn’t do. He tried to remember what Blaine said, that every second they were apart meant another second closer to being back together.
****
Blaine Anderson (7:57pm): You busy? Skype?
Kurt Hummel (8:00pm): Of course! Running to my room now.
Kurt was so excited that Blaine had finally asked to skype. They had been home for two full days and this was the first time he was going to be able to talk and see Blaine at the same time. He answered the call as soon as he got to his room.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
They sat in silence for a while before Blaine finally spoke. “So, I wanted to tell you this face to face.”
The serious expression on Blaine’s face instantly filled Kurt with anxiety.
“Okay...”
“I’m telling my dad tomorrow. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and it’s going well so far. I think he’s changed actually.”
“Oh really? That makes me feel better. You have to tell me everything as soon as you can.”
Kurt felt awkward and he wasn’t sure why. There were very few awkward moments with Blaine. Everything came so naturally between them. This was not. Maybe it was the computer.
“Of course I will...”
“Ok, Blaine. What is this? Why is this awkward? Is it me? Did something happen? You don’t seem so excited if you think your dad has changed.”
Blaine looked away from the screen and Kurt could tell something was wrong.
“Well, there is kind of something else. I didn’t know whether I should tell you or not. I don’t want you to freak out.”
“How am I supposed to not freak out when you preface it like that? Ugh, I can’t make any guarantees, but I’ll try.”
Kurt was preparing for the worst, even though he wasn’t sure what the worst meant.
“I just want you to hear me out. I promise I will tell you everything.” Blaine paused, trying to find the right words. “Luke came to see me today. He’s not in Texas, at least not anymore. I don’t know how he knew I was back or anything. I didn’t even know he was coming until he showed up at my door. Luke wanted to explain why he left me, why he abandoned me...”
Blaine choked up and Kurt stared at his computer, completely speechless and unsure of what to say or think.
“He wants me back or wanted me back...I don’t know. He tried to kiss me, but I stopped him. Kurt, I promise I did. Please believe me. Please trust me because I would never never do that to you. Kurt..”
Tears welled up in Blaine’s eyes and they glowed in the light of the computer screen. Kurt couldn’t look at him anymore. He was still speechless, but he definitely knew what he was feeling, anger. He pulled the lid of his laptop down just enough so Blaine couldn’t see him. He wasn’t sure what to do with these feelings besides, maybe, track down Luke and tell him to stay away from his boyfriend.
Kurt stood up and began pacing the floor while he left his laptop on the bed. He remembered how things were in the beginning. He was so apprehensive to start anything with Blaine. He was convinced it would end in heartbreak. But then, he saw an entirely different person and he fell in love with that Blaine, the one that was open and honest about everything for the first time in his life. Kurt told himself he had to trust Blaine from the very beginning and Blaine had never done anything to break that trust so why would he doubt him now?
Kurt went back to the computer, unsure if Blaine would still be on the other end. He pulled back the screen and Blaine perked up. “Kurt? Say something.”
Kurt stared into Blaine’s eyes. He had so many questions, but was it really worth it to know the answer? “I trust you.”
A look of relief came over Blaine’s face and he sighed. “I love you...so much, Kurt.”
“I-- um, I’m not completely okay with it. I mean, I’m angry, but I’m choosing to trust you because I love you”
“Just so you know, after I turned him down I proceeded to tell him about my incredibly intelligent and sexy boyfriend who is perfect and amazing in every way.”
Kurt smiled, asking, “Oh, so there is another guy now too?”
****
Kurt Hummel (9:45am): Good morning sunshine! Only four more days. Can’t wait!
Kurt sent his usual morning countdown text to Blaine, but there was no response. He figured Blaine was still sleeping or maybe he was out to breakfast with his dad. It had been two days since the incident with Luke and things had gone back to normal. even though Kurt’s mind did wander sometimes. Because of all the drama, Blaine had decided to postpone the talk with his father. Kurt knew it was only a matter of time. Blaine was determined.
When Kurt still hadn’t heard from Blaine later that afternoon, he became worried.
Kurt Hummel (2:19pm): Is everything okay? I haven’t heard from you. If you’re busy, just let me know or something.
Five more hours passed and nothing.
Kurt Hummel (7:26pm): Blaine! Please say something. I’m starting to freak out. Are you okay?
Still nothing. Kurt didn’t want to go to sleep without talking to Blaine, but he was beginning to think he had no choice. Every possible explanation was filling his head. His dad kicked him out. He ran away with Luke. He’s breaking up with me. He’s laying in a ditch somewhere. Each thought was more painful than the next.
Kurt Hummel (12:02am): I can’t stay awake anymore. If you get this, call me, no matter the time. I need to know you’re okay. You’re scaring me. I love you.
Three hours later, Kurt woke up to the vibration of his phone. He jumped out of bed, looking at the screen. “Incoming Call: Blaine Anderson” He couldn’t answer fast enough.
“Blaine? Blaine? Are you okay? What’s going on-- I’ve been worried sick.”
“Kurt. I can’t talk. I just-- I’m not coming back. It’s over.”
Kurt could tell that Blaine had been crying. He sounded exhausted and drained. He barely had a voice. He knew Blaine didn’t mean it. He couldn’t mean it. A pit grew in his stomach. His fear. His greatest fear was coming true.
“What? No. What is going on? Just talk to me.”
“I can’t.”
Kurt opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted by the sound of the dial tone.
Comments
whaaaaaaat. Oh my god. This is a brutal chapter. Please update soon! Please? Pleaaaase? Oh god. This is going to kill me. :)
Wow that wasn't supposed to hurt me as much as it did. I don't know what else to say. Just please update soon. (No pressure.)
Why must authors do this to their readers? Do you want to kill us?
It is listed under angst. :-/ It's just as hard to write too.