Chapter 4

The Aftermath

By the time Blaine made it home, he was on the verge of hyperventilating. All his anger had ceased and the sadness and hurt were back. But they were back for a different reason. This time it was him who had caused it. This time it was him who lashed out. Hed turned the tables and had hurt Kurt, the man he loved. Yes, he still loved him. He couldnt deny that. It was there and it always would be.

Standing there listening to Kurt apologize made Blaine angry. He didnt want to believe Kurt, he couldnt. He didnt want to believe that Kurt could actually be sorry. But deep down, he knew.

After hed moved to New York, theyd had many discussions about their relationship and theyd had a lot of ups and downs while trying to learn how to live together. And yes, he knew how Kurt was. He knew Kurt pushed people away when things got tough. He thought thats what was happening when he broke it off, but he didnt expect it to last.

When he realized that Kurt wasnt going to just take him back right away, or ever, that was when he lost it. Almost hurting himself, having to leave the school he loved, the city he loved, to come back home with his tail between his legs was devastating.

It had taken a lot of time, but things had worked themselves out. He was coaching the Warblers and he enjoyed it, as much as he could. But he still hurt a lot. Everyday. But the anger...it hadnt been there before. Now, though, it was so strong and so overpowering, and it made it so easy to feel anger so he could take the pain away.

But after it was all over and he lay on his bed at home curled in a ball sobbing, he knew he was as bad as Kurt. He had done the same thing Kurt had done to him. Hed made Kurt cry, something he swore hed never do. God, he hated to see Kurt cry and hed just hurt him over and over again. He was the cause this time, and he hated himself even more, which made him hurt even more, which caused the anger to flare up again. It was just one big vicious cycle.

He finally cried himself to sleep late into the night, so when he woke up the next morning, his eyes were bloodshot and swollen and his head was pounding, but he felt lighter.

He knew he had to see his therapist again, so he reached for his phone, but before he could call her, he noticed hed had a text overnight. He froze when he realized it was from Kurt. He was shaking when he opened it. It simply said, Im so sorry. I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Fresh tears began to build in Blaines eyes but he blinked them away. He thought hed been working toward that until Kurt showed up in Ohio, and now he didnt know anything anymore. He swiped his fing