Doctors Need Mending Too

Chapter 3

The Lima Bean was fairly busy for a Tuesday morning. I allowed Blaine to order for me while I struggled through a group of high school footballers for a table at the far end and quietly groaned at the memory of old bullies and realizing not much has changed. They were noisily whistling at a brunette girl in a cheerleading uniform who was holding hands with someone who's probably part of their team. –way to break stereotype I thought sarcastically.

I waited by the table while a couple was finishing up on their cups. They stood up just as Blaine arrived and smiled warmly at me as we assumed their place.

"One non-fat mocha for you and a-"

"...a medium drip for you." I finished for him.

"Still the same coffee order?" I inquired.

"Some things don't really change." Blaine answered with a cheeky grin.

We spent the next five minutes in silence; sipping on our coffee and watching several customers come and go. A girl with a blue apron came to take the used cups and wipe our table but I barely noticed. Another couple of minutes passed before I finally got sick of boredom and sighed noisily.

"I'm just glad those kids have left. They were acting like they owned the place."

Blaine just chuckled.

"They're kids. We were once too you know."

"I don't remember being that noisy though." I answered defensively.

"Sure, grandpa. -Says the person who put up hot pink posters as a unicorn for a presidential campaign."

"For the record, you knew that wasn't my idea!" I said defensively crossing my arms across my chest.

"It was Brittany's and I thought that it was brilliant back then too."

"I took them down as soon as I saw them."

"I still love that idea now, you know." He said quietly, a little blush forming on his cheeks.

"Oh." I couldn't form a more coherent statement. I was caught off guard. Instead, I stuck my tongue out which made Blaine laugh loudly.

It wasn't until now that I've realized how ridiculously uptight he was being before he let go of that laugh. Maybe it was part of being a doctor or maybe of growing up? Maybe I'm being a little uptight too? But it's a relief that he is loosening up. He felt like a stranger the first time I saw him at the hospital but the "getting-to-know-him-again" part feels easier than I've anticipated. He was still him with the gelled hair and the lopsided smile plus the now handsome stubble, the stethoscope, the white blazer and the sad glint in his eyes that seemed gloomier than it used to. Blaine had always been one who kept his aches to himself, and I've always been the one to dig deep into them. But now that we're not together I can't help but wonder- who's trying to get those demons out of him now? The sharp pang in my chest was difficult to ignore and my whole body twitched to just jump onto him and pull him into a tight hug. It would have been valid, it this were seven years ago. But we've been apart long enough to know that although we are aware of the basics about each other, those seven years have turned both of us into very different people. Similar, but completely different from who we were.

There was a light ping which came from Blaine's phone and I was dragged of the miserable line of thought I was forming.

"You're dad's angio is done. Ellie would call as soon as she gets results." He said after reading through the message.

"I appreciate all your help in this, Blaine. I would have gone all hysterical in fright if it weren't for you." I confessed.

"You think you would, but I know you won't, Kurt. You're like the strongest person I know." He said, a sad smile forming on his face, probably from a similar memory that's currently forming in my head.

"I heard about your dad." I said in an attempt to change the subject but immediately regretted it as soon as I saw the pain cross his face. But being him, Blaine shook whatever hurt it was that passed through him and recovered quickly.

"It was years ago. He's in a better place."

"Losing a parent... I know what it feels like. You can talk to me." I offered.

I believe I saw a hint of irritation on his face but whatever it was, it disappeared as quickly as it came. He took a sip from his cup, purposely avoiding my gaze.

"He's dead, Kurt. The last time I saw him, I told him to stop trying to run my life. I told him that I can make my own decisions and that he should just let me."

He was staring at an old blue car outside, like it was the most interesting piece of matter right now. But his thoughts seemed too far away.

"He died mad at me."

"Don't say that, okay? He's watching you right now and I know that he's very, very proud." I let go of my cup and reached out for his hand feeling the coldness of his fingers against the warmth of my skin.

"It's weird isn't it? That I've spent most of my adolescence trying to defy him – coming out, keeping my distance, being indignant, angry even, it's like I've lived doing what I know he wouldn't like." I could see Blaine sitting right in front of me, but he's thoughts are far away.

"Now that he's gone, I end up trying to please him." He chuckled sarcastically.

"I'm trying to please my dead father. I must look really, really pathetic don't you think?"

"Don't say that. You've lived doing what you know is right. You still are because that's just who you are Blaine Anderson and I look up to you because of it." I said trying to put on the most reassuring smile I could muster but probably failed because sad frown on his face didn't budge at all.

"I'm a fucking hypocrite. My dad's probably pissing his pants laughing at me from where he is."

"Look at yourself. You're a doctor, you're saving lives, you're happy. You're far from being a so-called failure."

"I'm not. I'm a fucking mess."

I guess, I just didn't have the answer that.