Doctors Need Mending Too

Chapter 10

I fumbled through Blaine's medical cabinet looking for the bottle of Valium he has described to be hidden behind a couple of several other orange containers. Finally, after finding a bottle labeled "Kathy White" I made my way back. I did make a quick stop by the fridge for a cold bottle of water and then quietly entered Blaine's dimly lit room. From the door, I wondered where he was but as soon as I entered, I saw the top of his head on the opposite side of the bed, hidden from view. He was sitting on the floor with his knees drawn to his chest, his chin rested atop and his eyes looking too far away. I felt a twinge of pain and pity run through me but I quickly shook it off. Instinctually, I took Blaine's discarded tux on the floor and carefully hanged them by the chair before assuming a similar position beside him on the floor.

"Hey. Got the pills you've asked me, Kathy." I didn't intend for my voice to sound so shaky when I attempted the joke, but it did anyway.

Blaine gave out a small bitter laugh, taking both the Valium and the water bottle from me and downed two of the pills at once.

"She was a patient. She died long and boring story." He said quietly as he lowered his head to rest his forehead against his still folded knees.

Deciding that the Kathy White story was for another day, I scooted nearer and gently placed an arm over his shoulders. Relieved that he instantly relaxed under my touch, I moved in closer and out of habit, placed a kiss on top of his head. The sweet smell of his hair gel filled my senses and the familiarity of it warmed me up a bit. After a while I started feeling his head droop as he dozed off as the Valium kicked in and knowing that I probably won't be able to carry him to the bed, I gave him a soft shake.

He turned to look at me with one eye open, sleep fairly obvious in his features. I was relieved to remember both of us changing into more comfortable clothes right after we got home, knowing he probably won't make a couple more than necessary steps awake.

"We need to get to the bed, Blaine."

"Uh-huh." He said as he attempted to pull himself off the floor on his own. Halfway through, I grabbed on both of his elbows and pulled him up.

"Easy." I warned as I guided his small frame towards the bed. As soon as the backs of his knees hit the mattress, he collapsed on the bed with both legs dangling on the side.

"Come on, Blaine. You wouldn't like the cramps that position's going to bring you." I said half-jokingly in an attempt to wake him up. I was surprised to see that in fact awake and was currently staring blankly at the ceiling.

"I did love him, you know." His voice was barely above a whisper so I took a seat beside him and leaned closer.

"I loved him and he did nothing but hurt me."

I stroked his hair just as the first of his tears started to fall.

"Ssssh. No more, Blaine. I promise."

I climbed up the bed and tugged on him to do the same. As he complied, I pulled him towards my chest where he rested his head and cried further.

"I just want to forget. Forget how he made me feel weak and helpless. How he manipulated me into being his pathetic little whore. How he asked me to give him everything just so that he could throw them away like it meant nothing. I just want to stop hurting, Kurt." The plea in his voice was heartbreaking and so was the loudening sobs that keep escaping his lips. I tried to formulate a comforting reply but I came up with nothing. So, I resorted to continuing the comforting strokes on his head.

Minutes later and after realizing that he wasn't getting any calmer, I reached out a hand to turn his head and met his gaze.

"Hey. Hey. Blaine? Take deep breaths for me, okay?"

He nodded as he mirrored my long inhales and exhales. We did this a couple of times before the sobs finally started to die down.

"He's always going to come back." Blaine said, sounding defeated.

"One day he's going to creep up my window and he's going to kill me."

"He won't." I said sternly. I don't even know why I sounded so sure. But right now, my mind has fixated over the need to protect Blaine. And I am not about try and stop it.

"You're going back to New York in a week, Kurt." He said weakly.

"Then come with me."

His head shot up to look at me with eyes so wide I'm convinced he thinks I was going crazy.

"Like that's even possible. I still have six months before my residency ends." He broke eye contact and buried his face against my chest once again.

"Six months, Blaine. Then you'll finally be out of Ohio. We'll both be out of Ohio. We can even be together if you so wish."

He chuckled sarcastically.

"Remember the last time we tried that, Kurt?" He said whilst pain flashed through his already teary eyes.

"Yes, I do. But Blaine, it's different now. We've grown up. We've learned from our mistakes. We will make this work. I promise."

His lips broke into a sad smile but then again, a sad smile is better than nothing.

"That's a lot of promises in one night, Kurt. We should probably try and get some sleep."

"Work tomorrow?" Sighing my defeat, I inquired to change the subject.

"I'll be on duty."

I kissed him once more on the forehead and prepared to leave the bed. But he swiftly placed an arm across my chest stopping me.

"Stay, please."

"Of course."

The rest of the night went on uneventfully much to my relief and by the time Blaine's alarm went off at quarter to six, I felt a little bit rested. Blaine grumpily tapped on the clock to shut it off before sitting up and catching his head between his hands.

"This is worse than a hangover."

"Go take a warm bath. It will help. I think I saw a bottle of Advil from your stash so maybe you can take some. I guess I'll rummage through your fridge for something that doesn't have fungi growing on them and make you breakfast. Okay?"

"Does my fridge really smell that bad?" He asked with a soft smile.

"No, but mine definitely smells better."

He shook his head and stood up to walk towards his dresser. Delighted of the lighter mood from last night, I stood up myself and approached him from behind and circled my arms around his waist. He was surprised, but much to my relief, did not pull away.

I took it a step further and placed a small kiss just behind his left ear and a small moan escaped his lips.

"I've meant everything that I said." I whispered, knowing I did not get a proper answer from him last night.

"I know. But after all this time, how sure are we of how real these feelings for each other are, Kurt?"

I spun him around so that he could face me and I held his face in between my hands. His brows were scrunched together in question and I guess I did what I thought was the best way to show him: I pulled his face closer and kissed him.

"Real enough?" I asked him.

"Like it's the most perfect thing in the world." He answered.

I kissed him again and felt the smile form on his lips.

"It's home, Blaine. It's always been."

Our lips may have parted but we remained close enough to gather warmth from each other. Blaine tucked his chin against my shoulder and I placed my arms across his upper back, pulling him in tighter.

"I'm sorry for what that monster did to you."

"Yeah. For a long time I've been sorry for myself too. But no more." He said, pulling away slightly.

"I think it's time I move on. I don't want to be afraid anymore."

We stared into each other's eyes for a couple of seconds before we were once again being drawn into another kiss. However, just as our lips were about to touch, Blaine's mobile phone alarm started and we pulled away.

"I really have to go take a shower now or I'd definitely be late." He said a slight blush on his cheeks. Still stunned, a bit embarrassed and maybe a little too turned on, I gave him a nod before letting him go and made my way towards the kitchen.

It took Blaine half an hour to finish his bath and by the time he appeared in the kitchen, he was wearing a fresh pair of scrubs and on his arm was a newly pressed white blazer. He looked like he cried in the shower and it made my heart ache. He immediately brought up his free hand to his face to wipe away any residual tears and told me not to mind him.

"My emotions are over the place right now. Just don't mind me. I just need some time to pull myself together, Kurt." I gave him a sad smile and walked closer to pull him into a tight hug. As much as I want to just take all of the pain away, I know that there are some things an individual has to settle on his own.

I guided Blaine to the table where I set my pancakes and a cup of coffee for both of us. We ate in silence, with nothing but the occasional clatter of the utensils to fill in the void.

After we finished, I convinced Blaine to go ahead and allow me to clean up, promising to lock the unit up properly before I leave.

~*~*~*~

A few hours later, I found myself lying on my old bed, exhausted.

Before going home, I took a quick stop at the local grocery store and bought my dad a couple of "heart-friendly" items such as oatmeal, veggies, decaffeinated coffee, canola oil and a new pill-organizer for his meds. Then once I arrived, I had a long chat with both Carole and my dad to catch up on our lives. It felt really nice being home again and a sense of nostalgia took over me. Seeing my dad in person will always be a million times better than talking to him on the phone. Sometimes I do feel guilty for deciding to stay so far away, but in the end, I did follow my dreams, and New York definitely feels like home too.

After both my dad and Carole announced that they were off to bed, I decided to retire myself. But that wasn't after sending Blaine a quick text to say that I'm home and that I hope he was fine and I then spent the couple of hours on my phone and my laptop, updating myself of the happenings in New York. Finally at around three o'clock in the morning, I was done. Checking my phone one last time, I saw that Blaine has just recently replied.

Blaine: I'm doing okay, I guess. Can I see you tomorrow? I'll be off by five.

Kurt: Gladly. See you at the hospital. Have to pick up some papers for work from Records anyway.

~*~*~*~

At eleven o'clock the following day, I decided to start my drive to the hospital early just in case something comes up. It was a two hour drive from Lima, and who knows what else could happen. A little leeway wouldn't be so bad. Plus, I was feeling quite excited to see Blaine and was hoping to at least bump into him around the premises.

I turned the radio up in my dad's CRV a bit louder than usual and sang through most of the songs playing in the local pop station. I was in a pretty good mood and when I heard the DJ announce the next song my heart melted.

I walk across an empty land

I knew the pathway like the back of my hand

I felt the earth beneath my feet

Sat by the river and it made me complete

I allowed the music drag me back in time to when Blaine serenaded me with the same song in a promise that I will never be alone again.

"I'm never saying goodbye to you." It came out of my lips so suddenly it took me by surprise. But I meant it.

I never really did, I suppose.

At the hospital, it did take a while to get myself a copy of my dad's Clinical Abstract needed for work and for our own documentation. I had to fall in line at the Records Section wait then wait for about two hours for my printed copy. It was a quarter past four by the time I finished and so I decided to send Blaine a quick text before walking towards the Café we bought coffee from a couple of days back.

Kurt: I'm done with Records. I will hang out by the Café outside till you're done.

I was sipping worriedly on my latte, a good twenty minutes after my text did Blaine reply.

Blaine: I will get there as soon as I can

I knew he was probably busy, but my gut kept telling me that there was something wrong. I was deciding on a proper reply when I felt a soft tap on my shoulder.

"Ellie? Hi!" I exclaimed as soon as I saw the familiar blond hair and blue eyes.

"You're like a fairy, Kurt. Seriously it's weird!"

I raised an eyebrow at her in question and she continued.

"I was literally just thinking about you! I made a silent wish that you were here and then you just come out of nowhere!"

I laughed for a bit before asking her what she needed me for. Suddenly, she grabbed on the sleeve of my coat and pulled me off my seat.

"We are dragging someone out of the ICU." She said a bitter smile on her lips.

Along the way to the second floor of the New Building where the ICUs were located, Ellie explained how Danny deteriorated late last night due to an expanding hematoma in his brain. He then underwent an emergency craniotomy and is currently admitted at the Neuro-ICU. Before reaching the swinging doors of NICU, Ellie said that Blaine had been at the bedside since this afternoon and that he wouldn't budge no matter how much she asked. I wasn't sure what she wanted me to do but I agreed to see Blaine nonetheless.

Inside, the similar bleeps from the monitors filled my ears and the sight of an exhausted Blaine sitting on a plastic chair just outside Cubicle 6 caught my eyes.

As I approached, I noticed that Blaine had his glasses on and that his eyes were even more swollen than yesterday.

"Hey." I greeted.

"Kurt? Shit! What time is it?!" He said frantically looking at his watch.

"Relax, it's just about ten minutes to five." I replied patting him on the shoulder.

"So, how is he?" I asked.

"Well, we wouldn't know how much damage there is till he wakes up." He said, choking in his own words.

"That is, if he ever wakes up." He finished.

"Let's go take a walk." I invited reaching out a hand which he took.

"Okay."

We took the elevator to the sixth floor where the chapel was and it was almost deserted except for a couple of people in prayer. We sat by the floor, just outside and remained in silence for a couple of minutes.

"Is it so awful of me to wish for him never to wake up, Kurt?" Blaine asked, an emptiness lingering in his eyes. I didn't answer, mainly because I didn't know how.

He took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose before giving his head a slight shake. He then reached around his neck to grab on the hanging stethoscope to remove it and hold it in his hands. Laughing to himself, he explained that after more than twenty four hours of having the instrument around his neck, it is starting to get stiff. I gave him a smile and then I placed a hand on his knee to show him I was listening.

"I've talked to his attending and suggested a Psych consult. He will be evaluated once he wakes up." He continued as he stifled a yawn.

"That's good, Blaine."

"If he ever wakes up." He repeated his earlier statement.

"He walked in front of a speeding car just to get my attention, Kurt! I mean, what the fuck was he trying to do?" He exclaimed all of a sudden. I was weighing my options on whether to admit my encounter with him just fifteen minutes prior to the stupid stunt but decided against it.

"Blaine, listen. You said so yourself: he's a psycho. Who would have known how far he'd take it just to make you miserable. For all we know, he might have been stoned or something."

"He may have treated me like trash on most days. But he needed me. He needed me around and I wasn't there!"

"No. It's not like that, Blaine. Okay? He's a selfish bastard who cannot let go of what he's lost. He can no longer need you. Not anymore. Not after all that has happened." I said a little loudly in the desperation to calm him down.

"He's not worth it. He's just not." I said in a lower voice as some of the people had turned their heads to look at us.

"Let's get you home." I suggested rising up from the floor.

"I'm so sorry. We were supposed to be going on a date." He asked.

"Well you still have four days to take me." I answered with a sly wink.

~.~.~.~.~

By the time we arrived at his place, Blaine was more awake, thanks to the cigarette he smoked which I decided on ignoring (for now). I watched him slowly drop his keys by the bowl and take his blazer off as he strode tiredly towards the living room. I followed, drawn to him by his pain and by his need.

He needed me.

His surprise brought about by our sudden closeness when I pulled him into a tight hug was quickly replaced by that of relief. I felt him melt into my embrace as he turned to face me and I felt myself melt into his.

"Anyone who treats you like you are nothing is an asshole and he must go to hell." I whispered to his ear.

"Because you are special, Blaine..." I continued, rocking both of our bodies gently as I spoke.

"Because, you are worth way, way more than you can actually imagine." I felt the first few drops of his tears wet the shoulder of my shirt as I kept talking.

"I love you." It was the truth.

"I never stopped loving you." -Even more of the truth.

"Hell, I love everything about you!" I exclaimed.

"I'm not the same person, Kurt. I don't think I can still sweep you off your feet."

"Well, you're in luck, Blaine Anderson; because right now, I feel like doing that for you." I said a sad smile across my lips as I pulled him closer for a kiss.

"Now that I've learned that you are not perfect. I think I just loved you even more." I said in between kisses. Then I pushed him a couple of inches away so that I could study his face and how the tears have seized flowing.

"I love your hazel eyes." -Just as I laid my lips on each of his lids.

"Your perfectly triangular eyebrows" – I did the same on his forehead.

"The silly curls on top of your head that you dare call hair." He chuckled.

"Your laugh lines"

"Your beautiful lips"

"Your imperfect teeth"

"Your stubble"

"The sound you make when you snore"

"How you sometimes call me in your sleep"

"Your ultra-sexy voice"

"The way you play a ridiculous number of instruments"

"Your small waist"

"Your amazing ass"

"Your impossibly large, sockless feet"

"The way your body fits against mine."

"But you know what I learned to love even more about you?"

He shook his head.

"It's your imperfections and your pain. Blaine, I didn't love you because you were perfect. I loved you because I found someone I can finally be imperfect with. And you can do the same with me." I said as I brushed a thumb against the scar on his forehead and following it with a kiss.