My mind is racing
As it always will
My hand is tired, my heart aches
I'm half a world away here

Half a World Away by R.E.M.

Ok, so I know this song is like CRAZY RIDICULOUS SAD and not entirely appropriate for our situation, but I love it. I love how haunting it is and I know this is how I’m going to feel when you’re so very far from me. Sometimes it’s just nice to wallow in a sad song. I think sad songs are underrated usually and it’s important to get in touch with your emotions every now and then.

Seems like a good idea to listen to this song and cry for a while. I think that’s what you should do right now Kurt. (You know I’m joking right? I hate thinking about your crying ever.)

~~~~~

Kurt has Blaine’s version of Half A World Away on repeat. He’s listened to at least 78 times since he downloaded it on Sunday night. It’s Tuesday, well past midnight (so technically Wednesday then) and he’s swimming in his loneliness. He was hoping to find Blaine online to chat with, but he must be at work. Kurt’s aware that he’s probably annoying his neighbors at this point, so he’s searching for his earbuds in his messenger bag when there’s a knock on his door.

He’s been in Paris for 16 days but doesn’t feel like he’s making friends the way he expected he would be. Kurt’s aware that it’s just as much his fault as anybody else’s. He can’t shake the feeling that he just doesn’t quite belong here. But since he hasn’t really made any friends, he even fathom who’s going to be on the other side of the door at 12:34 am. Probably just someone complaining about his maudlin musical selection.

He opens it to find his next door neighbor, Julia, standing there, her eyes a little glassy with unshed tears and holding a bottle of vodka. They haven’t talked much, but she seems, if nothing else, perfectly normal and nice.

“Hi?” Kurt says, his greeting more of a question than anything else.

“Hi,” she chokes out before giving a swipe to her eyes. “I heard your music and it started making me sad and then I realized that you might be sad and um...” she shrugs her shoulders.

“Missing someone?” Kurt fills in for her. He hopes he sounds sympathetic, rather than on the verge of tears himself. He gestures for her to come in and points at the bed for her to take a seat as she hands off the bottle of vodka to him.

She laughs joylessly. “Yeah, something like that.” She sits gingerly on the bed, looking around briefly, but Kurt imagines her room looks pretty much exactly the same as his.

“Homesick?” Kurt asks.

“Understatement,” Julia replies. “And it’s just too pathetic to drink alone in the middle of the night.”

“Absolutely,” Kurt agrees, looking for glasses and pulling out the small carton of orange juice he had picked up earlier. He looks over his shoulder as he starts pouring. “So, you seem a little worse off than me at the moment, do you want to go first?”

“I miss my boyfriend,” Julia wails, as though just the question is too much for her to take. “And I feel like such a fucking jerk because I’m here in Paris and I should be having this amazing adventure and I’m all pouty because I just wish Derek was here.”

“Same,” Kurt says, nodding. “Except swap Derek for Blaine.”

She nods sympathetically and takes a few deep breaths. Kurt hands her a box of tissues and sets her drink on the table next to her. She says a muffled thank you and Kurt settles himself on the other end of the bed. Mentally praising himself for being meticulous about always making his bed.

Julia and Kurt continue to commiserate for several hours, getting more and more intoxicated.

“I just... I love him ya know? I think he knows. Blaine, he’s so smart. Such a good fella. And I’m just like it’s ok, I love you, you don’t have to talk right,” Kurt’s slurring a bit, he knows it. He hasn’t drank this much vodka this fast in … ever, really. Never ever.

“What’s his talking right?” Julia asks, and then giggles as she puts her hand over her mouth. “Why doesn’t he talk right?” She’s not sure if that really makes any more sense.

“OH! He stutters! And it’s really,” Kurt stops and smiles and sighs. “It’s so endearing and he thinks it’s bad, but it’s totally cute sometimes. I mean, sometimes it’s not cute cause I know he just wants to talk, but like, I just want to hug him all the time.”

Julia nods. “Same. Derek and hugging.”

“But Blaine’s also really handsome, sexy, hot. Pulchritudinous! That means physically beautiful.” Kurt says knowingly.

“That word is so funny!” Julia laughs. “Oh, man. I’m so glad my vodka was lonely.”

~~~~~

They pass out on Kurt’s bed, sort of curled together but not really touching, for about an hour. When they wake up it’s just before 7, they’re both significantly hung over. Kurt heaves over his sink for a minute, though nothing comes up.

“Oh dear lord, this is awful,” Julia is sitting up, scrubbing at her eyes with her hands. “Such a bad idea, Kurt.”

“I agree,” Kurt rinses their glasses and fills them with water. He also hands her some aspirin.

She mouths a thank you and then pops the pills and chugs the water. After that she stands and says she’ll stop by later if he wants to seek out some greasy food to aid with this blistering hangover.

Kurt nods enthusiastically and then instantly regrets the motion. Then he waves goodbye and soon he’s passed back out on his narrow bed.

~~~~~

A moment of Julia

I am never drinking vodka again.

~~~~~

Julia stops by around 4, both of them thanking their lucky stars that Wednesday is a light day for both of them. Kurt had a seminar earlier that he barely dragged himself to and then spent most of simply trying to stay in an upright position.

They make their way to a small cafe where they order coffee and various bread pastries and pretty much pick up the conversation where they left it the night before. Missing boyfriends, missing New York, missing having a bathroom they don’t share with 15 other people. It turns out they both thought they were super proficient in French, until they actually got to Paris and realized that they speak like 2 year olds.

They talk for a couple hours getting refills of their coffee and Kurt honestly feels better than he has since he left New York. Until he looks at his watch and it dawns on him.

“Oh, shit!” he exclaims. “It’s Wednesday.”

“Um, yes. I’m pretty sure we’ve established that,” Julia agrees sardonically.

“I have a standing im date with Blaine on Wednesdays at noon his time and it’s already past 1 there. Shit, shit, shit. He’s going to think I forgot about him.” Kurt’s near tears at the thought of abandoning Blaine like that. They were supposed to try video chat today, too. This is bad. This is very not good.

They pay their check and head back to their building. Kurt jogs into his room and opens his laptop. It searches for a connection for what feels like a year and then Kurt logs in to his email, finding a new message from Blaine.

~~~~~

To: Kurt, From: Blaine
Date: Wed, Jan 27, 12:38 pm
Subject: Where you at dumbass?

Hey, I figure you just got busy/forgot. I’m not mad, I swear. Though I will be if it happens again. (I’m not a doormat ya know.)

I probably won’t actually be mad. I’m sort of assuming it’s a time difference issue and I’m also hoping that you made a friend and at the last second they asked you to go out for dinner and you just forgot to let me know that you wouldn’t be able to make our date.

In any event, I miss you like crazy. And I was going to stick around for another hour, but we had a blizzard that started last night and it’s still going on right now. So everything is closed, including NYU and work and all the schools in the city. The mayor declared an emergency and there are busses stuck on like every street. It’s crazy man. Crazy like The Day After Tomorrow crazy.

And somehow Matt got a hold of the last sled on earth and well, I kind of want to go outside and play with him. And if we go now we might have a chance at laying some fresh tracks. (Yes. I’m going to “lay fresh tracks” in a donut shaped sled. Don’t mock me. I’m funny and you damn well know it.)

Anyway, all this to say that I’m going out now, but I’ll be around later since I don’t have work. So maybe we can rendezvous then.

Love you, miss you, hope everything is good!

~~~~~

To: Blaine, From: Kurt
Date: Wed, Jan 27, 8:04 pm
Subject: Re: Where you at dumbass?

AHHHHHH. I’m so sorry!!!

Though you’re pretty much spot on with your assumption. I was out with my neighbor Julia and we were hungover and getting coffee and the time difference got the better of me and now I missed you!!! BLERGH.

To be fair, I feel like it was the first semi decent conversation I’ve had since I got here. I find that I’m keeping to myself a lot, feeling like this experience is temporary or something. Like I wasn’t sure I even wanted to make friends. But Julia is nice and funny and has a boyfriend she misses in NY and she brought over vodka last night. Hence the vicious hangover today. You know vodka and I don’t get along very well.

I also feel like I just don’t know French as well as I thought I did. There haven’t been any particularly bad incidents, but just a whole mess of little things that really make me question my fluency. I think it actually makes me understand your issues more Blaine. Not knowing if I’m saying the right thing and being vaguely unsure of how to say it is leaving me a bit unnerved and makes me love you just a little bit more.

In any event, enough pity party!

I’ll be around all this evening, so shoot me an email when you get back from laying “fresh tracks” and I’ll meet you on the internet.

Love you, miss you, too. And I’m so sorry!!!

~~~~~

Hello?

[deep breath] Hi.

Blaine?

[throat clearing] Yeah.

Are you actually calling me or am I having a fever dream?

[chuckle] Nah-nah-nah-no. It’s mmmmmmmme.

Why are you calling me?

I-I-I-I... your email? [sigh] You ss-ss-sss-sss-sssseemed sssssssad. Uh. Lonely?

Oh! Yeah. I guess I am a little. It’s getting better. I was sorely missing having a confidante. At home it feels like I have a million confidants and here... I didn’t have any.

Mmmm. [swallowing]

I’m more than a little surprised you called. Did I really say something all that sad? I feel like I barely remember that email. I took another nap after I sent it. Vodka makes me sleepy.

[chuckle] I-I-I-I-I. Just. Like, wah-wah-wah-www-what you ssssssaid? About understanding mmm-mmm-me. [throat clearing] My issues. I-I-I-I-I. I, I just … www-www-wanted to hear yah-yah-yah-yahhh-your voice. Mmmmmmmade me me me me mm-mm-mm-miss you.

Ah. It really does make me think of you and what you struggle with. Maybe it even makes me love you a little more, which I sort of thought was impossible.

Rr-rr-rr-rr-rr-eading it mm-mm-mm-made mmmmme … want to be, to be, to be bah-bah-brah-brah-brave. For yah-yah-you.

Whoops. There I go again, falling in love with you a little more.

[deep breaths] Love yah-you too. Wwwwwwish I wah-wah-wah-was … bbb-bbb-beh-beh-better at this.

It’s ok. Blaine, it’s not a big deal at all. I love hearing your volce. I love your voice.

Lot of bb-bb-bb-blah-blah-blah-ocks.

They’re just interludes. Nothing more. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Says you.

Says me. I’m always right, remember?

And yah-yah-ou wwwwwwwwin.

Always. You can win sometimes. But not all the time.

Half and half?

Seems fair. Although that’s not much of a competition if we each win half.

Like … t-bah-bah-ball. Everyone gets to to to to to try uh-uh-until they, like like, get a a a hit.

Did you play t-ball Blaine?

Um. Yes. Pah-poorly.

HA! You never told me that.

I-I-I-I-I-I am a mmmmmman of mmm-mys-mys-mystery. [sigh] I mmmmissed yah-your voice.

I would say that I miss your voice, and I do, but I got a good deal on a flash drive full of you reading and singing. So I mean, it seems sort of unfair for me to say I miss your voice, when my cup runneth over.

Yeah. You d-d-d-d-d-dah-dah-didn’t leave mmmmmme yah-your voice.

I guess I was hoping it would eventually drive you to call me. Looks like my devious plan worked.

Devious. [chuckle] I-I-I-I-I. [throat clear] I, I, I. [deep breath] Sorry.

You’re not allowed to apologize anymore. Just stop it with the apologizing. I don’t know how many other ways to tell you that it doesn’t bother me. It never bothers me. I was just telling Julia last night it’s part of what makes you endearing. It’s part of what makes you you. So don’t apologize for being Blaine, because I like that guy an awful lot. He’s a good guy and works hard and he’s very brave. Now, say “Thank you, Kurt.”

HA! Thank you, Kurt.

Seriously? Is this really a good time for impersonating me? I was being sincere.

Sssssso wah-wah-wah-was I. [swallow] Can wwwwe... [deep breath] mm-mm-mm-mah-move to im nah-now?

Sure thing, fella. Am I allowed to tell you I’m proud of you first?

If you muh-muh-muh-muh-must.

I’m very proud of you Blaine. And I love you and I’ll meet you on im immediately.

Love you, too.

I know, you wouldn’t be on the phone with me if you didn’t.

[chuckle] See ya.

Soon.

~~~~~

A moment of Kurt.

Will he ever stop surprising me?