May 16, 2016, 7 p.m.
Stages of Loss: The Fallout
M - Words: 3,044 - Last Updated: May 16, 2016 Story: Complete - Chapters: 4/? - Created: Feb 24, 2016 - Updated: Feb 24, 2016 199 0 0 0 1
I hope you dont think Blaine is to OOC right now. It is crazy to think hed do anything to get back at Kurt, but I also think hes always had that underlying anger in him and after everything that happened and not seeing or talking to Kurt in 6 months, this is how I think the anger could have come out.
I hope even though all the anger, I show how conflicted he is with everything, because we all know deep down, he loves Kurt more than anything, so even if he does seem a little out there, please hang in with me. I promise it will all work out in the end.
Blaine knew Kurt would get there early. He always arrived early, no matter where they were going. As a matter of fact, that was one of the things that caused many of their arguments back in New York.
Blaine liked to be punctual, yes, but he was also a little more laid back about things. Kurt, on the other hand, was very particular about being somewhere early. Not just on time but early.
Unfortunately, sometimes things came up making it impossible to get somewhere early and even on time. When that happened, Kurt would get stressed and pissy and usually take it out on Blaine, whereas Blaine would try to just be calm and chill about their lateness, which tended to make Kurt even more angry. Blaine being late was actually what started "the" argument.
Because of this, Blaine planned to get there early. He knew he wouldnt beat Kurt, but he still wanted to show him that he had changed.
Knowing hed convinced Dave, albeit reluctantly, to agree to play his boyfriend tonight, Blaine went through a gamut of emotions leading up to this meeting. Of course he was nervous. He hadnt seen Kurt in six months and he had no idea how he was going to feel the moment they came face to face again. It had taken him months to just be able to look at his picture.
He was also equal parts guilty and excited about his plan. The anger that was in him was bubbling up, making him excited. There was a part of him that was so happy that he was going to be able to hurt Kurt and he couldnt wait to see the look on Kurts face when he revealed he was dating Dave.
Unfortunately, there was a small part of him that was making his stomach turn at the thought of what he was about to do. The part of him that swore he would never do anything to hurt Kurt, and yet here he was, planning to do just that. The problem was, that part of him was pushed so far down by the anger that had consumed him since hed talked to Rachel earlier, nothing else mattered.
When Blaine arrived at Scandals he scoured the room for Kurt and when he finally saw him, from behind, his breath caught in his throat and his stomach plummeted and for a moment, he thought he may pass out. Just seeing him, even from the back, still did things to him. He hadnt even see his face yet, oh God.
He froze for a moment, trying to get a grip on his emotions. As he stood there staring at Kurts back he began to get angry. What the hell was his problem? Kurt could not still have this effect on him. It had been six long months. How was it possible that he still felt like this when he saw him?
In that moment, any kind of positive feelings hed had about seeing Kurt had gone out the window when he allowed the anger to come back. How could he make him feel like that by just being?
He let the anger creep back up and he took a deep breath, plastered on his Dalton Mask, and sauntered over to the table to say hello to Kurt.
Kurt had been there for a good 10 minutes. Hed ordered a tea and was just sitting there playing around with the straw, trying to keep his hand from shaking. He kept running his finger through the wetness on the side of the glass and then wiping it on his napkin, just to have something to do.
His stomach was in knots and he was so nervous that he was worried about even being able to talk when Blaine arrived. Hed had so much time to think about what he wanted to say, but he still had no idea how to say it. Hed gone over and over it in his mind. He wanted to apologize, say how sorry he was, how he realized hed made a mistake and he came back to try and make it all better. But he had no idea how Blaine was going to react. He knew that hed hurt Blaine and he hadnt seen or talked to him in six months, which honestly was killing him inside. And now the thought of seeing Blaine again had him nervous beyond belief.
Suddenly, he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder. Just a touch, nothing more, and he quickly looked up just as Blaine passed by and plopped down in the seat across from him.
"Kurt, hey." Blaine said, giving him a fake smile, which Kurt recognized right away.
"Blaine." Kurt said softly, and the emotions in just that one word almost torn Blaine to pieces. "Thank you so much for meeting me."
Blaine smiled again and moved his hand back and forth. "Ah, its no problem. Im glad to see you Kurt." He said, trying to sound disinterested. "So, what are you doing back in Ohio? Are you visiting your dad? Is everything ok?" He said quickly, a sudden spark of worry for Burt passed though him. As much as he was hurt and angry with Kurt, he still loved Burt and he missed him. He missed seeing he and Carole, and having Friday night dinners with them. Hed started doing that after Kurt left for New York and he was still at McKinley. He had been part of the family, but in the last 6 months, hed had no contact with them, and it had been tough.
Kurt shook his head. "No, no, everythings fine at home. My dad is just fine. He, uh, he says hello, by the way."
Blaine smiled, a genuine one this time. "Tell him I say hey back."
"I will." Kurt said, returning the smile.
And then came the awkward silence, where both boys just sat there staring at anything but each other. This lasted a minute before Kurt took a shaky breath and tried to explain himself.
"So, the reason I-Im back, is, well, actually you." Kurt stuttered.
"Me?" Blaine said, honestly surprised. "What do you mean?"
"Blaine," Kurt began, his voice shaking a little. "I came back to apologize. I realized what a huge mistake I made and I honestly cant tell you how sorry I am. I actually came back to Ohio to tell you that and to, well, to win you back."
Kurt looked and sounded so serious, and Blaine didnt mean to but he burst out laughing. He saw the hurt look on Kurts face when he did and felt bad for a brief moment, but was quickly over it. It was so absurd. After 6 months...after everything hed put Blaine through, and he thinks hes just going to come back and apologize and win him back. Just like that? It was insane and it just fueled Blaines anger even more.
So it gave him great pleasure to smile a shy, very fake smile, and say, "Oh, well, gosh Kurt, Im flattered, really, but Im afraid Im seeing someone." Kurts eyes widened and he sucked in a deep breath, praying that his heart that Blaine couldnt tell his heart just broke into a million pieces right then and there and was on the floor at Blaines feet.
"Oh, oh ok." Kurt said trying to feign enthusiasm, his voice going higher and higher. "Well, thats, thats good. I-I did tell you to move on, so yeah. Im, uh, glad for you. If youre happy then thats great."
"Yeah, I am, we are. Oh look, here he is now." Blaine said, looking over Kurts shoulder at Dave approaching their table. Kurt turned then and looked up to see the new man in Blaines life and he literally stopped breathing.
"Karofsky." Kurt breathed out, using the same voice hed used in high school. The scared, vulnerable voice.
Blaine felt his heart clench when he heard Kurts reaction and immediately wanted to reach out and grab his hand, until he remembered why he was there, and why Dave was there. He had a plan. He was supposed to hurt Kurt like hed been hurt.
Dave slid into the seat next to Blaine and placed his arm awkwardly around Blaines shoulders. "Hey, hun," he said, stumbling over his words a little and looking at Blaine. "Sorry Im late." He then turned his attention to Kurt. "Kurt, long time no see."
Kurt just sat and stared, trying to wrap his mind around what he was seeing and hearing. There was no possible way in this world that Blaine would ever date Karofsky. The guy who had Kurt in tears every week in high school. The boy who had stolen Kurts first kiss. The one who Blaine had stood up to, time and time again, in Kurts honor. There was no way.
Sure, Dave had changed. He had grown up and come out and realized who he really was and had made amends to Kurt. But that did mean that Kurt would ever forget what hed done to him. And now, to sit there and see the boy he loved more than anything in the world with the boy he hated with a passion in high school, just killed Kurt.
But he knew...he knew it was his own fault. He had caused this. This was all because of him. So he grimaced into what he hoped was a smile and tried to be cordial.
"So, how did you guys meet, again?" Kurt asked, hoping they couldnt hear his voice shaking.
"Its a funny story." Blaine said with a smile, nudging a little closer to Dave. "We met here, actually."
"H-here?" Kurt questioned. "At Scandals?"
"Yeah." Blaine said, nodding. "I was, you know, trying to get back out there and decided to go dancing one night and there was Dave, sitting at the bar and we just got to talking and just hit it off. We went out for coffee a few times after that and have been dating ever since."
Kurt looked at Daves face and then back to Blaine, blinking back the tears he did not want to fall, and prayed with everything that he didnt believe in that he would just make it through the next 5 minutes and he could go home and curl up in his bed and never leave.
"Oh well, thats great. Thats really great." He knew he didnt sound at all convincing, but it was taking everything in him to hold himself together. "Listen, I, uh, really need to go. I promised dad and Carole Id be back early. It was really great seeing you again Blaine and Dave, you too. Excuse me."
Kurt got up as quickly as he could without making it look like he was making a run for it. But instead of heading toward the door, he went straight to the bathroom. As soon as he had turned away from them, the tears began, and by the time the door closed, he had fallen against the wall and slid down into a heap on the floor. It was only then that he really let himself cry.
Dave pulled his are back from where it had been resting behind Blaine and looked at Blaine in confusion. "I dont think that was the right thing to do." He said, hoping for some sort of feeling from Blaine.
"Yes, yes it was. Its what needed to happen." Blaine said with force.
"But," Dave said back. "Did you see the look on his face?"
Blaine smiled a little bit. "Yeah, I did." Dave shook his head, confused as to why Blaine seemed happy about hurting Kurt.
"What the hell, man?" Dave growled. "I thought you said I was here to help you. We werent trying to hurt him. Wait, is that what you were doing?"
Blaine swallowed hard. "Maybe." He said, trying to act like it didnt bother him, but deep down, the part of him that hated to see Kurt hurt was tearing up his insides. The anger, though, it was still there on the surface, telling him he did the right thing. That Kurt needed to hurt like he did. He was torn, so he just sat there.
Dave on the other hand couldnt stand the thought of hurting somebody like that, so he got up and followed Kurt into the bathroom. When he opened the door, what he saw broke his heart. Kurt was sitting in a heap on the dirty floor and when he heard the door, he looked up startled.
Dave wasted no time in going to Kurt, leaning down. "Kurt, Im so sorry." He reached out to touch Kurts knee and Kurt jerked away. Dave pulled his hand back quickly, not wanting to make Kurt any more upset. "Look, Im sorry, and I dont know if youll believe me or not, but Blaine and I are not dating. Were just friends. He asked me to come and pretend to be his boyfriend. He said he needed it to look like he was moving on."
Kurt stared up at Dave confused. "W-what do you mean?"
"I mean he asked me to lie. To tell you we were dating. Were friends, yes. We ran into each other a couple months ago, here, just like he said. But we didnt get together, like we led you to believe. We just hang out, like friends. But hes not my type, and Im certainly not his." Dave squatted down to be on Kurts level. "Look, I know that I put you through hell in school and I know that Blaine still holds that against me a little but, and thats ok. And because of that, he would never date me. He wouldnt do that to you. He still loves you."
"Right, yeah." Kurt says tearfully and with a small sob, then laughed a dark laugh. "Sure he does. So much so that he tries to make me believe hes dating you. Thats not supposed to hurt me?"
"I think that was his intention, but I didnt know that at the time. I swear. Im so sorry. I really believed him when he said he just needed me to be here for support, and to make it look like he was moving on and could be happy without you." Dave took a breath before continuing. "But its not the truth. Hes miserable. He has been since you broke up. You two need to just talk this out."
"I dont know." Kurt said, sniffling and wiping his tears away.
"Well, I do." Dave got up off the floor and put his hand out for Kurt to take. "And anyway, it looks wrong to see Kurt Hummel sitting on the bathroom floor at Scandals. Thats all kinds of wrong."
Kurt chuckled, feeling a little better for the first time all night. "Thanks Dave. Youre a really good guy."
"Kurt, I..."
"No, dont apologize anymore. I know. Its ok." Kurt said in a quiet voice.
"Ill tell you what," Dave said then, "Why dont get yourself cleaned up a little." He motioned toward Kurts tear stained face. "Then head outside for some fresh air. Ill go talk to Blaine and send him out so you two can talk some more."
"Thanks." Kurt said softly. "Youre a really good friend, to both of us."
"No problem." Dave said disappearing through the door.
Dave returned to the table happy to find Blaine still there, but also disappointed that he hadnt felt the need to follow Kurt when he clearly knew how much hed hurt him. He slid into the seat across from Blaine and gave him a pointed look.
"Look man, I dont know what your problem is but that was uncalled for. Kurt is a mess. I only agreed to help you so you wouldnt be alone when you faced Kurt. He is clearly still not over you and I know you arent over him, and whether you two end up together or not, you need to talk."
Blaine had been sitting there quietly with a bored look on his face while Dave spoke, but his insides were a different story. His stomach was churning, twisting, while he waited for Dave to return. He knew hed hurt Kurt. He saw the look on his face right away when he spotted Dave, and thats what hed wanted, right? The anger that hed been holding inside said hell yes. But then why did his insides feel like they were in knots?
He looked up at Dave after a few minutes of silence and realized Dave expected him to speak.
"Ok, you want the truth?" Blaine asked taking a swig of the beer hed ordered while Dave had been off with Kurt.
"That would be nice."
"I had every intention of hurting Kurt tonight. I lied to you so you would help me. Im sorry that I used you, but Im not sorry that I hurt him. He deserved it. He literally tore my entire world apart and he deserves to feel even a minute amount of the pain I felt. I know you are probably mad and I get that, but this is something that I had to do." He paused to finish his beer and sat it down with a thud. Daves mouth was open in surprise and Blaine almost laughed at the sight.
"I dont even know what to say right now." Dave said staring in shock at his friend. "I told Kurt you would meet him outside to talk to him, but right now, I dont think thats a very good idea."
Blaine felt a moment of panic at the thought of seeing Kurt again. He was feeling so conflicted at the moment. Part of him hating himself for hurting Kurt and the other part rejoicing for the same reason. He was afraid that if he saw Kurt cry that hed break down and become a weepy version of himself, like he was 6 months ago. Right now, he needed the anger and resentment to stay at the forefront so he could push Kurt away, back to New York.
So he straightened up, put his shoulders back and shoved the weepy Blaine so far down into himself he wasnt sure if it would ever come out again. Time to let angry Blaine out.
"You know what? I think it would be a great idea for us to talk again. He needs to know exactly how badly he fucked up." With that, Blaine got up and headed toward the door where hed seen Kurt leave just moments before.