10:23 pm
Blaine: The way everything feels so... transitional. That it’s where people go to come and go.
Blaine: but it’s more than that too. It’s not necessarily that simple

10:24 pm
Kurt: It is and isn’t that simple
Kurt: Simple can be beautiful

10:36 pm
Blaine: Thank you for tonight
Blaine: It was nice to just talk
Blaine: or write really
Blaine: Oh God, I’m so embarrassed

10:38 pm
Kurt: Don’t be
Kurt: I had fun.

10:39 pm
Blaine: Me too. It’s not always easy for me to just
Blaine: I don’t know where that sentence was going

10:42 pm
Kurt: You’ll get better at it. We’ll get better at it.
Kurt: This. Whatever it is.
Kurt: My dad should be here in a second.
Kurt: I’ll talk to you soon, ok?

10:43 pm
Blaine: Yes. Soon. Have fun with your dad. :)

10:45 pm
Kurt: Thanks.

~~~~~

To: mishanderson@gmail.com
From: b.anderson6@nyu.edu
Date: Wed, Sept 3, 4:17 pm
Subject: Question

Hi Mom-

I’ve been thinking lately that maybe it’s time for me to go back to speech therapy. It’s something that I’ve been sort of wanting to do and I talked to Paula about it a little this summer and she thinks maybe I’m ready for concentrated therapy again, for something more rigorous than she (or another therapist like her) can offer. I know I haven’t gone in years, but do you think I could?

I don’t know if you noticed (you probably did) but I’ve been craning and jerking my neck a lot when I block lately and I think therapy will help that at least.

Love you-
Blaine

~~~~~

To: b.anderson6@nyu.edu
From: mishanderson@gmail.com
Date: Fri, Sept 5, 5:58pm
Subject: Re: Question

Hey Bud,

I’m surprised that you want to go back to speech therapy, but I can’t say that I don’t think it’s a good idea. I think it’s a fantastic idea, really. Not because you’re doing a bad job on your own, but because when you were in regular speech therapy you were always improving. I have noticed that you’ve been rolling your neck more when you block and I do think that this could be helped. I agree with you on those counts for sure. I’m just impressed that you’re brave enough to ask for help, Blaine.

I’m sorry it took a few days to get back to you, I wanted to research a bit before I answered. You’ll find a short list attached of speech pathologists in your area. I talked to Paula about it too, and she agreed that these should work. I also contacted our insurance and these SLPs are all covered.

There is another option. I understand if you’re not interested. But NYU has a speech pathology program and they take people into their clinics. You would be helping people learn to become speech pathologists just by asking for help. I know that interacting like that with peers might make you extremely uncomfortable though, so don’t feel like you have to. Just an option that I thought I’d put out there for you.

I’d love to know where this change of heart came from. I must admit, I’ve wanted to suggest going back to speech therapy to you. I really didn’t want you to feel pressured about it and I know that now that you’re an adult, you need to come to these decisions on your own.

Miss you bud! I love you!
Mom

PS Dad says hi. :)

~~~~~

To: mishanderson@gmail.com
From: b.anderson6@nyu.edu
Date: Fri, Sept 5, 11:17 pm
Subject: Re: Question

Hola Mamacita :)

My change of heart comes from the fact that I just really want to try. I want to try again. I think this time I have more that I want in my life and well, I want to be able to talk to people. And not feel so nervous about my voice betraying me. I want to be ok. Not great, not perfect, but ok.

I want to make more friends. I want to not be scared. I want to be a teacher and I want people to listen to me. (I can’t believe I’m about to say this to my mom, but.) Someday I want to have a boyfriend and I don’t think I can do that right now when I can’t really talk. (So embarrassing.) Maybe even just going back to speech therapy will make me more confident. The idea of trying, even just looking into it, makes me feel like I have more control.

And quite frankly, my neck is sore a lot because of that damn twitch.

If you don’t mind, I don’t want to go to the NYU program. I think it’ll be hard enough without potentially running into someone I know or feeling like … I don’t know. I don’t know why I don’t want to do that, but it makes me nervous. I don’t have a good excuse.

But I’ll look at the list and call (UGGGGHHHH. I hate the phone.) one of them. But I guess speech pathologist’s receptionists are used to getting phone calls from people who aren’t good at talking. Intriguing.

Love you, miss you, hi back to Dad, yada, yada, yada.

Blaine

~~~~~

To: b.anderson6@nyu.edu
From: mishanderson@gmail.com
Date: Sat, Sept 6, 9:32 am
Subject: Re: Question

Oh, Blaine.

I think you need to strive to be more than just ok. Please strive for more than just ok? I think you can be good, great, wonderful, amazing, perfect. I think you’re all of that already, but I know you won’t believe it coming from me. And I don’t think any of it should just be connected to your speech.

Let me know if there’s anything else I can do. But I think you need to make this phone call for yourself. You can do it! Like you said, any speech pathology office is used to people who don’t have perfect speech.

And would you get in touch with your brother? Every time I talk to him, he’s mopey because you haven’t spoken to him since before Labor Day. I told him to text you, but he claims he doesn’t want to “interrupt.” I put quotes around that word because he’s used it at least a dozen times in the past week. I don’t even want to know, but send him smoke signals or a flare, or a simple email.

Love- Mom

~~~~~

To: cooper.anderson@gmail.com
From: b.anderson6@nyu.edu
Date: Sun, Sept 7, 12:57 pm
Subject: sup?

Our mother just nagged me on your behalf. Is there something I can help you with?
Blaine

~~~~~

To: b.anderson6@nyu.edu
From: cooper.anderson@gmail.com
Date: Sun, Sept 7, 3:44pm
Subject: Re: sup?

So lovely to hear from you! It has been far too long since we corresponded, particularly when I consider that last we spoke you were considering meeting a man that you had previously only been acquainted with on the internet. And then YOU FAILED TO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.

What.
The.
Hell.

And I think the real question is “Is there something *I* can help *you* with????”

Cooper

~~~~~

To: Cooper, From: Blaine
Date: Sun, Sept 7, 4:18 pm
Subject: Re: sup?

Oh that. yes. Well, it’s all very complicated and like I don’t actually know how to tell it. But I randomly, accidentally met him last Wednesday. And then I asked him to meet me at open mic night on Friday and I sang him a song. Which he seemed to like. He asked me if I wanted to go “talk and eat” after that and I said yes.

When we got the diner though, I actually couldn’t TALK. People say stuff like “I was speechless!” or “It was so overwhelming I couldn’t talk!” and they’re exaggerating? I’m not. My mouth wouldn’t move. Like physically.

He said he had fun and that he wants to hang out again, but he probably just feels bad for me. I’m probably just going to have to move to Siberia and hope he can never find me. That’s how humiliating this was. He was really nice to me about my speech and he was patient, but it might have just been an act. I don’t know! I don’t know how to do this!

Luckily his dad is visiting for the weekend, so he didn’t try to make plans with me. Maybe he’ll forget about me and then everything will just go back to normal and I won’t have to move to Siberia. I’ll just have to avoid Kurt Hummel for the rest of my life.

The whole thing was just really embarrassing and I didn’t really want to tell you about it.

I’m not entirely sure that I’m help-able.

~~~~~

To: Blaine, From: Cooper
Date: Sun, Sept 7, 5:03 pm
Subject: Re: sup?

Blaine, Blaine, Blaine. BLAINE.

Seriously with this bullshit, Blaine?

Don’t agonize like that. You guys have built a friendship over the summer, if nothing else. Maybe he didn’t know about your speech, but it’s not all there is to you. How many times do I have to say it before you’ll get through your thick skull? You’re more than just the way you talk.

Now, do something about this guy. Give him the chance to get to know in real life. Try to let him in a little, any way you can, ok?

Stop being an ass.

~~~~~

To: Cooper, From: Blaine
Date: Sun, Sept 7, 5:48pm
Subject: Re: sup

Fine. I won’t be an ass. Matt told me to stop being an assclown, which is pretty much the same thing, so I guess I should take a hint.

I’ll try, alright Coop?

I promise to try.

~~~~~

To: Blaine, From: Cooper
Date: Sun, Sept 7, 6:38 pm
Subject: Stop being an ass.

Got it?

Good.

Next time, tell me when good stuff is happening in your life. Or when bad stuff is happening. Don’t leave me hanging man.

Stop being a ass. (It seems worth reiterating.)

~~~~~

To: Cooper, From: Blaine
Date: Mon, Sept 8, 11:11 am
Subject: How’s this for trying?

I just got off the phone (YES THE PHONE) with my new speech therapist’s office. I have an assessment tomorrow morning and then I’ll have my first appointment on Friday at noon.

How about THEM apples???

~~~~~

To: Blaine, From: Cooper
Date: Mon, Sept 8, 2:17 pm
Subject: Re: How’s this for trying?

I am highly impressed with those apples, Blaine. Highly impressed.

Good for you.

~~~~~

Sept 8
@ 9:52 pm
Kurt: Hello

Blaine: Hello

Kurt: How are you?

Blaine: I am fine thank you. How are you?

Kurt: Are you being weird?

Blaine: Maybe?

Kurt: Is there a reason you’re being weird?

Blaine: I think it’s because you’re being weird.
and sort of formal
uncharacteristically formal

Kurt: ah. I see what you’re saying.

Blaine: good, good

Kurt: yes, very
how do we end this?

Blaine: I could tell you about my new job working at after school daycare at the elementary school.
a kid peed on the floor today
there’s nothing formal about that kind of story

Kurt: How is it that you end up with all the chronic urinators?
there really is a certain unformalness regarding that one
unformalness is apparently not a word
what’s a good word that kind of means unformalness?
I mean, I know there’s informality but there should be a better one.

Blaine: ummm

wracking my brain, hold on

Kurt: taking too long Blaine
unacceptable
you’re supposed to know ALL OF THE WORDS

Blaine: I know
and I do know one for this
something along the lines of nonchalance
but there’s a better one

Kurt: insouciant?

Blaine: AGH
That’s like my favorite word ever!
or at least in the top 5
and you just totally pulled it out of nowhere!

Kurt: well then

Blaine: seriously, I love that word
though I’m realizing that it’s not the word I’m looking for
(picture me saying that along with the Obi Wan hand gesture, ok?)

Kurt: picture emblazoned on brain. Can’t. stop. laughing.
(mostly because I’m envisioning you wearing that burlap robe/hood thing)

Blaine: unformalness = unaffectedness?
are we ok with that?

Kurt: yeah, I think I can speak for both of us when I say we are

Blaine: excellent, moving on
Do you have any favorite words?
to make me feel less insane for getting so excited about you mentioning one of mine

Kurt: hmmmm
sycophantic
haberdashery
ebullient
vehemence
and I have a new one from this summer… you might be familiar with it
ineffable

Blaine: aw, blushing font

Kurt: so what else is in your top 5?

Blaine: well, aside from insouciant
ennui
antediluvian
man, haberdashery is awfully good, that might just have unseated ubiquitous
and then I’d have to say winsome
not to be outdone by you or whatever

Kurt: Yes, because this IS a competition

Blaine: I agree
I’m just glad you see it my way
I wanted to say thank you
again
for like the hundredth time
for the other night

Kurt: so I’ll say you’re welcome
every single time
but it was really nothing

Blaine: Kurt
it meant so much to me
It *means* so much to me
I almost don’t know how to explain this
people aren’t always patient with me
when I’m like that
and
that’s not pity party talk
that’s just… my life
my reality

Kurt: I’m sorry Blaine
I’m sorry people aren’t always patient

Blaine: it’s ok
I heard it’s not your fault
that the whole world isn’t as cool and as patient as you are
but it really does mean a lot to me
And the fact that you took out that notebook and you made me feel better
less awkward, less nervous
you’re so smart

Kurt: it was logical
it was just a logical move
I wanted to talk to you and, more importantly, I wanted *you* to talk to me
and that was the best way to do it

Blaine: I don’t know how I’m ever going to make you understand though
that it wasn’t just some little thing
it’s like everything I could have hoped for in that moment
in any moment where I’m stuck
blocked
and feeling like people won’t listen
or don’t want to listen

Kurt: I thought you said you weren’t worried about that
about me judging you or not listening

Blaine: Kurt
it’s always at the back of my mind
It’s not about you specifically
It’s just a fear that lurks

Kurt: I think I get that
I’ll always listen Blaine

Blaine: I’m starting to believe that

Kurt: good, cause it’s the truth

Blaine: Did you have fun with your dad this weekend?

Kurt: Yeah, I did. I don’t get to see him nearly enough.

Blaine: that’s good
that you guys are close

alright, the library’s closing
I’m starting to get dirty looks for lingering

Kurt: you’re at the library?
I’m sorry I interrupted

Blaine: no big deal
I wasn’t getting a ton done anyway

Kurt: I’ll talk to you soon?

Blaine: yes, soon, please

Kurt: bye blaine

Blaine: bye kurt

~~~~~

A Moment of Kurt & Rachel

“I don’t know what what to doooooo!” Kurt’s anguished voice comes from the living room, where moments ago he had been furiously typing on his laptop.

Rachel wanders out of the kitchen and perches next to him on the couch. “I’m guessing this is about the boy?”

“Yes, of course it’s about the boy,” Kurt sighs.

“Ask him out. Duh,” Rachel says with an eye roll.

“I know. Duh,” Kurt rolls his eyes back at her. “But he’s just so shy and I don’t want to make him nervous or scare him or just be too much. He’s... skittish.”

“So, draw him out of his shell. Be, like, The Boy Whisperer.”

“He does have a name,” Kurt says with pursed lips.

“Fine. Be The Blaine Whisperer. You learned a lot about him online, while his guard was down. Now use it to your advantage.”

Kurt leans back on the couch and plays with the ends of his hair absentmindedly. “Tell me more about this. It might just be the least crazy idea you’ve ever had.”

Rachel puts a finger to her lips in thought. She stands up from the couch and starts pacing. “Well, obviously he likes you, but he’s going to have a hard time showing it. He probably isn’t suited to make any more overtures, not after the letter and the song. He’s probably tapped out. So, why don’t you just quietly work your way into his life?”

“You’re right about the overtures,” Kurt says thoughtfully. “I can’t imagine he has anymore in him at this point.”

“Just do what you’ve been doing all summer, text and im and email and then every once in awhile, pop up in real life. You know he’ll be in the English building Wednesday after your early class, or you know he’ll be around at open mic night sometimes. And then just slowly … woo him.”

“You’re right, he’s totally woo-able. Good work Rachel. This is why I keep you around.” With that he drops a kiss on her temple and wanders out the room.

And Rachel takes a moment to (literally) pat herself on the back.

~~~~~

September 10th
@12:10 pm
Kurt: Any chance you’re going to be swinging by the English building soon?
Kurt: I heard there’s a lonely piano in the basement.

12:11 pm
Blaine: I’m actually there right now
Blaine: Keeping said lonely piano company
Blaine: Quietly hoping that someone I know might spring into the room at any second and surprise me.

12:14 pm
Kurt: You were waiting for D.Marshall?

12:15 pm
Blaine: Well yes. Either her or you.
Blaine: Let’s be honest. Preferably her.

12:16 pm
Kurt: Hi. :)

12:17 pm
Blaine: HI. :D

12:18 pm
Kurt: You really are making that face right now.

“We, we, we, uh don’t have to ttttttext,” Blaine laughs.

“I wasn’t sure. I figured it could be fun either way.”

“I, I can tah-talk. And like... all of our conversations dah-dah-don’t have to bah-bab-bah-bbbe about me tah-tah-tah-talking or not.”

“No? I thought you loved to talk about talking. I mean, you seem like you’re just constantly dying to discuss various facets of speech. The how, the why, the wherefore and furthermore of speaking.”

Blaine side eyes Kurt, but smiles broadly.

“Yeah. So. Hi,” Kurt concludes after his babbling.

“Hi,” Blaine suddenly feels (even more) shy and very aware of the fact that they’re alone in a place where last week he had the most mortifying, terrifying and oddly exhilarating moment of his life.

“Were you planning on playing the lonely piano or were you just going to stand around and text message people from this room?”

“I wwwwwas playing until you tt-tah-texted.”

Kurt sits on the bench and plays a short, though rousing, rendition of Chopsticks.

“Do-do you play?” Blaine asks.

“Oh, no. Just chopsticks and the very beginning of Tequila for some reason. I’d love to learn though. I always meant to take lessons, but it just never happened.”

“I. I. I-I I...” Blaine so desperately wants to get this thought out of his mouth and of course it’s just stuck. But Kurt waits patiently, maintaining eye contact, with a passive look on his face. Nothing uncomfortable in his eyes or demeanor. Blaine closes his eyes, sucks in his breath and blows out slowly. “I could tee-teach you.” Where was that sentence a minute ago?

“Would you want to? I kind of suck at this stuff. I’m a hunt and peck typist, so I can’t even imagine playing the piano.” Kurt pauses here and then looks at Blaine and smiles.

“You’d have to be patient with me,” Kurt says, almost... shyly.

“I-I-I think I could do that.” Blaine grins. “It would … bbbbe mah-my p-p-pleasure.”

At that, Kurt slides over to make room and lightly pats the bench. Blaines sits gingerly next to him, all too aware of the fact that this is Kurt. Kurt smells really good. What happens after that is a lot of giggling and elbow bumping and hips that move closer and closer until there’s not even a breath of space between them.

Something in Blaine takes over. He thinks it’s probably the part of him that longs to be an educator. He finds some confidence in that little room in the basement of the English building, telling Kurt this and that, instructing him how to place his fingers and talking about middle C. He stutters some, but has only one big block at the beginning. After that, things are ok. He becomes surprisingly comfortable with touching and manipulating Kurt’s hands on the keyboard. He knows part of this success is that he really loves playing the piano and another part is that he doesn’t have to look Kurt in the eye much. But there’s a third part of the equation.

Kurt is a very calm person. Or at least he is right now. And his disposition is really soothing to Blaine. Because Kurt isn’t nervous or jittery, Blaine is much less so than usual.

The boys part that day with Kurt saying he owes Blaine a coffee for the lesson. Blaine tells him that he and Matt are playing open mic night again that week, if Kurt wants to stop by.

And of course Kurt wants to stop by.