Chapter 1

Skipping a Stage

Rachel had come to Dalton to have lunch with him. A regular occurrence since theyd both moved back home. It was nice having a familiar face around, even though at first it was hard, because every time he looked at her, he saw Kurt. But they both needed that connection to their old lives, so they fell into a new found friendship that benefited them both.

Today, though, was turning out to be different. Because today she mentioned Kurt. More specifically that Kurt was back...in Ohio, and that he wanted to see Blaine. Every muscle in his body had ceased up when she said that and he froze.

"Blaine. Did you hear me?" She said, when he hadnt responded, his back to her, so she couldnt see his face. "Kurts here. He feels really bad about everything and really misses you. He really sorry for how he treated you and wants to see you."

At the mention of Kurt, Blaines body and mind went through a gamut of emotions and it took everything he had to keep himself together, but when she said he was sorry something in him snapped. In that moment, all the hurt, pain, self-loathing, depression, and self-deprecation took a back seat to something else, something stronger, something that had hed hidden away...Anger.

Blaine spun around so abruptly that Rachel flinched and sat back in her seat.

"Oh, hes sorry is he?" He spit, his voice so cold Rachel shivered. "Well, he should have though about that before he ripped my heart out and ate it for breakfast."

Rachel leaned forward, her face a picture of calm, while underneath she was scared. Shed never seen Blaine like this. He was always so dapper. The voice of reason. It had been 6 months and she knew hed been seeing a therapist, so she was surprised at his outburst. Apparently he hadnt worked out all of his issues.

"Blaine..." She tried to speak in a soothing voice. "I know it was a rough break-up, but he told me he realizes now how much of a mistake he made." She flinched again at the bark of a laugh he let out.

"A rough break-up? A rough...are you kidding me right now Rachel? I was devastated. I couldnt eat, I couldnt sleep, I couldnt even function like a normal person. I fucking flunked out of school and had to move back home. And by that time, I cared so little that I tried to..." He stopped quickly, realizing what hed almost revealed and shook his head to clear it. "And where was he during all this, huh? If hes so sorry and felt so bad, how could he have let me lose everything? It wasnt bad enough I lost my reason for living, but I lost my will to live too." With that, he leaned back against the desk, needing something to lean on if his legs gave out on him.

As Rachel listened to Blaine she began to see just how broken he was and her heart hurt. Shed sat with Kurt just last night and listened to him talk about what a mistake hed made and how he knew Blaine was it for him and that hed come to Ohio to win him back. She sympathized with him then and was happy because she knew the two boys belonged together. What she didnt know was how deeply hurt Blaine was...still.

And she had know exactly what Blaine had started to say to her and that gave her pause. How terrible of a friend shed been...so wrapped up in herself that she hadnt seen how much they both had been hurting. She cant believe it had gone on so long, with both of them suffering so much.

Shes know Kurt for a long time and she loved him, but he had really screwed up. She knew he had intimacy issues, but he and Blaine had been so perfect for each other. Sure, theyd had their disagreements, but she knew how much they loved each other.

So when Kurt broke up with Blaine, she was surprised. She figured itd last a few weeks and theyd be back together, and she was so wrapped up in her own life that she hadnt given them a second thought. So when she moved back to Ohio after her show flopped, she and Blaine had gotten close again. She knew hed been effected by the break-up, but hed put on such a happy face, she thought he was honestly over it and moving on.

She knew what she had to do. She had to get her two best friends together. Whether or not they got back together or finally moved on, they needed to talk. They both were hurting so much and they just needed to sit down and put everything on the table once and for all.

She cautiously got up and moved toward Blaine, not touching him, but trying to show support. "I know you are still hurting and Im really sorry that I havent been here for you like I should." Blaine wouldnt look at her, keeping his eyes on the ground, but she saw his shoulders tighten and knew he was listening. "I know I just sprung this on you, so I understand if you need time..."

At that word, Blaines head snapped up. "Time?" He seethed. "Time. Ive had 6 long months of nothing but time."

"I know and Im sorry." She interrupted, trying to keep him calm. "But I also think you both need to talk. You both need closure, either way." He was staring at her with such intensity she thought shed catch fire.

Her words cut him to the core. Yes, he needed closure, but what did she mean either way? That was too final. Sure he was hurt and angry, but never once did he see himself with anyone other than Kurt. He was just planning to be. He was learning to survive without love and he was doing ok, for the most part. But he couldnt allow himself to look into the future. He had to just live day to day, or he wouldnt survive.

Every time he allowed himself to look forward and see his forever without Kurt, hed fall back into that dark place where hed almost ended it all. So he couldnt allow those thoughts. He lived in the moment, which was a change for him. Hed always have things planned out, but he had to reprogram his brain to just go with the flow, and that seemed to be working out for him.

But here was Rachel, telling him that Kurt was here and wanted to see him, and that just screwed everything up. He honestly didnt think hed be able to handle seeing Kurt again. Hell, just hearing his name made every muscle in his body clench up.

But he needed to remain calm, so he pushed all his emotions and feelings down for a moment. He just had to wait for Rachel to leave before he could freak the fuck out. So he took a deep breath and straightened himself, putting on his Dalton mask and smiled at her.

"Youre right, Rachel. We need closure. Tell him Ill be happy to meet with him. Just tell me when and where." It took everything in him to keep his voice calm and steady. He didnt want her to know how flustered he was.

"Oh Blaine, thats great! Thank you. Hes going to be so glad to hear you agreed. He said he could meet you tonight at Scandals, if thats ok with you." She said, with a question in her voice.

Blaines breathing hitched and he turned away toward the window so she couldnt see his face. "Sure." He breathed out, the anger in his belly trying to claw its way out. Why the hell would he suggest Scandals to meet, he thought. That place has nothing but bad memories for us. Get it together, the voice said, Ive got a plan.

"Tell him I can be there around 7:30, if that works for him." Blaine told Rachel, trying to quiet the voice in his head momentarily.

"Ill tell him, thank you." She said happily, unaware of the internal struggle Blaine was going through just a few feet away. "Now, about lunch."

"Actually, Im going to have to beg out today. Im sorry. I just forgot I have an afternoon meeting before Warblers practice and I will probably just grab a quick sandwich on the way." He said, needing her to leave as soon as possible.

"Oh, ok." She said, her voice a little sad, and Blaine felt bad, he really did. But he needed her to leave before his body exploded with all the hurt and anger he was trying to keep inside. "Maybe next week?"

He took a breath and turned back to her, a soft smile on his face. "Yeah, next week for sure."

She smiled back and walked over, giving him a quick hug. She pulled back so quickly, she missed the way his body tensed at the human contact. He didnt like people touching him much anymore, but he had been getting better about that. This time he tensed because he was afraid if he allowed himself the comfort of a real Rachel Berry hug, hed break, and he couldnt do that.

She grabbed her bag and headed toward the door, waving on her way out. It was only then that he allowed himself to breathe.

After Rachel left, Blaine grabbed his phone without even thinking and sent off a quick text.

Lima Bean 3:00? I have a favor, please...

Not a minute later he received a reply.

Sure, see you then.

Blaine had run into Dave at Scandals one evening. Before he started seeing his therapist, hed go out and try to drink away the pain he was feeling. He told himself that he was trying to get back out there but in reality, he just wanted to drink to forget how much he missed Kurt.

It was packed that night, but he recognized Dave right away, so he approached him and said hello. He remembered all the things that Dave had done to Kurt in high school, and was a little hesitant at first, but he could see that Dave was making strides to change. The two started hanging out and became friends, something Blaine desperately needed.

As he headed over to the Lima Bean, Blaine was burning with anger. All he could think about was how angry he was with Kurt. He did feel hurt, pain, or anything anymore. All he could fee was anger burning through every muscle in his body. All he could think of was I need to hurt Kurt the same way he hurt me. And what better way to do that than to make him think Im dating his former bully.

He arrived at the Lima Bean knowing this was going to be a tough sell, because Dave had changed. He was a decent guy now and he knew that Dave wasnt going to approve of his plan, but he was going to try to make it seem like he needed the help. So instead of telling him he was trying to hurt Kurt, he would tell him that he just needed somebody there to protect him and his heart, because he didnt want to get hurt again. He knew that was the only way Dave would agree.

When Rachel first brought up the possibility of the two of them meeting up, he was adamantly against it. There was no way he could sit across the table from the boy who ripped his whole world apart, but the more angry he became, the more he was able to formulate a plan, and Dave was going to fit right into it.

As he stood outside the Lima Bean, he took a deep breath to calm himself. He didnt need Dave suspecting anything. He put a fake smile on, his Dalton Mask, as he liked to call it, opened the door, ready to set his plan in motion.

Dave looked up when he saw Blaine. "Hey man, hows it going?"

"Good." Blaine said, smiling. "Im just going to grab a coffee." He said, heading toward the counter as Dave nodded. As Blaine stood in line, he went over everything he wanted to say in he head. Just tell him you dont think you can handle seeing him alone. He knows. Youve talked about how you feel. Tell him you just need his support. Just make him believe.

By the time Blaine got his coffee and took his seat across from Dave, he had convinced himself that this was the right thing to do.

"So man, whats up?" Dave asked.

"Not much," Blaine said, trying to act casual. "Pretty good day at school."

"Hows that singing group coming?" Dave asked, and Blaine laughed.

"The Warblers?" Dave shrugged and nodded. "Coming along well, I think." Blaine answered. "We have a ways to go, but were on the right track." There was a pause in the conversation and Blaine took a drink of his coffee before going in for the kill. "So, I kind of have a favor..."

"You mentioned that in your text. What kind of favor are we talking?"

"Well," Blaine said, drawing out the word a little. "Its kind of weird and I hope you will agree, but its kind of over the top and off the wall and may put you in an awkward position, but Im really, really hoping youll agree, because I just dont know if I can..."

"Hey." Dave said, smacking his hand on the table to get Blaines attention. "Dude, chill ok? Just tell me what you want and Ill see if I can do it."

Blaine took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders and began speaking. "Kurts back in town." Daves eyebrows shot up and Blaine didnt miss the look of sympathy on his face.

"Oh man, Im sorry. Have you seen him yet?" He asked, concern evident in his voice.

Blaine shook his head. "Not yet. Rachel told me."

"Oh ok. Well, maybe you can just avoid him. Stay at Dalton as much as possible and well find another coffee shop. Scandals should be fine, though. You know he wont go there." Dave said, and Blaine grimaced.

"That would all be possible, I guess, but Rachel said he wants to see me. T-to talk to me."

Dave gave him a questioning look. "Are you ready for that?"

"I-I dont know." Blaine stuttered. "Thats kind of why I was hoping you might help me." Dave looked at him skeptically but didnt say anything right away, waiting for Blaine to explain. "I-I dont know if I can handle it, you know, by myself. So, I was kind of hoping...I need him to think that Ive moved on."

"Oooook." Dave said, waiting for the punch line.

"Will you please pretend to be my boyfriend, so its not awkward." Blaine rushed out.

Dave looked at Blaine, confused, then busted out laughing. "You dont want it to be awkward? That would be the most awkward thing in the world. I was horrible to him in high school. I bullied him. I was terrible to him, and Im actually surprised hes even civil to me now, and you want me to pretend like Im dating you? That would kill him, man."

Blaine knew, deep down, that was the truth, and there was a part of him that felt bad at what he was suggesting, but the angry part, the hurt part, the part that wanted to lash out, pushed the other parts down.

"No," Blaine said, trying to appease Dave. "I dont think so. He knows youve changed. I just...look, I need someone there, I need your support. I just need him to think Ive moved on." Thats what he was telling Dave, but on the inside he was thinking just how badly he wanted Kurt to hurt. He wanted him to feel the same pain Blaine felt when he left.

Dave looks torn. "I dont know, man. I dont have a very good feeling about this. I really dont think its a good idea."

Blaine knew Dave would resist him, but he kept pushing. "Please Dave, please. You know how hard this has been for me. I just dont want him to think Im still pining and waiting and hoping."

Dave quirked his eyebrow as he took a sip of his coffee, now lukewarm. "Well, you kind of are, arent you?"

Blaine glared at him. "N...I...I dont want to be." Blaine said, defeated. He let out a breath and looked at Dave with sad eyes. "I just need him to think Ive moved on. Please. This is important to me. I need to protect my heart, at all costs. It was bad, Dave. Remember? We talked about this."

Dave nodded sadly, knowing what Blaine was referring to. After the two started talking, they bonded over an unfortunately similar incident in both of their lives. Daves having occurred when he was in high school and dealing with an identity crisis, and Blaines just a couple months ago, after Kurt broke his heart. Both had wanted to take their own lives, by some miracle had not succeeded. So yes, Dave understood Blaines need to protect himself.

"I understand, man, I do, but I just dont know if its a good idea." He said, once again voicing his concerns. "But Ill do what I can to help you. Maybe I can just be there for support?"

"No, no, I cant show up with just a friend. I need him to think that hes not that important anymore." Blaine said sadly.

"But he is." Dave countered.

"NO!" Blaine yelled, uncharacteristically slamming his fist on the table. Dave sat back, surprised at Blaines outburst. It took Blaine a minute to realize that everyone was staring and he shook his head as if to clear out the negative thoughts. "Oh gosh, Im sorry." He breathed. "I didnt mean that. I just...I know Im not ready to move on, but I need to make him think I am. For my own sake." And to hurt him, his inner voice said.

Dave really didnt want to, but he agreed in the end. He could see the struggle his friend was having and he knew what Blaine had been through. He had seen him at some of his worst moments, and wanted to help however he could.

"Ok, Ill pretend to be your boyfriend. But just for a little while. Until Kurt goes back." Dave reluctantly agreed.

"Oh, thank you! I cant tell you how much I appreciate this." Blaine grinned.

"Yeah, well dont expect too much." Dave said, clearly uncomfortable thinking about how he might have to act toward his friend.

"Look, I was always the more affectionate one with Kurt and in order for him to believe this, I kind of need you to seem that way...to me."

"So what, you want me to like, hold your hand or put my arm around you or something?" Dave asked.

"Yeah, anything like that. Any kind of intimate touch, so he doesnt think were faking." Blaine explained.

"Woah..." Dave said, leaning back and putting his hands up. "Im not touching you intimately." Blaine laughed at the look on Daves face.

"I didnt mean like that. Geez." Daves whole posture relaxed then.

"Whew. No offense man, but as much as I like you as a friend, we are not compatible."

Blaine chuckled. "You can say that again." And Blaine laughed out loud at Daves affronted look.

"Hey..."

"Seriously, I know your type, and Im not it. And you arent mine either, but if you can just make it look like I am. It doesnt have to be anything major, just touch my shoulder or something, just to make it look like we are together." Blaine explained.

"I think I can handle that." Dave said, then asked one last time. "Are you 100% sure you want to do this?"

"Yes, I am sure." His inner voice giving an evil laugh, repeating, yes, I am very sure.

"Ok then. So, when do we do this?" Dave asked.

Blaine fidgeted in his seat and Dave quirked his eyebrows at him. "Um, he wants to meet tonight." He said, rubbing his thumbs against is coffee cup. "At Scandals."

"Scandals?" Dave said surprised.

"Yeah, weird huh? I dont know why. Maybe he thought it wouldnt be as awkward with so many people around? Honestly, I dont know. Are you ok with that?" Blaine asked, still worried Dave would change his mind.

Dave sighed and nodded his head. "Ill do it for you, man."

Blaine smiled. "Thanks, I really appreciate it." More than you know, his inner voice said.