In the end Blaine decides to go home. He figures he’ll pick up a job somewhere, maybe take a class online. The more he thinks about it, the more he likes the idea of an online class. He won’t have to speak, he can write all of his answers and he’ll get in some extra credits.

Matt and Blaine say their goodbyes on a dreary Thursday afternoon in May. Matt’s parents are driving Blaine to the airport and then setting off on the long drive across Pennsylvania. There are promises to hang out and text and Blaine knows that it’ll happen. They’ve already bought tickets to go to a concert in Akron the last week in June.

His first few days back in his parent’s house are almost torture. Blaine has apparently forgotten how to be the Blaine his parents know and there’s a sort of dissonance between who he’s become at college and whom his parents expect to see at the dinner table every night. His mother tsks over how long Blaine has let his hair grow and his father only speaks to remind him to get a job.

And he does find a job, a job that he’s actually interested in, working as a counselor at a day camp. It’s a good fit for Blaine, he rarely stutters around kids. He’s actually been toying with the idea of becoming a teacher, not a middle or high school teacher, but maybe an elementary school music teacher. Or maybe teaching kindergarten would be kind of cool.

Blaine is pleased, proud even, to admit that his stutter doesn’t always stop him from doing things anymore. He knows it’s there and it’s not something he’s thrilled about, but he’s satisfied with his progress. He regrets never talking to the Face even though he had the opportunity, but all is not lost. There’s always next year. Hopefully.

Blaine talks to his parents about wanting to see Paula during the summer. His mother seems hesitant about it, telling him that she really doesn’t think he needs “that” anymore and his father just grunts as usual.

Blaine explains that part of why he wants to see her is because he’s doing so well. He doesn’t want to lose the confidence or momentum that he’s gained at college. He worries that being in this environment might make him regress. He says all this with only one minor block. His parent’s seem fairly impressed with the whole demonstration and he makes an appointment with Paula for the next day.

The other reason why he wants to see Paula is because he knows he’s going to have to officially come out to his parents. He’s going to have to tell them that he’s gay and he knows he’s going to need Paula to help him with that, to support him and give him some ideas of how to even broach the topic with them. He knows it won’t be easy, but he needs to be honest with them. And he really wants to do it this summer, face to face.

It seems as though he’s ready for these long months in Ohio. He has a job, an online class and appointments with Paula. He doesn’t have any friends, but that’s ok, he’ll read a lot of books and see a lot of movies and visit Cooper whenever he can.

~~~~~

After dinner every night, Blaine’s father retires to the living room. As a kid, Blaine was terrified of this time of night, but at 19 he just thinks that it’s so fucking cliche he could scream. What year does his father think it is? What gives him the right to just wander away from the dinner his wife prepared and stick her with the clean up? His dad has this warped sense that they’re the Cleaver’s or something. And that man in the living room is no Ward Cleaver.

Although to be fair, his mom isn’t exactly June.

One of his first nights home, Blaine helps his mom clear the table and fill the dishwasher. He’s lonely and doesn’t know what to do with himself right now. It seems he’s forgotten how to entertain himself after just nine months of having a life outside of his bedroom.

“Oh, you don’t have to do all this Blaine. You can go relax,” his mom says to him almost immediately.

“N-no, I wwwant to help,” he feels suddenly bashful. He wants to divulge something to his mom, but he still isn’t very sure of himself around her. At least, he’s not sure of himself in the same way he’s been feeling at college. “I, I think I de-decided on a mmmajor.”

His mom quirks an eyebrow over to him. “Oh yeah,” she responds with a smile. A smile, so warm that Blaine is immediately happy that he brought this up.

“I, I think I www-want to be a t-teacher,” he’s looking just to her left, not right at her, but he can tell her warm smile fades just a bit.

“Blaine, you know I think you’ve been making remarkable progress, but do you really think you could get up everyday in front of a class and … speak?”

Blaine can feel the blush rise in his cheeks. He knows she’s just being realistic, he knows it, but he can’t help but take it to heart. The idea that she doesn’t support him, the idea that she doesn’t believe in him, it stings.

“I www-want to teach k-kindergarten or mmmaybe music. I like k-kids, I don’t stutter as much around them,” he’s suddenly feeling defiant. He wants her to take him seriously. He keeps his chin up, he’s not giving in on this.

“I’m sorry Blaine, I’m not being negative or pessimistic just to rain on your parade. I just worry so much about you. And you seem like you’re doing so well, I just don’t want you to become frustrated, or...” His mom is just shaking her head, whether at herself or at him, Blaine isn’t entirely sure.

“I-I-I really wwwant this, Mom. And I’m ggggoing to n-need your help. With D-d-d-duh-duh-dah-dad. He’s not going to like it,” Blaine continues, trying to forgive himself the major block on the word dad. Trying and failing though, because he knows he’s just fulfilling his mother’s limited expectations of him.

She chuckles briefly. “I can hear him already, talking about pink collar careers and his dreams that you were going to be a lawyer. You know what Blaine? We’ll do this. You can do this.” She puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Thanks Mom,” and suddenly Blaine feels like maybe he can.

He wonders what changed her mind.

~~~~~

A moment from Blaine’s mom

I’ve never seen him like that. So sure of himself. One second, blushing and unable to look me in the eye and the next telling me, stating unquestioningly, that this is what he wants. And I don’t think he’s ever asked for my help before. Not quite like this at least.

I wish lots of things for Blaine, but my biggest wish, the one I guard in my deepest heart, is that someday he’ll tap into that confidence he just displayed, the confidence that usually only comes out in small glimpses and tiny glimmers, and learn how to feel that way all the time.

I just don’t think that’s too much to want for your child.

~~~~~

His job at summer camp doesn’t start until mid-June, but his online class starts just a couple of weeks after he gets home. It’s a contemporary American lit class with a really popular professor. Blaine’s pretty surprised he even got into it because it’s a fairly coveted course. The professor is known for a certain amount of whimsy in her reading lists and assignments, but Blaine is prepared for it.

The syllabus and reading list look completely doable, the class is broken up into essays, papers and online discussion participation and he’s already read a couple of these books. A Prayer for Owen Meany might actually be one of his favorite books of all time, he read it twice last summer because when he got to the end, he was compelled to go back to the beginning.

There are already some surprisingly good discussions that emerge within the first 24 hours. The first book is The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime. This is one of those novels that brought Blaine’s compassion right to the surface. Christopher’s issues with his father, his inability to communicate effectively, it really struck a chord with Blaine. Blaine knows he has nothing so severe as autism, that a stutter really can’t even compare, but it does give him a certain empathy for people who have to deal with life differently.

The discussion when Blaine logs on is routed in the why and how of when Christopher punches the police officer. It seems like everyone is taking a bit of stand on the fact that he wasn’t going to learn anything by getting off with just a warning. His classmates seem unsure if he really understood what he did wrong. That maybe Christopher needed to get a better understanding of the consequences behind his actions.

There’s another faction of the class that seems to believe that he didn’t deserve any type of punishment because Christopher’s “handicapped and didn’t know what he was doing.” Blaine dives into the discussion.

B.Anderson @ 10:58 am
“I think Christopher knew exactly what he was doing. I think when pressed into a situation where you don’t know how to act, that’s when instinct truly takes over. His instinct was someone touches him, he’s not going to take it. It’s not a proper way to deal with things, but it doesn’t mean that his disability kept him from knowing or understanding what he was doing. He acted on instinct, but it wasn’t thoughtless.”

Blaine sends that into the discussion board and feels a little nervous. He’s not one to be contrary, but something about the uppity-ness of his classmates made him want to pull for the underdog, to show them the world from another angle.

Blaine wanders off to eat a bowl of cereal and watch The Price is Right. No reason to angst over something he can’t take back now.

When he does return to his computer later on in the day, he has quite a few email alerts about the discussion and also a personal email. From a “k.hummel@nyu.edu.” Blaine wracks his brain for a K. Hummel but can’t think of anyone. Not anyone from the dorm or from his classes. His brainstorming lasts about 13 seconds before he’s overtaken with curiosity and opens the message.

~~~~~
A moment of Kurt

How are there no sane people in this lit class?

What are you even talking about?

I’m going to throw this computer out the window if you don’t STFU “D.Marshall.”

Hold the phone, there seems to be one sane person in the mix. Well hello there, “B.Anderson.” You ballsy little devil.

I think it’s time to shoot you an email.