I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

One and Only by Adele

I’ll freely admit that this isn’t really the perfect song to express my feelings. This song is in here mostly for the use of the word dare. I feel like it really appeals to our competitive side. I dare you Kurt, I dare you to let me be your one and only. (this is a joke. There are other lyrics in this song that I think apply to our relationship.)

Also, I tend be attracted to any song with lyrics like “I’ve been thinking of your face.” Because, you know, you were The Face in my head for so long that it’s a habit. And when I see your face, it never fails to make me happy.

~~~~~

Blaine gets in the car and is greeted by his mother’s smiling, expectant eyes.

“So. Now that I’ve got you all to myself, tell me the truth about the ice fishing trip.” His mom smiles.

Blaine heaves out a long sigh.

“Oh, jeez. Was it that bad?” she asks, as she backs the car out of the driveway.

“No, it ww-wasn’t really bah-bad. At all. It www-was almost fun. I mmmmm-mean some of it was bbbboring, bu-bu-but it wasn’t terrible.” Blaine leans his head against the seat. “It was just … ww-ww-weird.” His mom is driving him to the airport on Sunday night after the ice fishing trip.

They pull onto the highway and stop dead in traffic. “Well, if you want to talk it looks like we have some time,” she says gesturing at the sea of red tail lights. “Guess we should have checked the traffic report.”

Blaine nods and considers his words. “I-I-I-I just. I’ll nah-never understand why he’s dah-dah-doing all this now.” He turns in his seat. “Why nah-now, Mom?”

She purses her lips. “I think, unfortunately, it’s a better late than never scenario.”

“Dah-dah-do you think... that’s wah-what he thinks?”

“I know that’s what he thinks,” she says ruefully.

“I. I-I-I-I.” His problem still is that the more he wants to talk, the fewer words he can get out. Right now, he feels like talking. He has topics he’d love to discuss with his mom, but it’s like he wants it too much. He really wants to talk and that’s precisely when his speech rebels. He cancels the block, and tries again. “I nah-nah-ever want to rrrrrr-regret not giving him a chance. Buh-buh-but it … confuses me, mmm-may-makes me feel wah-weird. Be-be-be-be-cause it seems so out of nah-nowhere.”

“It is out of nowhere in a lot of ways. I’m not surprised you feel that way. I mean, even though I said I know he thinks it’s better late than never, I wish he had tried to fix things sooner. I wish I could have helped somehow.”

“I-I-I-I thought you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“I-I-I-I-I-I thought you knew he hit mmmmme and that you wah-wah-wouldn’t, or maybe couldn’t, help mm-mm-me.”

She puts her hand over her mouth. The crawling traffic affords her the opportunity to take her eyes off of the road, and Blaine sees the disbelief and tears in her eyes when she turns towards him.

“You... thought I knew?”

He just nods.

“I never knew, Blaine. I had no idea. That’s why you didn’t tell me?” She puts her hand on his arm.

“Yeah. And I-I-I mean, I know wah-wah-we’re all talking about it nah-now like it was a huge dah-deal buh-buh-ut it was nah-never a huge deal to mmmm-mmm-me then. If that makes ssss-sense. He nah-never really... hurt me or hit mm-mm-me that hard. Buh-but it was just that when he did, it ww-wah-was always the worst possible mmm-mm-moment. The moment I needed pay-pay-pay-patience was always the time I wah-would get hit.”

“It’s sort of a miracle you talk at all.”

“I dah-don’t think I-I-I rr-rr-really had a choice, in the end.”

“You had a choice, bud. I’m sorry I didn’t see that then.”

“I-I-I-I always felt like you guys dih-dih-didn’t understand. It wah-wasn’t that I wo-wo-wouldn’t talk, it was that I-I-I couldn’t, mm-mm-most of the time.”

She takes a deep breath to collect her thoughts. “I think I take for granted the fact that most people can just...talk. That’s my own failure to see your perspective. And I know that your father should have been more sympathetic to your plight when you were younger. There is never, ever any excuse for a parent to strike a child. Never. But I really believe that he’s doing his best now. I know there were a lot bad times between the two of you. The ideal situation would be for this to have never occurred in the first place. But he’s attempting.”

Blaine sighs. “I-I-I dah-don’t know if I can trust him. Yet. I-I-I think I can forgive him though.”

“You don’t have to trust him Blaine. I think the fact that you’re trying is admirable. Remarkable really.”

Traffic breaks up then and their conversation moves to lighter topics. They discuss Blaine’s new found love of Skyping and he tells her he downloaded it on her computer.

“I’d love to give it a try with you. I didn’t think it was something you would like.”

“It’s about a mmm-mmm-million times beh-beh-better than talking on the phone, that’s for sure.”

When they reach the airport, his mom puts the car in park to come around and give him a hug.

“I love you Blaine. I’m sorry about what happened in the past and I love you.”

He squeezes his mom into a tight hug. “I love you, too,” he says simply.

“I like your beard. Makes you look awfully grown up,” she says as they pull away from each other.

“Thanks,” Blaine says with a warm smile. He kisses his mom’s cheek and with a wave over his shoulder, he makes his way through the automatic doors of the airport.

~~~~~

A moment of Blaine’s mom

I’m not sure if I could be more proud of him right now.

~~~~~

Blaine spends the duration of his flight lost in thought.

He’s not entirely sure if his conversation with his mother comforted him or really just left him with more questions. Maybe both. He regrets not asking her why she didn’t try to play mediator more often. He didn’t even think to ask until he was sitting on the plane.

Blaine needs to talk about this more. He needs to talk about this with a third party. It’s times like these he misses Kurt the most. He can always, always, talk in front of Kurt, even when he’s emotional. But by the time he gets back to New York it’ll be like 3 am in Paris and he certainly doesn’t want to bother Kurt then.

He’ll just have to try to talk to Matt about it. At least he filled Matt in on the majority of the backstory of all the bullshit with his dad before he left, so he won’t have to rehash everything. Just the latest developments.

When Blaine gets back to his dorm, he’s happy to see that Matt’s there, strumming his guitar.

“Hey, what’s up? I wasn’t sure what time you would be back.”

“I’m here nah-now,” Blaine says dully. The toiling introspection from his plane ride has left him drained, but he knows he needs to talk it out a bit, so he sits down on his bed and tries to get comfortable.

“How was the male bonding?”

“Fucking bb-bb-bizarre.”

“That doesn’t really surprise me.”

“I think I-I-I felt beh-beh-etter when I knew www-what to expect. This whole nah-new interested, patient, patriarch bb-bullshit with mmmmy dah-dad is just dis-dis-disconcerting.”

Blaine starts talking then, he starts with the mechanics of ice fishing, which Matt is completely fascinated by, and then moves onto the more emotional portions of the weekend.

“He asked how Kurt wah-wah-was and how ss-ss-staying in touch is going.”

“Well, I mean, that’s considerate.”

“And then I-I-I thought he mm-may-made a jab about my spah-spah-spah-eech bb-bb-because he said something about us having limitations. Turns out he mm-mm-meant how expensive international phone calls are.”

“There’s a chance you’re too sensitive about him.”

“Is there though? Is there rr-really?” Blaine asks, just verging on sarcasm.

“I dunno. I mean, I understand your issues, but he’s your dad, he must care a little. Every word he says isn’t going to be just about tearing you down.”

“Are you forgetting the ssss-story where he mmmmocked me for blah-blah-ocking on my name last sss-ss-summer while I was trying to order coffee?”

“I’m not forgetting that story or telling you to get over it. I’m just saying, try not fixate on it. You’re always so optimistic about things, Blaine, maybe you need to be a little more positive about this shit with your dad.”

Blaine takes a minute to think about that. He turns away from Matt and bites his lip. It’s interesting, because sometimes he feels like he’s being stubborn about his dad for the sake of being stubborn, like his better nature is trying to knock out the stubborn. It’s as though he thinks that’s how he’s supposed to act, given their background. Of course Matt would read into that. Blaine sometimes forgets that if anyone can give it to him straight, it’s Matt.

Matt, on the other hand, is worried that he pissed Blaine off, forgetting that when Blaine is quiet it’s rarely because he’s seething with unspoken rage. It’s usually because he’s thinking. Or he’s just being Blaine.

“So, you’re pissed right? I’m over-simplifying? Or something?” Matt breaks the silence.

“What?” Blaine grins. “I’m nah-not pissed. I’m just thinking. I’m thinking that I-I-I-I hate when you’re kind of rrr-rrr-right, even if you are oversimplifying things.”

“Ha!”

“I’m still frustrated though. I-I-I still feel wah-wah-weird. You dd-dd-didn’t just mm-mm-magically fix things.”

“But I have a point right?”

“Yes. You have a puh-point.”

Blaine’s phone vibrates several times then.

~~~~~

February 22nd
@ 9:47 pm

Tina: Are you busy? And if you’re not busy, are you hungry?
Tina: I just made too many cookies.
Tina: Like four dozen cookies.
Tina: Bring Matt.
Tina: And plenty of milk.

~~~~~

Blaine is way more comfortable going to not-Kurt’s apartment these days, so when he and Matt get buzzed in, they run up the stairs and let themselves through the door that Tina left ajar.

“Hey,” she smiles as the boys come in.

“Cookies!” Blaine growls in an impressive impersonation of Cookie Monster as he shrugs out of his coat.

“Blaine needs cookies,” Matt explains, also taking off his coat.

“What’s up with Blaine?” Tina asks, looking between the two boys.

Before Matt starts to answer, Blaine leans his body over the kitchen island and starts knocking his head on it. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to drive the point home.

“He’s frustrated and feeling weird about his daddy issues.”

“Oh!” Tina yelps. “I forgot that this was the big fishing trip weekend.”

Blaine continues knocking his head on the counter.

“I take it it went well?” She directs her question at Matt when it becomes apparent that Blaine isn’t talking right now.

“From what I gathered, before he went catatonic just now, it went fine, and therein lies the paradox,” Matt explains.

Tina walks over to Blaine and puts her hand palm up between Blaine and the countertop. This stops his momentum. He leaves his face in Tina’s hand briefly and then licks it before standing up.

“Thanks, I nah-needed that,” he says with a grin.

“I didn’t need this,” Tina says looking at her palm bemusedly and then wiping it across Blaine’s shirt.

“So are you ok?” She asks seriously.

“Yeah, I-I-I guess.”

“Do you need a hug?”

“Yes! Matt dd-dd-didn’t offer a hug,” Blaine says, looking pointedly at Matt over Tina’s shoulder as he hugs her.

“I gave you sound advice. Sometimes that’s more important than physical affection,” Matt mumbles around a mouthful of cookie.

“Eat some cookies,” Tina prods as she gives Blaine another pat on the back. “And start from the beginning of the weekend. I have a feeling you need a woman’s perspective.”

Blaine sticks his tongue out at Matt and begins again.

By the time Rachel and Puck come in an hour later, Blaine, Matt and Tina have put a decent dent in the cookies and Blaine is feeling a lot better.

They spend a couple more hours generally just being silly and by the time the boys walk back to their dorm, Blaine feels a million times lighter.

~~~~~

To: Blaine, From: Kurt
Date: Sun, Feb 22, 8:48 pm
Subject: Ice Fishing of course

I know I probably won’t still be up when you get back from Ohio, but I’ll try to stay on im a little later than usual in case you need to talk.

Or just babble into an email and tell me how it went. Either way. :)

Thanks for the early password.

Love you, miss you!!

~~~~~

To: Kurt, From: Blaine
Date: Mon, Feb 23, 12:24 am
Subject: re: Ice Fishing of course

Ice fishing is more boring than I ever could have imagined. You have to drill into the ice and then you put your line in and wait around FOREVER.

I had fun hanging out with Cooper and I guess with my dad. I don’t know, I’m trying to figure it out. But I’m kind of all talked out about it right now anyway, so it’s ok that you’re asleep.

I talked about it with my mom and then with Matt and then with Matt and Tina. Tina is an excellent listener. She should put that in her references when trying to accumulate friends. And Matt, of course, somehow always summarizes things and succinctly makes me realize that I need to get my head out of my ass.

So there’s that. :)

I think I just need to think about it a little bit more and then perhaps you and I can get into deeper analysis one day this week.

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU TO THE HUNDRED MILLIONTH DEGREE.

I calculated on the plane that we have 95 days to go. Why does that sound longer than 132 days? I mean, I understand that that’s not how numbers work, but you’d think now that we’re under 100 days it would feel closer, but instead you just seem farther away.

Ok. I’m going to stop being a bummer.

Love you. :)