A Different Kind of Gay

“I’m not going to tell you again Kurt. I don’t give a shit if Jacob of Marcs has a sale on. We are not going to another one of those...places again.”

            “You really need to educate yourself Robbie. Those places are called shops and for your information it isn’t just any sale it’s 85% off coats, jackets and bags! Oh and its Marc Jacobs not Jacob of Marcs,” Kurt was walking briskly down the road with his cold hands buried inside his coat pockets.

            “Mars Jacob? Who came up with that name then?”

            Kurt sighed. He had never met anyone so dismissive in all of his life. Robbie was really beginning to annoy him, did the boy ever listen? It was growing dark and Kurt was more than desperate to get back to their apartment.

            “Come on I know a shortcut,” Robbie took Kurt’s wrist and started pulling him down an alleyway.

            “Are you sure it’s safe? I don’t want to be murdered or anything,” Kurt was hesitant to follow his friend.

            “Its fine nobody hangs out down here anymore, do you really think I’d take you someplace you wouldn’t be safe?”

            “But it’s dark and scary and...”

            “You’re such a wimp Kurt. Its fine, besides you’ll be safe with me anyway.” Robbie stared Kurt in the eyes. The boys began to trek down the alleyway.

            Kurt became a lot more nervous as they went round bends, past vandalism and discarded beer bottles. He kept jumping and pulling himself closer to Robbie who just laughed under his breath and shook his head.

            Robbie heard laughter up ahead and was looking forward to company that wasn’t Kurt who was now yanking Robbie’s hoodie telling him he wanted to go back. But when Robbie turned the corner he quickly pulled Kurt back round so the people ahead couldn’t see them.

            “What Robbie? What is it?” Kurt panicked. If Robbie was scared of it then it was bad.

            “Shit Kurt. I shouldn’t have brought you down here. I’m so sorry.” Robbie had his hands pressing Kurt against the wall.

            “Let’s just go back,” Kurt tried to push Robbie’s hands away from him gently but his friend seemed to be paralysed with fear.

            “We can’t they’ll have the whole gang in various places. There are so many of them. God Kurt, I’m so so sorry.”

            “What do we do?”

            Robbie looked down at the ground. He noticed that Kurt was wearing jeans. Yes! Kurt’s wearing jeans! I can just give him my spare hoodie and...

            “What are you doing Robbie?” Kurt watched Robbie take the rucksack off his back.

            “Put the hoodie on Kurt and give me your jacket. Put the hood as far over your face as possible.” Robbie stuffed Kurt’s jacket into his rucksack. “Now put your hands in your pockets and try and walk as much like me as you can.”

            “Robbie what are you doing?”

            “And don’t say a word. You can grunt a couple of times but don’t say anything, got it?”

            Kurt nodded.

            “Let’s go then.” Robbie walked around the corner. They were about ten metres away from the people in front of them.

            “Robbie! Rob, Robo! What’s happenin?” The ringleader of the group of six came forward right up to Robbie. Robbie tried to keep walking but the ringleader blocked his way. “Why you in such a hurry? Got to get back to ya boyfriend? Yeah Robo we all know what’s bin happenin between you and your Kurt. It ain’t much o a secret ya know?”

            “We wuds never av fought you was gay. Why didn ya tell us?” The biggest of the men shouted from the back of the group.

            “Did ya fink we wudn like ya anymore? Cos do ya know wnat Robs, we didn like ya all vat much anyway.” Another man said.

            “But now it is a different question init Robo, “ The ringleader put his face right against Robbie’s. “We hate ya now. Ya are a dirti thing, bet ya really wanna kiss me don’t ya? I bet vat Kurt is just waitin for ya to come home so ya two can have gay sex together. I know ya used to do it with girls like the rest of us but ya know now vat there ain’t no point in tryin ta get the fagginess out of ya cos its in there fa life.” Then he pushed Robbie to the ground.

            Kurt gasped and the ringleader turned on him. “Whos this then Robo? The newes member of your pathetic gang?”

            Robbie, who was surrounded by four of gang members, tried to stand up but was kicked back down to the ground again, “His name’s Carl.”

            “Hey Carl. There ain’t no need for you to keep your ood up. No need to ide from us.” The ringleader pulled Kurt’s hood down. Then he raised his eyebrows. “I thought ya boyfriend was Kurt not Carl Robo? Have ya been lyin to me? Why wuds ya lie? Kurt don’t need ta be scared of us. I know a lovely place where I could take him...”

            Suddenly Robbie jumped straight out of nowhere knocking the ringleader to the floor. He punched him hard three times. “Run Kurt, go NO!” Kurt ran fast down the alleyway. He heard Robbie yell and he heard bangs, shout and slashes. Kurt ran round a corner and stopped, out of breath. Someone jumped around the corner thirty seconds later. Kurt screamed but he was safe, it was Robbie.

            “God Robbie, are you ok?” Kurt saw Robbie’s neck was bleeding, his rucksack was gone and his hoodie was ripped. Kurt put his hand on Robbie’s chest and touched the blood that was running down his body.

            “Don’t touch me Kurt. Please don’t, just give me a minute.”

Kurt stood a few feet away from Robbie for a couple of minutes. Then he went to look round the corner. “Don’t.” Robbie said, “You won’t want to see.”

Kurt was suddenly very afraid, had Robbie actually... “I’m sorry about what they said to you,” Kurt took a tissue from his pocket and knelt down next to where Robbie was sitting and began to mop up the blood. “At least it’s not true for you.”

“I wish it wasn’t.”

“What do you mean?” Kurt was sure that all they were talking about was how Robbie was gay, which Robbie wasn’t.

“Come on Kurt. Why would I let you sleep next to me every night? Why would I take you out to the cinema and out for dinner?”

“We’re friends aren’t we?”

“Yeah but I’ve always wanted us to be more than that.”

Kurt stopped breathing.

“Kurt, I think I’m gay.”

During the walk back to the apartment neither Kurt nor Robbie had said anything. An awkward silence had spread between them. 'Gay. That isn't possible, how do you shag three girls a week and be gay?'

Kurt unlocked the door to their apartment slowly. He walked into the kitchen unit, hung up his keys and began making coffee for him and tea for Robbie. 'He can't be gay. This cannot be happening. This will ruin our..." Kurt's thoughts trailed off.

"Kurt, are you upset?" Kurt turned around and saw Robbie perched on the end of the couch with a blank expression on his face.

"No, I...it's you. I mean if you're gay then...that's you. Just like it's me," Kurt said. He poured the hot drinks but didn't move them from the kitchen counter.

Pause.

"Kurt, will...will you kiss me?"

Kurt's eyes widened, this was not exactly what he had been expecting. "I don't think that's a very good idea," He said slowly as he went to sit down next to Robbie.

"Please Kurt, just so I know if... Sometimes friends have to do things they don't want to do. But they do them anyway. Please Kurt." Kurt moved in slowly and kissed Robbie on the lips. It was...he couldn't even describe it. The hormones rushed to him. He opened his mouth and let Robbie's tongue explore inside.

"No, Robbie. Not now, we can't do this this," Kurt pulled away. Blaine, he was thinking of Blaine.

"Please Kurt, do it for me?"

Robbie pulled Kurt back to kiss him again. This time Kurt didn't pull away. He felt the urge to...but Robbie had beat his to it. He lay back and pulled Kurt on top of him. 'This is going too far! You are making out with a boy you've know for three months, a boy who hasn't even confessed his love for you! What about Blaine?' Kurt's current state of mind fought back. 'Oh screw Blaine, he's not here for me!' Kurt wanted more, he wanted more of Robbie.

Then he heard it. Robbie had dug his hand into the back of the sofa. Kurt could hear him fiddling with a condom behind Kurt's back. They were still kissing.

"Robbie...are you sure you want to do this? Isn't it a little-"

"No. I want to, I want to now."

They were kissing again. Robbie began to undo the buttons on Kurt's shirt. Despite the fact Kurt's conscious was telling him to pull away he wouldn't let himself, he was falling in love all over again. 'In the wrong way Kurt, this is not the way you're suppose to fall in love!' Robbie had undone the last button and Kurt wriggled out of his shirt, his mouth never leaving Robbie's. Robbie's arms wrapped around Kurt's back touching his bare skin. Kurt's hands were drawn towards Robbie's trousers.

"What about Blaine, Kurt?" Robbie said pulling away. "You still...you still love him."

"Who needs Blaine?" Kurt was hungry for more, "I have you now."

Kurt didn't even hesitate before he kissed Robbie again.

"Kurt, you're gorgeous," Robbie pulled away for air.

Kurt smiled and took another breath before kissing him again. 'This is wrong! You know that!'But couldn't bare to listen. He was happy, wasn't that what mattered?

"Bedroom Kurt," Robbie smiled.

Kurt grabbed Robbie's hand and pulled him into the room which was their bedroom. The beds were already pushed together as Kurt often had bad dreams and preferred to sleep close to someone. Kurt pulled Robbie down on the bed, and kissed him again. 'No Kurt! No this is wrong! Why are you ready now and not last year with Blaine?! This isn't you, you love Blaine. Not Robbie, Blaine, not Robbie, Blaine!' Kurt was fighting with himself. 'Well Blaine's not here is he! I'm here alone and Robbie is here and he wants me.' Kurt was kissing Robbie harder and his kisses were being returned passionately. Robbie's shirt was already off. Kurt was losing control, he didn't know what he was doing. 'It wasn't like this with Blaine. With Blaine it was special, it was perfect.'

"ROBBIE NO!" Kurt pushed Robbie off with all the force he could muster. Robbie jumped up off the floor and pulled his trousers back up. How had Kurt not noticed that Robbie had almost taken off his trousers? Kurt burst into tears.

"Kurt, hey. Are you ok? Don't you want to anymore?" Robbie pulled his shirt back on and sat down on the bed next to a topless Kurt. Robbie covered the duvet so Kurt's upper body wasn't on display.

"You’re not Blaine, Robbie," Kurt sniffed.

"No. But I like you just as much, maybe even more."

Kurt only shook his head.

"You don't like me back, do you?" Robbie said hopelessly.

Kurt didn't know what to say. He did like Robbie but Kurt knew he and Blaine belonged together. Blaine was meantto be his.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You're...you're not going to ask if I will kiss you? Right?" Kurt laughed nervously.

Tears were also pouring down Robbie's face. He laughed too, "No, don't be silly. I wanted to say...if you didn't know Blaine, would I be enough for you?"

Kurt knew what his answer was but he couldn't bring himself to say it. Instead he asked, "Are you in love with me Robbie? I mean, are you actually, properly in love with me?"

Robbie waited before answering, "Yeah, I guess I am."

Kurt stopped breathing. This was not right! Robbie kissed his forehead and walked out.

This was the first night in what felt like forever that Kurt cried himself to sleep.

The Next Day:

When Kurt woke up it was almost midday. The apartment was silent around him. He looked for Robbie everywhere but he was nowhere to be found. There was a note pinned to the fridge:

At Central Park.

Be back later,

Robbie

Kurt sat down and began to cry. What if Robbie was lying? What if he had left for some random country like Wales where everyone talks weird and dresses in non-designer clothes?

It didn't occur to Kurt to look inside Robbie's wardrobe to see if he his suitcase had gone but instead he decided that he would go and look for Robbie and Central Park was the first place to look.

At Central Park:

Kurt wasn't pleased when he saw Robbie and the girl who must be Kate sitting on a park bench on the cloudy afternoon. But he wasn't in the mood to battle it out so he went and stood by a tree that went rather well with his jacket.

It was about fifteen minutes later that Kurt saw Kate kiss Robbie on the cheek and walk off briskly in the direction Kurt himself had come.

"Hey," Kurt said as he approached Robbie.

"Hey," Robbie replied.

This wasn't what Kurt was expecting. He thought Robbie would be shocked and upset to see him.

"That was Kate."

"I gathered," Kurt sat down on the bench next to Robbie.

"I told her that it was over. That I was in love with someone else."

Kurt stared, shocked, at Robbie.

"But I don't think he loves me back."

Kurt could once again not answer.

"Maybe I should move Kurt. I mean, things will be really awkward after what happened last night."

"No don't move! I don't want you to leave me..."

"I'll just go and pack my things; you don't need to come back. I'll be gone in an hour," Robbie got up and began to walk away.

The tears appeared in Kurt's beautiful eyes and the rain began to fall unexpectedly from the sky.

"Robbie!" Kurt shouted as he ran towards his friend.

Robbie turned and in the pouring rain his lips met Kurt's.

Kurt didn't care who was watching, who would see or what people would think. He only cared that his lips stayed on Robbie's