Hold my head inside your hands,
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you I’ve waited all these years

“Kingdom Come” by Coldplay

Confession: I originally wanted to use this song at open mic night in September. Matt made fun of it though and talked me out of it. But I always sort of regretted it because there’s so much about it that reminds me of you. Although, maybe it was almost too good then. Maybe it would have had too much meaning, because it’s like the more I fall in love with you, the more right and true and perfect this song feels.

What really stood out to me in the lyrics then were the lines “I don’t know which way I’m going, I don’t know what I’ve become.” But they’re not the important part anymore. I know which way I’m going, and that’s whatever way *you’re* going. And I know what I’ve become, or at least what I’m trying to become. Ever since you entered my life, I feel like I have more direction, more interest, more happiness. You brought all that to me, you gave me all that.

I think “Kingdom Come” would have failed where “First Day of My Life” succeeded. “First Day of My Life” is about beginnings. “Kingdom Come” is about what happens once you get started. Singing a song not about beginnings at the beginning would have been like skipping an important step in the process.

I’m glad Matt talked me out of it. But just don’t ever tell him I told you that.

~~~~~

Blaine spends a lot of the ride to Ohio snoozing in the back seat while Puck and Matt argue companionably about what music to listen to.

This is truly going to be a true “guy’s trip” and Blaine’s been really looking forward to it. Rachel and Tina are spending spring break in NY, they have girly plans and Quinn is supposed to be joining them for a few days. They had actually asked him if he wanted to stay, but he needed some time with guys he thinks.

Though he really does feel weird about spending the night at Kurt’s without Kurt being there, he’s been assured time and again by Puck that it’s no big deal. That Burt and Carole are always cool about people staying there.

“I’ve crashed there a hundred time. Not to mention that Sam fucking lived there for like a year,” Puck tells him again during the drive.

When they pull up at the Hudson-Hummel’s Blaine has this one irrational moment where he forgets that Kurt isn’t inside. He shrugs it off and tries not to feel too sad. He’s nervous as Puck rings the bell and tests the doorknob to find it unlocked. As they walk in, Finn’s coming down the stairs, with Sam right behind him.

Introductions are made as Carole and Burt arrive in the front hall and Blaine can tell that Matt takes an instant liking to Sam, in particular.

The majority of the evening is spent crashed out on the floor of the basement playing video games. It’s only when Blaine goes upstairs to get a drink that he runs into Burt and finds just seeing him makes Blaine notice Kurt’s absence all the more.

“Hey,” Burt says, as Blaine walks into the kitchen.

“Hey,” Blaine responds. “It’s wah-weird to be be be be be here.”

“I bet,” Burt agrees. “That’s quite the beard you have there.”

Blaine smiles and shrugs. “It’s m-m-m-my ‘I miss Kurt’ bah-bah-beard.”

Burt laughs at that. “How ya doin with everything, kid?”

Blaine smiles at Burt, because he really is pretty much the nicest man on earth but then he sighs. “Is it wrong of mmm-me to honestly bb-be fine?”

“It’s not wrong, not wrong at all.”

“I just feel bah-bad. Like I-I-I-I miss Kurt like crazy, buh-buh-ut I’m ok. I-I-I miss him an entirely mm-mm-mah-manageable amount.”

Burt nods. “Why do you feel bad about that?”

“I-I-I dunno. I guess cause everytime I-I-I-I talk to him, he sssseems ss-sad.”

“He does seem sad. I think he is sad.”

“I, I, I ww-ww-wish he wasn’t ss-sad,” Blaine says as he leans on the kitchen counter.

“I think Kurt’s always been looking for something more, something bigger. He spent most of his life dreaming about going to New York and he loves it there. But then he spent a long time dreaming about going to Paris. Now he’s in Paris and it’s not living up to what he wanted it to be. So, sure he’s bummed. But I think he’ll learn something from this.”

Blaine thinks for a second. “If you can’t find sss-some happiness where you are, how dah-dah-do you know you’ll be happier ss-ss-somewhere else?”

“Yeah, pretty much. He was never really happy here in Ohio, but he’s been really happy in New York and even happier since you came along. I think he learned that happiness isn’t always a place, sometimes it’s a person.”

Blaine blushes at that and can’t meet Burt’s eye. “He may-makes mmm-me happy too.”

“I can tell.”

“So you think he’d bb-bb-be happy if he wah-was here?” Blaine asks.

“I know he would be. But he had to go find this stuff out for himself,” Burt says.

“I mm-mm-miss him,” Blaine busies himself getting a glass of water, hoping that Burt can’t see his eyes well up with tears.

“Well, I’ll let him know when I go visit him next week.”

Blaine feels weird asking this of his boyfriend’s father, but it’s out of his mouth before he can think too much about it. “May-may-may-maybe, you could... give him a hug for mm-me?”

Burt comes around the counter then and gives Blaine a hug. “I’ll make sure I do. I’ll give him this one.” Blaine can’t help but sag into it, so he lets himself, for just a moment.

Burt ruffles Blaine’s hair and Blaine smiles.

“Thanks, Buh-burt.”

“No big deal at all.”

~~~~~

A moment of Burt

That kid obviously needed a hug.

~~~~~

The next morning the boys stumble into the kitchen in various states of wakefulness and Carole makes them all French toast.

Blaine inhales several pieces before Matt turns to him.

“I’m sort of surprised you can eat French toast with such reckless abandon.”

Blaine gives him his silent questioning look.

“You know, because it makes you think of Kurt. In France.”

Blaine drops his fork halfway to his mouth and punches Matt in the shoulder. “You’ve ru-ru-ru-ruined French toast for mm-me.” But that doesn’t stop him from eating another three pieces.

They set out for Canada just before noon and Blaine can admit to himself that he’s sort of relieved to be leaving Kurt’s house. It just made him miss him.

When they arrive at the casino in Windsor, Blaine can also admit that he’s seriously excited. He’s never been to a casino before and he doesn’t want to lose too much money, but there’s something about the atmosphere of the place that he really loves. He’d worried that he would find it unnerving or just depressing, but instead he loves the noise and the people and the promise of winning.

They check into their room, drop off their bags, and make their way onto the casino floor.

Blaine doesn’t see himself playing poker or roulette or anything. Too much pressure, too many things to get wrong, too many possibilities for embarrassment.

He’s drawn to a penguin themed slot machine and immediately is delighted with the animation and the little penguins swimming across the screen. He puts in a twenty dollar bill and walks away with 40.

Blaine continues on a minor streak on various penny slot machines. A game involving alien cows quickly becomes a favorite. He gets 107 free spins from the cows and wins 60 bucks. He orders plenty of free drinks on the floor and bumps into the other guys every once in awhile. They’re supposed to meet back up in the room around 7 to go get dinner and pick a bar to go to that night. But for right now he’s happy with his slot machines.

Until he walks past a blackjack table late in the afternoon, that is. It has a sign declaring it a low minimum beginner’s table, just 5 dollars gets him in on the hand and there’s only one little (completely non-threatening) old lady playing at the moment. He takes an empty stool and decides to give it a try. He used to play blackjack all the time on the internet with fake money and he thinks he has a pretty good grasp on the game in general.

And he’s not wrong. He changes 50 dollars into chips. An hour later he’s still at the table, with $500 worth of chips and a small crowd building around him. Puck and Finn walked by earlier and were surprised to find Blaine on such a winning streak and they eventually found Matt and Sam. But now even strangers are starting to join the fray.

Blaine places a hundred dollar bet. Matt whistles behind him.

“B’s decided it’s time to shit or get off the pot,” he mutters to the crowd. Matt has apparently decided his role in Blaine’s winning streak is to be the color commentary.

Blaine makes the hand gesture to stay. That’s the other thing about blackjack he’s learned to love in the past 72 minutes. You don’t have to talk, you can just make hand gestures.

Blaine wins the hand. And then another soon after that. He’s up 200 dollars in a matter of minutes.

He turns to his small entourage. “Can one of you guys shoot Kurt an email for mm-me and tell him that I-I-I-I’ll deh-deh-def-definitely be able to bbb-bbb-be his sugar dah-daddy and he wah-won’t have to ssss-survive on pizza crusts alone?’

Finn is still looking confusedly at Blaine, while Matt already has his phone out, typing wildly.

Blaine turns back to the table and places another $100 bet.
~~~~~

A moment of Ethel

These boys are creating quite a ruckus, but I kind of like them.

~~~~~

Approximately 4500 miles away, Kurt just happens to be at a 24 hour internet cafe checking his email. He’s surprised to see one from Matt of all people.

To: Kurt, From: Matt
Date: Sun, Mar 15, 5:48 pm
Subject: Glad hand the high rollers

Blaine is currently sitting at a blackjack table in Windsor Canada making MAD CASH YO.

He wanted me to tell you (and I quote directly) “I’ll definitely be able to be his sugar daddy and he won’t have to survive on pizza crusts alone.” (I’ve removed the stuttering for the sake of brevity.)

I hope this message finds you well and that you’re enjoying Italy.

I’ll keep you posted on Blaine’s ongoing winning streak.

Yours truly-
Matthew Q. Eversleigh the first- esquire, public notary, and generally all-around awesome dude

~~~~~

To: Matt, From: Kurt
Date: Mon, Mar 15, 1:01 am
Subject: re: Glad hand the high rollers

Well then. That’s very good news.

I’m kind of in love with Italy. I’m in Florence right now and I think it’s pretty much the most beautiful city on earth.

Even though I love it, I have to admit that I kind of wish I was with you guys. But I’ve never really dreamed of going to Canada with Finn, Puck & Sam, so I think I’ll get over my disappointment of not getting to watch Blaine become a high roller.

Tell Blaine good luck and I love him and he needs to keep winning!

~~~~~

To: Kurt, From: Blaine
Date: Sun, Mar 15, 8:48pm
Subject: I WON A LOT OF MONEY

FELLLLLAA. I AM SO DRUNK AND I WON A LOT OF MoneY. I KEPOIJ: hitting thpwoe shift key.

LIKE $829. And someone’s itrying to explaing the exchange rate? andmy fngers feels too big for thek eyboard ojn my pophone?

WE’RE GOING TO EAT STEAK. AND I’M GOing to pay.

I LOV EYOUUUUUUU!!

~~~~~

Blaine wakes up extremely confused the next morning.

His mouth is like a desert.

He rolls over and finds Finn sitting at the bottom of the bed, drinking bagged milk through a straw while watching Canadian morning television. Which really looks a lot like American morning television. There seems to be more yelling, but that could just be Blaine’s hangover.

“Did I sss-smah-oke a cigar with a 90 year old lady last night, while she dd-dd-described the Deh-deh-troit sssssskyline in detail?”

“Yes,” Finn responds around his straw.

“I-I-I-I thought I drah-drah-dreamed that,” Blaine says as he sits up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Why would you ever dream that?” Sam asks, from his awkward position on the floor. His back and head are on the floor and his feet are up on the one chair in the room.

“What are you dah-doing dah-dah-down there?”

“I got really confused last night and fell off the couch and ended up here,” Sam says with a shrug.

Blaine glances around the room and notices Matt and Puck are missing.

“Where’s...” Blaine loses his train of thought momentarily so he just gestures to the other bed.

“They’re out in search of donuts. Matt went out and got various beverages for us, including this,” Finn gestures to his half empty bag. “There’s water and gatorade and shit. But then Puck wanted donuts, so now they’re out looking for some.”

As if on cue, Matt and Puck stumble through the door with two dozen donuts.

“Blaine! Welcome back to the land of the living! I took 40 bucks from you to sponsor our breakfast!” Matt says brightly.

“Dude. How muh-muh-much did I-I-I spend last nah-nah-ight?” Blaine asks nervously.

“Well, between the steak dinner, the mimosas you kept buying Ethel, our drinks, and breakfast, I think you have about $300 left.”

“We should pay you back for some of that,” Finn says.

“Yeah, we will,” Sam agrees as he swings his legs of the chair and sits up, searching for his wallet.

“Nah. It’s fun to, to, to share mmm-my wah-wah-winnings,” Blaine says with a smile. It’s true. It’s not like he made so much that he should put it in the bank or something. It’s more fun to share with the guys and have an awesome trip.

All four boys thank him heartily. Blaine just smiles broadly at them and gets up to get himself some Gatorade.

“Who’s Ethel?” he asks, as he returns to the bed and settles himself back against the pillows.

“Your lady friend,” Sam answers as he yawns and stretches. “The Detroit skyline enthusiast. She was at the blackjack table with you pretty much all afternoon.”

“Oh! She re-re-re-re-reminded me of mmmmy grandma,” Blaine says. “What are ww-we dah-doing today?”

“There’s an indoor pool,” Finn says, as he’s flipping through the channels. The boys all nod. No matter how old you get, there’s a certain novelty about hotel pools.

“Donut?” Matt offers the box to Blaine.

“Did you get me raspberry jelly?” Blaine asks.

“Of course. Have as many as you want,” Matt suggests.

“Um, obviously. They’re technically m-m-m-my dah-dah-donuts anyway.”

“Friends share money and food, Blaine,” Matt reprimands.

“Then how is it fair that Puck just ate all the chocolate ones?” Sam asks.

“Fuck you. I drove all over the fucking place finding donuts, I should at least get my choice.”

Blaine looks around the room and listens as the other guys argue and banter and make fun of each other.

He can’t quite wipe the shit eating grin off his face.