March 15, 2015, 7 p.m.
Say Something: Waiting at the Door
E - Words: 3,127 - Last Updated: Mar 15, 2015 Story: Complete - Chapters: 22/? - Created: Oct 19, 2014 - Updated: Oct 19, 2014 138 0 0 0 0
After Kurt disappeared around the corner, Blaine fell to his knees once again. He was emotionally and physically exhausted. He knew his bandmates were probably pissed that he had left, but he couldnt bring himself to care.
All he could think about, care about, was Kurt, and how he was going to make everything okay again. He knew it wouldnt be easy, but he also knew that the thought of living his life without Kurt made him want to jump off the nearest bridge.
Hearing Kurt sing that song was a wake up call. He naively thought that Kurt would always be there. No matter how he treated him, and how many times hed hurt him, he just thought hed never lose Kurt. God had he been an idiot.
Maybe he should just let Kurt go. Blaine knew that hed been a terrible friend to Kurt, and an even bigger douche when it came to leading Kurt to believe they could have more. Kurt deserved to be treated with respect, and Blaine had not been doing that.
And all that was over now. It was time for him to grow up and get his head out of his ass. He could be the person Kurt deserves. He knew, deep down, that he was that person. Unfortunately, the only time he let that person come out was with Kurt.
Hed always been Mr Popular, and he didnt want to lose that when he got to college, so he continued to pretend to be the cool guy. He fit in well with his classmates and even though they knew he was gay, it never seemed to be an issue. Until he started bringing Kurt around.
He and Kurt hung out a lot at Kurts apartment, went to movies and met for coffee, but once he started including Kurt in his plans with his friends, things got complicated. It wasnt much, at first. His friends would seem cool, but after Kurt left, they would make little jabs about him. Blaine tried to ignore what his friends said, but it started making him act different around Kurt.
The only time he was completely honest with himself about his feelings was when he was drinking. His friends berated him constantly when he was drunk, because all he could talk about was Kurt. They started taking his phone away after hed made a couple of drunk dial calls to Kurt.
He just wanted Kurt to know how he was feeling, and the only time he had the courage to do so was after hed had a few drinks. Unfortunately, his stupid friends seemed to be everywhere and did everything they could to sabotage his relationship with Kurt.
Now, sitting in the alley lost in his thoughts, he realized how close he had come to losing everything. Honestly, he wasnt sure if he hadnt already lost it.
Blaine was so lost in thought that he didnt hear the back door open up, and was surprised when his friends surrounded him. He looked up at them from his place on the ground with red, swollen eyes and blinked. What the hell? Was he dreaming?
"Dude, what the fuck?" He heard, before he was being yanked to his feet. "We were supposed to start playing 20 minutes ago."
"Have you been out here this whole time?" Came another voice.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you trying to get us fired?" Said yet another voice.
"Come on," the first voice said. "Lets get you cleaned up and back inside so we can finish our second set."
Blaine felt himself being led toward the door and he pulled back, startling his bandmates.
"Enough fucking around, B. Lets go."
"No." Blaine replied, looking at the ground.
"Seriously dude, this is getting ridiculous. Get your ass inside."
"No." Blaine responded, a little more forceful than before, eyes still fixed on the ground.
"Dammit Blaine. Is this about that fucking Kurt kid? We all heard the song, and frankly, its about fucking time. Can he get any gayer? Good riddance, if you ask me."
Blaines head shot up and his eyes finally locked with the source of the voice. "Fuck you, Brent."
"Oh, Im sorry, did I hit a sore spot?" Brent sneered.
"You are an asshole, you know that?" Blaine growled, a sudden burst of courage showing. "You all are. You know what, Im out of here." He turned on his heel and started down the alley toward the street. "Oh, and I quit." He yelled over his shoulder.
Once he reached the street, he was smiling. Hed finally done it. Hed stood up to his idiot friends. Check that, ex-friends. He felt as though a weight had been lifted and everything was falling into place. Now he needed to go home and get cleaned up, because he had somewhere he needed to be.
After taking a long hot shower and cleaning up the cuts on his legs, he threw on a pair of loose fitting jeans and a t-shirt. It was 4:00am by the time hed cleaned up, so he left his apartment and walked two blocks to an all night diner. He ordered a cup of coffee and two low-fat muffins to go.
Fifteen minutes later, he was seated outside Kurts door, coffee in hand, bag of muffins on the floor between his knees. He leaned back against the wall and finally let himself relax. He sat his coffee down and rested his head back against the wall. He knew sitting outside Kurts door seemed crazy, but he would not have been able to relax at home.
Sure, Kurt told him to go home and do some thinking. Hed done both. But the longer he stayed away from Kurt, the more his chest hurt. He knew Kurt thought he would run again, and he needed Kurt to know that he wasnt running ever again.
So he did the only thing he could do. He went to his apartment to wait. Kurt needed to see how serious he was. And just being close to him, even if there was a door separating them, made Blaine feel calmer. As he sat there letting his mind wander, his body finally allowed itself to relax, and he drifted off.
"Kurt, Kurt, wake up. Hey. Kurt. What happened last night?"
"Huh?" Came the muffled reply.
"Kurt, you need to get up. Theres something you need to see." Rachels voice was whispering urgently to him.
Kurt snuggled down further into his comforter. Hed been up most of the night, replaying everything that had happened with Blaine over and over in his mind. Hed finally cried himself to sleep around 5:00am, and he was exhausted.
"Leave me alone Rachel. M tired." He mumbled.
"No, Im not leaving you alone," came the reply. "You need to get your butt up and come with me." She threw the comforter off her best friends head and grabbed his arm, forcing him into a seated position.
"Ugh, Rachel, what the hell? I had a freakin sucky night and I need to sleep." He tried to reach for the comforter, but Rachel was faster, yanking him up and out of bed.
"Rachel," he growled. "What has gotten into you?"
"Shhhh..." she said, stopping in front of the door. "Quit your diva-ing and just look."
She opened the front door quietly and pulled him forward. What he saw had him gasping for breath. Sitting outside his door, head leaned back against the wall, mouth open in sleep, was Blaine.
Rachel didnt speak, but raised her eyebrows in silent question, but Kurt didnt see. He only had eyes for Blaine. He took in his attire, different from last night, he realized. Beside him was a cup of coffee and a white bag, which he assumed contained the low-fat muffins he liked from that diner down the street.
His heart was beating so fast as he looked down at Blaine, sleeping in his hallway. He looked so beautiful. His eyes still a little swollen from last night, and his hair curly and still a little damp, obviously from a recent shower. The love he felt for this boy was not gone. And now, watching him sleep, looking so vulnerable, it seemed to have just doubled.
He was so lost in watching Blaine that he almost yelped when Rachel pulled him back inside and gently closed the door.
"What happened last night?" She whispered.
Kurt just looked at her, unable to speak, then looked back toward the door.
"Kurt..." she tried again.
"Not now, Rachel," he replied, finally regaining his speech. "I promise, Ill explain everything later." He whispered. "But first, I need to wake Blaine up and bring him inside."
"Ok, sure," she hesitantly agreed, leaving him by the door while she moved toward the kitchen.
Kurt took a deep breath before opening the door and stepping out into the hallway. He bent down, putting his hand gently on Blaines shoulder so as not to startle him.
"Blaine," he said softly, and shook his shoulder a little.
Blaine woke with a jerk, he head snapping forward and he gasped. "Wha..." he said, eyes darting around, trying to acclimate himself. Finally, they came to rest on Kurts face, and he let out a loud sigh. "Kurt."
Their eyes locked and neither breathed. The two sat there in the hallway, both thinking of the previous night, neither wanting to break the silence.
Kurt was the first one to cave, standing up and offering his hand to Blaine. When their hands met, the spark was almost visible, and both boys looked at each other, eyes wide.
They didnt speak, as Kurt led Blaine through the apartment and into his bedroom. He sat Blaine down on the end of the bed and moved to sit in his desk chair across the room, but Blaine refused to let go of Kurts hand, making him sit beside him on the bed.
They sat on the bed, side by side, their hands clasped together, trying to figure out what was next. Finally, Kurt spoke up.
"Blaine, why were you sleeping in my hallway?" He asked, his voice serious, but with a joking undertone.
"Kurt, I..." Blaine started, but stopped, trying to gather his thoughts. Hed had an entire speech made up in his head, but sitting here, on Kurts bed, holding his hand, was messing with his mind.
"Look Blaine, we do need to talk, but..." Kurt started, but was interrupted by Blaine.
"Stop." Blaine said, turning to face Kurt. He needed to look into Kurts eyes when he spoke. He wanted Kurt to see how serious he was. "I did what you asked last night. I went home, cleaned up, and did some serious thinking. And all I could think about was the longer I was away from you, the more I felt like I was dying." He paused to gather his thoughts before continuing. "I know you thought I would disappear again, and I have to admit, I did think about it for a minute."
The look that crossed Kurts face then had Blaine quickly explaining himself. "Only for a minute, and only because I thought that you deserved someone better than me. God Kurt, the way Ive treated you..." A tear escaped his eye and slid down his face, and Kurt watched its path as he waited for Blaine to continue. "I cant begin to tell you how sorry I am. But I can tell you that Im not that person anymore. I know it will take some time for me to prove that to you, but I promise I will do everything in my power to make you believe me."
Kurt looked like he wanted to speak, but Blaine squeezed his hand to stop him. "Please, let me finish," he said, looking into Kurts eyes. Kurt nodded for him to continue. "Last night," his voice broke and he cleared his throat. "I know you were, are, ready to walk away, and I dont blame you.". The tears were now coming full force, and he did nothing to stop them. "But please, please, give me another chance. I...I quit the band."
"What?" Kurt asked in a surprised whisper.
"Those guys werent my friends. If they were, they wouldnt have tried to keep me away from the best thing that has ever happened to me. God, Im so sorry it took me so long to see that. I know I dont deserve it, or you, but can you at least think about it? I cant lose you. I lo..."
"Dont," Kurt interrupted. "Not now."
"Ok," Blaine replied sadly. "Just know that you mean the world to me. Really. And I am going to prove it to you. Starting now. Can I please hug you?"
Kurt nodded and was quickly enveloped in Blaines arms. Warmth spread through them both and they sighed. It was like two pieces of a puzzle finally coming together. Nothing had ever felt so right.
They sat like that for a while, just enjoying the feel of each other. Blaine pulled back first, only moving a few inches away, his breath ghosting over Kurts face.
"As much as I want to kiss you right now, and believe me, I really want to, Im going to wait. You deserve to be wooed, and thats what I plan to do. So, if youll let me, Id like to take you out to breakfast."
Kurt couldnt move. Having Blaine in his arms again felt so right, and now, with them breathing the same air, he was unable to move, let alone string together a complete sentence. It was only when Blaine said his name again, that he was able to nod.
It was only when Blaine stood up and moved away that Kurt was able to clear his head. He needed a shower. Yes, that would help. He watched as Blaine opened his bedroom door, and immediately started to panic. He was leaving again.
Blaine noticed the scared look right away and turned to Kurt. "Im just going to the kitchen to have some coffee while you shower. Didnt you hear me tell you that?" He cocked his head, waiting for Kurts response.
"Oh, sorry. I must not have heard you. Ill just..." he pointed toward the bathroom, and Blaine smiled.
"Ill be waiting. Hurry," he said, throwing Kurt a wink over his shoulder as he closed the door.
Kurts body tingled all over. Wow, if he can have that effect on him from just a wink, imagine how he would feel with Blaines hands all over him. Ok, so Kurt had tried to get over Blaine, but in the mean time, hed also gotten really horny. The date with Matt was the interaction hed had with a gay boy since the New Years hed spent with Blaine.
His memories of that night got him though many a late night lying in bed, feeling lonely. He couldnt help but imagine he and Blaine doing a lot more than kissing, and he found that thinking of Blaine was the only thing that got him hard.
Now, standing in his room staring at the door that Blaine had just exited through, found him half hard. He shook his head and berated himself for allowing Blaine to have that effect on him. He stripped quickly and hopped in the shower, turning the water on a little colder than he normally had it.
Meanwhile, Blaine was making himself at home in the kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee, when Rachel sauntered in, not looking pleased.
"Why cant you just leave him alone?" She asked, her voice dripping with anger.
Blaine turned to face her, dreading having to explain himself, but knowing it was important. "Lets sit," he said, motioning toward the table.
"So, what are you trying to pull now? Sleeping in our hallway? Pulling out all the stops, arent you?"
"Rachel, look. I know you dont like me very much."
"At all," she interrupted.
He ignored her and continued on. "Believe me, I dont like myself very much right now, but last night..." His voice cracked. God, he couldnt think about it without wanting to cry again. "Kurt sang me a goodbye song and...and, fuck." He wiped the tears away angrily and put his head on the table. He was not going to have another panic attack. Not now. Breathe, breathe.
Rachel was trying hard to hate Blaine. Hed hurt Kurt so many times and she was always the one picking up the pieces. But when he wasnt being his asshole self, when he was being sweet, dapper Blaine, shed never seen Kurt happier. And now, watching Blaine literally breakdown at their kitchen table, she felt herself wanting to comfort him. He looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack, so she reached out and took his hand.
That simple action seemed to calm him down, and his breathing returned to normal. He looked up at her through tear filled eyes. He needed to explain everything to her. She was one of Kurts best friends, and he wanted her to understand.
"I...Ive been an idiot. I was so concerned with my stupid friends and the stupid band that I neglected the one person I could be myself with. Last night, when Kurt sang that song," again, he choked up. Dammit man, get it together. "Everything changed. I knew I was going to lose the only person that really mattered to me, and I couldnt let that happen. We sort of talked, and he agreed to give me one last chance, and I swear, I am not going to screw this up. I...God, I really love him, and I cant lose him. I cant imagine my life without him."
Rachel listened as Blaine poured his heart out, her hand still on his, giving him strength. She could see in his eyes that he was being completely honest, and it warmed her heart. But she still held back.
"Blaine, I want to trust you, I really do, but I cant let myself fully believe you, because if you screwed up this time, there will be no putting Kurt back together again."
The look of pain that passed through Blaines face gave her pause. She saw fresh tears form in his eyes and she knew then that he had changed. Somehow, Kurt telling him goodbye through song was the wake up call that Blaine needed.
She started to say something else, but was stopped by Kurts appearance. Hed taken the quickest shower in the history of Kurt Hummel, because he didnt want Blaine to be alone with Rachel any longer than necessary. He had actually been finished in enough time to hear what Blaine said to Rachel, and he felt a flutter in his heart. It was one thing for Blaine to tell him, but it was another to hear him telling Rachel how he felt.
"Hey, you ready." He said, breezing into the room, purposely halting their conversation.
"Yeah," Blaine said, getting up and taking his cup back into the kitchen and putting in the sink. "Ill see you later, Rachel. Thanks for listening." He offered his arm to Kurt and the two headed out for breakfast.