Blaine: About what?

Kurt: The fact that I mentioned the word sex earlier
and you blushed
and literally ran away
you actually said “I’m going to go for a run now.”
you weren’t even wearing sneakers.

Blaine: oh that
it wasn’t a great run
Note to self: always wear sneakers for running

Kurt: Blaine.

Blaine: Yes Kurt?

Kurt: Can we talking about this?

Blaine: I thought we covered it nicely earlier?
moving on?

Kurt: BLAAAAIINNNEEEE

Blaine: KUUUUURRRRRRTTT

Kurt: Don’t you want to have sex with me?

Blaine: I did have sex with you
we have had oral sex on multiple occasions

Kurt: Thank you 8th grade Health Textbook
you know what I mean

Blaine: Fine. I know what you mean.
SEX SEX

Kurt: Exactly.

I’m not trying to pressure you into it
but I assume you must have some thoughts on the matter
so I was hoping that maybe I’d try to get you to discuss it via IM
figuring you might actually share your thoughts in this forum

Blaine: hmm. yes.
excellent trickery
my thoughts range from “what if I’m terrible at it” to “a terror that can not be articulated.”

Kurt: but we’ve already done a lot

SEX SEX is the next step
Blaine: I know

but I wasn’t nervous about the other stuff

Kurt: You’re quite good at the other stuff
you weren’t lying that time you said your mouth is good at some things

Blaine: HOLY SHIT KURT
BLUSHING FONT
And. um. you too.
I’m... scared

Kurt: That’s ok
I was scared my first time too
I think almost everyone is, at least a little

Blaine: You’re never scared of anything
except Ferris wheels

Kurt: yeah, that’s not true at all
I’m scared of plenty of things

Blaine: It’s just that
sex is...

Kurt: intimate?

Blaine: yes
and it makes me feel...

Kurt: vulnerable?

Blaine: how do you read my mind like that?

Kurt: magic
so can you figure out what scares you the most and maybe we can work from there?

Blaine: yeah. ok.
so we’re going to be entirely candid about this?

Kurt: Of course

Blaine: And I won’t weird you out if I ask dumb questions?

Kurt: Blaine. Ask whatever you want

11:26 pm
Kurt: Blaine?

Blaine: I’m working on it

Kurt: ok...?

Blaine: I typed it up and I’m going to paste it in
it’s long

Kurt: (that’s what she said?)

Blaine: Really Kurt? Really? (fine. I laughed.)

Kurt: good. my duty is done.

Blaine: Ok. so here goes...
I’m scared that we won’t have chemistry. I’m scared that I’ll do something wrong and that I’ll hurt you. I’m scared of showing you this other side of me, of possibly losing control. I’m scared of not knowing what to do. I’m scared of the pain. I’m very afraid that you won’t love me anymore when we’re done. I’m scared that I’m just going to be *bad* at it and you’re going to want to find someone else who isn’t bad at it. I’m scared that you’re going to compare me with the other guys you’ve been with and I won’t measure up. I’m afraid of embarrassing myself because I’m so inexperienced. I’m also scared that there’s only so long that you’re going to put up with me being scared before you get tired of it and decide to break up with me. But even though I’m scared and kind of just want to ignore the whole thing and walk away, I know you’re not going to let me do that. You know the fact that you don’t let me walk away when I’m uncomfortable and scared is one of the things I like most about you. About us. But I’m still scared.

11:39 pm
Kurt: Wow. Ok, wow.
I read that like 3 times.
Let me process this.

Blaine: It’s ok
It’s a lot
Take your time

Kurt: Ok, I think I can actually help with a lot of this stuff

Blaine: Really? And here I thought I was crazy

Kurt: no worries Blainers
we got this
First of all, I think we have amazing chemistry
I want to touch you all. the. time.
and not only in the dirty ways.

Blaine: I like touching you too.

Kurt: Excellent
one down, 35 million to go (I’m teasing.)

Blaine: (I know.)

Kurt: As for the pain for either of us, I’m not going to tell you it doesn’t hurt at all
It’s sort of a... process
once you’re ok with the idea we can work on it
It doesn’t have to all happen at once
and even though it can hurt, it also feels so so good Blaine

Blaine: what about... logistics.
Like I’m scared of not knowing what to do in the moment

Kurt: like, the top/bottom issue?

Blaine: yeaaaaaahhh. That one.

Kurt: We can do whatever
I mean, we can try it both ways
I’m fine with either
but the first time you can pick whatever’s more comfortable for you

Blaine: ok. Well. ok
we can come back to that.

Kurt: As for comparing you to the other guys
I definitely never cared one iota about Sebastian compared to you

Blaine: but what about your ex-boyfriend? you were with him for a year

Kurt: I don’t think I cared about Jason the same way I do for you either
I don’t think I was ever in love with him

Emotions are important

They color the physical

I honestly don’t believe either of them will measure up to *you*

because of how I feel about you
Blaine: Ok. I get that.

but what if I’m really bad at it?

Kurt: I don’t know. I don’t really see that happening.
and even if you’re not AMAZING the first time
No one is
we’ll work on it, we’ll get better at it together
you do realize that you could end up thinking I’m bad at it right?

Blaine: I just made an audible noise of disbelief
I highly doubt that you will be anything less than amazing

Kurt: You’re probably too nice sometimes Blaine.
but I like that about you
ok. So anything else?

Blaine: What if I do something wrong? And you don’t love me anymore?

Kurt: I can’t even imagine what this hypothetical “thing” is
so I don’t think I can help with this one
because I love you an awful lot

Blaine: What if I started mugging old ladies?
or dealing drugs to kids?

Kurt: Neither of those have anything bearing on our sex life

hopefully

also, don’t do those things

they’re completely out of character for you

However, I would visit you in prison.
Blaine: ok, ok, I get it.

Kurt: so, do you feel any better now?

Blaine: Yes. I’m sorry about being a weirdo

Kurt: you’re not a weirdo
and you don’t have to be sorry.
and don’t you dare say you’re sorry for being sorry

Blaine: I am not the least bit sorry for being sorry
I have no sorry-ception

Kurt: ohhhhh Blaine
eye rolling font

Blaine: no! That was funny! You know that was funny!
I’m funny!

Kurt: sure you are

Blaine: (sad font) I’m funny (end sad font)

Kurt: (patting head font) sure you are (end patting head font)

Blaine: You laughed and you know it and it’s not fair because I laughed at your lame “That’s what she said.”

Kurt: This is a dumb conversation

Blaine: of course it is
approximately 42% of our conversations are entirely useless and have no point
then like 30% are about my speech
and the rest are pretty much me sitting there in awe of you, trying not to say anything too stupid because I’m so happy that you let me follow you around.

Kurt: you think that 28% of our conversations are you sitting in awe of me?
I disagree

Blaine: Fine, fine only 10% are about my speech
Leaving 48% with me sitting in awe of you

Kurt: you’re a dumbass

Blaine: so are you

Kurt: Glad we got that covered

Blaine: Agreed.
I really do feel better Kurt

Kurt: good.
and we don’t have to continue to talk about this nonstop
But I just really wanted to get you to open up a little about it
I couldn’t seem to get you to concentrate

Blaine: I know.
I’m wildly unfocused when I’m scared

Kurt: You are
but it turns out that’s sort of endearing too
I want you to be ok

Blaine: I’m better than ok
I’m happy
I don’t want to disappoint you
And I really don’t want you to get tired of me.

Kurt: I’m not going to get tired of you

Blaine: Don’t make promises you can’t keep

Kurt: Fine. I don’t PLAN on getting tired of you

Blaine: I’ve been planning on getting tired of you but you refuse to allow it
by being all perfect and wonderful and ineffable

Kurt: You’re not wrong
but you are a dumbass

Blaine: I concur

Kurt: but you’re also perfect and wonderful and winsome and endearing and marvelous and charming and adorable and sexy

Blaine: STOP IT
You’re making me blush... :)

Kurt: and fetching and savvy and clever and gifted and brilliant and you have very good taste in boyfriends and capricious and playful and pulchritudinous.

Blaine: Pulchritudinous?

Kurt: are you not familiar with every single word in the English language Blaine?

Blaine: I’m aware that it means physically beautiful.
I had no idea there was a secondary definition
“Cute in an awkward way and only if you’re into that kind of thing.”

Kurt: I’m shaking my head

Blaine: You’re pulchritudinous too, Kurt
and I mean it in the primary definition way

Kurt: Thanks Blaine

Blaine: Anytime
alright, next topic that needs to be talked about even though we’ve been avoiding it.

Kurt: Paris?

Blaine: Paris.
It’s a month away now Kurt.
I think we need to actually discuss it.

Kurt: Ok. Do you have specific discussion points?

Blaine: I don’t know.
Mostly I just wanted to broach the topic.

Kurt: I suppose I have a topic
maybe it’s an issue?
well, it’s more of a question
It’s not a hint or anything
it’s not like I’m saying you need to be ok with this issue
I mean, I guess it’s your issue
but it kind of will be mine too?

Blaine: You are absolutely, positively rambling.

Kurt: I would like to make a formal request to talk on the phone with you while I’m away.

Blaine: Um. You don’t get it.
I’m very, very, very bad at talking on the phone
You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into with that request.
You really don’t want to do that.

Kurt: I want to talk to you on the phone.
I don’t care if you stutter.

Blaine: see, it’s like you say that, but you really don’t get it
when I’m on the phone, I stutter pretty much on every single word
sometimes in the middle of words
it takes me forever to get out a sentence
and like, I’m working on talking on the phone with Chad
running scenarios and everything
but I still have a lot of issues with it

Kurt: alright, alright
I know it’s not your favorite
But think about it, ok Blaine?
it wouldn’t have to be everyday
they wouldn’t have to be long conversations
but I would miss your voice a lot if I didn’t hear it for 5 months.

Blaine: Ok. I would miss your voice too
but you’re bound to lose patience with me on the phone
and I’m not saying you’re generally impatient
you’re almost inhumanly patient
it’s just I’m really bad at it

Kurt: do you think you’d be better with skyping?
you’re getting better at talking face to face
so maybe video chat would work better for you?

Blaine: I hate seeing myself when I talk
but maybe if I covered the little window that I would be in?
I don’t know Kurt
it’s all like really uncomfortable for me
and still kind of scary
even knowing it’s you on the other end it’s still scary
and really uncomfortable

Kurt: ok. we’ll figure it out.

Blaine: I just... I wish I could be ok with this stuff
for you.
I know it’s not fair to you that I’m like this
but on the other hand, I know forcing myself to be ok with it isn’t a solution either
I know it’s a problem
and I acknowledge that
but even with my speech improving, it’s still not getting better on the phone

12:42 am
Kurt: I want to take this moment to say
that I would NEVER make you do something that you feel that uncomfortable about.
I’m sorry I brought it up.

Blaine: NO! don’t be sorry you brought it up
that’s lame
it’s something we needed to talk about
And I’m working on it
Chad makes me make one phone call a day

Kurt: You never told me that

Blaine: Well, it’s another one of those not very interesting things that I do for speech therapy

they don’t have to be long calls
Usually I call like a bank or a store and ask for their hours
It’s still terrible
and I get hung up on a lot

Kurt: You can tell me this stuff.
I feel like I’m getting redundant with that sentence
but you can always tell me this stuff

especially if it’ll make you feel better

Blaine: I know
usually I time it so that I make my daily phone call right before I see you
and then seeing you makes me feel better

Kurt: I’m going to go sit in the corner and cry for a little while
because I think I love you too much.

Blaine: aw Kurt
don’t cry
I love you too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kurt: misuse of exclamation points

Blaine: Nope. I used just the right amount.

~~~~~

A moment of Chad

As soon as he walks through the door I can tell Blaine’s upset about something. He’s quiet and withdrawn, not the energetic, smiling kid that’s been coming in here the past month or so. No, this is a downtrodden old man, world on his shoulders.

“So, what’s up?” I ask, knowing we’re not going to accomplish much if he’s thinking about something else.

“Last nnn-nah-night Kurt asked mmmm-me if we could talk on the, the, the, the phone www-while he’s away.”

I keep telling him that we can work on his phone skills, that lots of people who stutter have been able to overcome this obstacle and become more than satisfactory phone users. He’s been stubborn about it, but I’m slowly realizing that his recalcitrance is actually masking fear.

“Blaine,” I say. “Tell me why you’re so scared.”

“I-I-I-I’m not scared. I’m … bah-bah-bah-bad at it,” he says, his eyes unfocused, looking all over the room. He’s a terrible liar. I never know whether I want to hug him or punch him in these moments, though. Neither would be particularly professional or productive for the therapeutic process, but maybe it would wake him up, snap him out this.

“Blaine,” I prod softly.

“What?” he responds, both petulant and frustrated.

“Do you want to be able to talk on, on, on the phone with Kurt while he’s away?” I ask him, again trying to use my most gentle and patient voice. Sometimes Blaine needs tough love, sometimes Blaine just needs kindness. Learning when he needs which has been a challenge, but I’m getting better at, in part because he’s letting me.

“Of course,” he retorts.

“We need to work on the usual, the desensitizing. We need to make you not worry so much about stu-stu-stuttering on the phone.”

He picks at the arm of the chair, not making eye contact. “He’ll bbb-bbb-be able to hear me.”

“He hears you all the time,” I point out, probably not helpful or astute, but I need to make sure he keeps talking.

He squeezes his eyes shut and leans his head against the back of the chair. I can tell we’re close here, we’re so close to getting at this issue. The problem with Blaine is rarely that he doesn’t want to talk about a topic or that he’s purposefully being obstinate, it’s that he doesn’t know how to say it. The disconnect from his speech after all these years makes it so hard for him to verbalize his complex thoughts at times. He’s remarkably intelligent, he has the kind of brain most people wish they had, but as he’s so fond of telling me, it’s his mouth that’s stupid.

He swallows several times, eyes still closed, and says quietly, “He’ll hear everything. The phone pppp-ppp-picks up all the grunts and, and, and sss-swallows and wwwww-weird noises I make when I-I-I-I-I-I ssss-stutter. And, like, I ddd-dah-don’t think he gets it, that even though I’m getting bbbb-bbb-bbbbb-bet,” he stops and inhales sharply through his nose. “...better, I’m still rrrr-really... shy about talking on the, on the, on the phone. About talking in general, mmm-most of the time. He says it dddd-dah-dd-doesn’t mmmmm-matter, that my stutter dddd-doesn’t matter, bbb-bbb-but it does. It matters to me. I-I-I-I-I don’t want him to hear it. To hear mmmmm-me like that. It’s dumb. I-I-I-I-I’m so fucking dumb.”

This kid, this kid. Damn if he doesn’t make everything so hard. He’s his own worst critic and enemy.

I lean over and give his knee a quick squeeze, wanting his attention. He opens his eyes and looks at me and he’s so defeated. I haven’t seen him this defeated in months.

“It’s not dumb, Blaine. You’re not dumb. This is hhh-how you feel. We can work on those noises too, you know? We can work on everything. You’ve almost totally erased your neck jerking. You did that. So we’ll work on the other stuff now. Maybe it won’t be perfect, but wouldn’t you rather be able to talk to him on the phone than not talk to him at all for 5 months? You think a couple of weird noises are going to keep hhhh-him from wanting to talk to you?”

He shakes his head, but he’s not really with me on this, yet. The Great Wall of Blaine is my arch-nemesis in these moments.

“It’s, like. I-I-I-I know that. I know it, it ddd-dah-doesn’t change anything though. Usually I-I-I can... de-de-de-de-deflect attention from my voice, mmm-my speech, wwwww-when we’re face to face. I can use expressions and gestures, bbb-bbb-bah-body language. It’s bb-bb-better when he can see me. I have nah-nah-nothing to hide be-be-be-be-hind on the phone.”

“And you need to tell him this stuff. You can’t expect him to, to, to read your mind. He loves you right? Weren’t you the same guy who came skipping in here last week to tell me that he loves you?”

He glares at me.

“What? Fine, you came prancing in here last week.” At least I get a rueful smile at that.

“Blaine. I mean, really, all jokes aside, you need to tell him. Tell him how you fff-feel about this. Tell him how you still feel shy and not ready to talk on the phone, but that you’re trying.”

“I dah-did tell him.”

“And he’s still bothering you about it?” I ask, confused.

“No. It’s still bb-bbbb-bothering mmmmm-me, though.”

“Ok. I’m not going to tell you need to try harder, because I know you’re doing your best. I know it,” I look at him sincerely here and he nods. He’s finally listening I think. “But I am going to tell you to keep trying. Keep working. We’ll switch up some of your goals, we’ll work harder on the phone. Go home and make 5 phone calls tonight instead of only one. Call your mom, call your brother, call for pizza, call the fff-food store. Call Matt when he’s sitting in the same room as you just to piss him off.”

Blaine finally laughs. He still looks a little defeated, but he’s definitely more engaged now. We continue to talk goals for the rest of the session. And we come up with some alternative ways for Blaine and Kurt to communicate while Kurt’s away.

All too soon, our session’s over, but as he’s putting on his coat, I ask, “You’re not going to do something stupid like qui-quit on me now, right?”

“No. I-I-I-I-I’m in for the long haul,” he smiles his sad smile and walks out the door.

I take a few strides to the door and call out to him “Hey!”

He turns around and gives me his patented “what the fuck?” hand gesture.

I make the same gesture back at him and say “Stop being an assclown!”

He looks at me for a second and then his peal of laughter rings through the hallway.

He turns and leaves, but at least he left with a smile on his face.

~~~~~

Blaine has an ongoing list of things that are bothering him right now. The phone issue, the sex issue, the “his father is a pod person” issue, Kurt leaving and final exams looming.

He bides his time through work that afternoon, trying not to think too much about any one of those subjects. Luckily, it’s one of those days where the kids have obviously been huffing glue and snorting pixie sticks, so there’s very little down time. He fights the urge to call them assholes to their faces. Or to their parents at pick up time.

When he leaves work, he spots Kurt waiting for him across the street. Blaine makes his way over. He’s happy to see Kurt, but also surprised. They stand together in the glow of the street light for a minute. It’s cold, but not freezing and even though it’s night, the city is never really dark.

“Hey,” Blaine breathes, breaking the silence, as he dips his mouth to give Kurt a modest kiss on the cheek. “I-I-I-I-I-I thought you www-were going out with your wah-work friends.”

“I canceled. I wanted to see you. I...” Kurt searches Blaine’s eye for a second and then shakes his head. “I was worried that you were mad at me.”

“Why?” Blaine asks, honestly unsure.

“I didn’t hear from you all day. I figured you were avoiding me, because of the phone thing.”

“Oh. It www-wasn’t on purpose. I-I-I-I slept late and then had ssss-speech and work. It was a … bbb-bah-bah-bah-buh-busy day.”

Kurt nods, not looking entirely comforted.

“I-I-I swear I’m not mad. I... I’m glad you’re not mmmm-mah-mad at me.”

“That would be pretty messed up if I was mad at you. You were being honest and I was being unfair. You don’t ever have to do anything for me that you don’t want to do.”

“I-I-I know,” Blaine sighs. “It’s hard to explain though, bb-bb-because I want to ddd-dah-do … everything for you. Bbbbb-bbbb-but … sometimes there’s a blah-blah-blah-blah-block in bbbb-bbbb-brain, the same way there’s a bb-blah-block in my mouth. Sometimes it’s worse.” And then he adds faintly, “When it’s in my bbb-brain.”

“It’s ok,” Kurt offers.

“It is and it isn’t,” Blaine muses. “Bbb-buh-but I’m www-working on it.”

They exchange what any casual observer would be able to identify as a meaningful look and Kurt changes the subject.

“So, Rachel and Puck are staying at his place tonight.”

Blaine seems relieved for the new topic. “I-I-I-I thought Rachel hates staying at Puck’s bb-bb-be-because it, and I quote, ‘reeks of dude and his roommates are crass.’”

“You’ve been working on your Rachel impersonation I see.”

Blaine smiles and makes a little half and half gesture with his hand.

“I asked her kindly to go stay at Puck’s tonight and she relented. Do you have plans?”

Blaine puts a hand over his eyes in embarrassment. “Matt’s going to sssss-some fundraiser thing www-with Kerry and I was going to stuh-stuh-stay in my room all nah-night www-watching instructional sex videos on Youtube and mmmm-mm-making desensitizing phone calls.”

Kurt grabs for Blaine’s wrist and pulls his hand away from his face. Blaine’s making a face somewhere between a self-conscious smile and an amused grimace. He’s blushing and when he catches Kurt’s eye, he quickly flicks his gaze to the sidewalk.

“Well, do you mind changing the location of your plans to my apartment?” Kurt asks, suddenly feeling bashful himself.

Blaine nods and takes Kurt’s hand and starts walking in that direction.

~~~~~

The boys sit at Kurt’s kitchen island, empty Chinese food containers scattered about. Kurt’s wearing boxers, a top hat and one sock. Blaine is down to just his boxers.

Somehow Blaine’s phone calls of desensitization turned into a stripping game. Anytime someone hangs up on Blaine, Kurt takes off an article of clothing and anytime Blaine successfully completes a phone call, Blaine has to remove one of his own. You’d imagine there would be a way for Blaine to cheat at this, but Kurt made him put his phone on speaker.

“I-I-I-I’m still nah-not sure how it’s fair that, that, that uh, you’re www-wearing a hat,” Blaine says, shaking his head.

“Because it’s funnier this way,” Kurt responds with a sly grin.

“Did you bb-bb-bb-buy that top hat for our circus act?” Blaine asks suspiciously.

“Our failed circus act you mean,” Kurt answers with a pout.

Blaine leans across the island and nips at Kurt’s bottom lip and they begin a deep kiss, the need to devour each other palpable. Blaine curses the breakfast island between them as he pulls away, thinking they need a change of venue.

Kurt must agree, because he says coyly, “So now that I have you in a state of undress, what do you think we should do?”

“Well, I mean, I-I-I-I had planned to do mmmm-mm-more than just mmmmake people uncomfortable www-with my awkward phone manners all nah-night,” Blaine waggles his eyebrows suggestively at Kurt.

“Yes, let’s retire to the bedroom. Where I might have some non-Youtube sex videos of the not so instructional variety laying around.”

“Laying around?” Blaine questions.

“Laying around the dark recesses of my closet where Rachel cannot find them,” Kurt answers quickly.

~~~~~

The porn works like a charm. Kurt loves how it both relaxes Blaine and makes him more confident. They settle on Kurt’s bed, Blaine’s head resting on Kurt’s chest, his hand lazily drawing circles around Kurt’s stomach.

“Well, that’s nah-not real,” Blaine mumbles.

“Who would shave there?” Kurt winces.

“Hello, bbb-bend-bendiness,” Blaine notes.

Kurt absentmindedly runs his nails through Blaine’s hair. “I might be able to do that...”

“Oh, shit!” Blaine sits up and exclaims about 30 minutes into the movie. “I-I-I can totally dah-do that!”

Blaine brings his mouth to Kurt’s ear, his voice taking on the deep, confident timber that it does when he whispers, and breathes “Would you like me do that to you?”

And so it begins. Their first time is simple, unassuming, though set to the soundtrack of porn in the background, which makes them both giggle at times.

Kurt urges Blaine along, at first telling him to be careful, because it’s been awhile since Kurt has had anyone inside of him, but eventually moaning for more and more, as Blaine slowly dips his fingers in and out of him.

Kurt fumbles for the lube and condoms that he had surreptitiously put in his night table drawer earlier, hoping that Blaine’s sudden interest in “instructional videos” might lead to something productive this evening.

Kurt puts the condom and then a large dollop of lube on Blaine. Their eyes meet and Blaine takes a moment to look at this amazing man in front of him. This man who loves him so much, who Blaine loves and trusts more than he could have ever imagined possible. He wishes he could articulate to Kurt everything he’s feeling in this moment. But he’s quick to realize that this kind of intimacy transcends speech. Blaine doesn’t have to talk, Blaine can take action.

So he does.

~~~~~

Afterward, they exchange simple kisses and lazy smiles and soft caresses, enjoying these moments, wordlessly. In time though, Kurt pulls Blaine off the bed and gestures toward the bathroom. Once there, Kurt turns on the shower and tests the water.

Kurt feels Blaine’s arms go around his waist from behind and suddenly Blaine’s mouth is everywhere, leaving a trail of kisses along Kurt’s shoulder, up his neck and then down onto his other shoulder. Kurt turns in Blaine’s arms and finds that his curls are already starting to frizz in the humid bathroom air. He can’t help but smile.

The boys move into the shower then and slowly turn under the warm cascade of water. They spend a few minutes just touching, hands grazing, exploring each other all over again.

Blaine spends several long moments sucking and brushing his lips across Kurt’s neck, dragging his tongue along Kurt’s pulse point. Blaine begins a slow and languid stream of kisses down Kurt’s torso. When he’s on his knees in front of Kurt, his strong hands on Kurt’s ass, Blaine looks up innocently and finds Kurt looking down at him in wonder. Kurt places his hands on Blaine’s shoulders, as Blaine begins a slow lick of Kurt’s cock.

Kurt arches his back, nearly losing his balance on the wet porcelain of the tub. He moves one hand to Blaine’s neck, but uses the other hand to steady himself on the sturdy towel rack. They definitely don’t need to turn this into a night in the emergency room, Kurt thinks hazily.

Blaine continues his work, using easy, leisurely movements to bring Kurt to orgasm. He stands when he’s done to hold Kurt under the stream, enjoying the warmth of the water and the feeling of their slick bodies pressed together.

The boys methodically wash each other then, which is in some ways just as sexy as the other things they’ve done this evening. Both are drowsy and satisfied, kissing here and there, nipping at each other. Their continued silence making every touch and graze of their bodies feel heavy with meaning.

They dry each other off and return to the bedroom. They curl up in bed together, facing each other, kissing again briefly.

Blaine props himself up on his elbow and looks at Kurt, tracing a finger from Kurt’s temple to his chin. Kurt smiles and kisses the palm of Blaine’s hand. Blaine breathes out, knowing he has to say this, he has to say what he’s thinking, even if he hates to break their mutual silence.

“I-I-I have no idea ww-what I was afraid of,” Blaine marvels.

Kurt cups Blaine’s jaw, tenderly. “Will you ever stop surprising me?”

Blaine makes a thinky face. “Probably nah-not. Sounds bah-bah-boring.”

“How am I going to live without you for five months?” Kurt rubs his thumb along Blaine’s cheek.

Blaine just shakes his head and then turns over, facing away from Kurt. Kurt immediately assumes that Blaine’s going to start crying or something, until Blaine looks over his shoulder.

“You have to bbbb-be the bb-bb-bb-big ssssspoon tonight for trying to ruin my mmm-mmm-mood with your sssad talk. That’s your punishment.”

He starts grabbing Kurt’s arm to pull him over but Kurt relents quickly, putting his arm around Blaine’s waist and pressing a kiss into his neck, just wanting to be as close to Blaine as he can be for as long as possible.